What language to learn?

Want to program in an expressive and powerful language: Python
Need a quick website: PHP
Want a party calling themselves "rock stars" programming: Ruby
Really need to learn how to program: C
Looking for enlightenment: Scheme
Go to the blues: SQL
Lose one chromosome: Microsoft Visual Basic
For a permanent, mediocre, but well-paid job of creating financial applications in an office fence under fluorescent lights: Java
The same, but with abbreviations and a list of certificates in its signature: C #
Get a magical feeling of childish amazement that is difficult to distinguish from delusions of grandeur: Objective C

original (en)