Hardcore difficulty level. Tips for survival in the "female" office

On writing this material, I was encouraged by the numerous mention of how difficult it is sometimes for a woman to get along in the men's team, to be alone in an office full of men and what are the pitfalls in all this. But I have never seen a story about what happens to a man, by the will of fate who turned out to be not at the bench, but in the same room with a certain number of young and not very women non-techies. Believe here, too, not everything is so simple for linear male thinking. Once I got into a similar situation and I will tell you that this is, in fact, an invaluable experience, but sometimes very painful.

But about everything in order under the cut.

I will not breed male chauvinism in the article , but simply enumerate a number of situations, real and simulated, in which it is better to pretend to be a rag and do not move , or, conversely, to breastfeed on the embrasure. The article was written on the basis of personal experience in several small organizations, one of which, I, as a support, lacked a table in an expanded developer’s office and I got into the office with other young lady colleagues and, in fact, turned out to be “one in field".
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Start

First of all, having got into the already formed women's team, i.e. A single study should be learned that everything that you will ever say can be used against you in the future . It is highly desirable to be as polite, friendly and laconic as possible. A neat appearance has a huge role, even if the mirrors are cracked from your appearance. Give special attention to shoes, if a man does not pay attention to your trampled sneakers, then the female neighbor can make an absolutely incredible conclusion from your point of view. Most likely, they will not talk to you for several days, or only on working moments, this is normal. Shut up, listen and work. This is the most relaxing time. At the same time, do not bend with silence, answer calmly and affably, otherwise there is a risk of passing for an unpleasant redneck, and sometimes even "dumb."

After it begins a more active acquaintance with you and inquiries.
One way or another, you will start a conversation, most likely in the office itself, and they will start asking you about your personal one. Who is where he worked, breathe and so on. Extremely, I highly recommend not to brag about anything and stick to a neutral position, since the opinion of you can be made up that very minute, and your merits (by your own estimation) are regarded as shortcomings.

Pay attention to the fact that even if you are talking only with one girl to the office, and everyone else is looking at the monitors and working enthusiastically do not be mistaken, you are giving the answer not to a specific person, but to everyone at once, even if they do not in any way show their participation in conversation, with a probability of 90% of you are listening . This is generally an amazing ability to listen, speak and do something at the same time, inaccessible to me, as inaccessible to my understanding.

Disputes, communication and discussion

Almost all men love to argue about something on a smoking room, or during lunch, discuss, share opinions. This is, in fact, normal communication. Just do not forget that now we are dealing with more sensitive individuals who are organizing a kind of "collective intelligence . "

The most important thing is not to destroy the interlocutor in the discussion.
There are topics in which you are better equipped than others. More often than not, explaining him to a male colleague that he is wrong, he assimilates new information and rethinks it. A woman, especially your colleague, and, especially on work issues, may perceive your information flow as a personal insult, especially if you do it in front of your roommates. And there is no worse enemy than an offended woman , so by no means try to act condescendingly, or in a lecturer to suppress a person with your knowledge, this is bad for you to end . The best option is to help when asked, not to intervene, but to offer your opinion / point of view / help on working issues is to step on very thin ice. Young ladies who are not used to working and communicating with men can react in the way they are used to and this is very different from what you expect to see. For the worse.

Question answer

Be mentally prepared for the fact that many women very often do not answer the specific question posed . Those. You can come up and ask, conditionally, what color are ripe bananas. You will be asked why you need bananas, are you sure that these are bananas, and how many pieces / kilo do you need? Then you get the answer that the color changes depending on the type of banana, and in general, you work directly with oranges and look towards the orange color. And about bananas, you can read somewhere else. Maybe I'm just a loser, but I have come across such moments all the time. Even a colleague who is most loyal to you will often not be able to specifically answer the specific question posed to her and in one way or another, lead the subject away. I am talking about situations where you are new, and have not worked with her for years, do not forget about it.

Personal animosity

This is the strangest thing in the behavior of many, especially young and ambitious girls. I saw a young employee of the personnel department, who very tightly communicated with one of the guys only because he was not handsome in her opinion , which was loudly voiced after the door was closed behind him. Those. the external biological factor of a person added to his work problems and it was obvious that he was contemptuous and condescending towards him, which, I tell you, is very unpleasant. In general, very often in the women's team there is a “personal” dislike. A girl can be annoyed by the timbre of your voice, the manner of speaking, dressing, the mode of brewing coffee, or the fact that you are swinging on a chair. Any thing can lead to discord in a relationship with a colleague and subsequent problems. Unfortunately, I was not able to identify how to avoid this and nice behavior here will not save you. Be prepared for the fact that you have not done anything bad at all, and you do not like it, this is normal and will not change with a 90% probability.

General conversations

Quite often in male teams, the dialogues of the two develop into a collective discussion of a question, not even related to work. In the women's team everything is different. You can work with them for a long time, however, your connection to the conversation can be perceived as an invasion of dialogue , even if you have something to say, something useful / funny and you have a sharp increase in the chances of running into the phrase “I'm not talking to you "In various variations and intonations. If possible, avoid collective conversations in which the initiator is not an employee who is loyal to you , otherwise your “karma” inside the office will drop a few more points and sooner or later break the floor.

Rebuilding relationships

Once transferring a female colleague to the category of "mortal enemy" from there you will not remove her. By the way, you may not even remember that this happened, that you became disliked, but remember, she remembers everything. Thus, you just have to remain neutral and try to disengage from personal conflict, because any attempt to resolve it will not take due and expected effect, and your word will initially be regarded as an act of aggression, and any of your mistakes will be very carefully monitored, as well as Your job in search of vulnerabilities, if the young lady was in addition and vindictive. In this case, you need to either work perfectly, or look for a new job, or hope that life will divorce you in different rooms / departments and you will no longer intersect. Do not allow yourself to be deceived by polite communication, or even jokes from the “enemy” , as if everything has returned to normal, as soon as you have a vulnerable spot on it will very quickly put pressure, perhaps simply out of pleasure. Some kind of sexism can be read here, but I did not notice such behavior for men.

"Safe Groups"

From my own practice of several teams with a sufficient number of women for myself, I singled out the following, least “dangerous” and non-conflict categories of colleagues:

• Young mothers up to 30, most often calm and friendly
• "Boys" prefer to communicate with men more than with women
• Less common women 35-45 with family and children

Accountants should not be counted among these groups, there their spherical situations in a vacuum, and I am afraid even to climb into it, they are very nervous.

In general, I highly recommend to single out “idle” colleagues right away, but not in order to fool around, in order to understand that these people are the most susceptible and, often, suspicious, especially at the age of about 30. In a personal statistical sample, married girls and women are calmer, more stable in emotions, and loyal to men as such, perhaps because they constantly communicate with their own husbands and learn to interact with a representative of "our species." Also remember if there are brothers / sisters. The only daughter in the family, at times, grows up to be an extremely selfish person who stretches for her train in everything.

Well, of course, education plays a huge role. I have never clashed with girls with technical / mathematical education, perhaps because of their student experience and life in the “male” team before that.

Total

Perhaps the material turned out to be too “captain” in style, but 85% of the men I know have never been to such situations, and the remaining 15% do not like to be distributed.

First of all you go to work for the sake of earnings, and then everything else. But remember, carelessness in words, attitudes and gestures with women can solidly poison this part of your life up to the search for change. Women are more sensitive and it’s worth a hack on your nose if you haven’t worked with them side by side before. If you cannot get enough help from your colleague, look for it in another place, because then the accumulated problems will lead to open conflict, which is analogous to a nuclear war of extermination. Do not go to extremes and take care of yourself.

PS I'm not a sexist and always happy to communicate with new people of any sex, especially with girls :). I have extensive communication experience and in general work is related to communication with people as a support. But specifically the situation inside some teams caused my questions, to which I am still looking for answers.

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