Employee tips for the proper use of the System Administrator’s valuable time.
- Never write error messages. Just click "OK" or restart the computer. SysAdmin likes to guess what the error message was.
- When talking about your computer, use terms such as “Box” and “Stuck.”
- When you receive an .exe file by mail, open it immediately. SysAdmin likes to make sure that antivirus programs work fine from time to time.
- When sending a document to someone, do not even think about which software the recipients have.
- When the Sysadmin says that now he will come, log off and go for coffee. It's not a problem for him to remember your password.
- When you call SysAdmin to move your computer, be sure to leave it buried under half-ton cards, baby photos, stuffed animals, dried flowers and promotional calendars. SysAdmin does not have his life, and he finds it, snatching out your fleeting pictures.
- When the SysAdmin sends you mail marked as “Very Important” or “Take Measures”, delete it immediately. He probably just checks the new function of the mail program.
- When the Sysadmin has lunch at his home or in the dining room, log in and empty all problems and expect an immediate response. SysAdmin exists only to maintain and is always ready to think about repairing computers.
- When SysAdmin comes out to drink water or walking in the street, find it and ask a question about computers. The sole purpose of his walks is to look for those employees who do not have email or telephone.
- Send urgent mail ALL IN UPPER REGISTER. The mail server catches it and marks it for extraordinary delivery.
- When the copier is not working, call SysAdmin. This is also electronics, isn't it?
- When your home computer reports "No signal in line", call the sysadmin. He can even fix problems with the phone from a distance.
- When your home PC is out of order, leave it on the SysAdmin chair without a name, without a phone, and without a description of the problem. He really likes good hoaxes.
- When the Sysadmin tells you by phone the order of changing the settings, read the newspaper. SysAdmin doesn't really mean that you have to do something, he just likes to listen to his speech.
- When the company offers training in connection with the upgrade of the operating system, do not bother to visit. SysAdmin is always there to help.
- When the printer does not print, send the print job again, at least 20 times. Print tasks often disappear into space for no reason.
- When the printer still does not print after 20 attempts, send this job to all office printers. One of them should work.
- Do not use help. Help for those who do not think, is not it?
- If you attend evening courses in computer science, do not hesitate to demonstrate your growing competence by updating the network drivers for yourself and all your colleagues. SysAdmin will be grateful for overtime, when he will have to stay until 2-3 o'clock at night, correcting all this.
- When SysAdmin fixes your computer a quarter past one, eat your hamburger with cheese in front of it. It works better when it is slightly dizzy with hunger.
- When the SysAdmin asks if you have installed new programs, lie. Nobody cares about what's on your computer, right?
- If the wire of the mouse touches the photo of your dog, lift the monitor and pass the wire under it. These sturdy mouse wires are designed to withstand 20 kilograms of computer monitors placed on them.
- If the space on the keyboard does not work, reproach the SysAdmin for not buying a new one. Damn, it's not your fault that there are half a kilogram of dried crumb sandwiches, clips and big sticky spots of ketchup under the keys.
- When you see the message “Are you sure?”, Click “Yes” as soon as possible. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't do it, would you?
- Completely free to say "I know nothing about all this computer nonsense." A sysAdmin never cares when the scope of his professional competence is called nonsense.
- When you need to add paper to the printer, call SysAdmin. Changing paper is a purely maintenance work, and both Hewlett Packard and Lexmark recommend that it be done only by certified network administrators with lots of free time.
- When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it out to everyone as an urgent attachment. SysAdmin has enough disk space and processor power on its new mail server specifically for such important things.
“Don't even think about breaking a big print job into several small ones.” God forbid someone steals one page from your 427-page Excel spreadsheet.
- When you meet SysAdmin in grocery on Sunday afternoon, ask him a computer question. He works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when he buys toilet paper and dog food in the store.
- If your son is a programmer, let him come on weekends and make his projects on your office computer. The sysadmin will be nearby and will help when a stolen copy of Visual Basic 6.0 of your son knocks over and kills the Access database.
- When you bring your new home computer of an unnamed brand to the System Administrator to the office for free repair, tell me how urgently he needs to fix it so that you can play EverQuest again. He will start for him right away because he has so much free time in the office! Anyway, everyone knows that everything he does all day long is fumbling on the Internet.
- Never thank SysAdmin. He loves to repair everything and get paid for it.
- When talking about your computer, use terms such as “Box” and “Stuck.”
- When you receive an .exe file by mail, open it immediately. SysAdmin likes to make sure that antivirus programs work fine from time to time.
- When sending a document to someone, do not even think about which software the recipients have.
- When the Sysadmin says that now he will come, log off and go for coffee. It's not a problem for him to remember your password.
- When you call SysAdmin to move your computer, be sure to leave it buried under half-ton cards, baby photos, stuffed animals, dried flowers and promotional calendars. SysAdmin does not have his life, and he finds it, snatching out your fleeting pictures.
- When the SysAdmin sends you mail marked as “Very Important” or “Take Measures”, delete it immediately. He probably just checks the new function of the mail program.
- When the Sysadmin has lunch at his home or in the dining room, log in and empty all problems and expect an immediate response. SysAdmin exists only to maintain and is always ready to think about repairing computers.
- When SysAdmin comes out to drink water or walking in the street, find it and ask a question about computers. The sole purpose of his walks is to look for those employees who do not have email or telephone.
- Send urgent mail ALL IN UPPER REGISTER. The mail server catches it and marks it for extraordinary delivery.
- When the copier is not working, call SysAdmin. This is also electronics, isn't it?
- When your home computer reports "No signal in line", call the sysadmin. He can even fix problems with the phone from a distance.
- When your home PC is out of order, leave it on the SysAdmin chair without a name, without a phone, and without a description of the problem. He really likes good hoaxes.
- When the Sysadmin tells you by phone the order of changing the settings, read the newspaper. SysAdmin doesn't really mean that you have to do something, he just likes to listen to his speech.
- When the company offers training in connection with the upgrade of the operating system, do not bother to visit. SysAdmin is always there to help.
- When the printer does not print, send the print job again, at least 20 times. Print tasks often disappear into space for no reason.
- When the printer still does not print after 20 attempts, send this job to all office printers. One of them should work.
- Do not use help. Help for those who do not think, is not it?
- If you attend evening courses in computer science, do not hesitate to demonstrate your growing competence by updating the network drivers for yourself and all your colleagues. SysAdmin will be grateful for overtime, when he will have to stay until 2-3 o'clock at night, correcting all this.
- When SysAdmin fixes your computer a quarter past one, eat your hamburger with cheese in front of it. It works better when it is slightly dizzy with hunger.
- When the SysAdmin asks if you have installed new programs, lie. Nobody cares about what's on your computer, right?
- If the wire of the mouse touches the photo of your dog, lift the monitor and pass the wire under it. These sturdy mouse wires are designed to withstand 20 kilograms of computer monitors placed on them.
- If the space on the keyboard does not work, reproach the SysAdmin for not buying a new one. Damn, it's not your fault that there are half a kilogram of dried crumb sandwiches, clips and big sticky spots of ketchup under the keys.
- When you see the message “Are you sure?”, Click “Yes” as soon as possible. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't do it, would you?
- Completely free to say "I know nothing about all this computer nonsense." A sysAdmin never cares when the scope of his professional competence is called nonsense.
- When you need to add paper to the printer, call SysAdmin. Changing paper is a purely maintenance work, and both Hewlett Packard and Lexmark recommend that it be done only by certified network administrators with lots of free time.
- When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it out to everyone as an urgent attachment. SysAdmin has enough disk space and processor power on its new mail server specifically for such important things.
“Don't even think about breaking a big print job into several small ones.” God forbid someone steals one page from your 427-page Excel spreadsheet.
- When you meet SysAdmin in grocery on Sunday afternoon, ask him a computer question. He works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when he buys toilet paper and dog food in the store.
- If your son is a programmer, let him come on weekends and make his projects on your office computer. The sysadmin will be nearby and will help when a stolen copy of Visual Basic 6.0 of your son knocks over and kills the Access database.
- When you bring your new home computer of an unnamed brand to the System Administrator to the office for free repair, tell me how urgently he needs to fix it so that you can play EverQuest again. He will start for him right away because he has so much free time in the office! Anyway, everyone knows that everything he does all day long is fumbling on the Internet.
- Never thank SysAdmin. He loves to repair everything and get paid for it.
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Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/7485/
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