The play "Technical duty"

The play "Technical duty" in 9 parts. It is put and shown for the first time.

Part 0: Developer (P) and Manager (M) are in the empty room.

M: I gathered us here to tell you the most pleasant news: the KROTOPON system, which works on production, has stopped and we have lost a lot of money. In addition, there is no one who knows how it works. Therefore (with aspiration) our CEO gave me a sacred mission - to write a new system. Do you think you can handle it in two months?

R: What do you need to do?
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M: Yes, there are few, just a couple of dozen systems to tie and hang thingies.

R: Hey, this is the year of work! In general, the requirements will be?

M: (On the phone) Yes, of course, we can handle it in half a year. (To the developer) Well, you start here for the time being, and then I will inform you of the requirements.

The manager is leaving.

R: But right there ...

The developer sighs heavily, drags tools into the room and begins to construct something.


Part 1: After 2 months. The developer is sitting in the room and planing something. Runs joyful Manager and pulls the developer a large folder.

M: You know what I brought? These are system requirements written by our main writer. And our CEO became interested in our project, so we will be released a month earlier!

R: (stunned) But after all, everything is calculated for half a year!

M: Do not worry, look, I brought detailed requirements, everything will work out!

Developer looks requirements.

R: But this is a bilchit, we have not heard of these requirements at all!

M: Oh, this? This was asked by the CEO himself, so it must be done.

R: But I do not have time!

M: Do not worry, I'll think of something.

The manager runs away. The developer begins to disassemble the collected in the center of the room.

Part 2: In a month, the Developer collects something completely different from the construction from the previous scene. Manager enters.

M: Hail, I brought us help!

R: Oh, will someone else develop this product? Then we can handle it!

M: Not really. Meet, this is our Scrum Master!

Scrum master is entering (C).

S: Hello children! I mean it's nice to meet you!

M: It will help you to better allocate time between tasks and increase the productivity of our team.

R: But I'm alone in the team ...

S: Do not worry, I just read about the special form SCRAM, which is just suitable for teams of 3 people.

The manager leaves, the Scrum Master moves the construction made by the developer to a corner of the room and begins to draw graphics.

Part 3: The month before the release. Scrum master sits in the center of the room in a yoga pose, the Developer is trying to connect everything in the corner of the room. Manager enters.

M: Oh, I see everything is ready with you? Good!

R: It is imperfect, but I will have time to finish by the beginning of testing.

M: Oh, you mean this ... We will not have testing.

R: What?

M: I talked to VIPs and they want to see everything in 2 weeks, as we show all the CEOs. So testing is canceled.

R: But I don’t have time to strengthen everything for this show!

M: Not a problem, support crutches and nail the nails.

R: It will not work and I’m ashamed to show such code!

M: Do not worry, we will fix everything after the release.

The manager is leaving. The developer begins to nail the crutches to the construction, as a result of which it becomes like a hedgehog.

Part 4: Week before release. A lightning flashes in the window, an anti-tank hedgehog made of crutches stands in the corner. Next to sleeping developer. The Manager runs in and wakes up the Developer.

M: We must redo everything!

R: How? What? It works!

M: Our project was watched by VIPs and here is a list of completions that need to be done before showing the CEO.

The manager leaves the room and brings in a cart filled with paper.

R: But ... how? (Looks at the first piece of paper from the pile) This is not the same as it was written in the requirements!

M: Forget the requirements, you must do so.

R: But the Master Scrum says that we will not accept new demands!

S: You know, you cannot take new requirements, but if you really want to, then you can switch to a special version of adzhail for cats and there it is permissible. By the way, I was already called to help the next project, I will go.

Scrum master leaves.

M: I don't know about you, but I'm going to spend the night in the office today. I promise a good award for the results!

The manager demonstratively sits opposite the Developer and starts looking at him.

R: Okay, I will try to do something, but after the release it will be necessary to fix everything!

M: Yes, of course, you will have time for it after the release.

The developer begins to disassemble the paper in the cart, the Manager looks at him.

Part 5: In the corner of the room there is a swaying unstable design, the Developer is sleeping beside the cups from under the coffee. Manager enters.

M: (Looking around) Well done. (Drags developer) You know, our project is well appreciated. They said that I was a master of personnel management, that I was able to pull out this project in such a short time. So I was promoted. Meet, this is your new manager!

Manager 2 enters (M2), the Manager bows with him and leaves.

M2: (looking at a half-sleeping Developer) Hi! I hope you are full of strength and determination to work for the benefit of our company?

R: (sitting down with difficulty) Yes, I need to clean up the technical debt after the release ... And the Manager promised me a bonus ...

M2: Strange, he forgot to tell me about it. I will ask him. In the meantime, since you are ready with determination, I need help with another project.

Manager 2 goes and rolls the cart with the shit.

R: This is a bunch of shit!

M2: No, this is a very important project that our Guru did. You just need to fix a couple of small deficiencies inside, then let's talk about the bonus by the way.

Manager 2 leaves.

Part 6: The developer is sitting and trying to fix the wheel in a cart with shit, enters the Manager 2.

M2: Well, it looks great, and you said that a bunch of shit.

R: So can I get a prize?

M2: Yes, yes, of course. I agreed on everything. Only we are a little late and therefore we will have to wait until the end of the next reporting period after 6 months. By the way, it was decided to release the second version of this wonderful product (looks at the swaying anti-tank hedgehog in the corner of the room).

R: (shaking off shit) Well, finally I can fix these crutches!

M2: No, there is no time for this. We have a bunch of new requirements.

R: But the application is unstable! I will not be able to add new functionality until I fix the old one!

M2: Do not be afraid, I will ask for help, start doing.

Part 7: The same person, the Developer is trying to do something.

M2: Rejoice, I agreed on help!

R: Hope not a Scrum Master?

M2: No, I brought a real pro in my field! Meet Guru. You have already seen his project (nods at the cart with the shit).

Enter the Guru (G).

M2: The guru will lead the modifications. Questions?

R: But I know the project better ...

M2: Yes, show the project to the Guru.

The developer starts to show the project.

R: And here we have a bunch of crutches, they were planned to be fixed before the release.

G: (shaking his head in different directions) Yes, I understand.

M2: Well, you figure it out, have time?

G: Of course, we will do everything in the best possible way. Let's start with the most important part - the platform. Everything just can not be redone according to the latest trends.

R: But ...

M2: (clapping) Well, that’s it!

Part 8: The same faces, the Guru pulls another cart into the room and loads an anti-hedgehog onto it. In the process, half of the crutches are detached from the hedgehog and what is attached to them and remains lying on the floor. Then he carefully pours the shit from the first cart into the new one, covering the remains of the hedgehog.

G: Well, I even exceeded the plan, at the same time I added integration with the previous system. By the way, I forgot to say, I still work on 10 other projects and my time for this project is up, but I will go in and see what you have done. Next is trivial. Until!

The guru leaves the room.

R: Everything, everything got me, I quit!

M2: Award. Immediately after the release.

R: Yes, I already offer more!

M2: Then another salary increase, also after the release. And generally you are a professional or where? Go now unprofessional!

R: Ok. (starts collecting crutches from the floor)

Part 9, final: In the center of the room stands a cart with a shit and a sculpture of crutches, the Developer sits. Enter Manager 2 and Guru.

M2: What good fellows are we that made this system! Especially important is the dedication with which you (turns to the Guru) in the conditions of severe lack of time, perfectly built a new platform! Be sure to give you a good award.

R: I hope you have not forgotten about me?

M2: No, of course not! I only have news for you - I, together with the Guru, are being transferred to another department, so Manager 3 will take care of you. But by the way, he too!

Manager 2 and Guru go, enters Manager 3 (M3).

R: Let's talk about my premium and salary increase, which I agreed with Manager 2!

M3: Wait, wait, I heard about it, but it seems to me that the increase there is too big. Moreover, the main work was done by the Guru. Let's talk about this in 6 months when I look at you. Now I still have not been allocated a budget to increase the payroll fund.

R: Yes, you go ... (The developer writes a PSG statement and quits, leaves the stage)

Manager 3 writes a note “Since the Developer was not loyal enough and quit, please give me a team to support this application, but for now we freeze all work on it”.

After half a year, everything falls apart and the company loses a lot of money. They blame the Developer who has already left the company and decide to make a new system, since no one understands how the old one works.

END
When writing this text, not a single crutch was injured.
All matches with real people and events are considered malicious.