How smart people ask questions

“Damn, I didn’t understand (a) what to do / say / answer” - the creeping line in my head is spinning nervously when you are alone with you during an awkward pause. You misunderstood what they want from you and do not know how to ask again.



The only way out is to ask again, ask to explain, to show that a misunderstanding has arisen. But instead, someone prefers to pretend that everything is in order, and someone agrees and nods his head, smiling awkwardly.
Even if the missing information does not change your life (suppose it is not the news of the apocalypse), then all the same, to learn to admit that you did not understand something, did not hear, is necessary. Well, this is nonsense that you hesitate to ask. You are afraid that they will find it incompetent - it’s better to clarify now than next time (and he, believe me, will be much more awkward than this), you are afraid that they will be inattentive - well, it’s peculiar to everyone, we switch our attention hundreds of times, especially when there is really a lot of important information in your head, you are afraid that you will be considered stupid - again not.
')
Catch research / Wharton, Harvard /, confirming that those who have the courage to ask questions and seek advice are considered intelligent and interested.

So, here are the rules that need to be learned by those who are still silent and nods:

Usually in the resume all diligently deduce the word "responsible" - because they believe that they are a responsible approach to solving problems. So, ladies and gentlemen, in fact, under this word lies a detailed understanding of the process and consequences. Does someone else’s job depend on you? result? a life? yes money in the end? Ask, specify, detail. Yes, there are no stupid questions, but there are stupid situations that follow the lack of answers.

Total:
If you know that you are going to a meeting / interview / seminar or somewhere else, then try to outline in advance the questions that interest you. You can even mark some of them in the process, and maybe put even more question marks. And we also add that questions are not only a great way to receive information, but also a great opportunity to keep up the conversation, as well as to show your interest, yes and yes!

Marlia Adams, author of Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work , argues that there are two types of questions: "student questions" and "condemning questions." The first are creative, open, they are asked out of curiosity. Examples of such questions are: “What are my goals?”, “How can I help?”, “What am I responsible for?”, “What do my clients want?”.

Questions of the second type, as you might have guessed, are of a critical, skeptical type. They concentrate on the problem, not on its solution. The answer to them is always negative. Examples: “Who is to blame?”, “Why do not we win?”.
Some, as is obvious, lead to progress, while others simply do not lead anywhere.

Total:
Try to focus on the questions as a way to gain knowledge. Of course, questions like “Why is everything so sad?” Will still sound at some point, anything happens, but “student” questions bring much more benefit to your work, so try asking them more often.

If you know that there is some problem that you need to solve, but you have not yet found a way to solve it, try to make a list of 50 questions. Each subsequent question will help you to concentrate on the main task and in the end you will find the very wording that will help you find the answer. It works in different cases - when it is difficult to find the right words, when you are not clear about the subject matter. The more times you scroll through all possible approaches to the discussion of the problem, the closer you can get to the correct option.

There is a concept of “illusion of transparency”. This is one of "cognitive distortions, expressed in the tendency of people to overestimate the ability of others to understand them and their ability to understand others." That is, sometimes we are sure that we understood each other, explained everything perfectly, and then it didn’t work, it’s as if you speak different languages. And all because from the very beginning you did not understand how a team, partner, colleague sees common tasks. Now we will tell about simple life hacking for such cases. Surely you know him, but do not even know how effective he is!

Rephrase.

After you have been told everything, how you got the task - say again "that is, you want us (me) ..."
This is a way to clarify the details, and an excellent display of how you see ways to solve the problem. And, most interestingly, it works!