If version control systems were airlines
Many of you have seen on the net the classic " If the operating systems were airlines ". Today we will try to imagine what the world would look like in which the airlines would have version control systems.
Before anyone loses his temper, let's agree that this is just a joke, huh?
One of the first airlines, since the time when all the aircraft was new and interesting. For one flight, the RCS carries only one passenger, who believes that RCS is the best way to fly. Although most RCS airplanes today are rusty and shabby, RCS Airlines still retains its historical commitment to safety. To this end, each aircraft is locked as it is possible. Sometimes flights may be delayed for several hours, since the pilot cannot open a locked plane. When this happens, the pilot will desperately try to get the mobile number of the one who closed the plane. When the plane is finally unlocked, you may wonder why it was locked so long. Experienced users of RCS have already realized that the answer is usually disgusting, so they no longer ask.
Main competitor: CP / M Airlines.
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It was founded with the belief that they can be more efficient than RCS, carrying several passengers per flight. They still carry each passenger in a separate plane built in RCS, but the planes fly with the letter “V”, like a wedge of geese. However, beware of long waits before departures. Combining new passengers in the correct flight order can take several hours, and it may take several attempts to take off.
CVS flights are characterized by disputes over who can fly and who can't. Fights between CVS pilots are legendary; it is rumored that the OpenBSD project was started due to the fact that CVS Airlines refused to board the passenger because he once refused to secure the folding table in the upper position.
CVS Airlines basically considers its customers a crowd of those “over 50,” who grew up using CVS and do not like change. Their magazine, offered to passengers on board the aircraft, contains advertising for baldness remedies and tools for uuencode.
Main competitor: AIX Airlines.
Founded by the gray-haired CVS administrators, Subversion Airlines began its existence by positioning itself as "CVS, but better." Subversion Airlines was the first major airline to use airplanes where several passengers can fly. Unlike CVS Airlines, all Subversion passengers fly in the same plane.
Subversion Airlines are famous for their centralized control, as in the USSR. All operations must be approved by the Kremlin, and you will be allowed, with the permission of the Secretary General, to gaze at the big planes. Those who have served the Party and Airlines well for many years are allowed to enter the Great Temple of the Committer First-Class and truly make changes to the design of aircraft. Agents of Subversion Airlines in plain clothes monitor every flight, and do not be surprised if you are suddenly thrown out of an airplane window after an unsuccessful joke about the pilot’s flight skills.
Subversion Airlines thrive on the concept of “photocopying is cheap.” You are encouraged to make photocopies of your ticket, or a photocopy of your passport photo, and distribute these copies to as many people as possible. If during the check-in at the airport, a copy of one ticket will be at once with several passengers, they are escorted to the "copy merging room" and each of them is given a brick. The door closes, something magical happens inside, and if the only person who has gone out is still able to walk, he is allowed to board the aircraft.
Main competitor: Windows Airlines without Administrators
It was founded by one of these eccentric British aristocrats. Lord Tom's airline is an airline for utopian philosophers. Annoyed by the despotic controls at Subversion Airlines, tla Airlines want all passengers to be initially equal. When you arrive at the landing, you will find many philosophers praising tla Airlines at check-in counters. They compare tla Airlines with the ability to reach heaven, with going beyond the limits of life on earth, the reality of merging with the stars. Oh, how amazingly beautiful it all is! What things we can see!
When you see people arriving on another flight, you can notice burns in some of them. One of them will comment on these burns with the phrase: "merging with the stars is impossible." Immediately, a dozen philosophers enter into a discussion with him, arguing that he simply does not understand what “merging with the stars” means, and if he first brings his inner world to the right state, he will get more positive impressions.
When you board tla Airlines aircraft, you will see a mile-long plane gangway. The plane itself will remind you of something between a gothic cathedral and the level of Doom. Here you can find impressive arched vaults everywhere, even where they really are completely out of place. Each arch is supported by an ornament of curly braces, which you usually should not see in airplanes, and frankly, you would prefer not to see them, since they all look very sharp and confuse your children.
When you fly to your destination, you will see that this airport is also filled with philosophers, most of whom have lunch.
Main competitor: VMS Airlines.
Unlike other airlines, this company entrusts the design of its aircraft to physicists, instead of engineers. One of the brilliant physicists of Darcs Airlines eventually brought out the "Theory of Everything", and accordingly, Darcs Airlines knows where you are going to go, even before you start doing something. Darcs Airlines is very proud of its level of customer service, and will be interested in your preferences for the smallest details of your trip.
A copy of the Theory of Everything is enclosed in every pocket of all the seats of the aircraft so that you can read it with pleasure, but in reality no one understands it.
From time to time you may find that the Darcs pilots during the flight come into violent conflicts with the mission control center. This leads to the fact that the control center refuses to board your board. Legend has it that one of the pilots of the Darcs aircraft, with huge fuel tanks, resolved its conflicts with the mission control center and landed its aircraft only two weeks after it took off. Darcs experienced clients board a plane with several parachutes: one for themselves, and a few more for beginners.
Darcs physicists claim that Theory of Everything predicted that pilots would behave this way, and that all pilots behave that way throughout the universe. They burn away day and night in search of a way to correct the universal gravitational constant, and thus reduce the irritability factor of the pilots.
Main competitor: OS / 2 Airlines.
Founded by a South African who was injured by curly braces at tla Airlines, bzr Airlines strives to become “the right tla Airlines”. They reduced the length of the ladder, got rid of curly brackets, dispersed the philosophers, and no longer dream of merging with the stars. Many of those who have braced themselves with tla Airlines fly bzr Airlines flights, but respecting tla Airlines, bzr Airlines accept and will accept tickets for tla Airlines flights.
Passengers of bzr Airlines consider themselves to be part of an elite club, since their every flight takes off from the spaceport . They can often be seen near the landing terminals, handing out bzr Airlines brochures in an attempt to convince passengers of other airlines to fly bzr Airlines flights, and they just can not understand how other airlines continue to exist as people pass by their aircraft.
Main competitor: BeOS Airlines.
One of the fastest airlines in the world, for many years occupying a hidden entrance for VIP persons, located at the end of the landing terminal of the airport. It was rumored that tickets for Bitkeeper Airlines flights cost several thousand dollars, that they are hard to find and they are jealously guarded. Then, for a while, Bitkeeper Airlines began distributing tickets for free, while they continued to sell expensive tickets to people with a sophisticated taste. Free tickets have become universally available, but the third pin on the back of the ticket says that you are forbidden to even think about other airlines before, after and during the flight, and some people claimed that they actually saw a small sign that squirmed right before their eyes.
On flights with Bitkeeper Airlines, there have been frequent discussions about whether people are secretly thinking about other airlines. If you fall for thoughts of another airline, then you are thrown into the hatch without a parachute, and you usually shout loudly. All these worries overshadowed the flights of rich people who paid for the use, so that one day it was decided that there would be a Great Purge, since it is obvious that all free ticket holders concealed horny thoughts about other airlines, therefore they were all dropped from aircraft at the same time. Today, people are not quite sure whether Bitkeeper terminals are still there, but everyone suspects that they are still somewhere.
Main competitor: SCO Airlines.
The airline's motto is “There is only one sure way to do this.” Mercurial is a sterile, flexible, and brilliant airline. Each Mercurial aircraft looks just like everyone else, brilliant and clean. You could swear that all passengers are also very similar to each other, and when you go out to land, it seems that you also look like everyone else. Mercurial passengers are usually a happy group that cannot understand anyone who flies Git Airlines. Spots of dirt and dust confuse pilots, so you better take a shower before landing. It is rumored that through the installation of additional engines, some Mercurial aircraft will be able to fly to places where Git airlines are already flying, but most Mercurial passengers believe that there is no need to worry.
Main competitor: Python Airlines
Clients of the airline, whose motto is “There are many ways to do this,” fly the largest and fastest aircraft. Git Airlines was founded by several priests who flew free of charge on Bitkeeper Airlines flights and experienced a crash after the Big Purge. Git airplanes come in spartan-designed, empty enclosures with no rugs, seats, or control levers. At the gate, each passenger is handed a bag containing 173 standard aircraft parts, plus a 10 × 13 cm cheat sheet according to the theory of flight, written in 1950. Getting on a plane, passengers use these parts to prepare the plane for flight: they install seats, steering wheels, etc. As a result, each flight takes place on an airplane assembled differently, and the passengers of each of them believe that the best airplane in the world is the one on which they fly. And when passengers from different flights argue about the merits of their specific design in the terminal after the flight, they give the same reasons.
Despite all this, the Git aircraft were safe and Git passengers think that they get to their destination twice as fast as any other passenger, although sometimes they secretly wonder if Mercurial Arilines will be flying faster. Sometimes Git passengers build an airplane that tends to fall into a tailspin. When this happens, they simply assemble a tool that allows them to go back in time and change history so that the plane does not crash; although it is rumored that if you are a member of public oversight, unreasonable use of this tool will lead to the seizure and confiscation of property.
Git Airlines is particularly proud of one thing that passengers don’t have to assemble themselves: plumbing. Each Git toilet is equipped with state-of-the-art never-failing sanitary engineering, and the best porcelain accessories that money can buy. None of these cheap plastic toilets that you see with all other airlines. Here, we have beautiful porcelain accessories.
During the flight, passengers, after using the restroom, often argue with each other about which style of toilet porcelain is best. These disputes are resolved only by Git Zen priests, who insist that only second-class passengers need a toilet during the flight.
Main competitor: Perl Airlines.
Before anyone loses his temper, let's agree that this is just a joke, huh?
RCS Airlines
One of the first airlines, since the time when all the aircraft was new and interesting. For one flight, the RCS carries only one passenger, who believes that RCS is the best way to fly. Although most RCS airplanes today are rusty and shabby, RCS Airlines still retains its historical commitment to safety. To this end, each aircraft is locked as it is possible. Sometimes flights may be delayed for several hours, since the pilot cannot open a locked plane. When this happens, the pilot will desperately try to get the mobile number of the one who closed the plane. When the plane is finally unlocked, you may wonder why it was locked so long. Experienced users of RCS have already realized that the answer is usually disgusting, so they no longer ask.
Main competitor: CP / M Airlines.
')
CVS Airlines
It was founded with the belief that they can be more efficient than RCS, carrying several passengers per flight. They still carry each passenger in a separate plane built in RCS, but the planes fly with the letter “V”, like a wedge of geese. However, beware of long waits before departures. Combining new passengers in the correct flight order can take several hours, and it may take several attempts to take off.
CVS flights are characterized by disputes over who can fly and who can't. Fights between CVS pilots are legendary; it is rumored that the OpenBSD project was started due to the fact that CVS Airlines refused to board the passenger because he once refused to secure the folding table in the upper position.
CVS Airlines basically considers its customers a crowd of those “over 50,” who grew up using CVS and do not like change. Their magazine, offered to passengers on board the aircraft, contains advertising for baldness remedies and tools for uuencode.
Main competitor: AIX Airlines.
Subversion Airlines
Founded by the gray-haired CVS administrators, Subversion Airlines began its existence by positioning itself as "CVS, but better." Subversion Airlines was the first major airline to use airplanes where several passengers can fly. Unlike CVS Airlines, all Subversion passengers fly in the same plane.
Subversion Airlines are famous for their centralized control, as in the USSR. All operations must be approved by the Kremlin, and you will be allowed, with the permission of the Secretary General, to gaze at the big planes. Those who have served the Party and Airlines well for many years are allowed to enter the Great Temple of the Committer First-Class and truly make changes to the design of aircraft. Agents of Subversion Airlines in plain clothes monitor every flight, and do not be surprised if you are suddenly thrown out of an airplane window after an unsuccessful joke about the pilot’s flight skills.
Subversion Airlines thrive on the concept of “photocopying is cheap.” You are encouraged to make photocopies of your ticket, or a photocopy of your passport photo, and distribute these copies to as many people as possible. If during the check-in at the airport, a copy of one ticket will be at once with several passengers, they are escorted to the "copy merging room" and each of them is given a brick. The door closes, something magical happens inside, and if the only person who has gone out is still able to walk, he is allowed to board the aircraft.
Main competitor: Windows Airlines without Administrators
tla airlines
It was founded by one of these eccentric British aristocrats. Lord Tom's airline is an airline for utopian philosophers. Annoyed by the despotic controls at Subversion Airlines, tla Airlines want all passengers to be initially equal. When you arrive at the landing, you will find many philosophers praising tla Airlines at check-in counters. They compare tla Airlines with the ability to reach heaven, with going beyond the limits of life on earth, the reality of merging with the stars. Oh, how amazingly beautiful it all is! What things we can see!
When you see people arriving on another flight, you can notice burns in some of them. One of them will comment on these burns with the phrase: "merging with the stars is impossible." Immediately, a dozen philosophers enter into a discussion with him, arguing that he simply does not understand what “merging with the stars” means, and if he first brings his inner world to the right state, he will get more positive impressions.
When you board tla Airlines aircraft, you will see a mile-long plane gangway. The plane itself will remind you of something between a gothic cathedral and the level of Doom. Here you can find impressive arched vaults everywhere, even where they really are completely out of place. Each arch is supported by an ornament of curly braces, which you usually should not see in airplanes, and frankly, you would prefer not to see them, since they all look very sharp and confuse your children.
When you fly to your destination, you will see that this airport is also filled with philosophers, most of whom have lunch.
Main competitor: VMS Airlines.
Darcs Airlines
Unlike other airlines, this company entrusts the design of its aircraft to physicists, instead of engineers. One of the brilliant physicists of Darcs Airlines eventually brought out the "Theory of Everything", and accordingly, Darcs Airlines knows where you are going to go, even before you start doing something. Darcs Airlines is very proud of its level of customer service, and will be interested in your preferences for the smallest details of your trip.
A copy of the Theory of Everything is enclosed in every pocket of all the seats of the aircraft so that you can read it with pleasure, but in reality no one understands it.
From time to time you may find that the Darcs pilots during the flight come into violent conflicts with the mission control center. This leads to the fact that the control center refuses to board your board. Legend has it that one of the pilots of the Darcs aircraft, with huge fuel tanks, resolved its conflicts with the mission control center and landed its aircraft only two weeks after it took off. Darcs experienced clients board a plane with several parachutes: one for themselves, and a few more for beginners.
Darcs physicists claim that Theory of Everything predicted that pilots would behave this way, and that all pilots behave that way throughout the universe. They burn away day and night in search of a way to correct the universal gravitational constant, and thus reduce the irritability factor of the pilots.
Main competitor: OS / 2 Airlines.
bzr airlines
Founded by a South African who was injured by curly braces at tla Airlines, bzr Airlines strives to become “the right tla Airlines”. They reduced the length of the ladder, got rid of curly brackets, dispersed the philosophers, and no longer dream of merging with the stars. Many of those who have braced themselves with tla Airlines fly bzr Airlines flights, but respecting tla Airlines, bzr Airlines accept and will accept tickets for tla Airlines flights.
Passengers of bzr Airlines consider themselves to be part of an elite club, since their every flight takes off from the spaceport . They can often be seen near the landing terminals, handing out bzr Airlines brochures in an attempt to convince passengers of other airlines to fly bzr Airlines flights, and they just can not understand how other airlines continue to exist as people pass by their aircraft.
Main competitor: BeOS Airlines.
Bitkeeper Airlines
One of the fastest airlines in the world, for many years occupying a hidden entrance for VIP persons, located at the end of the landing terminal of the airport. It was rumored that tickets for Bitkeeper Airlines flights cost several thousand dollars, that they are hard to find and they are jealously guarded. Then, for a while, Bitkeeper Airlines began distributing tickets for free, while they continued to sell expensive tickets to people with a sophisticated taste. Free tickets have become universally available, but the third pin on the back of the ticket says that you are forbidden to even think about other airlines before, after and during the flight, and some people claimed that they actually saw a small sign that squirmed right before their eyes.
On flights with Bitkeeper Airlines, there have been frequent discussions about whether people are secretly thinking about other airlines. If you fall for thoughts of another airline, then you are thrown into the hatch without a parachute, and you usually shout loudly. All these worries overshadowed the flights of rich people who paid for the use, so that one day it was decided that there would be a Great Purge, since it is obvious that all free ticket holders concealed horny thoughts about other airlines, therefore they were all dropped from aircraft at the same time. Today, people are not quite sure whether Bitkeeper terminals are still there, but everyone suspects that they are still somewhere.
Main competitor: SCO Airlines.
Mercurial Airlines
The airline's motto is “There is only one sure way to do this.” Mercurial is a sterile, flexible, and brilliant airline. Each Mercurial aircraft looks just like everyone else, brilliant and clean. You could swear that all passengers are also very similar to each other, and when you go out to land, it seems that you also look like everyone else. Mercurial passengers are usually a happy group that cannot understand anyone who flies Git Airlines. Spots of dirt and dust confuse pilots, so you better take a shower before landing. It is rumored that through the installation of additional engines, some Mercurial aircraft will be able to fly to places where Git airlines are already flying, but most Mercurial passengers believe that there is no need to worry.
Main competitor: Python Airlines
Git airlines
Clients of the airline, whose motto is “There are many ways to do this,” fly the largest and fastest aircraft. Git Airlines was founded by several priests who flew free of charge on Bitkeeper Airlines flights and experienced a crash after the Big Purge. Git airplanes come in spartan-designed, empty enclosures with no rugs, seats, or control levers. At the gate, each passenger is handed a bag containing 173 standard aircraft parts, plus a 10 × 13 cm cheat sheet according to the theory of flight, written in 1950. Getting on a plane, passengers use these parts to prepare the plane for flight: they install seats, steering wheels, etc. As a result, each flight takes place on an airplane assembled differently, and the passengers of each of them believe that the best airplane in the world is the one on which they fly. And when passengers from different flights argue about the merits of their specific design in the terminal after the flight, they give the same reasons.
Despite all this, the Git aircraft were safe and Git passengers think that they get to their destination twice as fast as any other passenger, although sometimes they secretly wonder if Mercurial Arilines will be flying faster. Sometimes Git passengers build an airplane that tends to fall into a tailspin. When this happens, they simply assemble a tool that allows them to go back in time and change history so that the plane does not crash; although it is rumored that if you are a member of public oversight, unreasonable use of this tool will lead to the seizure and confiscation of property.
Git Airlines is particularly proud of one thing that passengers don’t have to assemble themselves: plumbing. Each Git toilet is equipped with state-of-the-art never-failing sanitary engineering, and the best porcelain accessories that money can buy. None of these cheap plastic toilets that you see with all other airlines. Here, we have beautiful porcelain accessories.
During the flight, passengers, after using the restroom, often argue with each other about which style of toilet porcelain is best. These disputes are resolved only by Git Zen priests, who insist that only second-class passengers need a toilet during the flight.
Main competitor: Perl Airlines.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/93189/
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