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Did you ever wake up and exist for some time without the engine turned on, without roaring and sneezing a complex mechanism, which I call with my mind, memory, emotions? An infinitely small moment, like before jumping into the abyss, and then you remember who you are, you remember that you are in love and soon see her and you warm yourself in the rays of this sun, or maybe you have already parted with her and you habitually fill your head and put on a wreath of suffering - another day without her. And only when these familiar emotions come to you, do you remember that moment after awakening - then there was only you, and all this husk came later. Thoughts, emotions come by themselves, some stick to me and I live in them. For example, an unfamiliar girl shook something inside - I never knew her and in an instant she changed me. I'm afraid to seem not strong, not standard in public. I'm afraid of the reaction of fictional images. Emotions are too harsh — stop, think, and they fall and fall — rain — too many drops, they mix in one stream, knocking you down, knocking you off. I think I choose, but choose drops. And I'm the same drop, I treat you now. Read and think about what is habrahabr and IT and what is so strange in the title is written. Remember the desires ten years ago and those now. So much has changed so little.