Five tips on how to learn to calmly accept feedback at work

Listening to comments is always difficult. You spend time and make great efforts, and then someone destroys all the work with his criticism.



When every result is given by blood and sweat, I try to have less blood: I avoid what can be unpleasant, and I try to prevent it. But if we are talking about feedback, it is worthwhile to suffer a little - in this case, I love discomfort (well, or try to love).

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Don't get it wrong: criticism is never painless. This is anxiety, and fear, and anxiety.



“Will they treat me worse?”

“If my code is bad, will they think that I’m not smart enough?”

"Oh no! Now everyone knows that I in the seventh grade failed the history test. ”



Do not worry - such a reaction is completely natural!



According to Kimberly Leitch , a licensed clinical social worker from Talkspace, getting feedback causes a stressful reaction — because of a judgment that often comes from a person with authority.



So, if this is the body’s natural response to feedback and criticism, are we doomed? How can one overcome such an instinctive reaction?



I will not embellish the truth and deceive - it is difficult, but possible: faced with the looming fear of criticism, it is possible to maintain complete control over yourself. The following five tips will help put off your psychological shield and learn to accept negative and positive comments with open arms.



Transferred to Alconost

* Doorbell * "Hello, this is criticism!"

Sometimes you know in advance that there will be feedback - for example, before certification or if you, as it happened, played in a fashionable Broadway play. Brave yourself! You know what to expect, so you need to mentally prepare.







In other cases, the feedback could be unsolicited . In my experience, you should always be ready to receive feedback: admit that you are imperfect, and this is normal - no one is perfect (except for Taco - because he is adorable).



More boldly - repeat after me: "I am not perfection, but this does not detract from my importance as a person."



Let's say you have learned to be open to comments. But besides this, it is very important to have an attitude that there are good intentions behind the criticism. The one who gives feedback is most likely working together with you and sincerely trying to help you and the project you are working on. This person sees your potential and probably wants you to be able to unleash it as much as possible!



Sometimes this, of course, is not entirely true, but in most cases the intention of the one giving the feedback is the most good. Therefore, be open to criticism: imagine how a new point of view and perspective can change your work for the better.

Take your time, cooperate and listen.

The initial reaction to criticism will most likely be negative: you will feel anxiety, stress, a desire to defend yourself. Do not rush, take a short break, take a deep breath, slow down the initial reaction.



Give yourself a few seconds to make sense of what you hear. It is likely that you will never be able to stop the initial reaction - but you can always try to take control of the actions that you will take in response to it.



Comprehending what you have heard, focus on what the feedback is about and not on your person. Remember: what you do, you can always do better (because no one is perfect). By focusing on the actual work, you can suppress the negative reaction.



Even if the criticism concerns you (for example, it relates to your work on a recent project), try to separate your individual traits and skills from your Self. It will be easier to accept feedback if it concerns a small part of you - and it is much more difficult if you consider that it is directed at you in general, at body, mind, and soul as a whole.



Learning this can be difficult, but this skill is definitely worth developing. Before you say or do something after receiving feedback, stop, take a breath and think about what you just heard - and only after that answer.



Separate your individual traits and skills from your Self. It will be easier to accept feedback if it concerns a small part of you - and it is much more difficult if you assume that it is directed at you in general.

Strive for understanding

So you are calm. Listen carefully. You can even say, have peace.



Let in reality everything is not quite so; nevertheless, the next step after stopping the initial reaction is understanding. You need to consider what has been said and determine in which part you can improve your work. In this case, a good solution would be to take a walk or take a short break and comprehend the comments you heard.



After talking with your boss or a colleague, take a moment to think about the feedback received. If something is not clear - specify: it is always useful. The bottom line is not to dispute the comments received and not reject them right away - it is better to ask for a few examples and even some suggestions as to what can be improved.



Sometimes a new, different perspective from yours can be surprisingly useful . Having opened to other points of view on your work, you will be able to get more useful information and find more effective ways to solve problems that will be useful in future projects.

Be thankful

This may seem illogical, but still try to understand what I mean. Having received a critical comment, you might think: this newly appeared Bill Lamberg is destroying what I am doing - and I also thank for this ?! But let's look at the situation differently.







Someone took the time and got acquainted with your work. Most likely, this is someone from your own department (or at least he is interested in your work being done well). The intentions of this person are good - and you should understand that this is great!



The man spent time thinking about how to improve your work. Do not forget: what you are doing is important to him - they are trying to help you. Of course, he has a different view of the world, a different perspective from you, but this is exactly what is needed in the work - constant development and feedback.



It will take time to learn to be grateful by receiving positive (and negative) comments , but it's worth it: it will be very helpful in your work.

Implement comments and make a plan of action.

Generally speaking, a good point is useless if it is not implemented. Implementation, of course, depends on the duration and volume of work. In most cases, you should include work with feedback in the projects and ask to check whether you have correctly implemented the received comments.



At the same time, of course, you do not need to try to somehow apply everything that you are told! After all, this is, after all, your work, and your right to decide what is really useful and what is not.



You can stick to this rule: discard 10% of comments without any doubt. But you should have good, reasonable reasons why you are not listening to these tips.

Keep the good for yourself, the bad - throw it away

Sometimes the feedback received is useless: perhaps it is just past the target or its author had nothing good in mind. And it is precisely such cases - the most unpleasant.



And to combat this, there are no clever psychological tricks. But something can help:

1. If possible, ignore such feedback (or criticism).
   
   
2. Discuss the comments received with the manager - from a professional point of view.
   
   
3. If you feel that the one who gave the feedback does not actually try to help you - step back, do not let yourself be hurt.
   
   

Hold the tail with a gun, focus on work. Non-constructive criticism does not help, but only harms, and the sooner it remains in the past, the better you will feel.

How to accept feedback without emotion

It is useful to develop a feedback processing plan: it won't be completely easy anyway, but the process of receiving comments will become less painful. And the great thing about this is that everything will be under your control! So let's summarize:

1. Be open to receiving feedback. Focus on how and what a new point of view can improve in work.
   
   
2. Do not respond with a swoop - take a few seconds to think about the comments: rate them rationally, logically, without unnecessary emotions.
   
   
3. Try to understand what you want to bring - if you are not sure, ask questions. The one who gave the feedback is usually happy to discuss with you the specific points and clarify what suggestions are meant.
   
   
4. Do not forget about modesty and politeness! Make it clear that you value the time and effort others have spent on helping you in your work.
   
   
5. It is impossible for constructive criticism to fly into one ear and out of the other. Listen to the comments, implement them and ask them to check whether you did it correctly.
   
   

Finally, do not let ill-wishers (those who criticize unconstructively) put pressure on you. You can handle it!



About the translator



The article is translated in Alconost.



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