THE AMOUNT OF ALL CONSCIOUS | --1-- |

Trivial and boring pseudoscientific fantasy about the work of the human psychic apparatus and AI in the battered manner of a beautiful fairy. There is no reason to read this.

--one--

I sat in a daze in her chair. Under a fleece robe, large hailstones of cold sweat flowed over their naked bodies. I did not leave her office for almost a day. The last four hours terribly wanted to use the toilet. But I did not go out so as not to meet with Pavlik.
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He collected his stuff. He was packing a soldering station, a 3D printer, sorting out boards, tool kits and wiring. Then, for an incredibly long time, he twisted his posters Visions of the Future from the LRD. Folded clothes ... Pavlik pulled the bags into the corridor an hour ago. And all this time I was busy with the laptop at my desk in the hall. He always used the app, so I did not hear if he had already called a taxi. Now, when only he remained in a huge apartment turned into a working studio, I caught every rustle, hiding behind a closed door.

For me, it all started two years ago. In my life, she appeared again suddenly and violently.

She nursed the idea of ​​her startup for a very long time and purposefully went to him for many years. The initial concept seemed all very clear and feasible business. But through several transformations, she quickly led him to conquer the world. And from that moment on, the project could not end differently.

Pavlik joined her a year and a half ago. With a full complement of twelve people, the team acted just over a year. More precisely from eleven, because I was the twelfth.

Throughout the year, we almost never left the studio. Here we worked, slept and went crazy.

The day before, he collected his things and Denis, our linguist, left. The rest did it last week.

Without it, we lost key competencies, were helpless and toxic to each other.

For the project, it was more than the main developer. And for each of us more than a leader. Now, she was two thousand kilometers away. In a psychiatric clinic, in his native Kiev. And that's all we could do for her.

I knew that after Pavlik closed the door behind me, my frustration and sense of catastrophe would be absolute.

Finally, he went out into the corridor. The door of her office was directly opposite. Judging by the fuss, he already put on his shoes and stretched his jacket. The next moment, instead of the clang of a metal latch, I heard a short fraction. He pounded the knuckles of his dry fingers on the locked cabinet door.

I looked at my muddy reflection in the dark monitors turned off. I looked at the sticky from sweat, emaciated psycho with greasy hair sticking out in different directions. The linen cloth, which I wrapped around her huge table when I was making it, was all wet with sweat running down my arm. It seemed to me that this rag, like the whole office, disgustingly stinks of me.

Pavlik knocked on the door again. But, obviously, I did not expect that I would open it, so I immediately spoke in my quiet voice with pulling intonations:

Tyoma ... I have compiled a special version for you. Glasses and block on the table. The instruction in the telegram, - for a moment he stopped talking: - She asked, before ... - his voice began to tremble. There was a pause. He slapped his hand lightly on the door: - you can do it ...

Then I heard an iron clang, and he began to carry boxes to the elevator. Unexpectedly for myself, I got up, straightened my bathrobe and opened the office door. Pavlik returned for another trunk and froze. He looked at my robe for half a minute, but then he still looked into my eyes, which he almost never did. And suddenly he approached and awkwardly hugged me.

At that moment I didn’t just want to disappear, I wanted to never exist.

He went out. And shut the door behind him. Silence stunned me. In an empty, silent studio, my frustration and sense of disaster were absolute.

It lasted forever. Or maybe about an hour ... I reached the kitchen and took a pack of neuroleptics from the refrigerator. I swallowed three or four tablets of Chlorprothixen at once. Then he just stood and looked at her. Her full-length portrait of the last three months, with oil paints, was painted directly on the kitchen wall by Diso, our designer. The picture, of course, was never finished, like everything he did. Numbness and frustration were replaced by emptiness. I got to bed. He put his head on the pillow and the blackness swallowed me up.

***

When I woke up, it was dark outside the window. I did not know how much I slept. My head was still empty. Dragging his feet, he wandered into the hall. Memories of what was happening here, slowly began to show through one after another. There was no feeling. Over the past year I have never seen the hall empty. Five long tables stretched along the perimeter along two walls. Four more jobs were located in the center. We all made here with our own hands from plywood boards and battens purchased in the building industry. It was possible to enter here at any time and there was always someone working here. I cooked all the food. The rest were too busy. I was useless for the project due to the fact that ... I could not do anything. Therefore, he was engaged in housekeeping, trying not to be confused under his feet, and it seems that over time he learned to be just a shadow on the wall. We never ate all together in the kitchen. Usually everyone took his own food, and went with her to his workplace. I just made sure that the havchik was always there. Each lived on their own schedule. One could go to breakfast, another just had lunch, the third went to bed. Almost no one day lasted twenty-four hours. Now the desktops, previously filled with monitors and computers, were almost empty. Is that they were covered with notebooks, paper, pencils, a couple of books, and wires leading from nowhere to nowhere.

Pavlik's desk stood in the corner, fenced off by two racks piled from floor to ceiling with tools, equipment, different sets, boards and wires. They were empty now. He put everything behind him and even brought out the waste basket, from which in the last three weeks, bottles of cola and gin were sticking all the time, or it was not a gin ... In the center of the table was a complete set of equipment to launch our application. In the middle were augmented reality glasses.

I looked at them indifferently and exhaled. Consciousness was still inhibited, but I remembered his words, that he had collected some special version for me. What happened with the project and at what stage it was, I did not understand for a long time.

What and how to include, I had no clue. Wishes too. I wanted to find my phone to see how much I slept: a little more than half a day or about one and a half. It was nowhere in the hall. He must have been lying somewhere in her office.

She herself worked in a separate room, which I converted for her into a study. Most of the space was occupied by a table with many-tier shelves, cluttered books, printouts of its works and stacks of sheets of notes for many years. In the center were two monitors, to the right of which there was a hefty black sistemnik who really seemed to be a monster. I fiddled with this table for almost three days. I wanted to build something unusual for her. And this thin wooden table with a semicircular neckline, covered with linen, she really liked. She had to work alone. It was strictly forbidden to enter her. I slept right there on a narrow sofa. However, she slept lately no more than four or five hours, and her day lasted about forty or something like that which she spent at work. Once, when I was sleeping, she called me on the phone and asked me to open the door outside with a screwdriver and take her to the bathroom. She spent more than eighteen hours sitting up to debug a neural network in her chair, with her legs tucked under herself. And because of the impaired blood circulation, they were numb so that they did not feel at all.

I slowly looked around the office. There was no phone anywhere. Walked through the apartment, but to no avail. In my head, the question began to knock more clearly: “What to do?”. Horror appeared through the emptiness of emotions and trembling in the chest increased.

I remembered the words of Pavlik: "You can do it." But I clearly understood that I could not do it. I never managed and, all the more, I now had no chance to cope.

The search for the phone took another hour or a half. The flow of thoughts in my head accelerated, feelings and emotions seemed to thaw out and slowly began to fill my head. I continued to sit and look at the whole mountain of equipment with glasses in the center, although the phone already showed more than twenty percent of the battery charge. Now I was in no hurry to turn it on because I was afraid. He was afraid to be in touch, he was afraid of messages in messengers, he was afraid of the need to take any action.

I was still stunned by neuroleptics, but my thinking was already more or less functioning. The whole horror of the situation was that I understood perfectly: for me this story is already over. I knew in advance that I would fail her, that I could not do it, and helplessly failing one stage after another, I would return to the starting position. Over time, the emotions fade away, I will lock myself in my shell again and I will lead the dreary life of the hikikomori, which I led for many years, until it once knocked on my door.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “What a nonentity I am.” Having loaded, the phone immediately brought down an avalanche of signals. I turned off the sound and went to the search engine: “Chlorprotixsen lethal dose”. He gave the answer instantly: “2-4 grams”. I was not so close. I burst into tears even more: “What a nonentity I am.”

Initially, her concept was a bot psychologist available 24/7. In addition to the main expert function, the system included special opportunities for people suffering from bipolar, anxious, schizotypical and some other affective disorders and thinking disorders, helping them to monitor and correct negative changes in the psyche. In the first version, the analysis was carried out only on the timbre and nature of speech, the user's activity in the smartphone and the parameters of biomechanics according to the accelerometer in the smartphone itself, watches and headphones. Of the equipment for this, respectively, required a smartphone, a wireless headset and a smart watch.

But it was at the beginning. Now in front of me lay a mountain of equipment and a whole bunch of wires with plugs, which should have all these battery and computing units, augmented reality glasses, bracelets, watches and headsets connected or charged. I went to the telegram: “Just do step by step what is written and do not hurry. I attached for all the descriptions of the picture. ”

I tried to scroll the instructions down, but it seemed endless.

All the tears were poured out and the hysteria let me go a little. Now I desperately craved salvation. I didn't believe in god. My only hope was a pile of electronics and raw code that didn't even go through alpha testing. I could not even then formulate what exactly salvation should be and what it should be. Just took the most weighty box, which was the power supply and began to read the instructions written by Pavlik.

to be continued…