A brief, incomplete and fictional history of programming languages
1801 - Joseph Maria Jacquard punched cards embroidering “hello world” on fabric. Habrovchane of those times are dissatisfied with the lack of tail recursion, multithreading and capital letters.
1842 - Ada Lovelace writes the first program. Its success is hindered by a small problem - the computer for the execution of this program has not yet been invented. After a century and a half, corporate application architects will switch Ada's technique of writing non-executable programs and call this method UML.
1936 - Alan Turing invents all the languages that could theoretically exist, but does not have time to patent them - British intelligence makes him a super agent .
1936 - Alonzo Church also invents all possible languages, only better. His lambda calculus is unpopular because it is unlike S. Critics do not mind that C has not yet been invented.
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1940s - Various “computers” “program” by soldering wires and closing contacts. That's what engineers are ready for to not get involved in the “gaps or tabs” debate.
1957 - John Backus and IBM invent Fortran. About IBM and Fortran are not joking. The Fortran compiler produces an error if the programmer does not have a tie.
1958 - John McCarthy and Paul Graham invent LISP. The popularity of LISP is hampered by the depletion of world stocks of round brackets. / * fortunately, stocks of curly and angle brackets are practically inexhaustible * / However, LISP (nowadays known as Lisp, sometimes Arc) is a generally accepted standard in the field of "fundamental concepts of information technology, such as recursion and indulgence"
1959 - After losing a bet to L. Ron Hubbard, a handful of sadists led by Grace Hopper create the Quintessence of Disgustingly Painful Lack of Logic (COBOL). Many years later, naively hoping to take revenge on the admiral, at the Ruby conferences, presentations were offensive to women.
1964 - John Kemni and Thomas Kurtz write BASIC, an unstructured language for non-programmers.
1965 - Kemny and Kurtz GOING ON 1964
1970 - Guy Steele and Gerald Zusman create the Scheme. As a result of their efforts, Almighty Lambda appears, and then Almighty Lambda, the Universal Multicooker. Based on this book, they launch a long but absolutely unpopular series of nightly TV stores. For a long time lambdas languish in obscurity. Lambdas are becoming popular again after they are not included in Java.
1970 - Niklas Wirth creates Pascal procedural language. Many are dissatisfied with the assignment operator syntax other than C. Critics do not mind that language C has not yet been invented.
1972 - Dennis Richie invents a pistol shooting both sides simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and injuries brought by this device, he creates the language C and Unix.
1972 - Alain Colmero invents the logical language Prolog. The maximum task of a scientist is to endow the computer with the intellect of a two-year-old child. He copes brilliantly with the task by writing a program that answers "No!" To any request.
1973 - Robin Milner writes ML, a language based on the M & M type theory. ML generates an MML with formally described semantics. In an attempt to formalize the description of semantics of formal semantics, Milner dies from a brain explosion. The languages of the ML family include OCaml, F #, and Visual Basic.
1980 - Alan Kay writes Smalltalk and comes up with the term "object-oriented." When asked to explain, he responds, “Programs in the PLO are just objects.” To the question of what objects consist of, he answers “from objects” and explains “everything consists of objects, including objects. And it costs four elephants. ”
1983 - Bjarne Stroustrup takes the C language, sculpts everything that comes to mind on top of it, and calls it C ++. In order for programs to compile in a reasonable time, they have to be sent to the future by artificial intelligence Skynet. Why SkyNet needs this is unclear. The voice from the future answers all the questions with an Austrian accent “don't worry, baby.” It is believed that Skynet is just a puffed buffer overflow.
1986 - Brad Cox and Tom Love come up with Objective-C. According to them, he "combines security C with incredible Smalltalk speed." Modern historians attribute this statement to the authors' tongue-tiedness.
1987 - Larry Wall falls asleep on the keyboard. When he wakes up, he accepts a line on the monitor for a program in a language that the Lord intended to write to his prophet Larry. So Pearl appears.
1990 - A commission composed of Simon Peyton-Jones, Paul Hudak, Philip Vodler, Ashton Kutcher and the Society for the Protection of Animal Rights designs Haskell, a purely functional language with lazy computation. Many are confused by the monads needed in side effects programs. Vodler explains: “A monad is just a monoid from the category of endofunctors, what could be simpler?”
1991 - Dutch programmer Guido van Rossum goes to Argentina. After a mysterious operation, he returns with a scar on his skull, Python writes, crowds of fans proclaim him Lifetime Dictator, and he declares that "there is only one way." Poland is nervous .
1995 - Yukihiro Matsumoto nicknamed Crazy Matz writes Ruby to save Australia from becoming a scorched desert ruled by motorcycle gangs on motorcycles and Tina Turner. Subsequently, the true author of the language David Heinemir Hanson gives the language a new name - Ruby on Rails. [The mention of Matsumoto is not true. In the next edition of the article it should be deleted - DHH]
1995 - Brendan Eyck collects the mistakes of all known languages, adds several new ones and combines everything in LiveScript. After a while, the language is renamed JavaScript to take advantage of the popularity of the Java language. After some time, the language is renamed ECMAScript to take advantage of the popularity of skin diseases .
1996 - James Gosling invents Java. Java is a rather verbose, statically typed object-oriented language based on classes, with garbage collection, single call dispatching, single implementation inheritance, and multiple interface inheritance. Sun loudly proclaims Java as the most innovative language.
2001 - Anders Hejlsberg comes up with C #. C # is a rather verbose, statically typed object-oriented language based on classes, with garbage collection, single call dispatching, single implementation inheritance, and multiple interface inheritance. Microsoft loudly proclaims C # the most innovative language.
2003 - Drunk Martin Oder sees an advertisement in which chocolate is mixed with peanut butter. He comes up with the idea of Scala, a language that unifies object-oriented and functional approaches. Supporters of both approaches in indignation announce a crusade.
_________
Thanks for the help in translating Yuri Kupriyanov and Ivan Ignatiev.
1842 - Ada Lovelace writes the first program. Its success is hindered by a small problem - the computer for the execution of this program has not yet been invented. After a century and a half, corporate application architects will switch Ada's technique of writing non-executable programs and call this method UML.
1936 - Alan Turing invents all the languages that could theoretically exist, but does not have time to patent them - British intelligence makes him a super agent .
1936 - Alonzo Church also invents all possible languages, only better. His lambda calculus is unpopular because it is unlike S. Critics do not mind that C has not yet been invented.
')
1940s - Various “computers” “program” by soldering wires and closing contacts. That's what engineers are ready for to not get involved in the “gaps or tabs” debate.
1957 - John Backus and IBM invent Fortran. About IBM and Fortran are not joking. The Fortran compiler produces an error if the programmer does not have a tie.
1958 - John McCarthy and Paul Graham invent LISP. The popularity of LISP is hampered by the depletion of world stocks of round brackets. / * fortunately, stocks of curly and angle brackets are practically inexhaustible * / However, LISP (nowadays known as Lisp, sometimes Arc) is a generally accepted standard in the field of "fundamental concepts of information technology, such as recursion and indulgence"
1959 - After losing a bet to L. Ron Hubbard, a handful of sadists led by Grace Hopper create the Quintessence of Disgustingly Painful Lack of Logic (COBOL). Many years later, naively hoping to take revenge on the admiral, at the Ruby conferences, presentations were offensive to women.
1964 - John Kemni and Thomas Kurtz write BASIC, an unstructured language for non-programmers.
1965 - Kemny and Kurtz GOING ON 1964
1970 - Guy Steele and Gerald Zusman create the Scheme. As a result of their efforts, Almighty Lambda appears, and then Almighty Lambda, the Universal Multicooker. Based on this book, they launch a long but absolutely unpopular series of nightly TV stores. For a long time lambdas languish in obscurity. Lambdas are becoming popular again after they are not included in Java.
1970 - Niklas Wirth creates Pascal procedural language. Many are dissatisfied with the assignment operator syntax other than C. Critics do not mind that language C has not yet been invented.
1972 - Dennis Richie invents a pistol shooting both sides simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and injuries brought by this device, he creates the language C and Unix.
1972 - Alain Colmero invents the logical language Prolog. The maximum task of a scientist is to endow the computer with the intellect of a two-year-old child. He copes brilliantly with the task by writing a program that answers "No!" To any request.
1973 - Robin Milner writes ML, a language based on the M & M type theory. ML generates an MML with formally described semantics. In an attempt to formalize the description of semantics of formal semantics, Milner dies from a brain explosion. The languages of the ML family include OCaml, F #, and Visual Basic.
1980 - Alan Kay writes Smalltalk and comes up with the term "object-oriented." When asked to explain, he responds, “Programs in the PLO are just objects.” To the question of what objects consist of, he answers “from objects” and explains “everything consists of objects, including objects. And it costs four elephants. ”
1983 - Bjarne Stroustrup takes the C language, sculpts everything that comes to mind on top of it, and calls it C ++. In order for programs to compile in a reasonable time, they have to be sent to the future by artificial intelligence Skynet. Why SkyNet needs this is unclear. The voice from the future answers all the questions with an Austrian accent “don't worry, baby.” It is believed that Skynet is just a puffed buffer overflow.
1986 - Brad Cox and Tom Love come up with Objective-C. According to them, he "combines security C with incredible Smalltalk speed." Modern historians attribute this statement to the authors' tongue-tiedness.
1987 - Larry Wall falls asleep on the keyboard. When he wakes up, he accepts a line on the monitor for a program in a language that the Lord intended to write to his prophet Larry. So Pearl appears.
1990 - A commission composed of Simon Peyton-Jones, Paul Hudak, Philip Vodler, Ashton Kutcher and the Society for the Protection of Animal Rights designs Haskell, a purely functional language with lazy computation. Many are confused by the monads needed in side effects programs. Vodler explains: “A monad is just a monoid from the category of endofunctors, what could be simpler?”
1991 - Dutch programmer Guido van Rossum goes to Argentina. After a mysterious operation, he returns with a scar on his skull, Python writes, crowds of fans proclaim him Lifetime Dictator, and he declares that "there is only one way." Poland is nervous .
1995 - Yukihiro Matsumoto nicknamed Crazy Matz writes Ruby to save Australia from becoming a scorched desert ruled by motorcycle gangs on motorcycles and Tina Turner. Subsequently, the true author of the language David Heinemir Hanson gives the language a new name - Ruby on Rails. [The mention of Matsumoto is not true. In the next edition of the article it should be deleted - DHH]
1995 - Brendan Eyck collects the mistakes of all known languages, adds several new ones and combines everything in LiveScript. After a while, the language is renamed JavaScript to take advantage of the popularity of the Java language. After some time, the language is renamed ECMAScript to take advantage of the popularity of skin diseases .
1996 - James Gosling invents Java. Java is a rather verbose, statically typed object-oriented language based on classes, with garbage collection, single call dispatching, single implementation inheritance, and multiple interface inheritance. Sun loudly proclaims Java as the most innovative language.
2001 - Anders Hejlsberg comes up with C #. C # is a rather verbose, statically typed object-oriented language based on classes, with garbage collection, single call dispatching, single implementation inheritance, and multiple interface inheritance. Microsoft loudly proclaims C # the most innovative language.
2003 - Drunk Martin Oder sees an advertisement in which chocolate is mixed with peanut butter. He comes up with the idea of Scala, a language that unifies object-oriented and functional approaches. Supporters of both approaches in indignation announce a crusade.
_________
Thanks for the help in translating Yuri Kupriyanov and Ivan Ignatiev.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/68727/
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