Preface : I saw the link to the original article in the comments here on Habré (unfortunately, I can’t find him to indicate the author and say thanks). The article is important not only for those who complain (who admits this?), But also to those to whom they complain. Not everyone knows English, so I decided to translate it.

[The square brackets are my notes.]

Studies show that during a normal conversation, most people complain once a minute. It pulls us up because it's nice. However, as well as many other things that are pleasant - for example smoking or half a pound of bacon for breakfast - nagging is harmful.
Your brain loves efficiency and does not like to work more than necessary. When you do something a few times, such as complaining, your neurons are rearranged so as to facilitate the flow of information. This makes it easier to repeat the action - so much so that you may not even realize that you repeated it again.

You can't blame your brain. Who would like to build a temporary bridge every time you need to cross a river? Much more logical to build a permanent bridge. Similarly, neurons converge and the connections between them become permanent. Scientists like to describe this process as “Neurons that are excited together, communicate together”.

Repeated complaints rebuild your brain to make future complaints more likely. Over time, you find that being negative is easier than positive, no matter what happens around you. Whining becomes your default behavior, and this influences how people perceive you . [Selection - author]
And here's the catch: nagging damages other areas of your brain. A study by Stanford University showed that nagging reduces the hippocampus - an area in the brain that is important for problem solving. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially if you take into account that this is one of the main areas of the brain that are damaged in Alzheimer's disease. [Also, the hippocampus is responsible for short-term memory.]

Nagging is bad for health

Although it is no exaggeration to say that whining leads to brain damage, this does not end there. When you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol puts you in a hit-or-run mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy only to those systems that are needed for immediate survival. One of the effects of cortisol, for example, is an increase in blood pressure and blood sugar, which helps either to protect itself or to escape.

All excess cortisol secreted by frequent complaints weakens your immune system and makes you more vulnerable to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. It even makes the brain more vulnerable to strokes.

And not only for the whiner

Since man is a social being, our brains naturally and unconsciously imitate the moods of those around us, in particular, the people with whom we spend a lot of time. This process is called neural mirroring, and this is the basis of our empathy. On the other hand, it makes nagging look like smoking — you don’t have to do it yourself to get negative effects. You must be careful when spending time in the company of people who whine about everything. Whiners want people to join their regrets in order to feel better. Think about it: if a person smokes, would you sit with him for half a day, inhaling cigarette smoke? Rather, you prefer to depart, and so should you do with the whiners.

Solution for whiners

There are two things you can do when you feel the need to complain.
First , bring up the feeling of gratitude. That is, when you want to complain, turn your attention to something for which you are grateful. Thinking about what you can be grateful for is not only good in itself. It also reduces the amount of cortisol by 23%. A study at the University of California found that people who work every day to cultivate a sense of gratitude, have more energy and a better mood and much less anxiety due to lowered cortisol levels. Every time you think negatively or pessimistically, use this as a “change gear” signal and think about something positive. Over time, a positive attitude will become a way of life.

The second is that only when you have something really worth complaining is to use a problem-oriented complaint. Think of it as whining with purpose. Targeting whining should do the following:

1. Have a clear goal . Before you whine, determine what you are looking for. If you can’t determine the target, most likely you want to complain just like that, and this type of nagging needs to be nipped in the bud.
2. Start with something positive . It may seem strange to start complaining with a compliment, but starting with a positive one helps another person not to go into defense. For example, before complaining about poor service, you can say something like “I have been your client for a long time and have always admired your service ...”
3. Be specific . When you complain, you should not remember all the minor problems over the past 20 years. Just describe the current situation and be as specific as possible. Do not say “Your employee was rude to me”, describe specifically what the employee did such that it looked rude.
4. End positive . If you end the complaint “I will not buy anything here again,” the person who is listening to you will not be interested in responding to your complaint. In this case, you simply express emotions, or complain without purpose, just to complain. Instead, rephrase your goal that you want to achieve the complaint. Add your hope that the desired result can be achieved, for example, “I would like to settle this so that we can continue our business relationship.”

Summarizing

Like smoking, excessive drinking and lying on the couch in front of the TV all day, nagging is bad for you. Use these tips, and with a positive attitude you will improve your physical and mental state.

about the author

Author - Dr. Travis Bradberry is the co-author of the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmart, a company that provides testing and training services for emotional intelligence for 75% of Fortune500 companies.

From translator

Since this is my first experience of publishing a translation, I will be grateful for the reasoned constructive criticism.

Update

JustDont comments gives a link in which (in English) this article is analyzed. It turns out that it is based on non-existent studies and incorrect retellings.
In particular, there are no studies that the hippocampus decreases from elevated cortisol levels. And there is no evidence that nagging increases cortisol levels.

Update2

Keroro quotes from a book by R. Sapolsky (a prominent scientist), which says that there is a direct link between stress hormones and a decrease in the hippocampus. Frankly speaking, I am not an expert in neuroscience, and I cannot appreciate whose words are more significant, and what is the consensus of scientists on this issue. There are both pros and cons.