King of engineering

I know one person - he is a good developer, but sheer beast. When he starts to speak, I want to fill his face, shut him up in any way, just not to hear how right he is. And someone else listens to this crazy self-assured bastard, they agree with him. Apparently, people love bastards, and they should think about why.

It's so bad if he is just joking, like, "the development brings me so many attendants that I will work for two hours and hire three poor doctors to cut my lawn." Worse, when he says seriously: “You started writing code in vain. The whole irony of this industry is that by becoming a good developer, you gain the skills that lead you to the conclusion that being a developer is bad. ”
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Recently, his business has gone uphill, and where normal people rejoice and flourish, this guy seems to have completely slid off the coils. We had a good drink with him, and he told me a lot of sincere shit, which, honestly, I would like to hear back.

Here he drinks and whines. He speaks:

- I come to the social office, as a customary dummy, I rub them with nonsense about new challenges and professional growth, and they nod pretty much. They make a stupid offer, as a carbon copy is the same, only the amount grows. Ridiculous NDA, so that I do not merge to anyone these unique foriches-if-not-equal-nulls. Stupid table, stupid comp. Comp is always weaker than you want. They are ready to pay you two hundred a month, but they will not be able to buy a piece of iron for 80 for them - they’ll fail.

Stupid Eychary, which is always ten times more than you need, each of them says ten times more than you need, they always have a stupid name, a stupid official nickname in a stupid skype / slug who will force you to use. A foolish tmlid who has been working here for a hundred years, who condescendingly neighing at the meeting that I have confused Clone and CopyTo, and now I have lowered my eyes and repents for the ridiculous legacy and architecture. In the ass that he found it at home!

Then everything is like on the thumb. Jira, sprints, tasks always and everywhere are the same, ridiculous rallies. People who pretend to understand the non-existent difference between Scrum, Ajile and Kanban. Wise talk about how to do everything correctly. After which all one hell is done as wrong as possible. Timing is the same. There is no budget for tinkering with the architecture. Not that it was all such a terrible problem, but it’s not at all what I dreamed of.

- And what did you dream?

- I fell in love with the profession when I thought it was the dudes in the garage, with silly hairstyles, in ridiculous clothes, figuring something for days that was not there yet. But this is nichrome not so. Every time you see a pattern, you need to automate it, and where everything is automated, the enterprise begins — pragmatic and soulless. And this enterprise needs all the same guys from the garage, but so that there is no more fire in their eyes. Now it is not necessary that they believe in technology, it is not profitable. It is necessary that they believe in the ad-hog schedule of features, share business value, and on Fridays depict the entire office that they remember the name of them Something-there Solutions inc.

In general, dudes from the garage would have been thrown into the dustbin a long time ago, and they would have recruited office intellectuals. But the trouble is, only dudes from the garage can write good code. This shit has now become a train that cannot be stopped. Today, if you start a startup, you spend the first earned dollar on one hundred Eychars, so that they would build you a corporate culture and Eychar brand.

And here I am, such a dude from the garage, slap at work, take a very interesting task, saw him on the sly. And everyone around me is so happy, sympathetic. They are discussing where it would be better for them to build in a check for zero. Choose your mitapes for the next week. REMEMBER the name of the firm where they work. Fig code is ten times faster than me. Worse, but always faster. Damn, it looks like if I dragged my dog ​​to work, even she would write code faster than me.

I really, really want to believe that all these people are pretending. That they are also not in a rush to do the same bullshit every day. Write one meaningless module after another. Select an abstraction in a code until it cannot be worked with him as if he had no subject area. If they don’t pretend, I’m done.

- Well, it means you are finished, because you just measure people on your own. They may like everything.

“I didn't believe they were pretending, and decided to run away from this shit.” I transferred to the remote. I thought I would not see these spiritualized incomprehensible than rye - everything will be okay. As if not so.

The remote is worse. Eychary will get you everywhere. Managers too. While I was sitting in the office, at least I could not open the working messenger and mail. I wrote tons of messages that I absolutely do not care, but I did not read them, and it worked. There is no such luxury for remotes.

The mentality of my compatriots is very simple. If you are remote, then you do not work. We urgently need to call you on Skype, and discuss how you will check everything for zero. Every party in the company now considers it his duty to schedule a Skype meeting with you to discuss whether everything suits you. Even damn techir sometimes asks how are you. While I was working in the office, I didn’t even know that we had a technical inquiry. Apparently, his job is to look after remotes. There is only one plus - you can drink at work.

- Buddy, you are so sucked.

- Alcohol in general becomes a big part of life if you live it like me. I do not so much believe in what I am doing, that the thought that I forget about it for a second fills me with joy. Understand correctly, I hate development, and I love it at the same time. If I were now offered to become a manager, or anyone else with a large upshift, I would not agree. I can not throw it. I feel bad every day from what I do, but I know for sure - if I don’t write code, it will be even worse.

- Well, why are you constantly complaining? Everyone would have your problems.

- I understand, it sounds ridiculous for those who are in the real ass. But I was in the ass. My first days in the army were hell. I grew up in good conditions. And here, on the first day, I come to the army canteen, I get a plate of mud, boiled egg and a bag of milk. I didn't eat slop. And did not eat them for a very long time. I did not go to the toilet for more than a week because I did not understand how this could be done in the proposed circumstances.

There were just a few holes in the floor, and partitions at the face level. For a long time I did not erase the form, because there it was suggested to do it in SHELLS. And now, the tenth day. The day before, I still tried to wash the form in the sink - very vain. She did not become cleaner, but she was wet through. I would have dried overnight, but one idiot decided to smoke in a push, the officer smelled a smell, lifted us up, and we stood in the ranks for half the night and read the charter. Naturally dressed.

I was standing in the wet. The next day, I am herachu by marching along the parade ground for the fifth hour in a row, +32, my half-wet form is a piece of smelly fat, my legs do not work, I almost did not eat, did not smoke for a week, my stomach was full of shit. On the belt there is a flask, from which it is impossible to drink, because the soldier must have a flask three-quarters full. And you know what - I'm not fucking depressed. I was tight, but I did not feel hopeless. But now it is. But it is possible that if I am a soldier now moving into the future, and listen to complaints about life from me, a developer, someone will get it.

- Man, you just burned out, cool down, pass.

- I heard about it. Will not pass. I once took a vacation, went to the sea, drank for three weeks on the beach. When it came time to go home, the thought came to me that it would be better for me to put my wife and child on the train, and to run away myself, and to go home by the sea, never doing anything else.

A lot of time has passed since then, but I still hate my job. This is not a burnout, I seem to have hated it from the moment I received my first task. The shit is that I hate everything else even more. I do not watch movies, I do not read art books. My professional information does not allow me. I have to study development. Either you write code, or you think how you will write it, or you read about how to write code. I play the guitar, because while strumming, it is easier to figure out at what level of abstraction the check for zero will lie most idiomatically.

- When it turns out idiomatically - it's a thrill.

- Yes, I learned to find a microcife. I like to find elegant solutions, but this is a limited thing, because the tasks are the same. Four years ago, I often felt that I had come up with an interesting solution. Now I almost never feel it. I like to invent architecture, but even the architectural tasks are the same. From a certain moment, you seem to understand the principle, and any, even the most complex system seems to be a pretty understandable thing. You can easily decompose it into simpler components, experience has time to decide how they will work much faster and better than the mind.

It ceases to be a creative work, and turns into the selection of the most appropriate pattern from its / read practice. I'm like a cloud architect from the meme that just connects the clouds with arrows. There is a mechanical thrill from typing code in a delightful VSCode, but I hate my code itself because it is of the same type and terrible. There is a statistical thrill when I sometimes turn into a car for a week, and move dozens of tasks from one jiri column to another. And I began to try to live with these mikrokayfami. It did not work. From all this razrabovskogo shit stinks Enterprise.

- From you the enterprise stinks.

- Debilism of the situation is that I am also successful. Apparently, internal problems attract people. I dont know. I easily find a job, I am respected in teams. They constantly ask for advice, they do not pressure me to work slowly. Increase sn without permission. Due to the fact that it hurts me to communicate with happy people from the industry (after all, I am unhappy), I seem arrogant to them. Because everyone speaks to me as an arrogant one, I became arrogant. People respect arrogant, I have no idea why. My real technical skill doesn't matter. In a sense, it does not affect my position in the industry. Totally. Because of this, I am convinced that technically I am pitiful.

- Like you're arrogant because of self-doubt?

- Just to live, and consider yourself to be shit - too hard. I need self-affirmation, like air. I learned not to be toxic at work, but it got worse. Because I exist not only at work. I’m sitting in a little chitik for about thirty people, and I’m bogging down on poor things that don’t understand that I don’t have anything else for my self-esteem, and my heavy signor arguments trample them in the dirt just because they respect me. I hate myself when I do that, but the thrill of superiority even over someone is stronger than contempt for myself. Hopefully, the people I hurt would someday stop taking this shit seriously.

Recently, in some sort of chatika one girl did not agree with me. I do not remember what was the matter, but I was just as always rubbing some game for people. And she began to contradict me. I was in the context of her skills, age and character, I got angry and mixed her up with shit. I am inside - a very insecure person, so I know perfectly well which strings I have to pull to make an insecure person hurt.

Here she is - a girl developer. Unsure of herself. It's all very simple, Russian culture uniquely defines a woman's place in society, and she, having become a developer, goes against this. And the world has not yet had time to change, because she has doubts all the way, and she meets cases that tell her that she is deeply mistaken. And that's where I hit. At first, I easily convinced her that she was a crap developer, then that crap developers had no place in the industry, and finally finished off with the fact that she was crap developer simply because she was a girl and she had no chance.

She certainly was very painful, because if I am right, her whole life is a big mistake. And my reputation, ability to speak and technical pumping do not leave her space to think that I could be wrong. I remember my feelings when I did it. I just said to myself - well, you and the brute. But for me it works simply: if you enter into a dispute, there is no turning back. Blood boils in the veins, on the Internet someone is wrong. If I do not trample into the land of everyone who does not agree with me, everyone will immediately understand that I am an impostor. They will take away all the money and positions from me, and throw me into the trash.

- You just shift the responsibility, but the goat - just you.

- I do not shift the responsibility, my uncertainty is my joint. Others I blame for allowing me to do this, allow me simply because they consider me a good developer. Who is a good developer is right. It’s as if the thought doesn’t fit into the head that a person can write good code at the same time and be a jerk. And he can, I am a living example.

- Or you are a crappy developer. Like a man.

- You know, to be a good person - I no longer believe in it. As if this is not a real concept at all. When I do something that in my inner moral scoop seems bad to me, I feel a slight discomfort - the voice of conscience tries to shout to me from under the water column.

But I do not listen to him, I listen to the mind, which has long been accustomed to thinking of other people as something like Npc from a video game. It’s as if I’m playing Skyrim, and I have friends in the NPS, I even love them in some sense. But when the Daedric prince asks to bring one of my friends to the slaughter, in exchange for ebonite mail, I look for the first friend I got to NPS, and I say, well, let's go. And I don’t really need mail myself, I just for some reason decided to collect all the artifacts in the game. I think this feeling of unreality is due to the fact that now for the developer reality and the computer world are one and the same. I sometimes find myself thinking that I feel like in the movies, just walking in the woods. I spend so much time behind the computer that the real world has become a fake for me.

- You just spoiled the loot, that's all.

- With loot in general a separate story. It is not very convenient for me to receive such big money. For our city with you, the conditional 5 thousand dollars are insane dibs. Now I estimate my skill approximately as much, that is, I think that I am not worse than those developers who receive such sums. I am almost sure that I am worth so much, but every time at the moment when I need to name the amount on my balance I am very uncomfortable.

I sit like this, in sweatpants, unkempt, unshaven, and say: 5-6 thousand dollars. I'm afraid to imagine how it looks from the outside. I justify myself simply. In a world where completely useless stupid people earn millions for photos with their ass in instagram, it's not so scary that I get 10 times more than the average for a rather complicated technical job.

In addition, there is another side. In IT, everyone gets a lot more than he should have. Developers, testers, HR, managers ... The fact that everyone else also receives big money is an even more blatant ass, I think. They, for good, should receive no more money than equivalent positions in another industry. Eychar receiving three times more than the doctor - it's just hard. But still, I am often ashamed of my wealth.

When I got a completely indecent offer for myself, I decided - now everything will be fine. With money and in hell, not bad. Fool. It should have long been remembered that it would not be better. It will never be better. I was a thousand times happier than now, when instead of school I was boozing with boys at a construction site. So I got a mountain of money, went to the boutique, scored two carts. Dressed up. Updated iron. I made up some rich jokes, tried them on all my close ones. He began to saw another idiotic such-as-and-all-previous task, and nothing has changed. My wife has become much happier, but it is even worse for me, because I am not happy, and when you feel bad, joyful people around just annoy.

- Well, you know, now a lot of people have come to the development for money. Nothing wrong with that.

- I despise their kapets. They do not like programming, just their moms forced them to enroll in universities for programmers, because they now receive a lot.

But in general, these ridiculous people - even from them it is more good, than from me. They at least know what they want. They need to get money, they take responsibility, they are afraid of being fired, they worry about the company they work for and the product they make.

- Are you as if you are not afraid?

- I'm not afraid of anything at all. In my world, any business value is hostile. I seem to believe in some kind of pure, non-commercial programming, but I have never seen it and do not know what it looks like. When I try to imagine a perfect code, an enteprise sheet with DI and tests pops up in my head. What I do at work is definitely not the programming I believe in. Therefore, I do not allow myself to respect my work, and the work of my colleagues, too.

No, I certainly love money very much, but they have never been a motive. When I dreamed of becoming a programmer, I did not know that we get so much. I have no idea why I'm in development. They will fire me, the company will go bankrupt, the product will break, but don't give a shit to me. Find a new job, do not worry.

- It's just you stupid work. You work for a soulless business and you burn. There are people who are really doing something new.

- Yeah. I came to such people once. I passed the security team, and a month later I realized that they did not need me to fuck. I'm already poisoned by the enterprise. For me, a code that did not go through eight stages of review, is not covered with tests, is not documented and is not smeared with a hundred layers of abstraction - this is just a ridiculous bunch of characters that some fool knocked into git. It’s unthinkable for me to close four features a day. Words - make it work, and freeze in the master (oh my God, they didn’t even have a politician on the githaba !!!) - now I can’t accept it. I left.

- Do not speed. There are a lot of cool developers in the world who commit a bunch of code every day into cool projects.

- If they gave me their code for review, it would have smashed it into pieces. But more than anything, I would like to be like them. I am a hundred times worse than they are. As an arrogant person, I hate to envy, but I envy scary and black envy. Today it is fashionable to give people the idea that everything from birth is the same, but damn, this is not at all the case. I’ve been learning to develop my adult life, but I’m not Linus Torvalds or Don Syme.

The fact that these reptiles exist burns my last straw. The only thing that saved me was the belief that the problem was not in me, but in the industry. But if there is Linus, then I am mistaken. So, I should not have become a developer. , .

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