Rag I limp or have power?
Do you control the circumstances or they control you? Who dictates your job choices, hobbies, lifestyles and behaviors? How to take responsibility for what is happening and why control of life makes us happier, read the article from SmartProgress .
“I was brought up like this” - the man, who does not say compliments to his wife, is embarrassed.
“Chief-tyrant, it’s impossible to work with him” - the young man emotionally gesticulates, holding a signed letter of resignation in his hands.
What unites these characters? Shifting responsibility for what happens to other people. If you believe the theory of determinism (a person has no choice, he is only a pawn), then someone else is responsible for our present position: the boss, parents, wife, friends, neighbors.
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Simply put, we are used to blaming everything on others. And what, it is quite convenient - everything around is to blame for my troubles and misfortunes, and I am a normal guy in general! If you continue along this path, then at the end of the path you will find disappointment and misunderstanding why your life is not at all what you want it to be. And why Ignat has already opened a private art school, (although you studied at the same institute), and you are still an unrecognized artist from the underpass.
A reactive man, accustomed to go with the flow, falls into the trap of learned helplessness. It appears after fruitless attempts to change the situation. The person is now in his free will in negative circumstances, but does not even try to improve them, although he has such an opportunity. For example, trying to get a promotion 2-3 times by talking to a boss, an employee simply accepts the state of affairs. But the ways of career growth are many.
The phenomenon of learned helplessness was discovered by the American psychologist Martin Seligman in 1967. A few years later, his colleagues conducted a study confirming that the ability to control the circumstances in one’s life has a positive effect on the mental and even physical condition of people.
Participants in the experiment - 91 nursing home residents.
Residents of 2 floors left the opportunity to lead a normal life with the help of staff. They were told: “We want your rooms to look as comfortable as possible and will try to do everything to do this. We want you to feel happy here, and we feel responsible for being proud of our nursing home and being here happy ... We will do everything in our power to help you ... I would like to take the opportunity to give everyone of you are a gift from Arden-Haus (the employee went around all and handed each patient a plant), now these are your plants, they will stand in your room, the nurses will water them and take care of them, you yourself will not have to do anything. (Rodin J., Langer E. Long-term effects of control and intervention with the institutionalized aged) »
Residents of the 4th floor increased their responsibility for themselves and their lifestyle, saying: “You yourself must decide what your room will look like, whether you want to leave everything as it is or you want our employees to help you rearrange the furniture ... You yourself must tell us your wishes, tell what exactly you would like to change in your life. In addition, I would like to take advantage of our meeting to give each of you a gift from Arden Haus. If you decide that you want to start a plant, you can choose the one that you like from this box. These plants are yours; you must maintain them and take care of them as you see fit. Next week two evenings, on Tuesday and Friday, we will show the film. You need to decide which day you will go to the movies and whether you want to watch a movie at all. (Rodin J., Langer E. Long-term effects of control and intervention with the institutionalized aged) »
Three weeks later, surveys were conducted among residents of a nursing home. The researchers noted the level of satisfaction with life, activity, sociability, general tone, nutrition, habits of participants in the experiment. As a result, residents of the 2nd floor (patients with whom the staff worked closely) had an “average level of happiness” with a negative value, while residents of the 4th floor (with control over their own lives) had this level in the black. The improvement in objective indicators was also high in the group of patients controlling their lives. But that's not all. After six months, indicators of assessing the condition of the residents of the 4th floor did not decrease, but only increased. And for the entire study interval, 30% of patients died from the first group, and only 15% from the second group.
German scientist Julius Kul conducted a study with students. They were offered intellectual tasks that have no solution. Naturally, the students did not know about it. While they were looking for solutions, the experimenter negatively commented on their results. After that, the students were offered a simple task that has a solution, but the students could not cope with it either, since the learned helplessness was already formed.
According to the scientist, the learned helplessness is produced if a person is convinced that:
What is the secret of success of outstanding personalities? They have no neighbors, and their parents are just a benchmark of wisdom and support? Are they lucky with bosses and colleagues more than you? Not. They took responsibility for their lives for themselves. As Stephen Covey writes, they have become proactive .
A proactive person takes action to achieve his goal, be it a promotion or dinner preparation. Yes, this position at first glance is fraught with problems: there is no one to blame for the fact that everything is bad for me, I have to make a decision myself and stick to it, in case of failure I will have to deal with the consequences myself.
But a proactive person will not fall into the trap of learned helplessness. He is initiative, able to overcome difficulties, he defines his values ​​and goals. “External factors also affect proactive people: physical, social or psychological. But their reaction to these incentives, conscious or not, is a choice based on values. ”- Stephen Covey.
Covey divides the phenomena of our life into two areas. The first is a circle of worries. This is what interests us: medicine, education, hobbies, relationships within the family, problems of friends, and so on. In this great circle there is a smaller area - a circle of influence. These are the vital issues that we can solve on our own, to influence them.
A proactive person focuses on a circle of influence, gradually expanding it. “Why is a colleague doing exactly that? How can I behave in this case? ”. A jet, however, most often focuses on what is not subject to its influence. "A colleague is a terrible person, it is impossible to work with him."
1. Problems under our direct control (solution depends on us)
Solved by improving skills, obtaining new knowledge. And one of the effective assistants of our growth is the SmartProgress service. By setting a goal on the site, we become proactive: we determine the time, the action plan, the methods for achieving the goal, we determine the availability of resources. We understand the advantages we possess, we see our strong character traits and we get the missing resources. And managing our lives and taking responsibility (as research shows), we are happier than those who fly in the wind of fate.
2. Problems under our indirect control (decision depends on other people)
Solved by changing the methods of influence. Dale Carnegie, Robert Cialdini, Karen Pryor and many other experts wrote about how to influence others. Reading useful literature and applying tips in practice, you will definitely find effective methods of influence. And then communication with colleagues, neighbors, teachers, son, friends will become more productive.
3. Problems beyond our control (no one can influence the decision)
Require their calm acceptance. Yes, it can be difficult to accept health problems, government policy, and climate change. But what will change from complaints and whining? Nothing. And your mood and those around you will deteriorate. It is better to direct this energy to learn to live in such circumstances.
All the days while I was working on this article, it was raining. I can not change the weather, but I can go out under an umbrella, call a taxi, order food or medicine at home. And my whining in the style of “Oh, again it started to rain, but as much as possible already” does not guarantee a bright sun in the sky. But the mood will only get worse.
A jet man is a spectator of his life. Proactive - directed
Psychologist of the US Olympic team, a specialist in the field of human behavior, best-selling author Denis Waitley says: "The winners control the events, and the losers allow them to happen." Be the winners!
“I was brought up like this” - the man, who does not say compliments to his wife, is embarrassed.
“Chief-tyrant, it’s impossible to work with him” - the young man emotionally gesticulates, holding a signed letter of resignation in his hands.
What unites these characters? Shifting responsibility for what happens to other people. If you believe the theory of determinism (a person has no choice, he is only a pawn), then someone else is responsible for our present position: the boss, parents, wife, friends, neighbors.
')
Simply put, we are used to blaming everything on others. And what, it is quite convenient - everything around is to blame for my troubles and misfortunes, and I am a normal guy in general! If you continue along this path, then at the end of the path you will find disappointment and misunderstanding why your life is not at all what you want it to be. And why Ignat has already opened a private art school, (although you studied at the same institute), and you are still an unrecognized artist from the underpass.
A reactive man, accustomed to go with the flow, falls into the trap of learned helplessness. It appears after fruitless attempts to change the situation. The person is now in his free will in negative circumstances, but does not even try to improve them, although he has such an opportunity. For example, trying to get a promotion 2-3 times by talking to a boss, an employee simply accepts the state of affairs. But the ways of career growth are many.
What does science say
The phenomenon of learned helplessness was discovered by the American psychologist Martin Seligman in 1967. A few years later, his colleagues conducted a study confirming that the ability to control the circumstances in one’s life has a positive effect on the mental and even physical condition of people.
Participants in the experiment - 91 nursing home residents.
Residents of 2 floors left the opportunity to lead a normal life with the help of staff. They were told: “We want your rooms to look as comfortable as possible and will try to do everything to do this. We want you to feel happy here, and we feel responsible for being proud of our nursing home and being here happy ... We will do everything in our power to help you ... I would like to take the opportunity to give everyone of you are a gift from Arden-Haus (the employee went around all and handed each patient a plant), now these are your plants, they will stand in your room, the nurses will water them and take care of them, you yourself will not have to do anything. (Rodin J., Langer E. Long-term effects of control and intervention with the institutionalized aged) »
Residents of the 4th floor increased their responsibility for themselves and their lifestyle, saying: “You yourself must decide what your room will look like, whether you want to leave everything as it is or you want our employees to help you rearrange the furniture ... You yourself must tell us your wishes, tell what exactly you would like to change in your life. In addition, I would like to take advantage of our meeting to give each of you a gift from Arden Haus. If you decide that you want to start a plant, you can choose the one that you like from this box. These plants are yours; you must maintain them and take care of them as you see fit. Next week two evenings, on Tuesday and Friday, we will show the film. You need to decide which day you will go to the movies and whether you want to watch a movie at all. (Rodin J., Langer E. Long-term effects of control and intervention with the institutionalized aged) »
Three weeks later, surveys were conducted among residents of a nursing home. The researchers noted the level of satisfaction with life, activity, sociability, general tone, nutrition, habits of participants in the experiment. As a result, residents of the 2nd floor (patients with whom the staff worked closely) had an “average level of happiness” with a negative value, while residents of the 4th floor (with control over their own lives) had this level in the black. The improvement in objective indicators was also high in the group of patients controlling their lives. But that's not all. After six months, indicators of assessing the condition of the residents of the 4th floor did not decrease, but only increased. And for the entire study interval, 30% of patients died from the first group, and only 15% from the second group.
German scientist Julius Kul conducted a study with students. They were offered intellectual tasks that have no solution. Naturally, the students did not know about it. While they were looking for solutions, the experimenter negatively commented on their results. After that, the students were offered a simple task that has a solution, but the students could not cope with it either, since the learned helplessness was already formed.
According to the scientist, the learned helplessness is produced if a person is convinced that:
- a situation that does not suit him, does not depend on his behavior and on his efforts to change this situation;
- he himself is guilty of all his failures (his insufficiency on any basis: lack of talent, stupidity, inability to do something);
- success, if it comes suddenly, is due to an accidental successful coincidence of circumstances or someone's help, and not his abilities.
What is the secret of success of outstanding personalities? They have no neighbors, and their parents are just a benchmark of wisdom and support? Are they lucky with bosses and colleagues more than you? Not. They took responsibility for their lives for themselves. As Stephen Covey writes, they have become proactive .
Proactivity
A proactive person takes action to achieve his goal, be it a promotion or dinner preparation. Yes, this position at first glance is fraught with problems: there is no one to blame for the fact that everything is bad for me, I have to make a decision myself and stick to it, in case of failure I will have to deal with the consequences myself.
But a proactive person will not fall into the trap of learned helplessness. He is initiative, able to overcome difficulties, he defines his values ​​and goals. “External factors also affect proactive people: physical, social or psychological. But their reaction to these incentives, conscious or not, is a choice based on values. ”- Stephen Covey.
Covey divides the phenomena of our life into two areas. The first is a circle of worries. This is what interests us: medicine, education, hobbies, relationships within the family, problems of friends, and so on. In this great circle there is a smaller area - a circle of influence. These are the vital issues that we can solve on our own, to influence them.
A proactive person focuses on a circle of influence, gradually expanding it. “Why is a colleague doing exactly that? How can I behave in this case? ”. A jet, however, most often focuses on what is not subject to its influence. "A colleague is a terrible person, it is impossible to work with him."
Three types of problems
1. Problems under our direct control (solution depends on us)
Solved by improving skills, obtaining new knowledge. And one of the effective assistants of our growth is the SmartProgress service. By setting a goal on the site, we become proactive: we determine the time, the action plan, the methods for achieving the goal, we determine the availability of resources. We understand the advantages we possess, we see our strong character traits and we get the missing resources. And managing our lives and taking responsibility (as research shows), we are happier than those who fly in the wind of fate.
2. Problems under our indirect control (decision depends on other people)
Solved by changing the methods of influence. Dale Carnegie, Robert Cialdini, Karen Pryor and many other experts wrote about how to influence others. Reading useful literature and applying tips in practice, you will definitely find effective methods of influence. And then communication with colleagues, neighbors, teachers, son, friends will become more productive.
3. Problems beyond our control (no one can influence the decision)
Require their calm acceptance. Yes, it can be difficult to accept health problems, government policy, and climate change. But what will change from complaints and whining? Nothing. And your mood and those around you will deteriorate. It is better to direct this energy to learn to live in such circumstances.
All the days while I was working on this article, it was raining. I can not change the weather, but I can go out under an umbrella, call a taxi, order food or medicine at home. And my whining in the style of “Oh, again it started to rain, but as much as possible already” does not guarantee a bright sun in the sky. But the mood will only get worse.
A jet man is a spectator of his life. Proactive - directed
- Take responsibility for life on yourself. Look for constructive solutions, saying: "I will do ...", "I choose ...", "I can ...".
- Change your mindset. Analyze today and failures in it. What could you change to get better results? What should you do, what to say, what emotions to extinguish?
- Choose a way to react to trouble by controlling feelings. Take it easy, fail, wondering how to fix or prevent it in the future.
- Make the decision and stick with it. You can also use the SmartProgress service for this. You create a goal, and the system reminds you if you haven’t unsubscribed about the results for a long time.
- Act according to your values, not strangers. If higher education is valuable for you, then set a goal and achieve it without looking at the grumbling and condemnation of people.
- Take the initiative - act, and do not become the object of influence. If there are problems in the workflow, suggest management solutions.
- Consider each event as one more step towards your goals. Advertising campaign failed? There is a reason to pump over your skills and become a more experienced specialist.
Psychologist of the US Olympic team, a specialist in the field of human behavior, best-selling author Denis Waitley says: "The winners control the events, and the losers allow them to happen." Be the winners!
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/310324/
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