To complain - to harm health

When you are going to complain, watch what you are saying. Not always words expressing discontent will help you feel better. In this article, Stephanie Vozza, will tell you how to complain correctly in order to get a result .

Stop whining. This is not interesting to anyone, but harmful for you

Researchers from Stanford University came to a disappointing conclusion - even half an hour of daily complaints physically harm our brain. It doesn’t matter if you are a complainer or a listener, the negative has a negative effect on the hippocampal neurons - the part of the brain that performs cognitive function and is responsible for solving problems. Over time, the person gets used to complaining. If there are a lot of whiners in your environment, then most likely you will quickly become one of them.
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Guy Vinc, Ph.D. and author of the “Rattling Wheel,” states that members of our society complain very much, but unfortunately, is ineffective. According to him, we have forgotten the true purpose of the complaint, and use it as a way of unloading, and this has its consequences.

Dr. Winch explains that this approach leads to the following results. His research shows an interesting tendency - 95% of consumers of a certain product having a claim to it, say, not to the manufacturer, but to 8-16 people. Thus, the complaint remains only “air shaking”, since those who are really able to solve a problem don't even know about it.

In addition, the habit of complaining increases the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in the blood. Guy Winch says that every time we want to grumble at life and fate, we are driving ourselves to a stressful state even more. As a result, the situation is exacerbated many times.

Complain correctly to get results

So, we have a problem. What to do? According to Dr. Vinca, the right approach to complaints will help not only to find a solution, but also to reassure the person, to establish relationships. He offers the following 7 methods.

1. The complaint must have a clear purpose. Before you talk about your troubles, mentally identify a goal . If you want to complain about a person or company, do not do this until you understand what you want to achieve.

The scientist declares that setting a goal has two advantages. Firstly, it helps to calm down. We have limited intellectual resources. Thus, the more we think about the goal, the less wood we have. Secondly, it will enable the interlocutor to help you. After all, if we ourselves do not know what we want, how can we demand this from another?

Designating a goal is an important part of the process when we complain to a partner, friend or colleague, because in this case, we have very little time to prepare. Dr. Winch advises you not to start a conversation until you understand what you are unhappy with and what you want.

2. Start by finding the positive. Before you dive into the problem, realize that the outcome can be positive. Even customer service professionals will go on the defensive if they are attacked angrily.

A complaint amounts to a charge. Therefore, starting a heated discussion, make sure that your opponent wants to help you, and not just snapped back. Say something positive so that the person sees your loyalty and interest together to solve the problem. In this way, you disarm your opponent, and he will listen to you thoughtfully.

3. Do not go into details. If the problem has not been resolved for some time, conduct a discussion based on recent events. Do not dive into the discussion of small details, stick to the facts and drop emotions.

4. End on a positive note. If the problem is solved, tell your opponent that this will improve your relationship, or at least: “I really appreciate your help.” Dr. Vinch compares the complaint with a sandwich - if it is covered with positive remarks from both sides, it is easier to “chew” it. If you are positive, the interlocutor will feel it, will be more inclined to you and will want to do something to help solve your problem.

5. Consider who you are complaining. If you complain about a company, remember that your interlocutor may not have anything to do with her or her products.

Dr. Winch states that the complaint is also a request for help, so please kindly express it politely. Of course, this is not always easy, because at this moment you want to be more aggressive than pretty. If you are not able to control your emotions, then at least recognize them. For example, before you begin to express dissatisfaction, tell your opponent that you have no complaints about him personally.

6. Properly use the media. Media complaints are a double-edged sword. Using this method is very easy and, moreover, effective. Indeed, many companies monitor and analyze information about themselves in the media. However, to get help, you must provide enough information, as well as their data. For example, if your departure was canceled, you can make a post on Twitter and get an immediate result than stand in line with the rest of the passengers for the next 45 minutes.

7. Let go and forget. Regardless of the results, be prepared to let go of the situation instead of fixing on it.
Minor irritants can cost us mental health. Dr. Winch advises to learn "emotional hygiene" and get rid of bad habits. If you yourself give preference to things that upset you, then in the end you will feel like a victim. Conversely, if you are inclined to what makes you stronger, your level of self-esteem will increase. The methods you use when you complain show the level of your emotional solvency.

PS We recommend another article on the topic - How successful people cope with their toxic opponents.

Translated by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of MBA Consult