10 techniques used by manipulators (and how to deal with them)

Psychopaths are not only baddies from horror and instructive stories on Wall Street. We meet with them at the office every day, and at first they seem to be ordinary people . One study found that a small but noticeable part of business leaders — 3-4% —fits the clinical definition of a psychopath. How to protect yourself when interacting with such people?

The same goes for daffodils. A scientific experiment showed that a weak narcissistic touch can contribute to business success. But spend some time in any work environment, and you will quickly notice that some professionals are not able to control their own pride.
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The essence of the problem is this: by building an ordinary career in business, you will almost certainly encounter several really unhealthy daffodils and psychopaths who will try to offend you and manipulate you . That is why an extremely detailed article on the Thought Catalog, dedicated to this issue, is so valuable.

It not only describes as many as 20 techniques used by non-benevolent people to achieve the desired, but also offers options for dealing with such manipulations. The following excerpts may seem lengthy, but in fact these 10 short descriptions are just a small part of those tips that are contained in the full version of the post .

1. gaslighting

“Gazliding is a manipulative tactic that can be described by different phrases:“ This was not ”,“ Did you think of everything ”,“ Are you sick? ”The Thought Catalog explains that

“Gazliding is probably one of the most insidious manipulative tactics, because it is engaged in the distortion and destruction of your sense of reality. It consistently reduces your ability to trust yourself and inevitably deprives you of the feeling that you have every right to call violence and ill-treatment by your name. ”

How to fight back?

“Dig in your own reality. Sometimes it is possible to neutralize the effect of gaslighting by describing the events on paper in detail, telling friends about them or constantly sharing our experiences in a support group. ”

2. Projection

You are familiar with the situation when harmful people declare that it is not them who is to blame for all the nasty things around them? This is called projection. All of us sometimes sin with something similar, but narcissuses and psychopaths do it all the time. “Projection is a defense mechanism used to shift responsibility for one’s bad behavior and character traits to another person,” notes Thought Catalog.

What is the solution?

“Do not“ project ”your feeling of compassion and sympathy on an unhealthy person and do not take any of his projections onto yourself, the article recommends. “By transferring your own moral attitudes and values ​​to others, you become a potential victim of long-term exploitation.”

3. Generalizations

You said that your colleague is not always able to take into account the delayed effects of certain financial decisions. The office psychopath says you called him "reckless." You have noticed that if conditions A, B and C work, then the situation may worsen. Your colleague narcissus tells the boss that you called the current situation a "catastrophe."

What's happening? The point is not that your sworn enemy did not understand your words. He (a) is not interested in (a) understanding.

“Embittered daffodils can not always boast of an outstanding mind - many of them are rather“ narrow-minded ”people. Instead of carefully considering a different point of view, they summarize all your statements, make categorical statements that do not indicate nuances in your reasoning, or take into account numerous concepts to which you paid tribute, ”writes Thought Catalog, describing such behavior.

To handle this,

“Stand your ground and do not forget that generalizations are in reality only a work of categorical thinking, devoid of logic.”

4. Moving the gate

“Cruel narcissists and sociopaths use a logical error called“ moving the gate ”to create situations in which they will have every reason to be eternal discontent with you. This happens when, even after you have brought all the possible evidence in the world in favor of your opinion or have fulfilled all their requests, they put forward a new condition or require even more proof, ”it is written in the Thought Catalog.

Do not play such games.

“Establish your position and evaluate yourself. Understand that you are so good , and do not let others constantly impose on you the feeling that you are flawed or unworthy of something. ”

5. Theme change

Switching from one topic to another seems like an innocent act. But in the hands of a skilled manipulator, changing the subject of the conversation turns into a means of avoiding responsibility. "Daffodils do not want to discuss topics in which you can bring them to justice in some way, and therefore they will direct the discussion in the direction they need," notes Thought Catalog.

With your connivance, such a situation can persist permanently, excluding the possibility of discussing truly topical issues. Try to fight back using the method of "hackneyed plate."

“Keep listing the facts, not paying attention to their attempts to distract you. Go back to the desired topic, saying: “I’m not talking about that. Let's focus on the real issue. ” If this does not interest them, stop and spend your energy on something more constructive. ”

6. Go to the individual

The fact that you constantly deal with him since you first came across a teaser on the playground does not make the transition to personality less disastrous. And, undoubtedly, this occurs at all levels up to presidential politics.

Just don't let that happen.

“You need to end any interaction with the transition to the individual, and declare that you will not tolerate such a thing,” advises Thought Catalog. - Do not accept this behavior. Understand, they resort to the transition to the individual because more tactful methods are not available to them. "

7. Black PR

“If harmful types cannot control your opinion of themselves, they begin to work with someone else's opinion of you. They pretend to be martyrs until you are labeled “villain.” Black PR is a pre-emptive strike aimed at sabotaging your reputation and denigrating your name, ”explains Thought Catalog.

Sometimes real evil geniuses even manage to divide and conquer, pitting two people or groups among themselves. Do not let them succeed. “Document any forms of harassment,” advises the post, and in any case, do not fall for the bait: do not let these monsters provoke you. Behave so that their lies remain a lie.

8. Depreciation

Be careful if a colleague, expressing sympathy to you, aggressively degrades your predecessor. “Daffodils do this all the time: they devalue their former partners in the eyes of their current partners. And as a result, new partners become victims of the same cruel treatment and aggression as previous passions, ”it is written in a post. And such dynamics are found not only in the personal sphere, but also in the professional one.

Simple awareness of such a phenomenon is already the first step towards combating it. “Keep in mind: the way a person treats someone or talks about someone can be transferred to you in the future,” warns Thought Catalog.

9. Aggressive jokes

The problem is not in your sense of humor, but in the hidden meaning of the joke. “Latent daffodils enjoy by sending sarcastic remarks to you. Usually they are presented as "just a joke." And it allows them to say disgusting things with impunity, continuing to pretend to be innocent and impassive. And every time you resent the tactlessness and rudeness of the remark, you are accused of a lack of a sense of humor, ”says the post.

Do not let the office insolent with gaslighting convince you that everything that happens is just innocent fun. This is not true.

10. Triangulation

One of the most sensible ways that harmful people distract you from their abominations is to divert your attention to an imaginary threat from another person. This is called triangulation. "Daffodils love to" convey "false information about what others are saying about you," warns the Thought Catalog. To counter this tactic, be aware that the third participant in the drama is also manipulated - he (a) is also a victim, not an enemy.

And you can try to "re-target triangulation" or "enlist the support of an outside observer who is not under the influence of the narcissus."

Successes!

PS We recommend another useful article on the subject of work on yourself - 10 ways to deal with toxic family members .

The author of the translation is Vyacheslav Davidenko, the founder of the TESTutor company.