"Seven skills of highly effective people". Book in 15 minutes

We publish the main ideas from the book number 1 on personal effectiveness and self-improvement. A book that is a must read for every self-respecting manager. The book on which employees of the largest organizations, including in our country, pass tests.
But it should be said that the book itself is written in American style, very watery. It is quite difficult to read it, in view of the presence of a large number of scientific terms, such as “paradigm”, “determinism”, “synergy”. Therefore, we decided that the summary format would be the most appropriate format in order to understand whether to read this book completely. And for those who could not overpower it, our sammari will be an excellent motivation to complete the reading of the book.
So…

Seven skills of highly effective people

In order to make easy, relatively small changes in life, you need to change your behavior and some key settings.
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If you need fundamental changes in work, career, family life, relationships with children, you need to work on your main paradigms - worldview, beliefs, from which behavior flows.

Stephen Covey quotes writer Henry David Thoreau in his book:

"There is only one that cuts the leaves of the evil tree from the tree, chopping it under the root."

Working on the behavior and attitudes, we just cut the leaves. By grabbing the root of the paradigm, we can truly achieve qualitative change.

The author compares the fundamental paradigms with the beacon, which helps to adjust the course and not go astray.

“Principles are those guides of human behavior that, undoubtedly, have a stable and permanent value. They are fundamental. They are almost indisputable because they are obvious. ”

The essence of a person is his repeated actions, habits. If someone is used to taking a shower twice a day, he will be considered a clean person. After seeing the worshiper, he will be considered religious. What habits do high performance people have?

Stephen Covey - a specialist in leadership - formulated the principles underlying the solution to any problems, and built them into a coherent system.

Seven habits or skills of highly effective people

1. Proactive. The principle of personal vision.
2. Start with a goal. The principle of personal leadership.
3. What to do first? The principle of personal management.
4. Think in the spirit of "Gained / won." The principle of interpersonal leadership.
5. First you need to understand, and then be understood. The principle of empathic communication.
6. Achieve synergy. Principles of creative collaboration.
7. Hone the saw. The principle of balanced self-renewal.

Skills - this is what lies at the intersection of three circles - knowledge, skills and desires. All these components are necessary to develop any skills, such as self-control. The first three skills listed by Stephen Covey contribute to personal victories. Namely, social effectiveness begins with personal effectiveness, to which the following three skills are devoted. And finally, the last, seventh skill connects all previous ones, helps to find and maintain balance in life.

Together with the study of skills, the author proposes to go from dependence to independence and interdependence.

Addicted people need the help of others to get what they want.

The addict will say: “You do not care about me; you failed; you are to blame for my failure. ” Covey calls you a paradigm.

Independent people take full responsibility for the result themselves. This is expressed in settings such as: “I can do this; I rely only on myself. ” The author gives the name of independence - I-paradigm .

Interdependence manifests itself in achieving team, joint results - “We can unite; we can create something more significant together. ” This is how we look like a paradigm .

Thanks to the development of useful skills, you can get rid of unproductive dependence, learn to take responsibility for yourself and work together in a team to achieve incredible results.

Skill 1. Proactive. The principle of personal vision

Thanks to the ability to analyze our thinking process, we can give up unnecessary habits and develop useful skills. Thanks to self-awareness, we can look at ourselves objectively, highlighting the positive and negative qualities of character, talents, and abilities.

“If our idea of ​​ourselves is formed only by a social mirror — the currently existing social paradigm, as well as opinions, attitudes, and paradigms of the people around us — then such an idea is like a reflection in a curved mirror.”

People evaluate us fragmentary and biased, and we believe them, and then our “I” is distorted.

There are 3 explanations for human nature:

1. Our character and temperament is embedded in us by our ancestors (genetic determinism).
2. The properties and qualities of the personality were laid in childhood (psychological determinism).
3. Your behavior is affected by the environment - the state, educators, educators, politicians (environmental determinism).

“You're just as stubborn as your father,” says the tired mother, waving her finger off, figuratively pressing the “genetic determinism” button. This button triggers your self-image and gives you an excellent opportunity not to work on yourself, but to refer to the qualities of your father’s character, sighing “Well, I was so born…”

In everyday life, for any problems and joys, there is a certain irritant to which you will certainly respond. And between the stimulus and your reaction there is freedom of choice - HOW exactly will you react.

"Freedom of choice contains the unique qualities that make us human."

It is about imagination, conscience, will. But each person is free to choose how to manifest these qualities, be reactive or proactive.

For example, if you are considered stubborn, you have the freedom to choose to continue to always insist on yourself, justifying yourself with the father’s genes (reactivity), or start working on yourself, learning to use stubbornness where it is really necessary (proactive).

A reactive person is controlled by circumstances; a proactive person is controlled by circumstances himself. They use different ways to formulate thoughts - a reactive person will say: “I was forced ...”, and the proactive one will declare: “I choose ...”.

They even care about different things in different ways. Each of us has a certain range of concerns. One part of the concerns is subject to our influence, the other is not. The first part can be described as a circle of influence, which is included in the circle of concerns.

Proactive people seek to expand their circle of influence, as accurately and objectively assesses their strength, focusing on what they CAN change.

Reactive people just suffer from a sense of their own helplessness, saying: "I am not capable ... I was forced ... Now, if I had ... This is all a school / chief / state / is to blame ...".

Proactive people are very smart. They are guided by their internal values, understand what is happening, soberly assess the situation and know how to act.

Naturally, our actions entail certain consequences. And it would be wrong to assume that we can choose the consequences. We can choose our reaction, but, making this choice, we automatically choose what follows our reaction, sometimes erroneous.

"A proactive approach to error is to quickly recognize, correct and extract the necessary lesson."

The most striking manifestation of our proactivity is the ability to assume obligations and fulfill them. If people know that they can trust you - your rating grows and you automatically influence them.

Skill 2. Begin, having an ultimate goal. The principle of personal leadership

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“Although skill 2 is applicable to many circumstances and aspects of our lives, the main purpose of the motto“ begin by presenting the ultimate goal ”is to begin today with the image, picture or paradigm of the ultimate goal of your life. This will be a rating system or a criterion by which you will evaluate everything else. ”

If you keep a clear image in your thoughts of the final goal you are striving for, you can always set criteria by which you will evaluate whether you are approaching the goal clearly and directly or wagging along a tangled road.

You can actively climb the stairs, overcoming each step, but if the stairs are not placed on the wrong wall, then your actions will be meaningless.

It is necessary to clearly understand what exactly is the most important for you, and in accordance with this knowledge, manage your actions day after day.

The principle of "begin with a specific end goal" is based on the statement of Stephen Covey that everything is created twice (the principle of two creations). The house that you are building in reality has already been built in your thoughts, and a small shop of fishing gear has been created in your imagination. But you do not just fantasize, but think through every little thing, make estimates, draw a floor plan, learn the basics of marketing or recruit professionals.

To expand the boundaries of the circle of influence, it is necessary to recognize the principle of two creations and to take responsibility for each of them. It is necessary not only to manage correctly, but also to be a leader. Recalling the example above, we can say that the speed of climbing stairs depends on the control, and leadership determines whether a ladder is attached to that wall.

Leaders need the right vision of what is happening, objectivity, the ability to track changes and analyze them.

It is leadership that helps to determine the course in which you need to move: which missions should the company choose, in which direction to develop.

Our pro-activity is based on self-awareness, but apart from this, conscience and imagination are valuable qualities. Conscience helps to establish moral boundaries, imagination allows you to see potential opportunities. A combination of these qualities helps in writing your own life script.

These principles are relevant not only for business or career, but also for any other area of ​​life, for example, for the family.

What ultimately do we want to see our children? If we want them to remember us loving parents, will we win a short-term victory in fights, intimidating and punishing them?

“To begin, imagining the ultimate goal, is to approach one’s parent’s role, as well as one’s other roles in life, with a clear understanding of one’s values ​​and direction. It means being responsible for your own first creation and rewriting yourself so that the paradigms from which my behavior and my attitudes flow are consistent with my core values ​​and are in harmony with my principles. ”

To begin, representing the ultimate goal, you need to focus on creating your own mission. It enters WHAT you want to do and WHAT you want to be.

This mission is like a standard for your actions, the Constitution, the basis for decision-making. For example, if your mission states that you will always treat others with respect, then you will not allow yourself to shout at a subordinate or insult your son.

Sometimes the center of a mission can be a spouse, family, money, work, possession, children, pleasure, friends, enemies, or even you. It is important to be guided by the principles that you define for yourself.

For example, you are going to leave work, anticipating how you will lead your wife to the theater. Suddenly, the boss stops you at the door and says he needs your help.

If you are focused on your family or spouse, you will refuse the boss and lead your wife to the theater. You can stay, but do it very reluctantly, constantly thinking about how angry his wife.

If the center of your mission is money, then you will think about overtime and calmly inform your wife that you will have to stay.

Being focused on work, you will treat this occasion as an opportunity to learn something new or be useful to the boss, which will contribute to career advancement.

The same situation, and how many different attitudes to it, depending on the principles!

Skill 3. What to do first? The principle of personal management

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Skill 1 says: "You are the creator of your life."
Skill 2 says: "Create the first creation - the mission of your life."
Skill 3 is impossible without developing personal proactivity and building a hierarchy of principles of your life.

Only by understanding who you are and what you should strive for, you can begin to manage your life.

Management refers to the analysis of the situation, the allocation of the main and secondary, the definition of a sequence of actions, the specific execution of tasks. You can control yourself only if you have an independent will, when you act independently, and not by order from above.

“Effective management is to first do what needs to be done first. If leadership determines what “needs to be done first”, then the management does it first, day after day, minute by minute. Management is discipline, following the established order, execution. ”

The development of this skill is closely related to time management. The author cites as an example the Urgent / Important matrix, in which all cases are divided into 4 squares, based on the criteria of importance and urgency:

• 1 square - important and urgent matters. These are critical situations, urgent problems or projects with a burning deadline.
• 2 square - important and non-urgent matters, for example, prevention, the search for new prospects, the establishment of communications, planning.
• 3 square - unimportant and urgent matters. These are telephone calls, unimportant correspondence, unimportant meetings, conversations.
• 4 square - unimportant and non-urgent matters. Check social networks, perform routine, idleness.

Urgent - something that requires immediate attention, such as a phone call.

The important thing is that it relates to the results and the goals set. The brain is often deceived, taking an urgent call for an important call. And therefore we often spend our precious forces and resources on the fulfillment of that which is not important at all.

Maximum activity requires from us important, but not urgent things. It is on this second square that you need to throw your strength: develop preventive measures, establish contacts with partners or an audience, plan activities, prepare and train specialists, and so on.

What tools are needed to work in 2 square?

1. Coherence between goals, vision, mission.
2. Balance Do not neglect other areas of your life, focusing only on work.
3. Focusing on weekly planning.
4. Consideration of human factors. It is sometimes important to prioritize not the company's plans at all costs, but the people themselves, so as not to feel guilty about deviations from the plan.
5. Flexibility. Your needs, characteristics, management style will influence management, and this is quite normal.

In addition, it is necessary to learn to delegate responsibilities and do it with confidence. The trust placed in us inspires a person, and often he is able to surpass himself.

Skill 4. Think in the spirit of "Gained / won." Principle of interpersonal leadership

A source

Only by achieving success in relationships with oneself can one achieve success in relationships with other people. Stephen Covey argues that interdependence is the choice of independent people. Building any relationship begins in our own character.

“Only by becoming independent — proactive, focused on true principles, driven by values ​​and able to organize your life and act in accordance with priorities, can we decide to become interdependent — able to build multilateral, strong, highly effective relationships with other people.”

The author offers an unusual metaphor - an emotional bank account. This is a sense of security, confidence, experienced when you communicate with another person. Good deeds, his good attitude to you create a certain reserve.

And even when he is suddenly mistaken, thanks to the reserve, your good attitude towards him will not be significantly undermined.

How to replenish the emotional bank account?

• Strive to understand the other person. It helps to establish contact and significantly increases the supply of good relationships.
• Be attentive to the little things, show respect and care.
• To keep promises and commitments.
• Clarify expectations. Sometimes people can expect from you the same behavior, and you demonstrate something completely different, and for good reason.
• Show integrity of personality. “To be whole is to ensure that our words correspond to reality, that is, to fulfill promises and live up to expectations.”

And if you have withdrawn a certain amount from an emotional bank account, then bring sincere apologies, openly admit that you were wrong and try to replenish your account again.

The author identifies 6 paradigms of interaction between people:

1. "Won / Lost"
2. "Lost / Won"
3. "Lost / Lost"
4. "Won"
5. "Won / Win or Do Not Tangle"
6. "Won / Win"

It was the “Won / Win” paradigm that formed the basis of 4 skills.

“Won / Won” means that all agreements and decisions are mutually beneficial and satisfy both parties. When making a “Won / Won” decision, both parties are satisfied and committed to the adopted action plan.

People with the installation "Won / Won" life seems to be an arena for cooperation, not rivalry.

The foundation of this paradigm is character, its wholeness and maturity.

Using “Won / Win” you cannot develop competition and rivalry, the key words here are interdependence, compromise, trust, cooperation. A person who has won / won skills transforms competition into collaboration.

If you are looking for a solution to the problem in the spirit of "Won / Win", then try to imagine the problem from the point of view of another person, try to understand it and identify key issues and concerns related to the problem.

Determine exactly what results you need and how you can achieve them. And then act!

Skill 5. First you need to understand, and then to be understood. The principle of empathic communication

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The ability to communicate is one of the most important in our life. When you need to influence someone - a wife, a colleague, a subordinate, a client, first of all you should understand him. Otherwise, it will seem to him that you are simply manipulating them.

Stephen Covey argues that the key to your influence is a personal example of behavior. Your character allows others to draw conclusions about your personality, suggests whether you are the person you can trust.

The principle of empathic communication involves listening with the intention to understand the interlocutor. To this end, the author recommends using the techniques of active listening, postponing all his affairs, focusing on a colleague, husband or son, asking clarifying questions, not denouncing or throwing out negative emotions during the conversation.

“A good engineer, before developing a bridge project, must understand the distribution of forces and calculate the loads. A good teacher, before starting classes, should assess the level of training of their students. A good student must learn before applying them. Good parents need to figure out before judging or giving assessments. The key to full judgment is understanding. If you immediately begin to judge, you will never reach a full understanding. ”

First you need to strive to understand the other person, and after that it is important to make the same amount of effort to be understood. Explaining your point of view, give arguments, use unambiguous, clear phrases, let the listener ask questions and clarify what you have said.

Skill 6. Achieve synergy. Principles of creative collaboration

A source

"Synergy is the highest-order activity — a true test and manifestation of all other skills combined together."

The principle of synergy is a whole larger than its parts. Tied together, two logs can withstand a much larger load than each individually. Plants that have grown nearby will intertwine so tightly that you will need tools for unraveling them.

In the same way, people - together they are able to cooperate fruitfully, bringing more benefits to the team than alone. Synergy respects differences, improves strengths and compensates for weak ones.

Real synergy can only arise on the basis of the previous, fifth skill. Empathy that occurs during a conversation allows people to open up and share their secret fears or dreams, which ultimately leads to group cohesion and close cooperation.

Stephen Covey advises before starting any seminar, workshop to give people the opportunity to create empathic connections, communicate, learn goals, thoughts and opinions of colleagues on what is happening in the company, replenish emotional accounts and only after that solve work issues.

Imagine a family conflict: a husband wants to spend his holidays in nature and go fishing with two sons, while a wife wants to go to another city to visit a sick mother. They can argue and swear, never having come to a compromise. And they can achieve synergy and, together, rally, solve this problem, choosing different options.

For example, on vacation they will go fishing, and then the husband will take two days of rest at work, combine it with two days off and let his wife go to her mother. Or they will go fishing to a place not far from which the wife’s mother lives. It is important to unite, solving the problem, and not to look at it from two different poles.

“The essence of synergy is to appreciate the differences between people - differences in mentality, in the emotional sphere and psychological differences. And the key to appreciating the differences lies in the realization that all people see the world not as it is, but as it is. ”

Skill 7. Hone the saw. The principle of balanced self-renewal

A source

Imagine a man who is sawing trees in the forest. Tired, exhausted, exhausted, he carries a dull saw through the trunks of trees. You say to him: “Sharpen the saw!”, To which he replies: “I have no time.” The seventh skill makes you "sharpen the saw."

“Skill 7 is your personal resources and assets. It supports and develops your most valuable resource - yourself. It updates the four dimensions of your nature — physical, spiritual, intellectual, and social-emotional. ”

1. Physical It includes food, exercise, stress management.
2. Spiritual. Implies clarification of values ​​and compliance with them, training, thinking.
3. Intellectual. Includes reading, imagination, planning.
4. Socio-emotional. It includes synergy, empathy, internal affinity.

We need to consistently develop each dimension, being proactive. Spending time developing the seventh skill is a task from square 2.

“This is the most profitable, the largest investment we make in our life. This is an investment in ourselves - in the only tool we have in order to overcome the difficulties of life and make a personal contribution. We ourselves are tools of our own activities and, to be effective, we must recognize the importance of regular "sharpening the saw" in all four dimensions. "

Stephen Covey calls to follow the balance of the development of the physical, socio-emotional, intellectual and spiritual dimensions of your nature, without neglecting any dimension. The most valuable fruit of using seven skills is to achieve unity with oneself, with family members, friends, and colleagues.

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