Editing a hopeless support letter

Once I was going to Greece and decided to find out if I would be charged a commission when paying with a ruble card. I do not like to call the bank, so I sent my question to the technical support mail. A couple of days later I received the following answer:



I still do not understand whether it is a question of additional commission or conversion at the bank rate. The fact that it would be nice to go to the bank and write a statement came to me only from the third time.
')
Let's try to do better.

We write in simple language

A good bank should be on the same wavelength with customers. Communication should be conducted at ease, without unnecessary formality and incomprehensible terms. Keep it simple and people will reach out to you.

Let's rewrite our letter so that it would become clear to both the first-year student and the retired grandmother:

It was	It became
If the card currency does not coincide with the currency of the transaction provided to the Bank, it is converted under the Agreement to be written off.	If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will write off the funds at its domestic rate.
You can familiarize yourself with the Terms and Tariffs for products and services of the Bank, the conversion rate for operations with the Bank’s card accounts at the website (link), at the Bank’s office or by calling the Bank’s Integrated Information Center (around the clock, free of charge).	You can find out the current rate here: link
To notify the Bank about the upcoming trip abroad in order to avoid unauthorized card blocking, you can contact the bank office with a passport to write an application in a free form, or make a statement by calling the Unified Information Center.	During the trip, the bank may block your card, because You have a limit on purchases abroad. To avoid this, you need to write an application in free form. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank office. Do not forget your passport.

Add a favor

After we made the text easier, the main problem surfaced. This letter should have been about an additional commission, and not about a conversion rate. We ignored the client's question, which means our letter did not hit the target. Corrected:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you extra commission.

We take care

Taking care is a plus in karma and customer trust.

A person who is interested in additional commissions is unlikely to want to waste money. We need to advise him something that will protect his funds and help save. For example, you can write about currency cards:

Foreign ATMs may charge an additional fee for withdrawals. To avoid this, we recommend that you issue a currency card. This can be done for free at any bank office.

Induce beauty

Let's put all the text together:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you extra commission.

If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will write off the funds at its domestic rate.

You can find out the current rate here: link.

Foreign ATMs may charge an additional fee for withdrawals. To avoid this, we recommend that you issue a currency card. This can be done for free at any bank office.

During the trip, the bank may block your card, because You have a limit on purchases abroad. To prevent this from happening, you need to write an application in free form. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank office. Do not forget your passport.

It turned out a shapeless pile. Let's give it a form: break into paragraphs, add subtitles and play a little with the wording:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you additional fees. If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will write off the funds at its domestic rate. You can find out the current rate here: (link).

Also before starting the trip we recommend:

To issue a currency card
We will not charge you a fee, but foreign ATMs can. To prevent this from happening, we recommend issuing a currency card. This will help save on conversion. The card can be issued free of charge at any bank office.

Report to the bank about your trip
During the trip, the bank may block your ruble card, since You have a limit on purchases abroad. To prevent this from happening, you need to write an application in free form. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank office. Do not forget your passport.

Finishing touch

Communication always begins with a greeting. In the original letter the word “Dear” is used. But real respect is manifested in caring, not in beautiful words. And you can write anything you want:

Dear Kirill Sergeevich!
Your article is! @ #%.

Respectfully,
bank employees.

Replace with a neutral "Hello."

Summary

The letter of our bank was hard and confusing, and it became simple and airy:



Write easier, write about useful things. People like it.

Update: As it turned out, I made a factual mistake and the commission should still be charged. Let's come up with a suitable wording?