What are you ready for iPhone?
What are you ready for iPhone? I know you are an excellent specialist, with a good salary, self-respecting and, possibly, not respecting Apple products at all. You can buy an iPhone from one paycheck, and not even notice the damage.
And if at your work they start giving an iPhone every month for ... Well, for something? Not for the main job, but for, let's say, active participation in the life of the company. Will try?
We tried. It turned out cool.
The company decided that it needed employee ideas. In principle, some standard mechanism for submitting ideas and proposals existed there. The standard mechanism gave a standard amount of ideas - about zero. The management visited a certain fraternal, exemplary company in another region, and decided to adopt their best practices. There, as I understand it, the best idea maker was given a good prize.
')
They sat down, thought - what prize can be good? And not just good - but one that will ignite the fire of passion in the hearts, whip up the swamp in earnest, and will give such a shaft of proposals that only manage to realize. IPhone, of course.
It seems it was 2013. I can be wrong, but you will correct. In the course was the iPhone 5, on the way - 5S. Like so. The fifth iPhone cost 35 tr.
The competition began almost quietly. Somewhere, someone, once announced that now for an active, and even better - a proactive life position at work will be encouraged. Including suggestions for improving something. They promised a good prize.
What is a good prize - no one knew. Not a single good prize issued to anyone in the company came to mind. Everything, including myself, reasonably reasoned that a notebook, pen or a thousand rubles would be a good prize. Well, do not even remember about the announcement.
And one guy remembered - a sales manager. He was a real seller - well, the one who is constantly in the fields, knows all the clients from top to bottom, and easily comes to the general directors to drink tea. He wrote several suggestions for improving equipment and service. He didn’t even have to invent anything - the clients themselves voiced these proposals at every meeting.
And then bang - everyone is gathered and they say that one person took part in the competition, and here is a prize - an ipad. It seems so called - such a small tablet. We all, of course, were glad for the guy, were envied, and were ready to disperse in our holes, but the director says: now this competition will be permanent, with a prize of similar value. Proposals had to be sent to the director by e-mail.
Here it all began.
I, of course, decided to participate. Not that I could not buy an iPhone - just at the end of the month my wife's birthday, I decided to give a pleasant surprise. Freebie same. Who, if not an IT specialist, will generate the most ideas?
There were not many competitors, for one simple reason - it was necessary to write directly to the director. Not on some kind of separate box, but straight to the worker. Naturally, most people were simply afraid to do so.
And the deputy directors, including myself, were not afraid. And so I began to scribble one by one. Generally, for the month I wrote about three dozen, on various topics, but it was not more than half accepted. Some were completely meaningless, others filed before me, others were not feasible in terms of cost or staff qualifications.
One thing worried - and who and how many sentences have you written? The director is silent, the results will only be awarded. Went to ask. She recognized only the deputy director for quality - the same girl under the waterfall . She even said how many sentences she sent - at that time about the same amount as me.
I bit the bit and went on to scribble on. Do not care work, terms, failures, failures, the number of cigarettes smoked per day. Only offers, only iPhone. I was seized by a terrible excitement.
In general, I am a reckless person, so I’m avoiding everything that can lead me to this state. Only I am not attracted to the slot machines, but to events where something depends on me. For example, as a student, for a month he was hooked on automatic machines for pulling out toys. What aggravated the situation was that I did it - I pulled out about ten of them. And saved by the fact that no damn money.
Here is exactly the same. It seems that everything depends on you. Thoughts that I didn’t need this iPhone, they left my head a long time ago. I wanted to win, especially the director for quality - I, to put it mildly, disliked her.
And here it is, the day of award. All in excitement, with a speech prepared by the winner, I come. A bunch of people crammed, I crawled into the far corner - just in case, from superstition. Announce the winner. Director of quality. Overtook me by one sentence.
I was terribly upset, and that same evening I went to the store and bought my wife an iPhone for the money accumulated for her birthday. And forever swore to participate in this moronic competition.
But I could not just take it and stop participating? It was necessary to make sure that everyone necessarily learned about my principled position. Just come and say that the competition is shit, only Corporate Manmansky can, and I am a simpler person. So I decided to organize a parallel proposal collection system.
I didn’t have to try too hard - I already had an automated system where I wrote down my ideas. It so happened that in the development I had a lot of freedom, and I basically did what I wanted. Freedom gives rise to many ideas, and in order not to forget them, I made myself a simple system.
Now I just opened it for general access. It seems, he also announced by e-mail that everyone can submit their proposals for improving the corporate information system, I will definitely consider them and, most likely, will implement them. The calculation was that I have here, sort of like, no idiotic contests, but a normal improvement work.
And the competition, meanwhile, continued. This month, the chief accountant won. She was the first to cut a piece - one should not try to send offers each month, but dig up and give out just before the award, like Ostap Bender at the auction. So that no one has time to react.
So she did. The proposals were mainly for taxation, paper savings, connection of accounting services, etc. The director of quality, from nobility, decided not to participate, and the others had not yet swung. IPhone left chief accountant.
Here the director decided that it was time to change something - too much of his time was spent reading and thinking about the proposals, as well as answers, counting the results. Naturally, he turned to me with the task of automation. And I have everything ready.
Slightly trimmed the system so that it was possible to mark whether the idea was accepted or not, vote for it, comment, reject, etc. A bit of bureaucracy added.
A new chip appeared in the competition - now the ideas have become open. Anyone could see what the rating this month was, and decided for himself whether to participate or better dig up the proposals. I thought they would start watering each other by shit in the comments - no, all cultural, there were few comments.
Almost all comments were written either by me or by the quality director. Oh, we are not ashamed to arrange a holivar with her. If the idea was from someone from "hers", then I poured a bucket of mud, and vice versa. Then a couple of comments were essentially ideas, but in the end, always slipped into “yes, who do you think you are” or “go learn the materiel, it's too early for you to work as a quality director.”
Once it happened that a commercial director won. He wrote a lot of sentences, probably forty pieces. As expected, one pack at the end of the month. All proposals related to the design improvements equipment. There were a lot of technical terms, from sopromat and termekh, some drawings and sketches are attached.
Everyone was surprised, but the iPhone was given. Then, however, it turned out that all the proposals were written by designers. The sales manager simply approached them and asked them to tell them how to improve the equipment, and then carefully wrote everything down.
Sanctions were not applied to him, the case was not betrayed to the public. I myself accidentally found out - in the smoking room, from the designers themselves.
I, in fact, watched the process from the side. There was a suspicion that it would not be going on this way for a long time - after all, it was a little expensive, and nobody pays attention to the main thing - the proposals are only generated, but not realized.
A little thought, I decided to occupy an empty niche implementation. In the information system, added a sign of translating the idea into reality, fields for marking the performer and date. Well and, of course, a report for viewing the rating, who implemented many ideas - separately and others.
First, I understood that sooner or later they will come to me for this functionality. Secondly, it was easy to guess that iPhones, due to the number of ideas, would soon cease to be given. Thirdly, who first got up, that and sneakers - if they start to award for implementation, then I will already have an impressive list of victories.
Meanwhile, general hysteria continued. The withdrawal of the proposal submission system into the open space attracted all employees to it. Accountants, economists, designers, suppliers, sellers, storekeepers, middle managers - all scribbled suggestions.
Passed a series of issuing iPhones to ordinary employees. A chip with a mass issue of ideas at the end of the month was used by everyone. There were so many offers that almost no one read them.
There were duplicates, but the procedure for accepting ideas has so far been carried out personally by the director. Of those who continued to participate in the competition, almost no one read other people's offers. I knew this for sure, because at the very beginning, he laid down a “tracker” in the system - out of quite decent motives, so that a read counter was present.
I decided that it would be correct if I start tracking duplicate offers. This was not the case - even the comment “typed with caps“ THIS IS A DOUBLE, WON IS A SAME IDEA ”was ignored by the director - stupidly there was no time to read the comments. I had to add the flag "double", put it and indicate a link to whose sneakers. Came, showed the director. I listened to how hard it was to work with this stream. He proposed to create a commission, delegating this duty to the most decent employees.
The list of the most decent, of course, he immediately got there. At the same time with my favorite quality director. And then a conflict arose - some of the decent people continued to participate in the competition.
We sat, reasoned, looked at the statistics. The deputy directors, in the context of iPhones, were divided into exactly two camps - those who participated in the competition and those who just went to the awards. Yes, there were people who did not submit any ideas.
They, for some reason, scolded. Then I climbed up - I say, I have a witcher. I asked for the data, I sent it - they not only did not submit a single idea, but they never even went into this section of the system, did not read the proposals, not to mention the likes and comments. They scolded them again - they ordered at least to read. At least the proposals submitted by their subordinates.
The second half, which included me - those who have already participated in the competition. Someone was with an iPhone, someone brought water (it's me).
They began to think, and then whom to include in the commission. One do not care in general, all this cotovasiya, others - biased. It was decided to ban all deputy directors and persons equated with them to participate in the competition. At the same time, it was possible to submit proposals.
And what would you think? Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a bunch of suggestions from ordinary employees who had not previously been brilliant with ideology. For example, from programmers, system administrators, OTC employees, business process “writers”, accountants, etc. And, most importantly, the proposals are sensible, cross-functional, company-level, and not “buy me a chair.”
From where - it is clear. The deputy directors used the employees, as the proxies simply wrote down the sentences dictated by the head. Each leader pursued his own goals - someone wanted to win an iPhone, someone needed a second, and someone just for fun.
For fun, for this I did. Once, in a conversation with the team, I said that I could not participate in the competition, but I would still write ideas - I did not stop doing it. One dude then caught me and says - damn it, I want an iPhone. Give me your ideas, I’ll start figuring on my own and don’t tell anyone. Why not help a good man?
Well, I tried to help. He chose ideas that could come from him at least with some stretch, he told him orally, he wrote it down in his own words. In the voting commission, I naturally supported his ideas. But to win did not work - accounting outwitted.
Accounting seems to be the most cunning people in the world. Apparently, the profession makes, teaches to look for ways out of situations, all around hung with rules, regulations and codes. It was they who invented the ddos-attack with offers at the end of the month.
And here it is even more interesting. They lit up that the idea and the task are in general the same thing. Here you need an accountant for some report, a field on a form or a column in a table. But you need not so much that you can do without it. And if you do - it will be better. The system will get better. The company will get better. So this improvement is the most that is.
So they stopped writing tasks to us, replacing them with ideas. And a ride - someone from ordinary accountants received an iPhone. My whining at the commission did not listen to - though only for the first time. The next month, when another accountant suddenly started writing several similar tasks-ideas a day, they closed the shop.
Has reached already the deepest marasmus. The number of ideas exceeded several thousand. I did not analyze the statistics of search queries, but I am sure that there was a lot of something like “ideas for improving the office”, “ideas for increasing employee loyalty” or “that can be improved in machining”.
The company was offered to introduce benchmarking, start interviewing at dismissal, lay a mat at the entrance to the workshop, arrange a sports meeting, organize production in 5S, improve the quality of production, increase sales, enter new markets, increase the loyalty of personnel, pay for gasoline, make stickers with the company's logo on cars, insure everyone against a tick, smile more, enter a dress code, cancel the dress code, index the salary, repaint the walls in green, give everyone clothes and helmets (just in case), lower costs etc. etc.
Life has become simply impossible. Already no one has the illusion that all of this insanity has at least some benefit. At the meetings of the commission have already stopped laughing.
And all the offers were received. I continued to moderate them, mark duplicates and realized ideas, comment on what deserved attention. And finally, the director got it all.
The competition of ideas was suspended indefinitely. For the last, incomplete month, the iPhone was not given to anyone.
The pause lasted for several months. There were almost no offers at this time. I wrote down everything that happened - I had a real need due to poor memory and a lot of ideas for improving the corporate information system. I wrote down what is called for myself. I also wrote down the proposals of people who approached me — namely, ideas when the person himself was not ready to formulate them in the form of tasks.
The moderator also continued, as well as to mark the implementation. Unbeknownst to myself, I reached the hundreds of ideas that I personally implemented. He also gave his guys tasks based on ideas, and at the end he made marks so that the implementation could be taken into account by him and the whole department.
But the director decided that absolutely no ideas were possible after all. But the iPhone is too much. And most importantly, after all, implementation. Therefore, they came up with a simple motivation. Now I can mess up with numbers, do not blame me, but it was something like this. For submitting any proposal - 100 rubles. If it passes the commission and will be considered fit and useful - another 300 rubles. For the implementation - 1000 rubles. But the deputy directors were still not allowed to participate in the competition.
Formally, the new system has existed for quite some time. I integrated the accounting of filing, approval and implementation of ideas with the calculation of salary, so that everything is charged automatically. But the proposals are almost exhausted, not to mention the implementation.
Programmers had a bit of trouble, because The system had a lot of ideas on our topic. Well, one, two thousand a month. For the sake of such money, they did not want to try, it just worked my old algorithm, with the formulation of the problem based on the idea. The programmer stupidly does what he was told and receives a tiny pleasant surprise.
Nobody any more promoted the contest, because and there was no competition anymore. So, for beer to earn extra money. People finally spat and did their work. But the management decided to make the last chord.
The motivation was simple - to return interest to the competition, and at the same time add intrigue. For one thing a month, no one wanted to participate, and the director was not going to hand out iPhones again. What to do in this situation?
Back to basics. If you remember, the recipe for unwinding the contest was intrigue, the promise of some kind of good prize, but, most importantly, detente - issuing the first iPad. This time they decided to outdo themselves.
They gathered all, said that there would be an award. Who, for what - is not known. I, too, pinned up, got up in my favorite far corner and buried in the smartphone.
They call me here. I go out - I think, well, now I'll get my notebook. There is no competition. And if there is, then I am forbidden to participate in it, as deputy director of IT. I looked, my system administrator is entering the office with a wide smile on his face, and there is a big box in his hands.
In the box was a laptop ASUS X750J - for that time, just a fairy tale. 17 inches, 8 GB of RAM, two hard drives of 1 TB each, Core i7 processor. I stand, puzzled.
It turns out that I was chosen as a Stakhanovist. We looked at the statistics on ideas (for the first time, perhaps), and saw that I gave them a fucking cloud and, most importantly, implemented the dofiga. Here is the reward and found a hero.
True, no one was led - I think they overdid it with a gift. They did not believe that they could get the same. And they didn’t believe rightly - 2014 already loomed, the growth rate. Now a similar laptop, it seems, costs under 90 tr.
People did not submit ideas any more, nobody was engaged in implementation. Everything remained as it was during the lull. And no one else was given gifts.
Frankly speaking, I’ll say: of all the thousands of ideas submitted by dozens of people over several months, only one was useful - to hang paper towels in the toilet instead of the old dryer. This idea is also useful due to the fact that its implementation took only a couple of days - they ordered a dispenser and consumables, paid, brought, installed.
Everything else was eroded from the head, like a bad dream. Therefore, the most difficult for me in this article was the paragraph where I list examples of ideas. To remember them, I had to spend almost an hour. Only the rug in front of the workshop easily came to mind, because I also slipped at that place.
And with the laptop everything is fine. I, as a decent man, gave it to my wife - I had quite a decent machine, issued at work. There he is, standing behind his back and buzzing. Already survived the replacement of the motherboard, after falling on the floor.
Thank you, Company, for him. And God forbid someone to repeat this. Although, I must admit, it was quite fun.
And if at your work they start giving an iPhone every month for ... Well, for something? Not for the main job, but for, let's say, active participation in the life of the company. Will try?
We tried. It turned out cool.
Good start
The company decided that it needed employee ideas. In principle, some standard mechanism for submitting ideas and proposals existed there. The standard mechanism gave a standard amount of ideas - about zero. The management visited a certain fraternal, exemplary company in another region, and decided to adopt their best practices. There, as I understand it, the best idea maker was given a good prize.
')
They sat down, thought - what prize can be good? And not just good - but one that will ignite the fire of passion in the hearts, whip up the swamp in earnest, and will give such a shaft of proposals that only manage to realize. IPhone, of course.
It seems it was 2013. I can be wrong, but you will correct. In the course was the iPhone 5, on the way - 5S. Like so. The fifth iPhone cost 35 tr.
First neyfon
The competition began almost quietly. Somewhere, someone, once announced that now for an active, and even better - a proactive life position at work will be encouraged. Including suggestions for improving something. They promised a good prize.
What is a good prize - no one knew. Not a single good prize issued to anyone in the company came to mind. Everything, including myself, reasonably reasoned that a notebook, pen or a thousand rubles would be a good prize. Well, do not even remember about the announcement.
And one guy remembered - a sales manager. He was a real seller - well, the one who is constantly in the fields, knows all the clients from top to bottom, and easily comes to the general directors to drink tea. He wrote several suggestions for improving equipment and service. He didn’t even have to invent anything - the clients themselves voiced these proposals at every meeting.
And then bang - everyone is gathered and they say that one person took part in the competition, and here is a prize - an ipad. It seems so called - such a small tablet. We all, of course, were glad for the guy, were envied, and were ready to disperse in our holes, but the director says: now this competition will be permanent, with a prize of similar value. Proposals had to be sent to the director by e-mail.
Here it all began.
First iphone
I, of course, decided to participate. Not that I could not buy an iPhone - just at the end of the month my wife's birthday, I decided to give a pleasant surprise. Freebie same. Who, if not an IT specialist, will generate the most ideas?
There were not many competitors, for one simple reason - it was necessary to write directly to the director. Not on some kind of separate box, but straight to the worker. Naturally, most people were simply afraid to do so.
And the deputy directors, including myself, were not afraid. And so I began to scribble one by one. Generally, for the month I wrote about three dozen, on various topics, but it was not more than half accepted. Some were completely meaningless, others filed before me, others were not feasible in terms of cost or staff qualifications.
One thing worried - and who and how many sentences have you written? The director is silent, the results will only be awarded. Went to ask. She recognized only the deputy director for quality - the same girl under the waterfall . She even said how many sentences she sent - at that time about the same amount as me.
I bit the bit and went on to scribble on. Do not care work, terms, failures, failures, the number of cigarettes smoked per day. Only offers, only iPhone. I was seized by a terrible excitement.
In general, I am a reckless person, so I’m avoiding everything that can lead me to this state. Only I am not attracted to the slot machines, but to events where something depends on me. For example, as a student, for a month he was hooked on automatic machines for pulling out toys. What aggravated the situation was that I did it - I pulled out about ten of them. And saved by the fact that no damn money.
Here is exactly the same. It seems that everything depends on you. Thoughts that I didn’t need this iPhone, they left my head a long time ago. I wanted to win, especially the director for quality - I, to put it mildly, disliked her.
And here it is, the day of award. All in excitement, with a speech prepared by the winner, I come. A bunch of people crammed, I crawled into the far corner - just in case, from superstition. Announce the winner. Director of quality. Overtook me by one sentence.
Second iphone
I was terribly upset, and that same evening I went to the store and bought my wife an iPhone for the money accumulated for her birthday. And forever swore to participate in this moronic competition.
But I could not just take it and stop participating? It was necessary to make sure that everyone necessarily learned about my principled position. Just come and say that the competition is shit, only Corporate Manmansky can, and I am a simpler person. So I decided to organize a parallel proposal collection system.
I didn’t have to try too hard - I already had an automated system where I wrote down my ideas. It so happened that in the development I had a lot of freedom, and I basically did what I wanted. Freedom gives rise to many ideas, and in order not to forget them, I made myself a simple system.
Now I just opened it for general access. It seems, he also announced by e-mail that everyone can submit their proposals for improving the corporate information system, I will definitely consider them and, most likely, will implement them. The calculation was that I have here, sort of like, no idiotic contests, but a normal improvement work.
And the competition, meanwhile, continued. This month, the chief accountant won. She was the first to cut a piece - one should not try to send offers each month, but dig up and give out just before the award, like Ostap Bender at the auction. So that no one has time to react.
So she did. The proposals were mainly for taxation, paper savings, connection of accounting services, etc. The director of quality, from nobility, decided not to participate, and the others had not yet swung. IPhone left chief accountant.
Open competition
Here the director decided that it was time to change something - too much of his time was spent reading and thinking about the proposals, as well as answers, counting the results. Naturally, he turned to me with the task of automation. And I have everything ready.
Slightly trimmed the system so that it was possible to mark whether the idea was accepted or not, vote for it, comment, reject, etc. A bit of bureaucracy added.
A new chip appeared in the competition - now the ideas have become open. Anyone could see what the rating this month was, and decided for himself whether to participate or better dig up the proposals. I thought they would start watering each other by shit in the comments - no, all cultural, there were few comments.
Almost all comments were written either by me or by the quality director. Oh, we are not ashamed to arrange a holivar with her. If the idea was from someone from "hers", then I poured a bucket of mud, and vice versa. Then a couple of comments were essentially ideas, but in the end, always slipped into “yes, who do you think you are” or “go learn the materiel, it's too early for you to work as a quality director.”
Stealing ideas
Once it happened that a commercial director won. He wrote a lot of sentences, probably forty pieces. As expected, one pack at the end of the month. All proposals related to the design improvements equipment. There were a lot of technical terms, from sopromat and termekh, some drawings and sketches are attached.
Everyone was surprised, but the iPhone was given. Then, however, it turned out that all the proposals were written by designers. The sales manager simply approached them and asked them to tell them how to improve the equipment, and then carefully wrote everything down.
Sanctions were not applied to him, the case was not betrayed to the public. I myself accidentally found out - in the smoking room, from the designers themselves.
Game ahead of the curve
I, in fact, watched the process from the side. There was a suspicion that it would not be going on this way for a long time - after all, it was a little expensive, and nobody pays attention to the main thing - the proposals are only generated, but not realized.
A little thought, I decided to occupy an empty niche implementation. In the information system, added a sign of translating the idea into reality, fields for marking the performer and date. Well and, of course, a report for viewing the rating, who implemented many ideas - separately and others.
First, I understood that sooner or later they will come to me for this functionality. Secondly, it was easy to guess that iPhones, due to the number of ideas, would soon cease to be given. Thirdly, who first got up, that and sneakers - if they start to award for implementation, then I will already have an impressive list of victories.
In the meantime ...
Meanwhile, general hysteria continued. The withdrawal of the proposal submission system into the open space attracted all employees to it. Accountants, economists, designers, suppliers, sellers, storekeepers, middle managers - all scribbled suggestions.
Passed a series of issuing iPhones to ordinary employees. A chip with a mass issue of ideas at the end of the month was used by everyone. There were so many offers that almost no one read them.
There were duplicates, but the procedure for accepting ideas has so far been carried out personally by the director. Of those who continued to participate in the competition, almost no one read other people's offers. I knew this for sure, because at the very beginning, he laid down a “tracker” in the system - out of quite decent motives, so that a read counter was present.
I decided that it would be correct if I start tracking duplicate offers. This was not the case - even the comment “typed with caps“ THIS IS A DOUBLE, WON IS A SAME IDEA ”was ignored by the director - stupidly there was no time to read the comments. I had to add the flag "double", put it and indicate a link to whose sneakers. Came, showed the director. I listened to how hard it was to work with this stream. He proposed to create a commission, delegating this duty to the most decent employees.
The list of the most decent, of course, he immediately got there. At the same time with my favorite quality director. And then a conflict arose - some of the decent people continued to participate in the competition.
First ban
We sat, reasoned, looked at the statistics. The deputy directors, in the context of iPhones, were divided into exactly two camps - those who participated in the competition and those who just went to the awards. Yes, there were people who did not submit any ideas.
They, for some reason, scolded. Then I climbed up - I say, I have a witcher. I asked for the data, I sent it - they not only did not submit a single idea, but they never even went into this section of the system, did not read the proposals, not to mention the likes and comments. They scolded them again - they ordered at least to read. At least the proposals submitted by their subordinates.
The second half, which included me - those who have already participated in the competition. Someone was with an iPhone, someone brought water (it's me).
They began to think, and then whom to include in the commission. One do not care in general, all this cotovasiya, others - biased. It was decided to ban all deputy directors and persons equated with them to participate in the competition. At the same time, it was possible to submit proposals.
Bypass prohibition
And what would you think? Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a bunch of suggestions from ordinary employees who had not previously been brilliant with ideology. For example, from programmers, system administrators, OTC employees, business process “writers”, accountants, etc. And, most importantly, the proposals are sensible, cross-functional, company-level, and not “buy me a chair.”
From where - it is clear. The deputy directors used the employees, as the proxies simply wrote down the sentences dictated by the head. Each leader pursued his own goals - someone wanted to win an iPhone, someone needed a second, and someone just for fun.
For fun, for this I did. Once, in a conversation with the team, I said that I could not participate in the competition, but I would still write ideas - I did not stop doing it. One dude then caught me and says - damn it, I want an iPhone. Give me your ideas, I’ll start figuring on my own and don’t tell anyone. Why not help a good man?
Well, I tried to help. He chose ideas that could come from him at least with some stretch, he told him orally, he wrote it down in his own words. In the voting commission, I naturally supported his ideas. But to win did not work - accounting outwitted.
Cunning
Accounting seems to be the most cunning people in the world. Apparently, the profession makes, teaches to look for ways out of situations, all around hung with rules, regulations and codes. It was they who invented the ddos-attack with offers at the end of the month.
And here it is even more interesting. They lit up that the idea and the task are in general the same thing. Here you need an accountant for some report, a field on a form or a column in a table. But you need not so much that you can do without it. And if you do - it will be better. The system will get better. The company will get better. So this improvement is the most that is.
So they stopped writing tasks to us, replacing them with ideas. And a ride - someone from ordinary accountants received an iPhone. My whining at the commission did not listen to - though only for the first time. The next month, when another accountant suddenly started writing several similar tasks-ideas a day, they closed the shop.
Stop
Has reached already the deepest marasmus. The number of ideas exceeded several thousand. I did not analyze the statistics of search queries, but I am sure that there was a lot of something like “ideas for improving the office”, “ideas for increasing employee loyalty” or “that can be improved in machining”.
The company was offered to introduce benchmarking, start interviewing at dismissal, lay a mat at the entrance to the workshop, arrange a sports meeting, organize production in 5S, improve the quality of production, increase sales, enter new markets, increase the loyalty of personnel, pay for gasoline, make stickers with the company's logo on cars, insure everyone against a tick, smile more, enter a dress code, cancel the dress code, index the salary, repaint the walls in green, give everyone clothes and helmets (just in case), lower costs etc. etc.
Life has become simply impossible. Already no one has the illusion that all of this insanity has at least some benefit. At the meetings of the commission have already stopped laughing.
And all the offers were received. I continued to moderate them, mark duplicates and realized ideas, comment on what deserved attention. And finally, the director got it all.
The competition of ideas was suspended indefinitely. For the last, incomplete month, the iPhone was not given to anyone.
Resurrection
The pause lasted for several months. There were almost no offers at this time. I wrote down everything that happened - I had a real need due to poor memory and a lot of ideas for improving the corporate information system. I wrote down what is called for myself. I also wrote down the proposals of people who approached me — namely, ideas when the person himself was not ready to formulate them in the form of tasks.
The moderator also continued, as well as to mark the implementation. Unbeknownst to myself, I reached the hundreds of ideas that I personally implemented. He also gave his guys tasks based on ideas, and at the end he made marks so that the implementation could be taken into account by him and the whole department.
But the director decided that absolutely no ideas were possible after all. But the iPhone is too much. And most importantly, after all, implementation. Therefore, they came up with a simple motivation. Now I can mess up with numbers, do not blame me, but it was something like this. For submitting any proposal - 100 rubles. If it passes the commission and will be considered fit and useful - another 300 rubles. For the implementation - 1000 rubles. But the deputy directors were still not allowed to participate in the competition.
Death
Formally, the new system has existed for quite some time. I integrated the accounting of filing, approval and implementation of ideas with the calculation of salary, so that everything is charged automatically. But the proposals are almost exhausted, not to mention the implementation.
Programmers had a bit of trouble, because The system had a lot of ideas on our topic. Well, one, two thousand a month. For the sake of such money, they did not want to try, it just worked my old algorithm, with the formulation of the problem based on the idea. The programmer stupidly does what he was told and receives a tiny pleasant surprise.
Nobody any more promoted the contest, because and there was no competition anymore. So, for beer to earn extra money. People finally spat and did their work. But the management decided to make the last chord.
Last chord
The motivation was simple - to return interest to the competition, and at the same time add intrigue. For one thing a month, no one wanted to participate, and the director was not going to hand out iPhones again. What to do in this situation?
Back to basics. If you remember, the recipe for unwinding the contest was intrigue, the promise of some kind of good prize, but, most importantly, detente - issuing the first iPad. This time they decided to outdo themselves.
They gathered all, said that there would be an award. Who, for what - is not known. I, too, pinned up, got up in my favorite far corner and buried in the smartphone.
They call me here. I go out - I think, well, now I'll get my notebook. There is no competition. And if there is, then I am forbidden to participate in it, as deputy director of IT. I looked, my system administrator is entering the office with a wide smile on his face, and there is a big box in his hands.
In the box was a laptop ASUS X750J - for that time, just a fairy tale. 17 inches, 8 GB of RAM, two hard drives of 1 TB each, Core i7 processor. I stand, puzzled.
It turns out that I was chosen as a Stakhanovist. We looked at the statistics on ideas (for the first time, perhaps), and saw that I gave them a fucking cloud and, most importantly, implemented the dofiga. Here is the reward and found a hero.
True, no one was led - I think they overdid it with a gift. They did not believe that they could get the same. And they didn’t believe rightly - 2014 already loomed, the growth rate. Now a similar laptop, it seems, costs under 90 tr.
People did not submit ideas any more, nobody was engaged in implementation. Everything remained as it was during the lull. And no one else was given gifts.
Total
Frankly speaking, I’ll say: of all the thousands of ideas submitted by dozens of people over several months, only one was useful - to hang paper towels in the toilet instead of the old dryer. This idea is also useful due to the fact that its implementation took only a couple of days - they ordered a dispenser and consumables, paid, brought, installed.
Everything else was eroded from the head, like a bad dream. Therefore, the most difficult for me in this article was the paragraph where I list examples of ideas. To remember them, I had to spend almost an hour. Only the rug in front of the workshop easily came to mind, because I also slipped at that place.
And with the laptop everything is fine. I, as a decent man, gave it to my wife - I had quite a decent machine, issued at work. There he is, standing behind his back and buzzing. Already survived the replacement of the motherboard, after falling on the floor.
Thank you, Company, for him. And God forbid someone to repeat this. Although, I must admit, it was quite fun.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/452548/
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