$ Php is not needed *

It is well known that PHP is a dead programming language and its 22-year-old ecosystem has actually become useless when Node and new asynchronous frameworks based on it have appeared. The superiority of Node is obvious, because everyone knows that single-threaded asynchronous programs are better by default. And faster.

“But Simon! Why ?! ", you will probably scream when you see this text on the screen. And here's why:

Employment prospects

PHP developers are not in demand. After 22 years, all companies using PHP immediately abandoned it as soon as Node v0.0.1 was released, because this development stack instantly became the best. In addition, we all know that for a successful launch (forget about Slack), you need to create web interfaces on Node, and save the data in MongoDB.

Otherwise, it is simply impossible to succeed.

Here are some scientific facts to prove these statements:

$ headline = 'PHP developers can't find work to support their families';

Language ecosystem

The ecosystem is probably the most important factor in deciding not to use a programming language. Fortunately for us, PHP has been around for a long time, and its ecosystem is full of large, well-supported and full-featured frameworks that everyone hates - this is Laravel, a kind of equivalent to Rails, or an enterprise solution like Symfony and Zend.

Unlike PHP, Node developers don’t have to worry about finding a framework to hate, because everyone just writes their own. By creating your own frameworks, the developer can really stand out from the competition, inventing the wheel in a way that makes sense only to himself (the developer). This practice also doubles the guarantee of job preservation, which is very important, as shown in the results of the scientific studies cited above. Also, it triples the Developer Cool Factor ™.

The stunning evidence of Node’s superb ecosystem can be seen in the chart below:

$ header = 'The more frameworks, the better';

Time spent

The real level of developer productivity can be measured only by assessing how he spends his own time. It can be seen that PHP developers spend more time on writing code and building functional applications than on cultivating Developer's Flexibility Factor ™ and getting stars on GitHub. This will obviously affect them negatively when working in a startup, because they use their time unproductively. We all know that GitHub stars are a quantitative way to assess developer skills.

The inability of PHP developers to contribute to the community is shown below:

$ headline = 'Listening to complaints is less productive than complaining. Fact.';

Things you can't do being a PHP developer

• Program asynchronously (for real!);
• Get a simple and understandable sequence of parameters of the standard library functions;
• Create your own React TODO MVC application template;
• Implement a full-fledged server-side backend with a client-side front-end;
• Create your own memory leaks;
• Make a space meaningful;
• To achieve data loss between requests;
• Solve the problem of world hunger;
• Program in javascript;
• Tell people you are a PHP developer.

PHP as a tool for business

We all know that PHP is clearly inferior and cannot be used in developing business applications, so here’s a list of failed companies using PHP compared to the list of successful companies implementing their Node-based products:

$ headline = 'Node is a wonderful and effective evil tool';

Conclusion

Every developer knows that the fastest and most effective way to get something is to complain a lot and start everything from scratch every time. The market will always wait for your startup to start, because first of all you need to finish creating your own framework.
Also, why should we worry about shifting work and rely on the open source community when we can just do everything ourselves?

• Original article title - however, the parser did not allow emoji to be used in any way in the text.