Sport is dead! (based on "Agile died" and other obituaries)

Almost every week there is one or two articles about the fact that agile / scrum is dead and no longer works. I decided to systematize the main problems and complaints about this and consider them on the example of sports. So…

- Once I offered to play football guys. We put together a team, but the ball hit me in the face. I could not continue. The game was ripped off. Team - demotivated. Never! Hear, NEVER go in for sports if you don’t want your face to become disfigured!

- When I first squatted with a barbell, I read that it is cool! I hired the most expensive coach who helped me deal with all this. He had a lot of medals and certificates. But in the morning my legs hurt. Devils hurt! It seems to me that all these gury coaches are deceiving us! They don't care about our problems. They would get their hourly rate for training and mock us. Remember: sport does not work. This is the road to pain!

- WHAT DO YOU GENERALLY KNOW ABOUT PAIN ?! When I first got on the bike, I hit the saddle on the mud and fell into a muddy puddle. It hurted me!!! Again, I will never ride a bike, and I do not recommend it to you! They say that in Holland all ride bicycles. But what to take with them? They are all stubborn there! This is not for our climate! And anyway, they all have hemorrhoids, which they carefully hide from us!

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- Sport is not suitable for large (really large) guys like us. It is difficult for us to toss and turn over under a layer of our fat Everyone should understand this. By the way, can I have another serving of french fries?

- I heard that thanks to the sport you can improve your health and lose weight. I showed willpower and started doing exercises every day in the morning - exactly 5 minutes, 3 exercises: pull-ups, push-ups, and a press. At first it helped. But then winter came, and it became difficult for me to wake up every day. In general, I think charging is a good idea. But the one who invented it, obviously did not take into account the WINTER factor. In general - an ill-conceived methodology, I think!

- I needed an accurate estimate of the timing and budget, which I need to train and pull up 15 times. Very clear TK, is not it? The problem is that nobody could call me. All the so-called "experts" had different views on this. Someone said year. Someone said - three months. Someone said that you need to eat a lot of protein. Someone - that you need to adhere to separate nutrition. Someone said that you need to train an hour a day. Someone is that one approach with maximum weight is enough, in refusal. In the end, it became obvious to me that sport is a bunch of incompetent boobies who cannot agree among themselves. A set of some slogans, nothing more!