Honest resume programmer

Section 1. Soft Skills

1. I am silent at meetings. I try to make an attentive and intelligent face, even if I do not care.
2. People consider me positive and negotiable. I always politely and unsustainably inform you about what is written in the task card to do. And only once. Then I do not argue. And when I finish the task and it turns out to be what, I don’t laugh, and I don’t say “I have spoken!”.
3. I do not care what kind of prog. If the customer was interested in my opinion, he would not have hired a project manager, product manager, scrum master, agile master and UI designer. Here these hipsters even form all opinions, visions and marketing pieces.
4. I am disciplined. I come to work at 9 and leave at 6. I feel so comfortable. I can stay for double pay or if the task is interesting.
5. I have a good sense of humor and a rich life experience. I can easily disrupt the work of the team by half a day with stories about how my Saturday went. But I rarely do it, because I think that I am paid not for it, but for the fact that I passed some kind of thread.
6. I spit your teamwork, you know where. I can prod any kaku myself, but with a smart look I can explain to my subordinates that they must do some kind of kaku beyond my powers.
7. I'm just amazing in the presentations. Especially if you want to present the unfinished bottom. I master the bugs at the presentation of the program. Once I presented the login window for two hours, because the program did not work any further. And the login did not always work.
8. When everything gets me, I quietly quit, and do not go to the departments and not the gunzha "Everything is bad, we are on the bottom, everything is fools."

Section 2. Hard Skills

1. Inheritance is a godless thing if only 1 child is inherited from dad.
2. I only use encapsulation when the Idea emphasizes yellow and writes that this method can be made private. Same with final.
3. I never used volatile, finalize and many others.
4. I do not mind what to use: ArrayList or LinkedList. I always use ArrayList.
5. I can not use getters and setters in Java if I know that nobody will read my code. person.name = "john". If I know that someone will read it, I’m shy.
6. I still do not understand why we need interfaces in java, with the exception of callback and lambda. All the examples with their use are far-fetched and I can make it easier without them.
7. I do not know how gc works, I have never used it. And in general for 6 years in my memory, he was mentioned only once. In addition to interviews, of course.
8. I have a turnip on a githaba, but I won't show it to you. She is my personal, and I am there the skin, as I want. You are not at home in a tailcoat, go?
9. I can and I like to burn the front if I am tired of backing. The reaction I already forgot and fell behind. But I remember Senchu.

Section 3. Achievements

1. I made 3 sites which were used by less people than it did. When I did 2 sites I knew that no one would enter them (they were expected to take over the world)
2. I made three web applications (ExtJs-Java-Docker), two of them were never compromised, and one was used twice (they were expected to take over the world).
   
   When I did them, I knew that this would happen, because I do not believe in users who learn by heart a 20-page manual, I myself presented my work with a printed manual in my hands.
3. I made a native android application of 8 screens in which no one went further than the second, it was downloaded 107 times in the google market (it was expected that it would take over the world).
4. Once I repaired the highest-bug for two days, and then I realized that no one went to this section of the site for about three years. And it was a very healthy section of the site, which spent a lot of man-hours.
5. I spent about a week on the fact that the combo box did not leave on top, but on the right.
6. I managed 4 people and for half a year we did one project that I could do alone in a week. And yes, this is a draft of clause 2.
7. I set up query caching in Mongu on an application that hosts one person per day.
8. I did a corporate email client, despite the fact that there are hundreds of freebies and everyone was better.
9. I was engaged in pixel idealization (or what is it called?) On the front.
10. I redesigned the Material UI library design for React, because our UI freelance designer from Kurgan decided that he had a better understanding of design than Matthias Duarte, Google’s vice president of design, bachelor of computer science with distinction . education in the field of art and art history, the head of the Student Art Gallery in Maryland.
    
    I never understood why reworking the good things that smart people did for you and gave away for free, especially if you are obviously dumber.
11. I made a feature for a month, which, with the most optimistic calculations, would have fought off 437 years. (ordering mops for cleaners) in ERP.
12. I reworked one Kaku from scratch 7 times, because I changed the TK. As a result, it became worse than it was.
13. I understood for 4 hours why the penny was wrong in the bill, moreover, I knew in advance that I could not fix it, otherwise the balance would not converge.
14. I did microservice to increase the reliability of the main business logic, and yes this microservice crashed 20 times more often than business logic.
    ')
    But then they made a whole department out of 12 people to increase the reliability of this microservice reliability, and now microservice crashes another 20 times more often, makes half-hearted transactions and loses data completely. When I quit, they conceived to make a microservice of reliability for microservice of reliability.