How many programmers do you need for a cup of coffee
The last 28 years of my life have been an endless series of moves from place to place. And for some reason, this trend has slowly (although, maybe, quickly) flowed with me to a new place of work as a tradition every month with friends, that is, the IT department with the code name URKPO, move from room to room, from building to building , hoping to find a better place under Shcherbinkovsky, the sun never peeking out from behind the clouds.
In one of the journeys, we managed to work alongside the corporate coffee machine and in the same time become addicted to regular coffee libations in the morning and evening hours. In general, we did not make any revolution, but simply confirmed the research of British scientists that in order for something to become a habit, we must do it for three weeks in a row. Therefore, when a month later, as part of the next move, we were sent to work in the elite Plaza, we began to suffer quietly.
Our sufferings were so strong, and dripping tears so often incapacitated the keyboard and so prevented us from writing the code that our project managers decided to get us all a coffee machine to fulfill the quarterly plans.
After long hours of choice, stretching from electric Turks to professional coffeehouse machines as the path of a coffee bean on a Brazilian plantation to a cup in a Moscow restaurant, we decided that we could not choose anything and agreed to take the machine on lease.
')
It sounded tempting. Like a holiday romance. No commitment - and always delicious coffee.
But it immediately became clear that the first unpleasant thing was that in order to rent a coffee machine, you had to have a Moscow residence permit in your passport with you. Part of us hid our age and marital status - so I didn’t want to give passports, some had lost or were taken for some work papers, some of the passports didn’t have the inscription Moscow, and only unfortunately my red passport was on me the table in the most conspicuous place, because 3 minutes ago I tried to check the straight lines on my chart with the help of it on the diagram or not.
Very quickly, we entered into an agreement with a young enterprising owner of the individual entrepreneur, who said that it was a great honor for her to supply coffee for programmers and that she was already flying out with a new machine to us. Very quickly, just the next day in the evening, a middle-aged man came to us, explaining that the lady could not. And very quickly, stimulated and inspired by an unobtrusively threateningly hanging over the F5 key next to the drop database command with Seryozhi’s finger, I signed an agreement for a long-term lease without a transfer to ownership.
It was easy to use the machine, and besides, we were very intelligent. Therefore, they explained to us the purpose of all four buttons that performed 51 teams in just some 30 minutes, unlike previous stupid shop assistants, whose training, according to our middle-aged man, took an incredible 32.5 minutes. Well, too, I compared - IT-Schnick and saleswoman pantyhose, of course we are smarter!
Unfortunately, when he left and we were left alone with the machine, it was no longer possible to stay in the office, because the last 11-hour bus was leaving for civilization, and we decided to try coffee the next day in the morning.
In the morning, having bought sugar and marmalade, taking a coffee cup with a saucer from the house, I arrived at work for 15 minutes to have time to drink coffee in peace and quiet.
But I was no longer alone. Four, including the crunchy knuckles of Seregu, and Ilya, who clicked hard with a mouse, crowded around the typewriter.
- Hello! - I said. Skip to the baby? I really want to try. So I brought sugar.
- Wait, we decide how we will charge the cups of coffee.
- What?
- Decide how we will tariff.
- But we passed yesterday each 400 rubles? Isn't it easier to just donate 400 rubles a month and not to charge anything?
- Here you are a woman, immediately visible, only adapted to waste! 400 rubles per month! Think what they can mean to people. Same monthly subscription to Netflix! This is a percentage of the loan for the slow cooker! This is, after all, a three-hundred-minute unlimited limit on the MTS.
- Uh ... but maybe it’s still easier 400 rubles and that's all? Did you ask the others? I am sure that it will not suit them?
- What is there to ask. And so it is clear that not satisfied. Must be a differential system. Everyone will pay in proportion to the number of cups drunk. And the one who drank the cup, which exceeded our monthly volume of coffee, will switch to a raising tariff, because it will have to re-order a new batch. Here we are just sitting, we calculate the integral in order to understand the correction factor and then, after which cup it is introduced.
- That is, you can not drink yet?
- Of course not! Although, let us write you a cup of credit for you. Please leave a receipt.
I went for a piece of paper and a pen.
But Serezha has already moved to the next level.
- Not. It is not a matter to mark everything on paper. But what if someone signs up for you or these papers get mixed up or their cleaner throws them away. You need to create a table in Google documents and before each cup you will approach one of us and it will mark you. And we will conduct distributed calculations, as I can confuse something. After checking in with me, you will also have to check in with Maxim, and then we will compare our tables.
- Good.
I took another step towards the coffee machine.
“No, there is nothing good,” interrupted Illya. - We are IT students or not? Let's write an automatic table reconciliation. I will make a parser that will parse them and compare them line by line. If something is different, it will send notifications.
- Yes, write. A good idea. Although not. Will not go. Suddenly someone from us will not be in place, and she wants coffee? It is necessary that the human factor is not needed. Need to automate the tagging. I have a Raspberry Pi at home - we connect it to an NFC scanner, lock it on a typewriter, and it will be elementary to get a cup of coffee. Just attach the pass and that's it. And if you do not attach - it just does not flow.
- Where do we get the Raspberry Pi?
- I have at home. And the wife is at home. Now I will dial her, she will bring. Everything. For now - no pause for coffee. We work. Let's drink later.
We all retired to the jobs with nothing. The coffee machine smelt wickedly covered with grain. I wanted coffee. And once every 15 minutes we glanced hopefully out the window, but did Serezha's wife go with our salvation from decaffeinated.
Closer to dinner she arrived. Two Elias immediately rushed to code something. Two hours later, we again gathered around the typewriter to cut the red ribbon and drink the first cup.
- No, well, we can not run so. It is necessary that bonuses are added from each cup - then everyone will drink more cups and pay with a higher ratio! In addition, we need the opportunity to buy for someone on credit - in case contractors come to us to negotiate without permits.
- The thing you say. Let's do.
- Come on. Simply, according to a simplified scheme. From each cup 1 ruble bonuses.
- How to write them off?
- Then we decide. Let's just save them for now.
- So what about coffee as a gift?
- Here - so that no one spends too much on coffee as a gift will need to write off bonuses.
Then we raise the price of the cup so that our reserve fund is formed.
- Yes, we raise by 2 rubles.
- So with bonuses only one goes ?!
- One in reserve. At the expense of intelligence and fueling new ideas.
We broke up again. I wrote a simple accrual of bonuses to pass numbers according to the old memory. The case began to approach the evening. At 17 o'clock, 30 minutes before the end of the working day, we again gathered at the typewriter. All were with cups, but kept them timidly, no longer hoping that today they would manage to drink coffee.
The first came Natasha.
“No,” the others began again. - And what if other departments find out about our idea and want to repeat it? You need to replicate it yourself for the whole company. Patented coffee by pass and then use it. Otherwise, no interest. All will repeat.
- Yes, let's replicate and put in all cabinets, where they love coffee. Take a commission for it. A small, but our coffee will definitely pay off and you can not be celebrated, but just drink it every day.
- Let's! Let's!
- Let's call our know-how “One Touch Coffee”.
- No, it does not sound beautiful! Need something more interesting.
- For example?
- Let's not embed a card, but face recognition and call it “Tasty coffee at any time - just a wink”
- Yes. Perfect!
- do?
- We do it!
- But as?
- Need a camera.
- I have a webcam.
- And I have.
- Here, drag tomorrow. Let's do the recognition.
The end of the shift bell rang.
It was time to disperse. We wiped the dust from the coffee maker and left a milliliter of arabica while home. On the way, I drove to the cheburechnaya “At Ashot” and for 70 rubles I made a small cup of coffee on the sand from Karakum. I also bought a pack of pills for a coffee machine home and drank a couple more cups for a case (although, of course, there could be no such case, definitely not!), What if our business didn’t take off tomorrow. And she was content to turn tossing and turning from side to side, as it was unbearable to fall asleep with the unusually high level of caffeine in the blood.
In one of the journeys, we managed to work alongside the corporate coffee machine and in the same time become addicted to regular coffee libations in the morning and evening hours. In general, we did not make any revolution, but simply confirmed the research of British scientists that in order for something to become a habit, we must do it for three weeks in a row. Therefore, when a month later, as part of the next move, we were sent to work in the elite Plaza, we began to suffer quietly.
Our sufferings were so strong, and dripping tears so often incapacitated the keyboard and so prevented us from writing the code that our project managers decided to get us all a coffee machine to fulfill the quarterly plans.
After long hours of choice, stretching from electric Turks to professional coffeehouse machines as the path of a coffee bean on a Brazilian plantation to a cup in a Moscow restaurant, we decided that we could not choose anything and agreed to take the machine on lease.
')
It sounded tempting. Like a holiday romance. No commitment - and always delicious coffee.
But it immediately became clear that the first unpleasant thing was that in order to rent a coffee machine, you had to have a Moscow residence permit in your passport with you. Part of us hid our age and marital status - so I didn’t want to give passports, some had lost or were taken for some work papers, some of the passports didn’t have the inscription Moscow, and only unfortunately my red passport was on me the table in the most conspicuous place, because 3 minutes ago I tried to check the straight lines on my chart with the help of it on the diagram or not.
Very quickly, we entered into an agreement with a young enterprising owner of the individual entrepreneur, who said that it was a great honor for her to supply coffee for programmers and that she was already flying out with a new machine to us. Very quickly, just the next day in the evening, a middle-aged man came to us, explaining that the lady could not. And very quickly, stimulated and inspired by an unobtrusively threateningly hanging over the F5 key next to the drop database command with Seryozhi’s finger, I signed an agreement for a long-term lease without a transfer to ownership.
It was easy to use the machine, and besides, we were very intelligent. Therefore, they explained to us the purpose of all four buttons that performed 51 teams in just some 30 minutes, unlike previous stupid shop assistants, whose training, according to our middle-aged man, took an incredible 32.5 minutes. Well, too, I compared - IT-Schnick and saleswoman pantyhose, of course we are smarter!
Unfortunately, when he left and we were left alone with the machine, it was no longer possible to stay in the office, because the last 11-hour bus was leaving for civilization, and we decided to try coffee the next day in the morning.
In the morning, having bought sugar and marmalade, taking a coffee cup with a saucer from the house, I arrived at work for 15 minutes to have time to drink coffee in peace and quiet.
But I was no longer alone. Four, including the crunchy knuckles of Seregu, and Ilya, who clicked hard with a mouse, crowded around the typewriter.
- Hello! - I said. Skip to the baby? I really want to try. So I brought sugar.
- Wait, we decide how we will charge the cups of coffee.
- What?
- Decide how we will tariff.
- But we passed yesterday each 400 rubles? Isn't it easier to just donate 400 rubles a month and not to charge anything?
- Here you are a woman, immediately visible, only adapted to waste! 400 rubles per month! Think what they can mean to people. Same monthly subscription to Netflix! This is a percentage of the loan for the slow cooker! This is, after all, a three-hundred-minute unlimited limit on the MTS.
- Uh ... but maybe it’s still easier 400 rubles and that's all? Did you ask the others? I am sure that it will not suit them?
- What is there to ask. And so it is clear that not satisfied. Must be a differential system. Everyone will pay in proportion to the number of cups drunk. And the one who drank the cup, which exceeded our monthly volume of coffee, will switch to a raising tariff, because it will have to re-order a new batch. Here we are just sitting, we calculate the integral in order to understand the correction factor and then, after which cup it is introduced.
- That is, you can not drink yet?
- Of course not! Although, let us write you a cup of credit for you. Please leave a receipt.
I went for a piece of paper and a pen.
But Serezha has already moved to the next level.
- Not. It is not a matter to mark everything on paper. But what if someone signs up for you or these papers get mixed up or their cleaner throws them away. You need to create a table in Google documents and before each cup you will approach one of us and it will mark you. And we will conduct distributed calculations, as I can confuse something. After checking in with me, you will also have to check in with Maxim, and then we will compare our tables.
- Good.
I took another step towards the coffee machine.
“No, there is nothing good,” interrupted Illya. - We are IT students or not? Let's write an automatic table reconciliation. I will make a parser that will parse them and compare them line by line. If something is different, it will send notifications.
- Yes, write. A good idea. Although not. Will not go. Suddenly someone from us will not be in place, and she wants coffee? It is necessary that the human factor is not needed. Need to automate the tagging. I have a Raspberry Pi at home - we connect it to an NFC scanner, lock it on a typewriter, and it will be elementary to get a cup of coffee. Just attach the pass and that's it. And if you do not attach - it just does not flow.
- Where do we get the Raspberry Pi?
- I have at home. And the wife is at home. Now I will dial her, she will bring. Everything. For now - no pause for coffee. We work. Let's drink later.
We all retired to the jobs with nothing. The coffee machine smelt wickedly covered with grain. I wanted coffee. And once every 15 minutes we glanced hopefully out the window, but did Serezha's wife go with our salvation from decaffeinated.
Closer to dinner she arrived. Two Elias immediately rushed to code something. Two hours later, we again gathered around the typewriter to cut the red ribbon and drink the first cup.
- No, well, we can not run so. It is necessary that bonuses are added from each cup - then everyone will drink more cups and pay with a higher ratio! In addition, we need the opportunity to buy for someone on credit - in case contractors come to us to negotiate without permits.
- The thing you say. Let's do.
- Come on. Simply, according to a simplified scheme. From each cup 1 ruble bonuses.
- How to write them off?
- Then we decide. Let's just save them for now.
- So what about coffee as a gift?
- Here - so that no one spends too much on coffee as a gift will need to write off bonuses.
Then we raise the price of the cup so that our reserve fund is formed.
- Yes, we raise by 2 rubles.
- So with bonuses only one goes ?!
- One in reserve. At the expense of intelligence and fueling new ideas.
We broke up again. I wrote a simple accrual of bonuses to pass numbers according to the old memory. The case began to approach the evening. At 17 o'clock, 30 minutes before the end of the working day, we again gathered at the typewriter. All were with cups, but kept them timidly, no longer hoping that today they would manage to drink coffee.
The first came Natasha.
“No,” the others began again. - And what if other departments find out about our idea and want to repeat it? You need to replicate it yourself for the whole company. Patented coffee by pass and then use it. Otherwise, no interest. All will repeat.
- Yes, let's replicate and put in all cabinets, where they love coffee. Take a commission for it. A small, but our coffee will definitely pay off and you can not be celebrated, but just drink it every day.
- Let's! Let's!
- Let's call our know-how “One Touch Coffee”.
- No, it does not sound beautiful! Need something more interesting.
- For example?
- Let's not embed a card, but face recognition and call it “Tasty coffee at any time - just a wink”
- Yes. Perfect!
- do?
- We do it!
- But as?
- Need a camera.
- I have a webcam.
- And I have.
- Here, drag tomorrow. Let's do the recognition.
The end of the shift bell rang.
It was time to disperse. We wiped the dust from the coffee maker and left a milliliter of arabica while home. On the way, I drove to the cheburechnaya “At Ashot” and for 70 rubles I made a small cup of coffee on the sand from Karakum. I also bought a pack of pills for a coffee machine home and drank a couple more cups for a case (although, of course, there could be no such case, definitely not!), What if our business didn’t take off tomorrow. And she was content to turn tossing and turning from side to side, as it was unbearable to fall asleep with the unusually high level of caffeine in the blood.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/454546/
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