How to overcome the 5 most serious problems at work

Let's face it: conflicts with colleagues are sometimes the most difficult interpersonal problems to deal with.
Because we do not choose our colleagues as we choose friends, and we can not appoint a mother as an arbitrator, as during family conflicts. Below we will talk about how to get through it with dignity, becoming better than you were before.

Most people, according to the author Bob Burgh, do not have the art of persuasion - a key component of problem solving with colleagues. Go
')
That is why he wrote his book Adversaries Into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion ^★ (“How to turn opponents into allies: defeating people without manipulation and coercion”), which gives advice on how to become an effective and influential person on work.

“It means to become a person who is able to achieve the necessary results from others by instilling in them feelings of satisfaction with themselves, with the situation and with you,” explains Berg.

It turns out to be a very useful skill.

“You are creating a positive experience, and people cannot wait to work with you again,” he adds. “Being a master of persuasion and negotiation is much more profitable, both financially and interpersonally, than an experienced manipulator - those people would like, but cannot quickly get rid of!”

Ready to start your transformation into an authoritative and influential person?

Consider the following five techniques for resolving office conflicts, as well as strategies of professional reasoning approved by Borg.

Unpleasant situation at work number 1: your workplace neighbor does not understand the limits of permissible

Your impudent colleague uses a speaker phone to discuss everything from meeting clients to dinner with her husband; looks into your monitor over your shoulder; and decisively interferes in your conversations without your consent.

Controlling emotions is the strategy of an authoritative person. The key to getting your colleague to leave such annoying habits lies in your ability to remain calm. “Otherwise, you will not be able to communicate with this person for the benefit of yourself,” says Burg.

Therefore, before approaching a colleague, take a deep breath and give yourself a promise to keep your prickly comments with you.
Börg emphasizes the importance of using a friendly (not accusatory!) Tone when you say something like: “Hey, Mary, I would like to discuss with you how to make our working atmosphere more comfortable. I like working with you next door, but I have often been distracted from a serious project lately , especially when you are on the phone through a loudspeaker! ”

Building a phrase in such a way is extremely important, because it looks friendlier: you like a colleague, and you wisely use the “I” message form to describe the distractions and your own tension, not her bad habits. And in order not to make her feel the need to defend herself, you focused on just one lack of behavior in the workplace.

Then go on like this: “Is there any convenient way to tell you that you interfere with my work and I get distracted? I just do not want any of us to feel ill at ease when this situation happens again. ”

Thus, explains Burg, you get permission to solve a problem in the future. But do not forget to maintain composure and goodwill throughout the time it takes to teach Mary to do what you want: be a good neighbor in the workplace.

Unpleasant situation at work number 2: you have to deal with office bummer

You, as a new project manager, have been selected a team that includes a hot-tempered employee who is notorious for criticizing everything in the world: from team building to choosing snacks in the office.

Respect someone else's value system - the strategy of an authoritative person. Börg says this is a classic example of conflicting points of view.

You can never fully understand the attitude of an employee to any question simply because your own frame of reference — a combination of your upbringing, culture, and life events — differs from it. But this should not prevent you from working on arrangements that would satisfy both of you.

Step number one in making contact with a grumpy employee who does not want to work in a team is a compliment, says Berg. Try this: “You know, Ed, I would like to discuss how to make our work with you easier and more comfortable. I can say that you are a deep-minded person and that you can challenge the status quo. ”

Go on like this: “But, nevertheless, sometimes I feel that the course of your thoughts is negative - which is actually not so bad, because not everything around us is colored pink. But next time, when something will cause you concern, I would like to hear from you also a solution to the problem. ”

By directing the conversation in a similar direction, you show your colleague that you respect his point of view, and understand that his skills may lead to wider cooperation in the future.

“In this way, something very important is being created in business and leadership , namely trust,” says Burgh. "This is extremely important, because people will do business, refer to business and allow themselves to be influenced only by someone they can trust."

Unpleasant situation at work number 3: the boss appropriates your job

You have great ideas, and your immediate superior likes them, so much so that you suspect that he is promoting them in high-level meetings as his own.

Recognizing someone else's ego is the strategy of an authoritative person. “Touching someone's ego in an attempt to resolve a situation, you will definitely push a person away from yourself, evoking such emotions as insult or anger in him,” says Berg. "That is why in order to make the boss hear your point of view in such a difficult situation, you need to cajole his ego."

So start a conversation with good old flattery, making sure that your benevolent mood is obvious before you go directly to the problems. You can say this: “Gene, I really enjoy working with you. I hope that this is mutual, and that my work and suggestions are important for the team. "

Surely he will willingly agree, and you can go to the next sentence: "And I am very glad that you present some of my ideas to the top management."

Now that you have voiced your assessment of what he does for you, gently mention your concern, like this: “I sometimes wonder if I get everything I deserve, given my level of involvement in the work. What do you think about that?"

“Refraining from phrases like this:“ Hey, I think you are stealing my ideas! ”, Ask your boss, politely, without threatening notes, what's the matter. And he will not be able to unleash his ego, because you have not heard an open accusation, ”says Börg.

Now your boss must explain how things are going, and you have the opportunity to discuss how your concerns will be resolved in the future.

Unpleasant situation at work number 4: you want a salary increase from your stingy leader

You have heard that your company's income has not grown this year, but this does not negate the fact that you have been waiting for a long time and you want to discuss this issue with your boss.

Creating a good basis for conversation is the strategy of an authoritative person. This is your responsibility as a negotiating master, says Burg. You must be able to defuse the situation and send potentially difficult negotiations on the transaction in a favorable course for you.

“The foundation is that from which everything else flows,” he says. Therefore, if you are negotiating with a person who knows the situation as well as you, the conversation will most likely follow the set course.

As soon as you realize that you are having a conversation with your boss, your main goal should be to create a solid base. Start with a statement in which you express your awareness of the company's current problems and your inquiry will not seem inappropriate.

Börg offers the following option: "I know that the company's budget this year is very limited, but I would still like to talk with you about what can be done, within the current possibilities, to raise my salary."

After that, submit to the boss a list that details all your significant achievements over the past few years.

“Be prepared to show him when, where and how what you did led to the increase in the company's profits,” says Berg, adding that the structure of the message “I” creates a realistic tone that the chief doesn’t want from unreasonable desires. favor and desire to take into account your arguments.

Unpleasant situation at work number 5: you have to curb the arrogant novice

Your assistant who has just graduated from college is trying to avoid performing non-prestigious everyday tasks, such as handling contracts, for which he was actually hired, so that you have time to do serious projects that require more skills than possesses.

Communicate tactfully and with understanding - the strategy of an authoritative person. “If you want to interact with colleagues in order to solve acute problems,” says Berg, “you need to do it skillfully, entering into the position of opponents. If you do not do this, then your interlocutor will take a defensive position and begin to show obstinacy, ”he says.

To begin with, let your assistant understand that we all started somewhere with something : “John, you know, you have the potential, and you will achieve a lot in this company. I see how much you want to quickly get into the jet, and it reminds me of myself at your age. ”

The fact that you see and acknowledge his enthusiasm will help him feel more at ease, as well as an understanding that you yourself were once in a similar situation.

Continue as follows: “Now we really need you to focus on the duties that are relevant to your current position. So you can thoroughly study everything and gain significant experience necessary both for work in this company and for your future career. ”

In this way, you mention his own career and future, and express your thoughts in such a way that current work takes on special significance for him. This tactic, which is based on one of the universal rules of Burg.

“People do what they do, for their own reasons, not for yours,” says Burg. “Therefore, to become an effective master of persuasion, you will need to learn how to associate the goals and needs of another person with the result you want.”

PS We recommend another article on the topic - 10 fun exercises that will help you become a more successful entrepreneur .

Translated by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of MBA Consult .