Want to be successful and happy? Be divergent, not perfect

Perfectionism can only lead to improvement in one of the following areas : the ability to work all day long, the ability to take care of your own family or make money for the well-being of loved ones. Do not strive to be the perfect employee, instead become a divergent.

This article is written by Christina Carter based on her principles as set forth in Sweet Spot Manifesto. Word to the author.
')
My daughter and all her high school classmates love the dystopia created by Veronica Roth in her book Divergent. In her characters have only one of the following qualities: intelligence, courage, honesty, peacefulness and dedication. People with more than one quality were called divergents. And were considered as especially dangerous individuals. The main character, Tris, is just a divergent - she is smart, brave and selfless. It is difficult for the government to manage divergents, so they tend to simply destroy them.

Schoolchildren, especially adolescents, identify government pressure with their own experiences associated with subordination to parents and teachers, as well as the standards of behavior imposed on them. However, I view Veronica Roth’s dystopia as a reminder to adults of their perception of themselves only in one of their qualities — the ideal worker, loving mother, or breadwinner and family breadwinner.



I do not know a single employee from the traditional business areas who would not identify himself with the concept called by the journalist Bridget Schult “The Ideal Employee” is an excellent employee of the company who can perform all the duties assigned to him by the employer. At the same time, its productivity should not be influenced by family or personal life. The ideal employee should not have hobbies and interests that would interfere with the performance of his duties. It is understood that such an employee should have a wife who will do all the housework, raise children and do other daily activities. The ideal worker is not responsible for raising his own offspring - this is not his main task. Nothing should restrict it in possible business trips to other cities and countries, and someone else can go to school with them or make them dinner.

Working parents can not compete with the ideal employees for the time spent in the office. And, in truth, they also fight with their other qualities, torn between being able to spend more time with children and make more money.



At first glance, it seems that a caring loving mother can work in an office, but in fact this is not always the case — office work can become a serious obstacle to the fulfillment of her maternal duties. But it is precisely the mother who always knows what will be better for her child - she breastfed him from the cradle, so she certainly knows what the baby needs and when.
Likewise, the breadwinner, who is engaged in the material support of her family, cannot spend enough time with her children, unlike fathers with lower wages, who refused to move up the career ladder in order to be able to visit their family more often. When her children reach school age, she becomes an ideal parent who manages to earn money and feed her family and take her to a picnic outside the city.

As a rule, she has many photos with her children, she carefully records all the events that occurred with her offspring, but in these photos she is often absent herself. This is due to the fact that she cares little about her own needs , and is only interested in the welfare of the family.

Like the heroes of the book, it is easy for Americans (and not only them) to join one of the three types of behavior listed. Our perfectionism can only lead to improvement in one of the following areas - the ability to work all day long, the ability to take care of our own family or make money for the well-being of our children.
However, there is one funny thing - the ideal employee does not have to be perfect. How to understand this? It is very simple - according to the results of many studies, it was proved that a person who spends a lot of time at work is no more successful and not richer than those who work less . Thus, you can devote your free time to your beloved family, but at the same time remain financially secure.

Also, based on the results of the research, it was concluded that mothers who devoted themselves entirely to raising a child would not necessarily grow a happy and successful child. Rather, on the contrary - children who are given more time to spend outside the parent wing, have independence and strength of character. It is also reliably known that children are very important to participate in their father’s upbringing, and it’s not so important how much money he earns, and how much time he spends at work.

In other words, if we want to be successful, happy and self-confident, we must become divergent, i.e. to be both a loving mother, an ideal worker, and a breadwinner. Only a perfect balance of these qualities can bring truly genuine happiness, but not the desire for perfection in one of them.



Divergents are especially dangerous for ideal workers, who are still full of modern corporations and governments. As in the Roth novel, people committed to idealization tend to control, and if this is impossible, to suppress those who choose to be good parents, good workers, and just happy people.

In order to achieve full development , we need to separate from the general mass of people with stereotypes imposed. Because people are social creatures, and our consciousness is so arranged that we strive to gather in groups of our own kind. If the brain feels that they want to deprive him of this, he will come into a state of confusion and horror. The strong-willed and strong heroine of Tris was supposed to join one of the groups in order to hide her belonging to the divergent. She chose a group of "fearless", although more developed in relation to intelligence and dedication, and could go to the appropriate group. She knew that changing the world and her life, in particular, required a large supply of courage, with which she would be able to optimally apply her bright mind.

We should not follow the path of pursuing unrealizable ideals or stereotypes. To find your goal in life, you must become a divergent person who has found a balance of all his qualities and needs in life.

PS We recommend another article on the topic - Arguments in favor of lowering expectations .

Translated by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of MBA Consult