How to get the most out of life, or when "I need more" finally turns into "I already have enough"?

Surely today you have a lot more than you had in the past, but it most likely does not make you happier. When does “I need more” finally turn into “I already have enough”? Scientists have studied the life experiences of successful people. They conducted more than 60 interviews with those who reached incredible professional heights . Analyzing the information obtained, the researchers were able to find out what we need in life, and identified the best way to achieve the desired .

We are not even sure what exactly we need more. But no matter how much we have, of course, we still do not have enough.
This is an example of how our instincts begin to work against us . What is the problem? The answer to this question found two researchers.
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In her book Just Enough (“Just Right”) ^★ , Howard Stevenson and Laura Nash tried to answer the question that each of us asks: “Do I get the most out of life?”

The problem of many people is that there is no end to the search for “what makes us feel good”. This is like a contest for the fastest cake-eating, in which the main prize is another cake.

What in this world of endless possibilities of choice makes us stop and calmly say “Thank you, enough for me”?
Scientists have studied the life experiences of successful people. They conducted more than 60 interviews with those who reached incredible professional heights.

It turns out that even these people for the most part do not know the answer to this question either. But it’s also interesting that they all share the same mistakes. Analyzing these errors, the researchers were able to figure out what we need in life, and identified the best way to achieve the desired.

Error 1: You can not restrict one criterion

We all know that a happy life cannot be secured by money alone, but none of us can confidently answer the question: what components, besides money, are needed for happiness, and how to get them.
Let's face it: money is an essential criterion for a good life. They certainly bring happiness, at least for a period of time.

We all know that the presence of love and friendship in life is also an important fact ... But with this, everything is quite difficult, you can’t just get love or friendship with a package from Amazon Prime. Will not work.

It turned out that the attempt to determine the quality of life using one criterion becomes a serious problem. Scientists in the Just Enough book call this phenomenon a “destructive strategy.”

We are talking about the desire of a person to rake up, figuratively speaking, all aspects into one heap, trying to apply one criterion, and to understand whether it is the right way through life.

The problem is not that money, which most often serves as a measure of success, is a terrible criterion, and not even that to assess the quality of life it is impossible to do with just one parameter:

“Sustainable success is not based on the availability of certain resources, but on the ability to apply them to achieve various goals!”

We can observe it in our life. Many are now talking about such a thing as FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out, which translates as "fear of missing something." Even incredibly successful people feel that they have missed some areas of their lives:

“An analysis by Jim Warner of the activities of 200 CEOs, primarily successful members of the International Organization of Business Leaders (YPO), showed that 70% of them feel that they were“ forced ”to achieve financial independence, and 60% realized that they are ready to seriously change due to unpleasant circumstances: they felt that they were missing something important ... "

Learning is good, but you also need to spend time with friends. When we try to reduce all life to something one, we inevitably feel inadequate.

The researchers realized that a happy life requires a combination of several aspects. For example, to have a good relationship with a family, we must spend time with her. Hours spent together is a parameter that can be measured. But if this time passes in shouting at each other - this also needs to be taken into account. It turns out that we must measure not only quantity, but also quality.



What aspects are part of a happy life? The study found four:

1. Happiness: Pleasure or satisfaction from life.
2. Success: Actions that are more effective than other people in achieving similar goals.
3. Significance: Making a positive impression on people whose opinion matters to you.
4. Legacy: Use your resources or achievements to help others succeed in the future.

Reading this list, much can be understood intuitively.
We all know people who have succeeded in the number one aspect, but these people ultimately lost because they missed the number two aspect. And vice versa.

Interestingly, some of those interviewed understood the importance of all four aspects and did not try to reduce all their lives to something one. But they made another mistake : they believed that it was possible to work on these aspects in turn. It turns out that this is also not correct.

Mistake number 2: You can not postpone a happy life for later

“At first I’m tormenting myself, earning enough money, THEN I’ll have a family, and THEN I’ll do what I want, and I’ll be happy ...”

This is what is called a “phasing strategy” in the book of Just Enough:

“A phased strategy brings to the absurd the idea of ​​delayed satisfaction. This is the scheme of choice of the majority of modern young people, especially those who can be called “beginner from base”, people who see the possibilities of enrichment in the future, in future work ... ”

Clay Christensen offers a wise solution to this problem in his book, How Will You Measure Your Life? ("How to measure your life?"):

“The relationships that you have with your family and close friends will be the main source of happiness in your life. But you must be careful. If it seems to you that everything is good at home, you may find yourself in the grip of the illusion that investments in maintaining and developing family relations can be put off until later. This is a huge mistake. By the time there are serious problems in the family, it is usually too late to try to change anything. This means, paradoxically, that the best time to invest in building strong family relationships and close friendship is when it looks like there is no special need ... ”

This statement is even more relevant in relations with children:

“One of the most common mistakes that young professionals with high potential make is that they believe that investment in life can be streamlined. The logic is as follows: “I can pursue my career during the first years of family life, as long as the children are small, so long as you can not be engaged in their upbringing. When children grow up a little and start to be interested in things that adults are interested in, then I will tear myself away from my work and focus on my family. ” You know what? By this time it will be too late. The child needs to start to engage in much earlier. He needs to provide the tools with which he can cope with life-challenges — this must be done even earlier than you can imagine. ”

But is this theory supported by some research? Such allegations are very difficult to analyze from a scientific point of view, but some non-official evidence was obtained, nevertheless, through contact with retirees.

It turns out that the happiest people of the older generation are those who have managed to maintain a balance between all four aspects mentioned above:

“This theory is best confirmed by the history of a number of interviewees who have already retired. Those who saved their whole lives, denying themselves happiness and expecting retirement to finally start enjoying themselves, had no idea what to do or how to live. They had money making skills, but they lacked many social skills, except, of course, those that they had developed in the corporate environment. They often drove their spouses crazy. On the other hand, those who tried to maintain the vital pace at the same high level did not feel satisfied with trying to work, creating the next problem for themselves. They were beginning to fear that they might have lost their ability to live at their usual pace forever. .. "

It turned out that those who felt retirement harmoniously had previously, throughout their lifetimes, invested resources in all four aspects of a happy life .

• We see more and more examples of how people pay all their attention to one area of ​​life and completely neglect the others. A brilliant programmer usually has zero communication skills.
• Tough business women postpone the birth of children indefinitely. A careerist does not find time for his children.

The danger is that we become one-function, albeit efficient, machines designed to perform the same task.

Striving for success is a life-long process ...

In the book Just Enough, Stevenson and Nash call this strategy "acceleration and coupling":

You should pay attention to all four aspects of a happy life regularly, if not daily.
If you ignore at least one of them, then inevitably rolls over to the strategy of "destruction", and if you postpone, then you are held hostage to the theory of "phasing".

A good life is a balance, it should be so, because the limits of happiness do not exist. Here is one of the conclusions that scientists have made:

"If you think like many other modern people, and believe that you can achieve success only if you postpone happiness for later, expect that when you reach the top of the final point, you can stop working and have a happy life, you are unlikely to achieve real success or happiness. All scientific studies prove that happiness has a tendency to fade: having tasted ice cream with fruit and nuts for the first time, you will feel its amazing taste, but if you eat four servings, you will hardly experience strong pleasure. The feeling of happiness should be regularly updated, and not to look for a state of endless pleasure ... "

Comedian Stephen Wright once quipped:

“I took a dog with me on a trip from New York to Florida. Then I said: "Well, that's all, from you, probably enough ..." "

Very funny. But so it is impossible with dogs, as well as with people.
Strive to work on all four criteria for a happy life every day:

1. Happiness: Pleasure or satisfaction from life.
2. Success: Actions that are more effective than other people in achieving similar goals.
3. Significance: Making a positive impression on people whose opinion matters to you.
4. Legacy: Use your resources or achievements to help others succeed in the future.

A quote by Warren Buffet summarizes the above:

“It’s always strange for me to hear:“ I’m going to do this for ten years. I, of course, hate this business, but, nevertheless, I will be engaged ... »Such an approach is about as reasonable as delaying sex for old age. This is probably not the best idea ... "

PS We recommend another article on the topic - What is life? Search for the meaning of life using business strategy .

Translated by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of MBA Consult .