Catch Me If You Can. King Version
They call me the King. If you use the labels you are used to, then I am a consultant. More precisely, the owner of the consulting company of the new sample. I came up with a scheme in which my company is guaranteed to earn very decent money, while, oddly enough, benefiting the client.
What do you think, what is the essence of my business scheme? Never guess. I sell factories of their own programmers, and their own automation. At times more expensive, of course.
As you understood from my previous story, I was a very successful director. Many of you did not believe me - but, with due diligence, you will find my old publications, and there you will find out my real last name, and you read about successes. I, however, prefer not to advertise myself.
')
I once understood the value of an automated system and programmers. Pay attention - not the value of automation, as a process. Awesome is the automation system that you have. And the programmer that you have is just gold. But you will understand this only in one of two cases: either he will leave you (the probability that you will understand is low), or I will sell it to you.
I'll start in order. First of all, having decided to take up this business, I chose the market. I did not think for a long time, because I had experience in managing a poultry farm. If we abstract it a little, then we get the following parameters: an old enterprise created during the Soviet era, many employees — ever since, a new owner, who does not understand anything in this business, a hired director — it’s important that not from among former employees, and the main thing is the province.
The idea to choose such a field of work is not mine, I peeped at it from two guys. One was engaged in the implementation of ISO at a time when everyone thought that this certificate meant something. The other was engaged in the automation of plants for 1C in 2005-2010, when it was hard for any plant to work on something else (also, in general, inexplicable).
These guys had other reasons for this choice. First, remoteness from the owner, his rare arrivals gave some freedom to local directors. Secondly, there is a problem with personnel in the province, which means that you can put it on yourself for a long time. Thirdly, the same lack of personnel concerned, first of all, management. What only boots did not manage these plants.
This is probably why they were so kipish, except for the hunger strike. ISO, so ISO. 1C, so 1C. A site, so a site. Etc.
Actually, these guys have prepared for me a chic market. Where ISO was implemented, no one understood how to work. Here before there were no processes, the plant was moving, it was even developing, and I didn’t think anything bad about myself. And the ISO standard is an ideal tool for creating feelings of guilt on level ground. They wrote the papers with the processes themselves, but they work according to a certain average scheme - the most important thing, like production, sales, supplies, etc. they do it as they always did, but they do all sorts of dregs, like contracts, approvals, etc., according to ISO.
Those that work under ISO periodically reproach the “Old Believers” that they are stuck in the Stone Age. Mind everyone understands that it is not necessary to work on ISO, but the subconscious says - no, guys, you are just Kosorukov, so you cannot work on the processes. It would be better, of course, they did not know about ISO.
Automation set the stage even better. Any software product, website, service at a provincial factory can be described in one word: underdeveloped. Automation gentlemen do not want to notice this, although it is a huge market, if you properly spud it, but their business.
But there is one peculiarity: the product is not completely unimplemented. But in order to understand this, it is necessary to penetrate. And only a programmer can penetrate, wants and will be.
If you want to check whether the information system is implemented at the plant, or not, ask a simple question: show me a report that contains all the materials that are currently missing and purchased semi-finished products. It is important that it be in the system, not in Excel, and not calculated by economists at the beginning of the month or week, and not entered manually (some do).
If the answer is no, then the system is undeveloped. If you are a programmer, then you understand that before the victory there was only one step left - to collect all the data in one form. And the data is already there. The elementary task of distributing one table to another, taking into account the priorities of consumption and interchangeability of materials, and voila - you have a complete and accurate list of what you need to buy.
But this last step, no one does. The chief of supply does not penetrate, simply whines that something was not automated to him. The director is already tired of listening to this and is simply not responding. A programmer do not care, because it is constantly watered mud - a bucket less bucket more, what's the difference? When you are watered up with mud, you better not to open your mouth - you drown. Everything has long been overgrown with feathers, like geese - it trickles down as you walk from the meeting to your hole.
So, here it is our factory. It works somehow, but he himself believes that it is bad. The processes are bad, no automation, no sense from the site, it’s embarrassing to even enter it yourself. If you go to the factory right at this moment, you can take them warm. But, unfortunately, this moment passes very quickly - “leaven patriotism” of a local scale works.
As a person gradually convinces himself that he is doing well, so is the enterprise, especially the director. At first - with anger that nothing can be changed, even with obvious problems to cope with. They simply give up any undertakings, and simply work as best they can. Then humor is born, fueled by a variety of funny stories about pseudo-consultants, false silver bullets, and failed projects to introduce change. Here comes patriotism. It seems like we are what we are, but all this nonsense is from the evil one, and there is no sense from it.
The director of such a plant is very difficult to sell any consulting. Most likely, he will not even agree to meet with you. He does not read books and articles for a long time. At the conference does not go. Virtually all paths to his brain and soul for consultants are closed. And here I came up with an interesting solution.
To understand its meaning, remember the movie “The Beginning” by Christopher Nolan, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. There they are able to connect to a sleeping person, fall into his sleep, and give him an idea. They themselves call this process "implementation". The point is that after awakening to a person it would seem that the idea is his own, and not imposed from the outside. Only in this case, he will take up its implementation.
Of course, I do not know how to enter dreams, but I found a way out. I sit down at the factory "idiot" - I have a whole division of them. The idiot is the CIO.
Oddly enough, the provincial factories like to hire metropolitan IT directors, who by the will of fate have found themselves in their open spaces. We have everything thought out - we even make a local registration for him, invent a legend, they say, the grandmother lives here, or always dreamed closer to the river to dwell, or the downshifter unfinished (in the sense of working continues), and several other options. The main thing is that the "idiot" does not look like a Varyag, but seems like his own.
And here he comes to the plant, brings his diplomas, which I generously supply with all the "idiots", and he is happy to take on the job. He has real recommendations, because between “idiocy” he works as a “savior” (more on that later), so no HR is undermining, especially the village one.
The next “idiot” task is simple - to be an idiot. Approximately, like Prince Myshkin from Dostoevsky. I took the idea from the online book “Career steroids” - there this method is called “Clicky”, only I modified it - I have stupid clickers. A clicker is one who openly identifies the problems of an enterprise, but knows how to solve them. This is a way to attract attention to yourself, and when it happened - to solve the problem with brilliance. A stupid clique does not know how to solve.
Just imagine the usual weekly meeting. The director of all asks, in turn, how are you. Everyone complains about something, on trifles. For example, the production shows the finger on the supply - not enough of any one small detail, because of what the product is not going to. Well, missed the suppliers, did not order on time. Usually, everyone will keep silent, maximum - they will put an order to the head of supply, like “take on personal control”. And our stupid clique raises his hand, and, like Makovetsky's hero in The Twelve, he says - wait, friends, let's see!
And he starts with a stupid look to ask smart questions. As it so happened that a simple item was not bought. Well, how difficult it would be to bring there from Korea, but under sanctions, otherwise they would do it in any garage. And the production because of this is worth the stake. How could this happen?
Since our "idiot" is working recently, it is not sent immediately. Trying to explain, but it turns out badly. The chief of supply grinds something about the fact that people in multitask mode work, they are distracted all the time, they don’t give money on time, and so there is a big paycheck, everything keeps on snot. It comes to the point that the production manager starts to harness oneself for him - he sees that a comrade has got into an awkward position. And our idiot sits, slaps with cilia, nods his head, and asks new questions - suggestive. Helps to unfold.
As you understand, the main purpose of this interview is the director, who sits and listens. He was not used to listening to such a conversation - it seems, and they do not swear, and the processes discuss routine, but from an unusual angle. And he gradually becomes interested, because he himself has not asked such questions for a long time - since he became a patriot.
The situation is repeated several times, in all sorts of variations. Finally, our "idiot" begins to run out of people - they stop making excuses, and go into attack. As required. "Idiot" immediately raises his paws, and tries to calm everyone down - they say, they pounced, I just wanted to understand the causes of the problems. Well with you, we are one team, blah blah blah. It includes several memorized phrases, such as “we must speak openly about problems,” “if the problem is not identified, then it will not be solved,” etc. After such a retreat, the director almost always supports him.
And now he is almost ours, the last step remains. The director begins to think that the "idiot" understands something, and can help solve the problems that he himself has dug up. A normal clicker will do just that, but we have, I recall, a stupid clicker. The director calls him to a conversation and asks - damn it, man, you're cool, let's solve the problems of the plant. I’m only ready to work with you, the rest are sitting, they shoved my tongue in the ass, they only survive for their place. And you, I see, you are not afraid of anyone and nothing, you can take responsibility, I will give you a blank check.
“Idiot” has set the director against the team of the rest of the “kvass patriots”, which is what was required. Now he must fail. He takes on some short-term transformation project, not necessarily IT-related, and fails. So that with a bang, noise and smoke. You can not leave the impression that "almost happened" - must be straight bad.
Here the equation also develops up to the end. The director still remembers that he has a lot of problems at the factory. He still believes that the whole team is a sycophant who does not tell him about the difficulties, hiding them under the carpet. He still dreams of solving problems. But he already understands that no one at the factory will help him. Even “idiot” is a CIO who helped him see the real picture. The most important thing is that the director still remembers every problem. Literally, he has a list in his notebook.
"Idiot", he naturally dismisses - for idiocy, of course. We ourselves bring him to this. It happens that the director of Valanza is dismissed - then our “idiot” plays the honest one, and he leaves himself - they say, I failed, I don’t want to burden you anymore.
And here it is - the moment. Director - warm. Here I appear. And with what - I will tell a little later. First, about the programmer.
With a factory programmer, everything is not easy. They usually play one of three roles - zadrot, scumbag or nihilists. Zadrot is the one on whom everyone yells, always guilty of something, doesn't do a damn thing, only rubs his pants. A scumbag - he learned to show his teeth, so no one really climbs to him, except for new leaders, goes about his own business - like a part-time job. Pofigist does what they say, even if they say complete nonsense.
The result is one: the programmer does nothing useful. Zadrot about this may not even suspect - there is no time. Scumbag and nihilists on the sly, and sometimes obviously, laugh at incoming tasks, but they do not bring any benefits either. Programmers are even proud of this state of affairs - they say, we are smart, and the rest are fools, but we will not tell them about it.
And I need a programmer, without it the result will be worse. I used to act simply - my “idiot” honestly talked to him, and talked about his “idiotic” mission. The result was deplorable - the programmer opened the CIO. Basically, from fear, not to keep a secret for which you can then pay. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, I changed the introductory one for "idiots."
Now they behaved in front of programmers even worse than in front of their peers. More precisely, they appeared to be even more idiots, especially since it is not difficult - the programmer is an intelligent one. It is enough to blurt out some nonsense about automation, software code, refactoring, etc. Even better, start pushing the programmer, arranging him with time pressure, external audits, transfer arrows to him. Cause maximum self-loathing.
I think you understand why. When the "idiot" begins to smell fried, the programmer is in the front ranks of those who want to throw a stone at the drowning man. But, if the others simply gloat, the programmer wants the idiot to be trampled into the mud. And it is revealed, thinking that it gives information "for the road".
He honestly talks about all the problems of automation that the "idiot" could not see. He lists all the interconnections of people who are hindering the development of the company - who is there who has a relative, who doesn’t have a foot, who sets the most idiotic tasks, and then does not use the results of automation, etc. Everything is falling out, for the sole purpose - to show that he, a programmer, is smarter than a Moscow IT director. One even wrote an article on the Internet.
All this happens before the dismissal of the "idiot", and here comes his moment. There is no time to think, and most importantly, the programmer has no reason to give out a secret, because CIO is leaving. "Idiot" honestly talks about his mission - either in person or by letter. The one who wrote the article also received an article in reply. It makes no difference to us in what way, but the main thing is that the thought should be reached.
The idea is simple: you, a programmer, do nonsense, but you can do business. Come to us. We will organize the move, we will rent an apartment for you for a year, we will pay a decent Moscow salary, higher than the average capital.
And most importantly - you will automate the enterprise from which you quit. Only for a lot more money, in a team with experienced programmers, the same as you, and those same “idiots” who sometimes act as “saviors”. So far, no programmer has refused.
Then everything is simple. While the “idiot” worked at the plant - which is a maximum of six months - we received all the necessary information about the problems of the enterprise. We do not need a copy of the information system, or data - it is enough to know the version of the system and the verbal description of the completed improvements and executable processes.
While the “idiot” is suffering, we are preparing a solution. As you already understood, not some abstract “we will solve all your problems”, as other consultants do - a concrete, clear, contextual solution of specific problems of a particular enterprise. The experience and lessons we have gained allow us to do this very quickly.
If there are problems with timely supply at the plant - and this is about 90 percent of our customers - we are preparing and setting up a special module for calculating needs. If the main problem is cash gaps, we set up a system for their timely detection and prevention. If the pain of the plant is too long coordination, then we bring a customized process controller with a built-in Iceberg, and in addition - a motivation system that is guaranteed to exclude process downtime. What is important - it takes us several days to do the work directly, not more. We do not sit for six months, picking at the code, because we know that problems are almost solved in the client’s information system.
But we leave the cherry on the cake to the programmer. Between his transfer to us and my meeting with the director, usually no more than a few days pass. This period is enough for the programmer to combine the enterprise information system with the developments we have prepared. Sometimes one day is enough, because Our tools are abstract and easy to integrate, and the programmer knows the specific system best of all.
Actually, here is my way out. I am writing, or calling the director, and asking for a meeting. I have never been refused because I choose the right moment.
Now I will try to explain, so you understand. Each of you saw contextual advertising on the Internet. You roughly imagine how many people click on it. This is not difficult - remember how many times you clicked. The rest is the same. Now remember when and what kind of advertising you clicked.
Omit cases when you do not need the advertised product, just a cool banner was - this happens rarely. I do not know about you, but I click only if the product I need at this particular moment is advertised. A product without which I feel pain.
For example, I have a toothache. I have already taken the pills that I usually take from the pain, but they help badly. I can't go to the doctor right now for a variety of reasons. And here I see an advertisement - pills, fucking relieving toothache, and even eliminating inflammation. Yes, I understand with my mind that I saw this ad because I recently searched for similar information in a search engine. But I don’t care, because I have pain - and I click on ads.
Same with factory directors. They are soft, warm, because my "idiot" caused them pain. Scratched old wounds, lingering "kvass patriotism." I untied them, asking their idiotic, naive, but beating questions right on target. I sprinkled the wounds with salt, holding onto the draft of the changes, and failing it. The director’s wound is not what hurts - she spits blood, not letting a single minute forget about herself.
Here I get out, as contextual advertising. Hello, dear such-and-such, my name is King, I am from such-and-such company, I can solve your problem with the supply of warehouse number 7. Or your difficulties with cash gaps on government contracts. Or reduce the time of agreement of contracts and CBA from two weeks to one day. Do you understand?
I am not Google, I do not need to work with probabilities of getting into a problem. I hit not the brow, but in the eye. With specific positions, names, places, numbers, processes, products, etc. The effect is amazing.
Especially when I leave for half an hour in the IT department, and then I show the results on the information system of the plant. It usually takes more time for the director to go in there - he never remembers his login and password, because since the installation almost went to. And then he perceives everything as a miracle.
Of course, he asks where the information about their problems comes from. I say with wide eyes that from open sources. Your programmers asked on the forums, the suppliers consulted with my acquaintance colleagues, the dismissed employees told them at interviews in new jobs, etc. Full of places if you search.
But the main thing is that we have a tremendous experience in solving the problems of enterprises of your profile. Here it is already possible not to lie, but to list specific factories with contacts of directors. Often his acquaintances are on the list, and after the call he will not go anywhere.
We are launching draft changes. The very “idiots” come to lead them, only from other factories, so that it would not be necessary to rake a pile of accumulated offenses against a specific person. The "Idiots" switch all the time - then down, then saved the plant. Summary enriched quickly.
The essence of the project, as a rule, is not in the development of some kind of technology, such as an IT system, but in implementation, i.e. restructuring processes, changing motivation, controlling new indicators, etc. Usually, no more than half a year, we come with a ready-made system.
And when it's done, we leave. Staying and pulling money out of the plant is not our method. That charge, the potential that we leave, the plant lasts for several years of independent development. Of course, the moment will come when everything will stop, the marsh will grow again, and pain will appear. But here not the consultants will be needed, but the Dwarf.
Interestingly, and who is at this plant Gnome? It would be curious to hear his version.
What do you think, what is the essence of my business scheme? Never guess. I sell factories of their own programmers, and their own automation. At times more expensive, of course.
As you understood from my previous story, I was a very successful director. Many of you did not believe me - but, with due diligence, you will find my old publications, and there you will find out my real last name, and you read about successes. I, however, prefer not to advertise myself.
')
I once understood the value of an automated system and programmers. Pay attention - not the value of automation, as a process. Awesome is the automation system that you have. And the programmer that you have is just gold. But you will understand this only in one of two cases: either he will leave you (the probability that you will understand is low), or I will sell it to you.
I'll start in order. First of all, having decided to take up this business, I chose the market. I did not think for a long time, because I had experience in managing a poultry farm. If we abstract it a little, then we get the following parameters: an old enterprise created during the Soviet era, many employees — ever since, a new owner, who does not understand anything in this business, a hired director — it’s important that not from among former employees, and the main thing is the province.
The idea to choose such a field of work is not mine, I peeped at it from two guys. One was engaged in the implementation of ISO at a time when everyone thought that this certificate meant something. The other was engaged in the automation of plants for 1C in 2005-2010, when it was hard for any plant to work on something else (also, in general, inexplicable).
These guys had other reasons for this choice. First, remoteness from the owner, his rare arrivals gave some freedom to local directors. Secondly, there is a problem with personnel in the province, which means that you can put it on yourself for a long time. Thirdly, the same lack of personnel concerned, first of all, management. What only boots did not manage these plants.
This is probably why they were so kipish, except for the hunger strike. ISO, so ISO. 1C, so 1C. A site, so a site. Etc.
Actually, these guys have prepared for me a chic market. Where ISO was implemented, no one understood how to work. Here before there were no processes, the plant was moving, it was even developing, and I didn’t think anything bad about myself. And the ISO standard is an ideal tool for creating feelings of guilt on level ground. They wrote the papers with the processes themselves, but they work according to a certain average scheme - the most important thing, like production, sales, supplies, etc. they do it as they always did, but they do all sorts of dregs, like contracts, approvals, etc., according to ISO.
Those that work under ISO periodically reproach the “Old Believers” that they are stuck in the Stone Age. Mind everyone understands that it is not necessary to work on ISO, but the subconscious says - no, guys, you are just Kosorukov, so you cannot work on the processes. It would be better, of course, they did not know about ISO.
Automation set the stage even better. Any software product, website, service at a provincial factory can be described in one word: underdeveloped. Automation gentlemen do not want to notice this, although it is a huge market, if you properly spud it, but their business.
But there is one peculiarity: the product is not completely unimplemented. But in order to understand this, it is necessary to penetrate. And only a programmer can penetrate, wants and will be.
If you want to check whether the information system is implemented at the plant, or not, ask a simple question: show me a report that contains all the materials that are currently missing and purchased semi-finished products. It is important that it be in the system, not in Excel, and not calculated by economists at the beginning of the month or week, and not entered manually (some do).
If the answer is no, then the system is undeveloped. If you are a programmer, then you understand that before the victory there was only one step left - to collect all the data in one form. And the data is already there. The elementary task of distributing one table to another, taking into account the priorities of consumption and interchangeability of materials, and voila - you have a complete and accurate list of what you need to buy.
But this last step, no one does. The chief of supply does not penetrate, simply whines that something was not automated to him. The director is already tired of listening to this and is simply not responding. A programmer do not care, because it is constantly watered mud - a bucket less bucket more, what's the difference? When you are watered up with mud, you better not to open your mouth - you drown. Everything has long been overgrown with feathers, like geese - it trickles down as you walk from the meeting to your hole.
So, here it is our factory. It works somehow, but he himself believes that it is bad. The processes are bad, no automation, no sense from the site, it’s embarrassing to even enter it yourself. If you go to the factory right at this moment, you can take them warm. But, unfortunately, this moment passes very quickly - “leaven patriotism” of a local scale works.
As a person gradually convinces himself that he is doing well, so is the enterprise, especially the director. At first - with anger that nothing can be changed, even with obvious problems to cope with. They simply give up any undertakings, and simply work as best they can. Then humor is born, fueled by a variety of funny stories about pseudo-consultants, false silver bullets, and failed projects to introduce change. Here comes patriotism. It seems like we are what we are, but all this nonsense is from the evil one, and there is no sense from it.
The director of such a plant is very difficult to sell any consulting. Most likely, he will not even agree to meet with you. He does not read books and articles for a long time. At the conference does not go. Virtually all paths to his brain and soul for consultants are closed. And here I came up with an interesting solution.
To understand its meaning, remember the movie “The Beginning” by Christopher Nolan, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. There they are able to connect to a sleeping person, fall into his sleep, and give him an idea. They themselves call this process "implementation". The point is that after awakening to a person it would seem that the idea is his own, and not imposed from the outside. Only in this case, he will take up its implementation.
Of course, I do not know how to enter dreams, but I found a way out. I sit down at the factory "idiot" - I have a whole division of them. The idiot is the CIO.
Oddly enough, the provincial factories like to hire metropolitan IT directors, who by the will of fate have found themselves in their open spaces. We have everything thought out - we even make a local registration for him, invent a legend, they say, the grandmother lives here, or always dreamed closer to the river to dwell, or the downshifter unfinished (in the sense of working continues), and several other options. The main thing is that the "idiot" does not look like a Varyag, but seems like his own.
And here he comes to the plant, brings his diplomas, which I generously supply with all the "idiots", and he is happy to take on the job. He has real recommendations, because between “idiocy” he works as a “savior” (more on that later), so no HR is undermining, especially the village one.
The next “idiot” task is simple - to be an idiot. Approximately, like Prince Myshkin from Dostoevsky. I took the idea from the online book “Career steroids” - there this method is called “Clicky”, only I modified it - I have stupid clickers. A clicker is one who openly identifies the problems of an enterprise, but knows how to solve them. This is a way to attract attention to yourself, and when it happened - to solve the problem with brilliance. A stupid clique does not know how to solve.
Just imagine the usual weekly meeting. The director of all asks, in turn, how are you. Everyone complains about something, on trifles. For example, the production shows the finger on the supply - not enough of any one small detail, because of what the product is not going to. Well, missed the suppliers, did not order on time. Usually, everyone will keep silent, maximum - they will put an order to the head of supply, like “take on personal control”. And our stupid clique raises his hand, and, like Makovetsky's hero in The Twelve, he says - wait, friends, let's see!
And he starts with a stupid look to ask smart questions. As it so happened that a simple item was not bought. Well, how difficult it would be to bring there from Korea, but under sanctions, otherwise they would do it in any garage. And the production because of this is worth the stake. How could this happen?
Since our "idiot" is working recently, it is not sent immediately. Trying to explain, but it turns out badly. The chief of supply grinds something about the fact that people in multitask mode work, they are distracted all the time, they don’t give money on time, and so there is a big paycheck, everything keeps on snot. It comes to the point that the production manager starts to harness oneself for him - he sees that a comrade has got into an awkward position. And our idiot sits, slaps with cilia, nods his head, and asks new questions - suggestive. Helps to unfold.
As you understand, the main purpose of this interview is the director, who sits and listens. He was not used to listening to such a conversation - it seems, and they do not swear, and the processes discuss routine, but from an unusual angle. And he gradually becomes interested, because he himself has not asked such questions for a long time - since he became a patriot.
The situation is repeated several times, in all sorts of variations. Finally, our "idiot" begins to run out of people - they stop making excuses, and go into attack. As required. "Idiot" immediately raises his paws, and tries to calm everyone down - they say, they pounced, I just wanted to understand the causes of the problems. Well with you, we are one team, blah blah blah. It includes several memorized phrases, such as “we must speak openly about problems,” “if the problem is not identified, then it will not be solved,” etc. After such a retreat, the director almost always supports him.
And now he is almost ours, the last step remains. The director begins to think that the "idiot" understands something, and can help solve the problems that he himself has dug up. A normal clicker will do just that, but we have, I recall, a stupid clicker. The director calls him to a conversation and asks - damn it, man, you're cool, let's solve the problems of the plant. I’m only ready to work with you, the rest are sitting, they shoved my tongue in the ass, they only survive for their place. And you, I see, you are not afraid of anyone and nothing, you can take responsibility, I will give you a blank check.
“Idiot” has set the director against the team of the rest of the “kvass patriots”, which is what was required. Now he must fail. He takes on some short-term transformation project, not necessarily IT-related, and fails. So that with a bang, noise and smoke. You can not leave the impression that "almost happened" - must be straight bad.
Here the equation also develops up to the end. The director still remembers that he has a lot of problems at the factory. He still believes that the whole team is a sycophant who does not tell him about the difficulties, hiding them under the carpet. He still dreams of solving problems. But he already understands that no one at the factory will help him. Even “idiot” is a CIO who helped him see the real picture. The most important thing is that the director still remembers every problem. Literally, he has a list in his notebook.
"Idiot", he naturally dismisses - for idiocy, of course. We ourselves bring him to this. It happens that the director of Valanza is dismissed - then our “idiot” plays the honest one, and he leaves himself - they say, I failed, I don’t want to burden you anymore.
And here it is - the moment. Director - warm. Here I appear. And with what - I will tell a little later. First, about the programmer.
With a factory programmer, everything is not easy. They usually play one of three roles - zadrot, scumbag or nihilists. Zadrot is the one on whom everyone yells, always guilty of something, doesn't do a damn thing, only rubs his pants. A scumbag - he learned to show his teeth, so no one really climbs to him, except for new leaders, goes about his own business - like a part-time job. Pofigist does what they say, even if they say complete nonsense.
The result is one: the programmer does nothing useful. Zadrot about this may not even suspect - there is no time. Scumbag and nihilists on the sly, and sometimes obviously, laugh at incoming tasks, but they do not bring any benefits either. Programmers are even proud of this state of affairs - they say, we are smart, and the rest are fools, but we will not tell them about it.
And I need a programmer, without it the result will be worse. I used to act simply - my “idiot” honestly talked to him, and talked about his “idiotic” mission. The result was deplorable - the programmer opened the CIO. Basically, from fear, not to keep a secret for which you can then pay. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, I changed the introductory one for "idiots."
Now they behaved in front of programmers even worse than in front of their peers. More precisely, they appeared to be even more idiots, especially since it is not difficult - the programmer is an intelligent one. It is enough to blurt out some nonsense about automation, software code, refactoring, etc. Even better, start pushing the programmer, arranging him with time pressure, external audits, transfer arrows to him. Cause maximum self-loathing.
I think you understand why. When the "idiot" begins to smell fried, the programmer is in the front ranks of those who want to throw a stone at the drowning man. But, if the others simply gloat, the programmer wants the idiot to be trampled into the mud. And it is revealed, thinking that it gives information "for the road".
He honestly talks about all the problems of automation that the "idiot" could not see. He lists all the interconnections of people who are hindering the development of the company - who is there who has a relative, who doesn’t have a foot, who sets the most idiotic tasks, and then does not use the results of automation, etc. Everything is falling out, for the sole purpose - to show that he, a programmer, is smarter than a Moscow IT director. One even wrote an article on the Internet.
All this happens before the dismissal of the "idiot", and here comes his moment. There is no time to think, and most importantly, the programmer has no reason to give out a secret, because CIO is leaving. "Idiot" honestly talks about his mission - either in person or by letter. The one who wrote the article also received an article in reply. It makes no difference to us in what way, but the main thing is that the thought should be reached.
The idea is simple: you, a programmer, do nonsense, but you can do business. Come to us. We will organize the move, we will rent an apartment for you for a year, we will pay a decent Moscow salary, higher than the average capital.
And most importantly - you will automate the enterprise from which you quit. Only for a lot more money, in a team with experienced programmers, the same as you, and those same “idiots” who sometimes act as “saviors”. So far, no programmer has refused.
Then everything is simple. While the “idiot” worked at the plant - which is a maximum of six months - we received all the necessary information about the problems of the enterprise. We do not need a copy of the information system, or data - it is enough to know the version of the system and the verbal description of the completed improvements and executable processes.
While the “idiot” is suffering, we are preparing a solution. As you already understood, not some abstract “we will solve all your problems”, as other consultants do - a concrete, clear, contextual solution of specific problems of a particular enterprise. The experience and lessons we have gained allow us to do this very quickly.
If there are problems with timely supply at the plant - and this is about 90 percent of our customers - we are preparing and setting up a special module for calculating needs. If the main problem is cash gaps, we set up a system for their timely detection and prevention. If the pain of the plant is too long coordination, then we bring a customized process controller with a built-in Iceberg, and in addition - a motivation system that is guaranteed to exclude process downtime. What is important - it takes us several days to do the work directly, not more. We do not sit for six months, picking at the code, because we know that problems are almost solved in the client’s information system.
But we leave the cherry on the cake to the programmer. Between his transfer to us and my meeting with the director, usually no more than a few days pass. This period is enough for the programmer to combine the enterprise information system with the developments we have prepared. Sometimes one day is enough, because Our tools are abstract and easy to integrate, and the programmer knows the specific system best of all.
Actually, here is my way out. I am writing, or calling the director, and asking for a meeting. I have never been refused because I choose the right moment.
Now I will try to explain, so you understand. Each of you saw contextual advertising on the Internet. You roughly imagine how many people click on it. This is not difficult - remember how many times you clicked. The rest is the same. Now remember when and what kind of advertising you clicked.
Omit cases when you do not need the advertised product, just a cool banner was - this happens rarely. I do not know about you, but I click only if the product I need at this particular moment is advertised. A product without which I feel pain.
For example, I have a toothache. I have already taken the pills that I usually take from the pain, but they help badly. I can't go to the doctor right now for a variety of reasons. And here I see an advertisement - pills, fucking relieving toothache, and even eliminating inflammation. Yes, I understand with my mind that I saw this ad because I recently searched for similar information in a search engine. But I don’t care, because I have pain - and I click on ads.
Same with factory directors. They are soft, warm, because my "idiot" caused them pain. Scratched old wounds, lingering "kvass patriotism." I untied them, asking their idiotic, naive, but beating questions right on target. I sprinkled the wounds with salt, holding onto the draft of the changes, and failing it. The director’s wound is not what hurts - she spits blood, not letting a single minute forget about herself.
Here I get out, as contextual advertising. Hello, dear such-and-such, my name is King, I am from such-and-such company, I can solve your problem with the supply of warehouse number 7. Or your difficulties with cash gaps on government contracts. Or reduce the time of agreement of contracts and CBA from two weeks to one day. Do you understand?
I am not Google, I do not need to work with probabilities of getting into a problem. I hit not the brow, but in the eye. With specific positions, names, places, numbers, processes, products, etc. The effect is amazing.
Especially when I leave for half an hour in the IT department, and then I show the results on the information system of the plant. It usually takes more time for the director to go in there - he never remembers his login and password, because since the installation almost went to. And then he perceives everything as a miracle.
Of course, he asks where the information about their problems comes from. I say with wide eyes that from open sources. Your programmers asked on the forums, the suppliers consulted with my acquaintance colleagues, the dismissed employees told them at interviews in new jobs, etc. Full of places if you search.
But the main thing is that we have a tremendous experience in solving the problems of enterprises of your profile. Here it is already possible not to lie, but to list specific factories with contacts of directors. Often his acquaintances are on the list, and after the call he will not go anywhere.
We are launching draft changes. The very “idiots” come to lead them, only from other factories, so that it would not be necessary to rake a pile of accumulated offenses against a specific person. The "Idiots" switch all the time - then down, then saved the plant. Summary enriched quickly.
The essence of the project, as a rule, is not in the development of some kind of technology, such as an IT system, but in implementation, i.e. restructuring processes, changing motivation, controlling new indicators, etc. Usually, no more than half a year, we come with a ready-made system.
And when it's done, we leave. Staying and pulling money out of the plant is not our method. That charge, the potential that we leave, the plant lasts for several years of independent development. Of course, the moment will come when everything will stop, the marsh will grow again, and pain will appear. But here not the consultants will be needed, but the Dwarf.
Interestingly, and who is at this plant Gnome? It would be curious to hear his version.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/456482/
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