Cloud incident
The Swissair aircraft following flight to Eritrea got into a zone of turbulence at an altitude of 10,000 meters above sea level. Before landing, it was about an hour, when the cabin of the plane shook and a plastic cup, slipping from Evgeny Vladimirovich’s hand, knocked over a disgusting instant coffee with milk on his trousers. Almost immediately there was a voice from the crew commander, who asked the passengers to remain calm and fasten their seat belts. Napkins, of course, remained on a tray with the remnants of dinner, which a caring stewardess took before handing out drinks. “Khan’s trousers, the shirt can still be saved, but Khan’s trousers. If you immediately dunk, you might still manage to wash, but by the time I get to the hotel you can not even try. However, all the same, to give the shirt to the laundry, you can try the trousers, Yevgeny Vladimirovich thought without any hope that his hopes would come true. It's good that at least he took off his jacket. ” His frustration was aggravated by the fact that he flew out lightly, practically without luggage, in the hand luggage there was only a laptop with charges and a shaving kit, that's all. In theory, more and should not be needed. The business trip happened sudden and short.
This morning, no dawning, the deputy director for pilot production called Evgeny Semenovich called him and said that he had been able to agree on the participation of their office in an international conference on the development of atomic reactors with liquid metal coolers. Where he, Evgeny Vladimirovich, had to read the material on the developments of their institute. After that, if everything goes well, talk with the French delegation and get a description of their work in this area from them. It was necessary to take off almost immediately, first to Switzerland, and from there to Eritrea. Yevgeny Semenovich was already waiting for him on the spot, he flew there last night right from his vacation from some islands, where he was vacationing with his family. There is only time left to wash, call a taxi, check whether all materials are available through Dropbox, put a laptop in a bag, charge, get dressed and take a foreign passport.
The performance itself did not cause any alarm, he read this material only at the week before last at a symposium in Novosibirsk. But the very fact of a sudden flight, crumbling plans for the weekend and, most importantly, the categorical tone of Semyonitch, were terribly annoying. The fact that Semenych was a chef was even less annoying than the fact that he certainly was right. They have long been kicked by all and sundry and were told that it was necessary to enter the international market, look for partners and promote their products. However, there were no suitable international platforms for negotiations on this issue in the near future. More precisely, they thought so until yesterday. Of course, waiting for the next profile conference in Reykjavik is a waste of time, there was nothing to object and, hand on heart, not in his interests. Therefore, he did not say anything to the boss on the phone, and received a ts.u. retaliated, holding his irritation before the meeting.
This meeting took place two hours after landing, already in the Intercontinental-Asmara hotel at the reception desk. “A catastrophe, Semenych said, expressively looking at Evgeny Vladimirovich. It means so. Throw things in the room and run to the store for new pants. Here they have a techno-paradise - a solid high-tech. In Europe, this has not even seen. I already outtaked. I advise you to shop SoftySoft. Cloudy Denim is also good, but at SoftySoft is now a promotion, they change your old clothes in exchange for an 80% discount. It’s still pretty expensive, but worth it. ” Semyonitch mannered turned three-quarters, showing off a gorgeous gray suit. “I traded all my wardrobe for lunch. As I recall, they are open for another hour. If you move - you have time. A shop on our street, from the hotel to the right, you will pass three blocks (or four), on our side you will not miss. Then come to me, I stopped in the 807m room. "
')
There was no time to object and, again, there was no point. After 45 minutes, after passing 6 blocks, Yevgeny Vladimirovich, slightly lighter, (35 in the shade!) Entered the SoftySoft store. The spacious, well-conditioned room, decorated in the spirit of Google minimalism, was struck primarily by the complete lack of clothing in it. The sales assistant, whom Yevgeny Vladimirovich first took to be the doorman, explained that the “2.0” clothing adjusts to the size of its owner, and the texture and color are automatically adjusted, so the need for long racks that fill 70% of the commercial space of the ready-made clothing stores has disappeared. Along with this, there is no need for fitting. It was enough to fill out a form where you had to indicate weight, height, waist size, mobile phone number, e-mail and Facebook account. Everything else was done automatically - that is, remotely. Yevgeny Vladimirovich, being a conservative person, chose an office model and indicated in the color palette the color closest to the trousers on the plane.
“Your clothes do not need to be washed. Moreover, they do not even crumple. They can not be stolen because they are attributed to your account. If they are still stolen, you can deactivate them through your account at any time, the seller was saying. The main thing do not forget to put our application. Let me help you better. Do you have ios or android? “The authorization process took about 15 minutes - right before the store closes. On the way back, Evgeny Vladimirovich reflected on the merits of new clothes and came to the conclusion that he hadn’t taken his jacket with him in vain. “Sorry, he thought, now they are closed, then the weekend, and tomorrow, right after the conference, we are leaving. A mistake that can hardly be fixed ... But Semyonitch, the hammer, quickly navigated. " Already approaching the hotel, he felt a vibration in his trouser pocket and took out a smartphone. There was a message in the tray:
“An update is available. SoftySoft.
“What else is there?” Thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich, automatically opening the tray. A dialog box with two buttons appears.
"Install Friday update" SoftySoft office "now" | Cancel.
After thinking for a couple of seconds, he chose "Cancel." After that, a new window notified him that the update would be installed after a reboot. What other reboot? Yevgeny Vladimirovich was surprised at removing the phone. Reload what?
Before coming to Yevgeny Semenovich, Yevgeny Vladimirovich came to himself, to take a cold shower. When he emerged from there vigorous and, on the whole, pleased with life, on the bed, where he had left the clothes that had been removed from himself, a disagreeable surprise awaited him. Instead of his new office trousers lay bright scarlet flared jeans, at the outer seams of which, from the waist down to the very bottom, rhinestones snaked lightning. “Updated, contagion! Rebooted and refreshed! ”The first thought was to run to the 807th and make a scandal. But common sense habitually took over and, instead of a well-deserved scandal, he opened a laptop, connected to the Internet and went to the website SoftySoft.com. In the "office" section, he found a description of the update. It was conceived as a free bonus, it was assumed that after completing the next week of work, office workers would go to stress the nearest bar. In this case, the update would have been most welcome, as it allowed us not only to save on additional clothes, but also on the way from the office to home and from home to the bar. As the manufacturer assured, the form of the Friday suit was generated automatically, based on the unique personal preferences of users, which in turn were extracted by an analytical algorithm from their Facebook profile. “Well, let's say it’s from the date of birth, but damn it, why are they scarlet? - thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich. The psychologists are bad. ”On the night from Sunday to Monday, the trousers had to be renewed once more and take on the old look. Judging by the description, it was impossible to roll back the update. But the instruction was given, carefully showing how to disable the updates, so as not to be updated by chance. Only after reading the description and turning off everything that could be turned off (that is, everything that was turned on by default), he disdainfully dressed himself in a scarlet flush and went to the 807th.
The screams of Yevgeny Semenovich, despite the closed door, were heard from the elevator. Communicates with technical support, Yevgeny Vladimirovich understood. After waiting for a pause, he knocked loudly. Semyonitch had a face on his face, dressed in leopard leggings and a black T-shirt, on the chest of which white was a Kalashnikov assault rifle and the inscription “AZADI BO KURDISTAN”. A holographic jacket was lying on the floor, on which a bright blue sky in the clouds was depicted, against which the “soldier” fell down decently dressed gentlemen in black coats and bowlers. Apparently, the owner tried to trample him. Upon entering, he sat down in the chair and waited for the end of the conversation, noting for himself the new speech turns. Semyonitch, before taking office, was a career officer and retired to the reserve either in the rank of colonel, or lieutenant colonel. He tried not to advertise this part of his life especially, but the slang words that had slipped into him in moments of anger evoked purely philological interest in Yevgeny Vladimirovich. “What, Japanese policeman, Monday ?! I tell you, your milk is boiling, tomorrow at 9.00 a conference! Can you hear me? A conference on nuclear energy, not a gay parade! ”After a while, Semyonitch threw the phone on the bed, and, flopping into the next chair, lit a cigarette.
- In the hotel you can not smoke, said Yevgeny Vladimirovich - the alarm will work.
- Nikhera will not work, answered Yevgeny Semenovich, and invitingly moved the pack to Yevgeny Vladimirovich. I turned it off.
- I threw, said Yevgeny Vladimirovich, pulling a cigarette out of the pack.
- All abandoned, answered Yevgeny Semenovich and held out the lighter. Thrown ... Naye ** li!
- Do not boil only. I went to their site. I read what and how ...
- Well?
- We are to blame. Behaved like the last humanities. It was necessary to immediately look into the settings and disable these fucking updates. And now you need to invent something else. (He chose not to mention where the design came from.)
- Buy something else will not work. Everything is already closed. Order via the Internet - also, by morning, and even on Saturday, delivery will not have time.
- Swap clothes with someone? Is that with each other? Sew it yourself?
Yevgeny Vladimirovich looked around the window in search of curtains. There were plastic shutters on the windows. He got up walked to the bed and pulled off the bedspread. He felt the sheet, then pulled. Plain white sheet. To the touch cotton. “Wait a minute,” said Yevgeny Semenovich, taking the sheet and winding it around his belt. So ... Now here, he threw it over his shoulder and threw it behind his back. If you pin it here, it will look like a Greek toga. He looked more like a visitor to the Finnish sauna, but no alternative styles were foreseen. On their feet, it was decided to put on hotel slippers for the shower.
- In this form, we are not allowed into the conference room, Yevgeny Vladimirovich doubted.
- Where are they going? We have membership cards. Let it go. We join the Saudi delegation, they always dress like that, why can't we? In Semyonitch's voice, iron confidence sounded, reinforced by hopelessness.
At first they were squinted, but in the course of the report, the authority was fully restored. As you understand, when it comes to the practical implementation of the bremsstrahlung that occurs during thermal motion in a hot rarefied plasma, it is not until the appearance of the speaker. Even if he is dressed as if he just jumped out of the steam room. And agreed with the French.
At the airport really had to go in flares and leggings. Sheets and slippers remained in the hotel. But it was not long to endure. The plane has already gained height, at the first transplant in a duty free you can buy a sports suit or something like that. It’s even good that the flight is not direct — none of my acquaintances will see this horror, ”thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich, falling asleep in the seat of the plane, when his thoughts were interrupted by shouts and intensifying boom giving out increasing panic. Terrorist attack? He opened his eyes and, seeing half-dressed passengers jumped up from their seats, he understood everything. His flares disappeared. On a belt over a pair of underpants there was a dangling belt with pockets sewn to it and some kind of wires. Having fished out a mobile phone, he opened the last message.
»You are leaving Eritrea. Thank you for using our services. Bon Voyage! SoftySoft ".
This morning, no dawning, the deputy director for pilot production called Evgeny Semenovich called him and said that he had been able to agree on the participation of their office in an international conference on the development of atomic reactors with liquid metal coolers. Where he, Evgeny Vladimirovich, had to read the material on the developments of their institute. After that, if everything goes well, talk with the French delegation and get a description of their work in this area from them. It was necessary to take off almost immediately, first to Switzerland, and from there to Eritrea. Yevgeny Semenovich was already waiting for him on the spot, he flew there last night right from his vacation from some islands, where he was vacationing with his family. There is only time left to wash, call a taxi, check whether all materials are available through Dropbox, put a laptop in a bag, charge, get dressed and take a foreign passport.
The performance itself did not cause any alarm, he read this material only at the week before last at a symposium in Novosibirsk. But the very fact of a sudden flight, crumbling plans for the weekend and, most importantly, the categorical tone of Semyonitch, were terribly annoying. The fact that Semenych was a chef was even less annoying than the fact that he certainly was right. They have long been kicked by all and sundry and were told that it was necessary to enter the international market, look for partners and promote their products. However, there were no suitable international platforms for negotiations on this issue in the near future. More precisely, they thought so until yesterday. Of course, waiting for the next profile conference in Reykjavik is a waste of time, there was nothing to object and, hand on heart, not in his interests. Therefore, he did not say anything to the boss on the phone, and received a ts.u. retaliated, holding his irritation before the meeting.
This meeting took place two hours after landing, already in the Intercontinental-Asmara hotel at the reception desk. “A catastrophe, Semenych said, expressively looking at Evgeny Vladimirovich. It means so. Throw things in the room and run to the store for new pants. Here they have a techno-paradise - a solid high-tech. In Europe, this has not even seen. I already outtaked. I advise you to shop SoftySoft. Cloudy Denim is also good, but at SoftySoft is now a promotion, they change your old clothes in exchange for an 80% discount. It’s still pretty expensive, but worth it. ” Semyonitch mannered turned three-quarters, showing off a gorgeous gray suit. “I traded all my wardrobe for lunch. As I recall, they are open for another hour. If you move - you have time. A shop on our street, from the hotel to the right, you will pass three blocks (or four), on our side you will not miss. Then come to me, I stopped in the 807m room. "
')
There was no time to object and, again, there was no point. After 45 minutes, after passing 6 blocks, Yevgeny Vladimirovich, slightly lighter, (35 in the shade!) Entered the SoftySoft store. The spacious, well-conditioned room, decorated in the spirit of Google minimalism, was struck primarily by the complete lack of clothing in it. The sales assistant, whom Yevgeny Vladimirovich first took to be the doorman, explained that the “2.0” clothing adjusts to the size of its owner, and the texture and color are automatically adjusted, so the need for long racks that fill 70% of the commercial space of the ready-made clothing stores has disappeared. Along with this, there is no need for fitting. It was enough to fill out a form where you had to indicate weight, height, waist size, mobile phone number, e-mail and Facebook account. Everything else was done automatically - that is, remotely. Yevgeny Vladimirovich, being a conservative person, chose an office model and indicated in the color palette the color closest to the trousers on the plane.
“Your clothes do not need to be washed. Moreover, they do not even crumple. They can not be stolen because they are attributed to your account. If they are still stolen, you can deactivate them through your account at any time, the seller was saying. The main thing do not forget to put our application. Let me help you better. Do you have ios or android? “The authorization process took about 15 minutes - right before the store closes. On the way back, Evgeny Vladimirovich reflected on the merits of new clothes and came to the conclusion that he hadn’t taken his jacket with him in vain. “Sorry, he thought, now they are closed, then the weekend, and tomorrow, right after the conference, we are leaving. A mistake that can hardly be fixed ... But Semyonitch, the hammer, quickly navigated. " Already approaching the hotel, he felt a vibration in his trouser pocket and took out a smartphone. There was a message in the tray:
“An update is available. SoftySoft.
“What else is there?” Thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich, automatically opening the tray. A dialog box with two buttons appears.
"Install Friday update" SoftySoft office "now" | Cancel.
After thinking for a couple of seconds, he chose "Cancel." After that, a new window notified him that the update would be installed after a reboot. What other reboot? Yevgeny Vladimirovich was surprised at removing the phone. Reload what?
Before coming to Yevgeny Semenovich, Yevgeny Vladimirovich came to himself, to take a cold shower. When he emerged from there vigorous and, on the whole, pleased with life, on the bed, where he had left the clothes that had been removed from himself, a disagreeable surprise awaited him. Instead of his new office trousers lay bright scarlet flared jeans, at the outer seams of which, from the waist down to the very bottom, rhinestones snaked lightning. “Updated, contagion! Rebooted and refreshed! ”The first thought was to run to the 807th and make a scandal. But common sense habitually took over and, instead of a well-deserved scandal, he opened a laptop, connected to the Internet and went to the website SoftySoft.com. In the "office" section, he found a description of the update. It was conceived as a free bonus, it was assumed that after completing the next week of work, office workers would go to stress the nearest bar. In this case, the update would have been most welcome, as it allowed us not only to save on additional clothes, but also on the way from the office to home and from home to the bar. As the manufacturer assured, the form of the Friday suit was generated automatically, based on the unique personal preferences of users, which in turn were extracted by an analytical algorithm from their Facebook profile. “Well, let's say it’s from the date of birth, but damn it, why are they scarlet? - thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich. The psychologists are bad. ”On the night from Sunday to Monday, the trousers had to be renewed once more and take on the old look. Judging by the description, it was impossible to roll back the update. But the instruction was given, carefully showing how to disable the updates, so as not to be updated by chance. Only after reading the description and turning off everything that could be turned off (that is, everything that was turned on by default), he disdainfully dressed himself in a scarlet flush and went to the 807th.
The screams of Yevgeny Semenovich, despite the closed door, were heard from the elevator. Communicates with technical support, Yevgeny Vladimirovich understood. After waiting for a pause, he knocked loudly. Semyonitch had a face on his face, dressed in leopard leggings and a black T-shirt, on the chest of which white was a Kalashnikov assault rifle and the inscription “AZADI BO KURDISTAN”. A holographic jacket was lying on the floor, on which a bright blue sky in the clouds was depicted, against which the “soldier” fell down decently dressed gentlemen in black coats and bowlers. Apparently, the owner tried to trample him. Upon entering, he sat down in the chair and waited for the end of the conversation, noting for himself the new speech turns. Semyonitch, before taking office, was a career officer and retired to the reserve either in the rank of colonel, or lieutenant colonel. He tried not to advertise this part of his life especially, but the slang words that had slipped into him in moments of anger evoked purely philological interest in Yevgeny Vladimirovich. “What, Japanese policeman, Monday ?! I tell you, your milk is boiling, tomorrow at 9.00 a conference! Can you hear me? A conference on nuclear energy, not a gay parade! ”After a while, Semyonitch threw the phone on the bed, and, flopping into the next chair, lit a cigarette.
- In the hotel you can not smoke, said Yevgeny Vladimirovich - the alarm will work.
- Nikhera will not work, answered Yevgeny Semenovich, and invitingly moved the pack to Yevgeny Vladimirovich. I turned it off.
- I threw, said Yevgeny Vladimirovich, pulling a cigarette out of the pack.
- All abandoned, answered Yevgeny Semenovich and held out the lighter. Thrown ... Naye ** li!
- Do not boil only. I went to their site. I read what and how ...
- Well?
- We are to blame. Behaved like the last humanities. It was necessary to immediately look into the settings and disable these fucking updates. And now you need to invent something else. (He chose not to mention where the design came from.)
- Buy something else will not work. Everything is already closed. Order via the Internet - also, by morning, and even on Saturday, delivery will not have time.
- Swap clothes with someone? Is that with each other? Sew it yourself?
Yevgeny Vladimirovich looked around the window in search of curtains. There were plastic shutters on the windows. He got up walked to the bed and pulled off the bedspread. He felt the sheet, then pulled. Plain white sheet. To the touch cotton. “Wait a minute,” said Yevgeny Semenovich, taking the sheet and winding it around his belt. So ... Now here, he threw it over his shoulder and threw it behind his back. If you pin it here, it will look like a Greek toga. He looked more like a visitor to the Finnish sauna, but no alternative styles were foreseen. On their feet, it was decided to put on hotel slippers for the shower.
- In this form, we are not allowed into the conference room, Yevgeny Vladimirovich doubted.
- Where are they going? We have membership cards. Let it go. We join the Saudi delegation, they always dress like that, why can't we? In Semyonitch's voice, iron confidence sounded, reinforced by hopelessness.
At first they were squinted, but in the course of the report, the authority was fully restored. As you understand, when it comes to the practical implementation of the bremsstrahlung that occurs during thermal motion in a hot rarefied plasma, it is not until the appearance of the speaker. Even if he is dressed as if he just jumped out of the steam room. And agreed with the French.
At the airport really had to go in flares and leggings. Sheets and slippers remained in the hotel. But it was not long to endure. The plane has already gained height, at the first transplant in a duty free you can buy a sports suit or something like that. It’s even good that the flight is not direct — none of my acquaintances will see this horror, ”thought Yevgeny Vladimirovich, falling asleep in the seat of the plane, when his thoughts were interrupted by shouts and intensifying boom giving out increasing panic. Terrorist attack? He opened his eyes and, seeing half-dressed passengers jumped up from their seats, he understood everything. His flares disappeared. On a belt over a pair of underpants there was a dangling belt with pockets sewn to it and some kind of wires. Having fished out a mobile phone, he opened the last message.
»You are leaving Eritrea. Thank you for using our services. Bon Voyage! SoftySoft ".
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/395469/
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