Javascript as thoughtvirus
In general, I try not to write articles and comments not on technical topics, but as soon as there appeared non-technical articles on the spirit of “JavaScript as a phenomenon” and “JavaScript as a holiday,” I found it necessary to take part in the discussion.
To begin with, I do not write to JavaScript professionally. I write a lot on TypeScript, I think that I understand frontend-development (for example, now I’m working on integrating my own VDOM implementation into my Lattice datagrid engine, which will soon be a separate article. Well, how soon ... will be, in general :), but my main profile - C # and do everything to protect poor C # developers from excessive diving in JavaScript.
So here. Please note that I absolutely have nothing against JavaScript as such and its technical ecosystem. This is a normal language, with an acceptable toolset. In any case, I feel more comfortable in it than in any ... LabView . I do not think it is very poorly done - in the end, there are no flaws that are incompatible with life, but I also don’t find anything revolutionary or magical in it. My main message is to the community. To people, not to technology, because as from my point of view, most of the problems and holivars around JavaScript come not from the language itself, but from its, as I sometimes think, distraught followers. Having a long experience of communicating with developers in JavaScript, I assumed that this language works like a thought virus, which eventually turns the person writing on it into an aggressive fanatic, which I was not able to note with other technologies. Actually, this article is a satire on the stamps of JavaScript-developers, which JavaScript struck as a thought virus. Hence the name.
And yes. I do not think that all JavaScript-developers are like that. There are a lot of normal and adequate people among them who managed (or failed :) to dwell on any qualification level and preserve the sobriety of mind and sound memory. Honor and praise them. However, fanatics from JavaScript, by their nature, are much more “loud” (as always: someone screams and someone else does the work) and is so extravagant that they deserve separate consideration. Also in the article will be mentioned jQuery. So - in no case do I agitate to write everything on it and not to use more advanced solutions. Use what you like, but please stay with people. So…
')
If you are reading this, then you should know: your language has the character of a thought virus. He seriously corrodes the brain as you continue to engage in this filth. You yourself probably do not notice this, but we, the people "from the outside," hear you, see and read. We have developed a special map with tips on what to do, so that you can independently diagnose the severity of your condition, recover, and quickly return to normal life.
Symptoms:
- JavaScript interests you only by work;
- You can write a piece of code in the <script> tag;
- You have no particular desire to talk about JavaScript, except sometimes complaining about it to colleagues in the smoking room. You don't even consider him to be a language;
- jQuery is a handy tool and sincerely helps you in business;
- JavaScript is written in the summary in one line along with Java, C / C ++ and SQL.
Diagnosis:
Healthy You are fine, the brain is not affected, there are no problems. Download the show and discover the beer - you did a good job this week.
Symptoms:
- You will be amused by the closures in JavaScript, you have a slight pride in the fact that you understand how they work;
- You lay out the JavaScript-code on the files, jumped a bunch of plug-ins to jQuery, think about learning AngularJS and feel calm and relaxation;
- You read the manuals for the plug-ins, in the next browser tab you usually have porn;
- jQuery - taxis and pedal, AngularJS is given in my head by the sounds of mysterious Albion;
- You know that '3' - 2 == 1, but '3' + 2 == '32' and this makes you angry.
Diagnosis:
Everything is still in order, but the cunning JavaScript virus flies everywhere in the air. Take care of yourself and wear a protective mask.
Symptoms:
“You understand prototype inheritance.” You are a little disgusting, but generally tolerable;
- AngularJS is embedded in the home project. You tell the boss that it would be nice to use the worker;
- You read manuals on AngularJS, in passing you study TypeScript / CoffeeScript. Occasionally with interest you read advertising articles telling about the magic of JavaScript and how some company X lives with it happily;
- jQuery doesn't turn you on anymore. You start using the terms “MVW”, “DSL”, “DOM-tree”. JavaScript object is called only "hash";
- Videos like JavaScript WAT no longer cause violent emotions. You understand how it works and why.
Diagnosis:
Began! You do not notice this, but your brain is already attacked! For God's sake, learn to live with it. Learn to control it. Do not let him enslave you - and then everything will be fine.
Symptoms:
- AngularJS in the production of your working project. Not on all pages, but even so;
- You realize that the frontend is a whole separate part of the system and it is impossible to support it by the forces of backend-developers. You talk about it with the boss, you get a puzzled look;
- You write on TypeScript and nervously think how to automate the assembly of the fronted. Read articles about grunt. You get acquainted with the experience of using JavaScript in fashionable start-ups;
- Colleagues, mostly combining the backend with finishing scripts on the project pages, cease to understand what you are saying and make you responsible for everything related to the client side. Because of this, you get a little resentment and a little resentment towards them;
- In the summary, you erase the JavaScript item, and add a new section: Frontend.
Diagnosis:
Your illness is progressing. You probably do not notice this, but just believe me - the virus has already settled in your head. Put aside JavaScript, write it on C, learn some game engine. You urgently need to get rid of the thought of javascript in order to keep the disease going. At this stage, you can still pull yourself together and be just a good fullstack engineer.
Symptoms:
- Strong desire to talk about javascript. In the smoking room, with burning eyes, you are telling your bewildered colleagues that JavaScript can be run outside the browser. You take offense when they do not consider this a serious achievement;
- The frontend of the working draft is assembled separately, using grunt and require.js. From this you are doing well and pleasantly, there is a feeling of warmth and home comfort. Colleagues do not understand what is happening there and why. You answer all the questions and answer something like "yes, there is a long time to explain." Very angry when colleagues write something in the script tag;
- TypeScript gets you cramped;
- Read a lot of conceptual articles about the future of JavaScript. Learn about the existence of React, try it on your home project. You get the first writing experience in the comments on the article on React, you find support and understanding there;
- Thinking of going to a javascript conference - meeting like-minded people.
Diagnosis:
Brain liquefaction is in full swing. The virus smugly bites off pieces of gray matter and chews it with gusto and crunch. Just stop, go on vacation - preferably in Goa, for 2 years, learn meditation. If you don’t learn to control your javascript, it will kill you and ruin your life.
Symptoms:
- You try React on your home project. You rinse the brains of the boss, that your entire website should be urgently redone to SPA and isomorphic rendering. Naturally, you get a warning about the imminent dismissal, but proudly grinning you quit yourself and leave for a hipster startup;
- TypeScript severely limits your capabilities. Refusing it is not a new job in favor of pure js;
- Anyone who writes you about '3' + 2 is immediately called an illiterate cattle, who simply cannot master the language. For you, this is already obvious. You start to think that any person for whom JavaScript is not the main language of work is simply not organically able to understand prototype inheritance. This is for the elect;
- You go to a javascript conference. There they show you for the first time how to make a server on Node.JS in 20 seconds. You admire. The virus, having fed on the materials from the conference, bites off that part of the brain that still remembers multithreading. She dies and does not have time to ask her questions;
- You think that VDOM is an unobvious and ingenious solution that can only come to the brightest heads of this world.
Diagnosis:
The disease is coming to an irreversible stage. Look - the virus is already destroying your life. Immediately get a tutorial on C ++ and do a dozen or so tasks. It becomes impossible to communicate with you! You are aggressive and moved from the coils. I know that you do not believe in it, but those around you see everything.
Symptoms:
- You think that the whole web will soon switch to isomorphic rendering. Classical approaches are outdated, and personally you are standing on the threshold of a technological revolution. Change the title to “JavaScript Professional” in the resume;
- Time after time you start the server on Node.JS. You check it on a variety of tasks - a blog, an analogue of twitter, todo-list, image hosting. You marvel at the speed. You think that this is The Web Development;
- You start any experiment with installing a webpack, react and a dozen more packages. In the process of downloading you look at the monitor enchanted;
“Forget why you need SQL databases.” Sincerely you do not understand why you can’t do everything on mongodb. You consider the authors of the video mongodb is web scale to be illiterate fat trolls;
- Asynchronous operations in Node.JS for you - cutting edge. You are completely sure that it is impossible in any other language except JavaScript, and this is not supported by any other framework other than Node.JS.
Diagnosis:
Severe head damage. The picture of the world is thoroughly broken. Well, it happened. We warned you. Now it is already impossible to argue with you - just take a word for it that you need to stop. Stop doing it and go back to the university. Just believe it will be better.
Symptoms:
- You are writing your first article about the successful implementation of Node.JS to solve, as you think, very important tasks in your company. In comments you are rude to all who dare to doubt your success;
- I flatly refuse to listen about other languages and frameworks. Prefer to learn about them from conversations with friends. I am sure that C ++ is outdated and will no longer be used. Java / C # / VB are enterprise-languages and they have nothing but meaningless clutter of patterns, and they work slowly because there are no asynchronous operations in them. Instead of any argument that this is not the case, you hear white noise;
- JavaScript has long been perfect for you. There are no flaws in it, and if someone believes that they exist, it is only because this someone cannot open the documentation and read what you immediately tell him;
- Social activity returns. True, you do not communicate with anyone who is not part of the JavaScript party. Anyone who asks you a question on JavaScript in a condescending tone is sent to “read books” and blame for not understanding the obvious;
- You started writing less code. Basically, you spend time reading articles praising JavaScript and writing approving comments under them. You call this the “exchange of expert opinions” and the “highly specialized professional discussion.”
Diagnosis:
Critical brain damage by virus. Hurt important thought centers. Collect hard drives from all computers and discard them. Arrange to work as a loader. Just drag the boxes, drink, and don't talk to anyone. Throw out your Google Nexus and buy an old black and white Nokia. After a few years you will be able to return to programming by starting the study with C ++. Do not ask questions - it should be so.
Symptoms:
- For you in JavaScript, the best package managers. You are absolutely sure that the systems should be assembled from as small as possible packages of 10 lines, and any modular decomposition is based on the principle “less module means better”;
- You think that static strong typing is a dead-end branch of development. All more or less typed languages will soon die out because of their inflexibility and congestion. Nothing should limit the real programmer - including the type system. Inheritance, interfaces, abstract classes are a relic of the past that only complicate things;
- ... and JavaScript is generally the only language that saves a person from such conventions. It is in first place in all ratings of the industry, it is developing by leaps and bounds and nothing but it is not viable. Well, maybe except TypeScript. And that is needed only for those diseases that have not mastered pure js;
- You forgot the word "multithreading". You think that this is something at the assembly level and you don’t need to know this, because Node.JS completely abstracts you from this. You are sure that this is the way it should be, and people who understand this - either carriers of unnecessary and useless information, or develop operating systems;
- You feel that the entire IT industry has developed somehow wrong. There are many inappropriate complications in it that no one needs. You sincerely believe that everything should be much simpler and that all the people who developed the theoretical basis for programming are very stupid, since they did not understand it. And for what they only got their doctoral degrees? You would have done much better.
Diagnosis:
The virus ate your whole brain and replaced it. Sorry, but you will not be saved.
To begin with, I do not write to JavaScript professionally. I write a lot on TypeScript, I think that I understand frontend-development (for example, now I’m working on integrating my own VDOM implementation into my Lattice datagrid engine, which will soon be a separate article. Well, how soon ... will be, in general :), but my main profile - C # and do everything to protect poor C # developers from excessive diving in JavaScript.
So here. Please note that I absolutely have nothing against JavaScript as such and its technical ecosystem. This is a normal language, with an acceptable toolset. In any case, I feel more comfortable in it than in any ... LabView . I do not think it is very poorly done - in the end, there are no flaws that are incompatible with life, but I also don’t find anything revolutionary or magical in it. My main message is to the community. To people, not to technology, because as from my point of view, most of the problems and holivars around JavaScript come not from the language itself, but from its, as I sometimes think, distraught followers. Having a long experience of communicating with developers in JavaScript, I assumed that this language works like a thought virus, which eventually turns the person writing on it into an aggressive fanatic, which I was not able to note with other technologies. Actually, this article is a satire on the stamps of JavaScript-developers, which JavaScript struck as a thought virus. Hence the name.
And yes. I do not think that all JavaScript-developers are like that. There are a lot of normal and adequate people among them who managed (or failed :) to dwell on any qualification level and preserve the sobriety of mind and sound memory. Honor and praise them. However, fanatics from JavaScript, by their nature, are much more “loud” (as always: someone screams and someone else does the work) and is so extravagant that they deserve separate consideration. Also in the article will be mentioned jQuery. So - in no case do I agitate to write everything on it and not to use more advanced solutions. Use what you like, but please stay with people. So…
')
Dear javascript developer!
If you are reading this, then you should know: your language has the character of a thought virus. He seriously corrodes the brain as you continue to engage in this filth. You yourself probably do not notice this, but we, the people "from the outside," hear you, see and read. We have developed a special map with tips on what to do, so that you can independently diagnose the severity of your condition, recover, and quickly return to normal life.
Level 0: “jQuery is good”
Symptoms:
- JavaScript interests you only by work;
- You can write a piece of code in the <script> tag;
- You have no particular desire to talk about JavaScript, except sometimes complaining about it to colleagues in the smoking room. You don't even consider him to be a language;
- jQuery is a handy tool and sincerely helps you in business;
- JavaScript is written in the summary in one line along with Java, C / C ++ and SQL.
Diagnosis:
Healthy You are fine, the brain is not affected, there are no problems. Download the show and discover the beer - you did a good job this week.
Level 1: “I’m just sitting where JavaScript is”
Symptoms:
- You will be amused by the closures in JavaScript, you have a slight pride in the fact that you understand how they work;
- You lay out the JavaScript-code on the files, jumped a bunch of plug-ins to jQuery, think about learning AngularJS and feel calm and relaxation;
- You read the manuals for the plug-ins, in the next browser tab you usually have porn;
- jQuery - taxis and pedal, AngularJS is given in my head by the sounds of mysterious Albion;
- You know that '3' - 2 == 1, but '3' + 2 == '32' and this makes you angry.
Diagnosis:
Everything is still in order, but the cunning JavaScript virus flies everywhere in the air. Take care of yourself and wear a protective mask.
Level 2: “I can quit whenever I want”
Symptoms:
“You understand prototype inheritance.” You are a little disgusting, but generally tolerable;
- AngularJS is embedded in the home project. You tell the boss that it would be nice to use the worker;
- You read manuals on AngularJS, in passing you study TypeScript / CoffeeScript. Occasionally with interest you read advertising articles telling about the magic of JavaScript and how some company X lives with it happily;
- jQuery doesn't turn you on anymore. You start using the terms “MVW”, “DSL”, “DOM-tree”. JavaScript object is called only "hash";
- Videos like JavaScript WAT no longer cause violent emotions. You understand how it works and why.
Diagnosis:
Began! You do not notice this, but your brain is already attacked! For God's sake, learn to live with it. Learn to control it. Do not let him enslave you - and then everything will be fine.
Here you started using npm
Level 3: “I do not see anything bad in this”
Symptoms:
- AngularJS in the production of your working project. Not on all pages, but even so;
- You realize that the frontend is a whole separate part of the system and it is impossible to support it by the forces of backend-developers. You talk about it with the boss, you get a puzzled look;
- You write on TypeScript and nervously think how to automate the assembly of the fronted. Read articles about grunt. You get acquainted with the experience of using JavaScript in fashionable start-ups;
- Colleagues, mostly combining the backend with finishing scripts on the project pages, cease to understand what you are saying and make you responsible for everything related to the client side. Because of this, you get a little resentment and a little resentment towards them;
- In the summary, you erase the JavaScript item, and add a new section: Frontend.
Diagnosis:
Your illness is progressing. You probably do not notice this, but just believe me - the virus has already settled in your head. Put aside JavaScript, write it on C, learn some game engine. You urgently need to get rid of the thought of javascript in order to keep the disease going. At this stage, you can still pull yourself together and be just a good fullstack engineer.
Level 4: "You just do not understand the point"
Symptoms:
- Strong desire to talk about javascript. In the smoking room, with burning eyes, you are telling your bewildered colleagues that JavaScript can be run outside the browser. You take offense when they do not consider this a serious achievement;
- The frontend of the working draft is assembled separately, using grunt and require.js. From this you are doing well and pleasantly, there is a feeling of warmth and home comfort. Colleagues do not understand what is happening there and why. You answer all the questions and answer something like "yes, there is a long time to explain." Very angry when colleagues write something in the script tag;
- TypeScript gets you cramped;
- Read a lot of conceptual articles about the future of JavaScript. Learn about the existence of React, try it on your home project. You get the first writing experience in the comments on the article on React, you find support and understanding there;
- Thinking of going to a javascript conference - meeting like-minded people.
Diagnosis:
Brain liquefaction is in full swing. The virus smugly bites off pieces of gray matter and chews it with gusto and crunch. Just stop, go on vacation - preferably in Goa, for 2 years, learn meditation. If you don’t learn to control your javascript, it will kill you and ruin your life.
Level 5: "JavaScript - nyashka. And all of you - cattle "
Symptoms:
- You try React on your home project. You rinse the brains of the boss, that your entire website should be urgently redone to SPA and isomorphic rendering. Naturally, you get a warning about the imminent dismissal, but proudly grinning you quit yourself and leave for a hipster startup;
- TypeScript severely limits your capabilities. Refusing it is not a new job in favor of pure js;
- Anyone who writes you about '3' + 2 is immediately called an illiterate cattle, who simply cannot master the language. For you, this is already obvious. You start to think that any person for whom JavaScript is not the main language of work is simply not organically able to understand prototype inheritance. This is for the elect;
- You go to a javascript conference. There they show you for the first time how to make a server on Node.JS in 20 seconds. You admire. The virus, having fed on the materials from the conference, bites off that part of the brain that still remembers multithreading. She dies and does not have time to ask her questions;
- You think that VDOM is an unobvious and ingenious solution that can only come to the brightest heads of this world.
Diagnosis:
The disease is coming to an irreversible stage. Look - the virus is already destroying your life. Immediately get a tutorial on C ++ and do a dozen or so tasks. It becomes impossible to communicate with you! You are aggressive and moved from the coils. I know that you do not believe in it, but those around you see everything.
You started using Node.JS
Level 6: "This is a full technical stack!"
Symptoms:
- You think that the whole web will soon switch to isomorphic rendering. Classical approaches are outdated, and personally you are standing on the threshold of a technological revolution. Change the title to “JavaScript Professional” in the resume;
- Time after time you start the server on Node.JS. You check it on a variety of tasks - a blog, an analogue of twitter, todo-list, image hosting. You marvel at the speed. You think that this is The Web Development;
- You start any experiment with installing a webpack, react and a dozen more packages. In the process of downloading you look at the monitor enchanted;
“Forget why you need SQL databases.” Sincerely you do not understand why you can’t do everything on mongodb. You consider the authors of the video mongodb is web scale to be illiterate fat trolls;
- Asynchronous operations in Node.JS for you - cutting edge. You are completely sure that it is impossible in any other language except JavaScript, and this is not supported by any other framework other than Node.JS.
Diagnosis:
Severe head damage. The picture of the world is thoroughly broken. Well, it happened. We warned you. Now it is already impossible to argue with you - just take a word for it that you need to stop. Stop doing it and go back to the university. Just believe it will be better.
Level 7: "The world must know!"
Symptoms:
- You are writing your first article about the successful implementation of Node.JS to solve, as you think, very important tasks in your company. In comments you are rude to all who dare to doubt your success;
- I flatly refuse to listen about other languages and frameworks. Prefer to learn about them from conversations with friends. I am sure that C ++ is outdated and will no longer be used. Java / C # / VB are enterprise-languages and they have nothing but meaningless clutter of patterns, and they work slowly because there are no asynchronous operations in them. Instead of any argument that this is not the case, you hear white noise;
- JavaScript has long been perfect for you. There are no flaws in it, and if someone believes that they exist, it is only because this someone cannot open the documentation and read what you immediately tell him;
- Social activity returns. True, you do not communicate with anyone who is not part of the JavaScript party. Anyone who asks you a question on JavaScript in a condescending tone is sent to “read books” and blame for not understanding the obvious;
- You started writing less code. Basically, you spend time reading articles praising JavaScript and writing approving comments under them. You call this the “exchange of expert opinions” and the “highly specialized professional discussion.”
Diagnosis:
Critical brain damage by virus. Hurt important thought centers. Collect hard drives from all computers and discard them. Arrange to work as a loader. Just drag the boxes, drink, and don't talk to anyone. Throw out your Google Nexus and buy an old black and white Nokia. After a few years you will be able to return to programming by starting the study with C ++. Do not ask questions - it should be so.
Level 8: "The whole industry was created for JavaScript only"
Symptoms:
- For you in JavaScript, the best package managers. You are absolutely sure that the systems should be assembled from as small as possible packages of 10 lines, and any modular decomposition is based on the principle “less module means better”;
- You think that static strong typing is a dead-end branch of development. All more or less typed languages will soon die out because of their inflexibility and congestion. Nothing should limit the real programmer - including the type system. Inheritance, interfaces, abstract classes are a relic of the past that only complicate things;
- ... and JavaScript is generally the only language that saves a person from such conventions. It is in first place in all ratings of the industry, it is developing by leaps and bounds and nothing but it is not viable. Well, maybe except TypeScript. And that is needed only for those diseases that have not mastered pure js;
- You forgot the word "multithreading". You think that this is something at the assembly level and you don’t need to know this, because Node.JS completely abstracts you from this. You are sure that this is the way it should be, and people who understand this - either carriers of unnecessary and useless information, or develop operating systems;
- You feel that the entire IT industry has developed somehow wrong. There are many inappropriate complications in it that no one needs. You sincerely believe that everything should be much simpler and that all the people who developed the theoretical basis for programming are very stupid, since they did not understand it. And for what they only got their doctoral degrees? You would have done much better.
Diagnosis:
The virus ate your whole brain and replaced it. Sorry, but you will not be saved.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/334964/
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