What is the source of strength and leadership qualities Cheryl Sandberg
“I have never talked about it in public before. This is difficult, ”said Cheryl Sandberg , referring to the sudden death of her husband, which occurred 1 year and 13 days before her speech to graduates at the graduation ceremony at the University of California at Berkeley. Sometimes we do not know how to deal with grief . And the experience of a strong person who has overcome such a crisis can be really important.
Then she continued: “I am not here to tell you about all the lessons that life has taught me. Today I will try to talk about what death has taught me. ”
The author of the book “Self-Affirmation: Women, Work and the Desire to Lead” (“ Lean In: Women, Work and Will to Lead ”) and the executive director of Facebook spoke with terrifying accuracy about “seeds of perseverance” that can cause vital adversity and a feeling of desolation.
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The crucial role in its successful recovery and the formation of endurance was played by the conclusions of Martin Seligman, the founding father of positive psychology and the author of the book Learned Optimism . His discourse on how people overcome failure has helped Sandberg to survive his most difficult days.
“I knew the depth of grief and the inexorable loss. But I also understood that when life drowns you, you can push off your feet from the bottom, rise to the surface and inhale, she said. “I learned that even face to face in the face of an irreparable loss — or any other challenge — you can choose joy and purpose.”
According to Seligman, our ability to recover from life's failures is largely determined by three factors: personalization, generalization, and sustainability.
This is how the 46-year-old owner of the billionth state shared her useful ideas in her speech at the graduation ceremony.
Personalization is the tendency to blame yourself for all the troubles that are beyond your control. Sandberg said she blamed herself for the death of her husband. She spent months studying his medical record, trying to figure out what she could do to prevent him from leaving, and fell into a “thick fog of grief,” as she herself calls this condition.
This continued until she learned about Seligman's three factors. Thanks to them, she understood what was happening to her and was able to get rid of the feeling of guilt .
"The doctors failed to diagnose coronary insufficiency in him," she said. “And I was a specialist in economics — how could I deal with this?”
In continuation, Sandberg noted: having overcome personalization, one can not only recover, but also succeed.
By generalization, a graduate of Harvard School meant the belief that a sad event affects all areas of life.
“Know the song“ Everything is Awesome ”? She asked. - This is its opposite: "Everything is terrible." And nowhere to flee from the all-consuming sadness. "
She spoke about how a child psychologist, to whom she turned, recommended her to send two young children back to school, and to return to work herself. And she remembered her first Facebook meeting, which was held for her "in a thick fog."
“All I could do was think.” What are they all talking about, and what does all this mean? ”She said.
However, at some point, she said, she forgot about her grief and plunged into the discussion.
“This brief moment helped me understand that there were other, not at all terrible things in my life. My children and I were healthy. My friends and relatives loved and supported us very much - sometimes even in the literal sense of the word. ”
Focusing on the happy moments , she was able to realize that she was much luckier than many mothers who did not have her material resources and were ready to support the environment.
"Gratitude for this consumed part of grief."
Resilience is the certainty that sadness or grief will be endless.
“For months, no matter what I did, it seemed to me that the grief would never leave me,” she said.
She also talked about how feelings can overlap each other, and about a problem that she described as the “second derivative of feelings” - sadness caused by sadness, or anxiety resulting from a feeling of anxiety.
“Yes,” she said, “we need to accept our feelings , but at the same time understand that they will not torment us forever.”
Rabbi advised her to "break through the trouble."
“The council was good,” she agreed, “but in“ Self-affirmation, ”I had something completely different in mind.”
According to Sandberg, stamina is an acquired, not innate trait.
“It can be developed (like muscle) and used as needed. In such situations, you will be able to understand who you really are - and, perhaps, you will prove to be much better than you thought about yourself before. ”
PS We recommend another useful article on the topic of work on yourself - Why are some people lucky more than others .
The author of the translation is Vyacheslav Davidenko, the founder of the TESTutor company.
Then she continued: “I am not here to tell you about all the lessons that life has taught me. Today I will try to talk about what death has taught me. ”
The author of the book “Self-Affirmation: Women, Work and the Desire to Lead” (“ Lean In: Women, Work and Will to Lead ”) and the executive director of Facebook spoke with terrifying accuracy about “seeds of perseverance” that can cause vital adversity and a feeling of desolation.
')
The crucial role in its successful recovery and the formation of endurance was played by the conclusions of Martin Seligman, the founding father of positive psychology and the author of the book Learned Optimism . His discourse on how people overcome failure has helped Sandberg to survive his most difficult days.
“I knew the depth of grief and the inexorable loss. But I also understood that when life drowns you, you can push off your feet from the bottom, rise to the surface and inhale, she said. “I learned that even face to face in the face of an irreparable loss — or any other challenge — you can choose joy and purpose.”
According to Seligman, our ability to recover from life's failures is largely determined by three factors: personalization, generalization, and sustainability.
This is how the 46-year-old owner of the billionth state shared her useful ideas in her speech at the graduation ceremony.
1. Personalization
Personalization is the tendency to blame yourself for all the troubles that are beyond your control. Sandberg said she blamed herself for the death of her husband. She spent months studying his medical record, trying to figure out what she could do to prevent him from leaving, and fell into a “thick fog of grief,” as she herself calls this condition.
This continued until she learned about Seligman's three factors. Thanks to them, she understood what was happening to her and was able to get rid of the feeling of guilt .
"The doctors failed to diagnose coronary insufficiency in him," she said. “And I was a specialist in economics — how could I deal with this?”
In continuation, Sandberg noted: having overcome personalization, one can not only recover, but also succeed.
2. Generalization
By generalization, a graduate of Harvard School meant the belief that a sad event affects all areas of life.
“Know the song“ Everything is Awesome ”? She asked. - This is its opposite: "Everything is terrible." And nowhere to flee from the all-consuming sadness. "
She spoke about how a child psychologist, to whom she turned, recommended her to send two young children back to school, and to return to work herself. And she remembered her first Facebook meeting, which was held for her "in a thick fog."
“All I could do was think.” What are they all talking about, and what does all this mean? ”She said.
However, at some point, she said, she forgot about her grief and plunged into the discussion.
“This brief moment helped me understand that there were other, not at all terrible things in my life. My children and I were healthy. My friends and relatives loved and supported us very much - sometimes even in the literal sense of the word. ”
Focusing on the happy moments , she was able to realize that she was much luckier than many mothers who did not have her material resources and were ready to support the environment.
"Gratitude for this consumed part of grief."
3. Sustainability
Resilience is the certainty that sadness or grief will be endless.
“For months, no matter what I did, it seemed to me that the grief would never leave me,” she said.
She also talked about how feelings can overlap each other, and about a problem that she described as the “second derivative of feelings” - sadness caused by sadness, or anxiety resulting from a feeling of anxiety.
“Yes,” she said, “we need to accept our feelings , but at the same time understand that they will not torment us forever.”
Rabbi advised her to "break through the trouble."
“The council was good,” she agreed, “but in“ Self-affirmation, ”I had something completely different in mind.”
According to Sandberg, stamina is an acquired, not innate trait.
“It can be developed (like muscle) and used as needed. In such situations, you will be able to understand who you really are - and, perhaps, you will prove to be much better than you thought about yourself before. ”
PS We recommend another useful article on the topic of work on yourself - Why are some people lucky more than others .
The author of the translation is Vyacheslav Davidenko, the founder of the TESTutor company.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/308822/
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