Where is the logic? Learn to think systemically. Part 2
Part 1 can be found by clicking on the link .
So, let's continue ... Pushing away from the issue of mutual understanding in relations, let's develop the topic of communication and expand the scope of the study.
In order to clearly understand the basics of effective interaction with people, let us consider the principles of communication from different angles. To do this, you can recall some known events from life or refer to the sources of information. For example, the Internet. Personally, I chose the following topics:
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One of the most important aspects of communication that deserves close attention is its impact on the participants. Ordinarily it turned out, but unusually ... In other words, it is necessary to understand what factors of communication cause a significant reaction in communicating and to what consequences it leads to.
Let's first listen to the first sensations that open when communicating. It is appropriate to recall the words of Coco Chanel: "You will not have a second chance to make a first impression." So, to build high-quality communication with the right people, it is important from the first minutes to properly organize communication. It is said that to make it easier in an informal setting.
Remember the trick with the smoking room from the movie “Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears”:
“I'm here, I got a pass to the scientific hall of the Lenin Library.
-What for?
Do you imagine what the contingent is there? Academicians, doctors, philosophers.
“So what, will you watch them read?”
― Much you understand. There's still a smoking room ...
Change for the better impression of yourself, of course, over time, it is possible, but it will have to spend time and effort. Therefore, it is still much more correct to take care of this in advance.
The next thought that I would like to draw attention to is that in any communication it is necessary to be aware of how interested the other interlocutors are in it. Even in the Old Testament, it was noted: "Do not be obsessive so as not to push you away, and not too far away, so as not to forget about you." In my practice there was a case when a psychologist was invited for the company's sales department in order to increase the level of communication skills of employees. And everything went very well and even wonderful, and the people grew above themselves, but a side effect arose. After several lessons and conversations, the staff members stretched a string of this psychologist, who became gradually the messiah, in order to pour out his soul (he knew how to listen very mentally) and get qualified advice (he knew how to put everything on shelves very well). As a result, a psychologist wailed, he was not ready for such loads. And as soon as the management did not try to protect it from obtrusive harassment, but how can you refuse the suffering people who trusted you? As a result, he moved to another city. He is a smart man and I think that he no longer made such mistakes. If you need to communicate with someone, then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear and what they care about. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves by phone? "I, too ... And I love you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require undue effort.
Another noteworthy effect of communication, I recently watched in a trolley bus. An elderly woman, perched in front of an intelligent lady, began to tell her her vicissitudes with the design of the apartment and the claims of her relatives on her property. At the same time, the intelligent lady remained indifferent and did not utter a word. But the narrator was very pleased with the “communication” and, when she was leaving at her bus stop, the mountain seemed to fall off her shoulders. Why do people want to tell someone the events from their lives that are essential only for themselves and absolutely indifferent to the interlocutor? What is more, it is not important for a person to respond to him or in any way react to his monologue, he just needs someone to listen to him. A similar effect, you probably watched, when a person, having come to someone for advice, in the course of his presentation of the problem, personally looks for its solution. It remains only to thank the speechless interlocutor for the help and, without hearing a word, leave. For all that, the solicitor was probably thinking about the decision himself, but he could find a clue only by telling his opinions to someone out loud. Perhaps this is just a problem in communicating the person with Himself. And after all - this is the most reliable listener and narrator, he is always at hand, he will never turn away and will not abandon you.
And now about what worries. One of the worst things, in my opinion, the devil for communication is irritability. Sometimes a person is well aware that from the outside it looks disgusting and badly affects his image as a whole, but is not able to cope with his feelings. Usually indignation is caused by unflattering assessments of actions and actions handed out by the interlocutors. Moreover, injustice can be expressed not only by the essence of information, but also simply by the tone of its report. Opponents can use this weakness to show nervousness in the other side and gain psychological advantage in the conversation. And vice versa, if the relationship with a person is dear to you, try to avoid initiatives that clearly irritate him and cause tension. For example, the hero of the fairy tale Eugene Schwartz “The Ordinary Miracle” said about this: “If you want to point out mistakes, you must first praise, you bastard.”
Having noticed the static problems that worry us, let's take a look at their dynamics. We rise above the monumental and take a look, changeable and impermanent.
In the course of the evolution of the human race, the ways of its communication evolved. As all new readily accessible means of communication appear, the intensity and quality of the communication itself increases. And with the increased efficiency of message delivery, there was less and less time to maneuver in the formulation of thoughts. As a result, their own slang has appeared on social networks, most often boiling down to replacing words and whole expressions with more capacious phraseological turns - cliché. For example, what else in the last century sounded like: "The information you provided seems to me unreliable," now you can blurt out the saying: "The author burns." It is even possible to imitate nonverbal communication, with the help of emoticons, winks, icons, etc. The use of such jargon is most often abhorrent to people of conservative upbringing. But the need to pretend to be your own in a certain community makes even them imitate this “bad taste”.
The use of such slang is dictated, after all, not only by the desire to show off, but also by efficiency in terms of the speed of information transfer. I read somewhere that research was conducted in the field of military art, to identify the most effective language - people management during military operations. According to the researchers, the teams in English sound shorter than in Russian and less time should be spent on their use. But in the real world, it turned out that the Russian-speaking servicemen managed the teams more quickly. When studying this phenomenon, we found out that commands are given mainly in the form of idiomatic expressions (mat) of a limited set, but extended by variations, through the use of intonations.
The second point that I would like to mention in this section is the change in the proportions of readers and writers. Earlier, in the distant pre-Internet era, there were many more people who read with pleasure and did not write much. Naturally, in those times, if someone had already gathered and wrote down some thoughts and thoughts, then it was very difficult to convey them to a wide circle of readers, even for a professional. Now the Internet in general and the social networks in particular allow you to put your thoughts on a universal judgment practically in real time. People began to write more often, they gained experience, their fear of being misunderstood has decreased and they got a taste. In this regard: firstly, the majority has less time for reading, and secondly, the opportunity to immediately respond and discuss what they read. Therefore, the format of publications began to change. Articles of more than 3 pages are no longer in demand, people cannot donate so much of their precious time to the author, unless this is the specific knowledge that they currently need “to spare”. Although if you have already read this far, apparently there are exceptions.
By tradition, we granulate the information into brief theses, for ease of further use:
Conclusion 7 : To establish long-term effective relationships with people, plan their construction and development in advance and build them thoroughly from the first moment of communication.
Conclusion 8 : If in the process of communication you pursue some interests, manage it. To do this, you need to be able to clearly formulate for yourself whose goals you want to achieve and determine the best ways to achieve them.
Conclusion 9 : It is useful to be able to communicate with Himself. Discuss, propose solutions and oppose yourself in the choice of options. It may also be useful to gain rhetoric in general and the ability to improvise when dealing with opponents.
Conclusion 10 : If there is a need to establish trusting relationships in a certain community of people and not “flood as a loser, moving away from the topic,” it is necessary to adapt to the communication style inherent to this public, “resolving” the threshold of distrust.
Conclusion 11 : If you want to communicate with busy people, try to formulate your thoughts briefly, but so that a person’s consciousness can easily dilute this “concentrate” to a digestible consistency.
Conclusion 12 : You must learn to manage your feelings when communicating, not allowing spontaneous emotions to manifest.
Part 3 can be found by clicking on the link.
III Through understanding to effective relationships
For success in life - the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having a talent.
John lebbok
So, let's continue ... Pushing away from the issue of mutual understanding in relations, let's develop the topic of communication and expand the scope of the study.
In order to clearly understand the basics of effective interaction with people, let us consider the principles of communication from different angles. To do this, you can recall some known events from life or refer to the sources of information. For example, the Internet. Personally, I chose the following topics:
')
1. Find out about the effects of communication
One of the most important aspects of communication that deserves close attention is its impact on the participants. Ordinarily it turned out, but unusually ... In other words, it is necessary to understand what factors of communication cause a significant reaction in communicating and to what consequences it leads to.
Let's first listen to the first sensations that open when communicating. It is appropriate to recall the words of Coco Chanel: "You will not have a second chance to make a first impression." So, to build high-quality communication with the right people, it is important from the first minutes to properly organize communication. It is said that to make it easier in an informal setting.
Remember the trick with the smoking room from the movie “Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears”:
“I'm here, I got a pass to the scientific hall of the Lenin Library.
-What for?
Do you imagine what the contingent is there? Academicians, doctors, philosophers.
“So what, will you watch them read?”
― Much you understand. There's still a smoking room ...
Change for the better impression of yourself, of course, over time, it is possible, but it will have to spend time and effort. Therefore, it is still much more correct to take care of this in advance.
The next thought that I would like to draw attention to is that in any communication it is necessary to be aware of how interested the other interlocutors are in it. Even in the Old Testament, it was noted: "Do not be obsessive so as not to push you away, and not too far away, so as not to forget about you." In my practice there was a case when a psychologist was invited for the company's sales department in order to increase the level of communication skills of employees. And everything went very well and even wonderful, and the people grew above themselves, but a side effect arose. After several lessons and conversations, the staff members stretched a string of this psychologist, who became gradually the messiah, in order to pour out his soul (he knew how to listen very mentally) and get qualified advice (he knew how to put everything on shelves very well). As a result, a psychologist wailed, he was not ready for such loads. And as soon as the management did not try to protect it from obtrusive harassment, but how can you refuse the suffering people who trusted you? As a result, he moved to another city. He is a smart man and I think that he no longer made such mistakes. If you need to communicate with someone, then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear and what they care about. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves by phone? "I, too ... And I love you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require undue effort.
Another noteworthy effect of communication, I recently watched in a trolley bus. An elderly woman, perched in front of an intelligent lady, began to tell her her vicissitudes with the design of the apartment and the claims of her relatives on her property. At the same time, the intelligent lady remained indifferent and did not utter a word. But the narrator was very pleased with the “communication” and, when she was leaving at her bus stop, the mountain seemed to fall off her shoulders. Why do people want to tell someone the events from their lives that are essential only for themselves and absolutely indifferent to the interlocutor? What is more, it is not important for a person to respond to him or in any way react to his monologue, he just needs someone to listen to him. A similar effect, you probably watched, when a person, having come to someone for advice, in the course of his presentation of the problem, personally looks for its solution. It remains only to thank the speechless interlocutor for the help and, without hearing a word, leave. For all that, the solicitor was probably thinking about the decision himself, but he could find a clue only by telling his opinions to someone out loud. Perhaps this is just a problem in communicating the person with Himself. And after all - this is the most reliable listener and narrator, he is always at hand, he will never turn away and will not abandon you.
And now about what worries. One of the worst things, in my opinion, the devil for communication is irritability. Sometimes a person is well aware that from the outside it looks disgusting and badly affects his image as a whole, but is not able to cope with his feelings. Usually indignation is caused by unflattering assessments of actions and actions handed out by the interlocutors. Moreover, injustice can be expressed not only by the essence of information, but also simply by the tone of its report. Opponents can use this weakness to show nervousness in the other side and gain psychological advantage in the conversation. And vice versa, if the relationship with a person is dear to you, try to avoid initiatives that clearly irritate him and cause tension. For example, the hero of the fairy tale Eugene Schwartz “The Ordinary Miracle” said about this: “If you want to point out mistakes, you must first praise, you bastard.”
Having noticed the static problems that worry us, let's take a look at their dynamics. We rise above the monumental and take a look, changeable and impermanent.
2. Test the impact of the development of communication tools on the quality of communication
In the course of the evolution of the human race, the ways of its communication evolved. As all new readily accessible means of communication appear, the intensity and quality of the communication itself increases. And with the increased efficiency of message delivery, there was less and less time to maneuver in the formulation of thoughts. As a result, their own slang has appeared on social networks, most often boiling down to replacing words and whole expressions with more capacious phraseological turns - cliché. For example, what else in the last century sounded like: "The information you provided seems to me unreliable," now you can blurt out the saying: "The author burns." It is even possible to imitate nonverbal communication, with the help of emoticons, winks, icons, etc. The use of such jargon is most often abhorrent to people of conservative upbringing. But the need to pretend to be your own in a certain community makes even them imitate this “bad taste”.
The use of such slang is dictated, after all, not only by the desire to show off, but also by efficiency in terms of the speed of information transfer. I read somewhere that research was conducted in the field of military art, to identify the most effective language - people management during military operations. According to the researchers, the teams in English sound shorter than in Russian and less time should be spent on their use. But in the real world, it turned out that the Russian-speaking servicemen managed the teams more quickly. When studying this phenomenon, we found out that commands are given mainly in the form of idiomatic expressions (mat) of a limited set, but extended by variations, through the use of intonations.
The second point that I would like to mention in this section is the change in the proportions of readers and writers. Earlier, in the distant pre-Internet era, there were many more people who read with pleasure and did not write much. Naturally, in those times, if someone had already gathered and wrote down some thoughts and thoughts, then it was very difficult to convey them to a wide circle of readers, even for a professional. Now the Internet in general and the social networks in particular allow you to put your thoughts on a universal judgment practically in real time. People began to write more often, they gained experience, their fear of being misunderstood has decreased and they got a taste. In this regard: firstly, the majority has less time for reading, and secondly, the opportunity to immediately respond and discuss what they read. Therefore, the format of publications began to change. Articles of more than 3 pages are no longer in demand, people cannot donate so much of their precious time to the author, unless this is the specific knowledge that they currently need “to spare”. Although if you have already read this far, apparently there are exceptions.
3. Let's match the results
By tradition, we granulate the information into brief theses, for ease of further use:
Conclusion 7 : To establish long-term effective relationships with people, plan their construction and development in advance and build them thoroughly from the first moment of communication.
Conclusion 8 : If in the process of communication you pursue some interests, manage it. To do this, you need to be able to clearly formulate for yourself whose goals you want to achieve and determine the best ways to achieve them.
Conclusion 9 : It is useful to be able to communicate with Himself. Discuss, propose solutions and oppose yourself in the choice of options. It may also be useful to gain rhetoric in general and the ability to improvise when dealing with opponents.
Conclusion 10 : If there is a need to establish trusting relationships in a certain community of people and not “flood as a loser, moving away from the topic,” it is necessary to adapt to the communication style inherent to this public, “resolving” the threshold of distrust.
Conclusion 11 : If you want to communicate with busy people, try to formulate your thoughts briefly, but so that a person’s consciousness can easily dilute this “concentrate” to a digestible consistency.
Conclusion 12 : You must learn to manage your feelings when communicating, not allowing spontaneous emotions to manifest.
Part 3 can be found by clicking on the link.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/334916/
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