Houseworks (who hasn't watched Doctor House yet?)

You are talking to God - you are a believer, God is talking to you - you are mentally ill © Dr. House

All Lie © Dr. House

You can live with dignity, but you cannot die with it. © Dr. House
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You will not become President anyway; the White House is not called white because of the color of the walls. © Dr. House black senator

- The woman with whom you lived? - This is an Indian name, and in the rights it is listed as Stacy © Dr. House

Immediately he will not die, but he will dream about it © Dr. House

If there was one percent deviation in her DNA, she would be a dolphin © Dr. House


- Mom, who are these people? - These are two arrogant bastards who save lives © Mom of one of the patients about Dr. House and Foreman

Only you can feel like shit doing something good © James Wilson about Dr. House

The symptom is death? © Dr. House

If you wait long enough, someone will get sick © Dr. House

- And while I would recommend you to refrain from sex. - How long? - From the point of view of evolution - forever © Dr. House

Dr. House doesn’t break the rules, he ignores them © Foreman about Doctor House

The last symptom was death. And, in case you missed this lesson in medical school, this symptom cannot be cured © Dr. House

Most patients do not distinguish the forehead from the pubis © Dr. House

Luxury women become doctors only if they are offended © Dr. House

You love everyone. This is pathology © Dr. House

I’m bad and don’t try to convince myself and me that this isn’t true © Dr. House

I will be in my office. Alone with himself. There are a lot of new pornography in the Internet, but it cannot download itself by itself © Dr. House

Doctors have to cure diseases, and those who treat patients do not crawl out of depression © Dr. House

Doctors make 5 different diagnoses based on the same symptoms © Dr. House

I shlopnu Cameron ass, nigger obzovu Foreman and Chase ... I do it on the ass ... shlopnu © Dr. House

- Nothing hurts me! - Sometimes this is the first symptom © Dr. House

What the hell are you wandering around with a urine test? © Dr. House

If I enjoy hating life, I don't hate life. I enjoy it © Dr. House

Does anyone have a saw? Call the surgeon © Dr. House

“How can I work with you if you treat me like shit?” - Shit - a loose concept © Chase and House

- What are you going to do? - I thought to listen to your theories, make fun of them and, after that, come up with your own © Cameron and House

“Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours.” - What is it? - When you're in someone's house, it's always good to have a white chick with you © Forman and Cameron

House doesn't like dealing with patients. © Cameron

If not to treat patients, then why did we become doctors? © Foreman

Patients always require confirmation. We do not make cars here, we do not give guarantees. © Dr. House

Is a lie, a lie, if everyone knows that this is a lie? © Dr. House

Trying to convince a madman, not to do crazy things, madness in itself © Dr. House

I always said, if you want to shoot yourself, do it in the hospital © Dr. House

If she agrees with me, then I don't need her. If not, I don't want her. © Dr. House about Cuddy

- We have rectal bleeding. - What, at all at once? © Cameron and House

- Can you believe me. - The problem is that if I can’t take it back, then I can’t believe your statement that I can believe you. © Chase and House

“I need you to wear your robe.” - I need two days of exciting sex with someone who is shamelessly younger than you © Cuddy and Hauz

“How do you know she needs a heart transplant?” - Today, my chakra has opened. Said someone has a broken heart next © Wilson & House

- You. In the lobby. Now. - I hurt my leg. I have a help © Cuddy and House

- Dr. House! Need your help. - No thanks. Too many sick. I can catch something © Cuddy and House

House, you are ... the way God created you! © Wilson on House

“Mrs. Adams, could you come out for a minute?” - What for? - Then you annoy me © House and Adams

- How would you feel if I began to interfere with your personal life? - I hate it. Therefore, I have enough of her mind not to have © Chazy House
- Do you have any idea what it is like when you have a two-meter hose in your colon? - No, but now I have a very high opinion of some kind of basketball player whom you met in college © Cameroni House

Hiccup patient: I tried everything.
House: Yeah. (reads) ... pulled his tongue, ice on his throat, beat himself, pinched zapromyezhnosti ... yes, you certainly covered all the normal medical methods. However, how do you beat yourself - with an open hand or fist?
Patient: Open palm.
House: Well, yes, that's what they teach at Harvard Medical.

Over dinner with Stacy and her husband:
Mark: You know, I thought you would be full of sarcasm because Stacey married me.
House: You know, we need to do something together: drive balls or something else ... all these men's things.

/ House wants to come in to Cuddy ... /
Assistant Cuddy: there can not be.
House: who are you and why are you wearing a tie?
Assistant: I am an assistant to Dr. Cuddy. What is your question?
House: went to find out why she has a secretary, but I don't.
Assistant: I am an assistant, not a secretary - I graduated from Rudgers University.
House: hm? I didn’t even suspect that they have a faculty of secretaries! Wow.
- Did you take a shower together ?! - NOT! - Double denial means agreement © House and Chase with Cameron
Either help live or die - not all at once © Dr. House
You know what's good about you - you always think you're right. Novot, that upsets - you really are almost always right. © Stacy oHouse
- If she never kissed boys, then most likely he never had sex. - Tell it to all whores who don't want to kiss me on the lips © Chase and House
- I waited 2 hours in the hall. - Fascinatingly. Memoirs did not think to write? © Dr. House
- Do you have a phone dead? Do you even charge him sometimes? “Are they charged?” And I always bought a new one © Wilson and House

“Help me avoid this dinner, and I will tell you who started a rumor that you are transsexual!” - There is no such hearing! - It will be if you do not help to avoid dinner! © House and Cuddy

- I'm taller than you - And I have more hair © House and Mark Warner
House is engaged in modeling in a rehabilitation center. Tritter enters: - Caterpillar? - Large intestine with ulcerative colitis © Tritter and House

“But Dr. Chase said my calcium is normal!” - We call him "Doctor Idiot" © Patient and House

- Her lips say “no”, her shoes say “yes” - They are French - you can't believe any of their words © House and Wilson

If you're right, then I have to go to church every Sunday. BUT ME AT SUNDAYS BOWLING! © House Wilson
- You use drugs - No! - Your lips say no, your eggs say yes. © House and the patient

- You can not make a diagnosis without a biopsy. - No, we can, we will cure. If she gets better, we will know that we were right. - And if we make mistakes? - We learn something else. © Cameron and House
Who do you need, a doctor who holds your hand while you die, or a doctor who ignores you while you get better? Perhaps the worst thing is to have a doctor who ignores you while you die. © House
- Is it still not legal to do an autopsy on a live person? - Tychto, stoned? - Today is Tuesday; I am clean! - Today is Wednesday. © House iKaddi
- You were right. - Three useless words have just sounded. © Chase and House
- How do you check someone's reaction to pain? - Simply. I hurt them. © Cameron and House
- If we told you the truth that you correctly diagnosed without a single medical evidence, you would have decided that you are God. And that you beat the wings. - God does not limp. © Wilson and House
“Do you know why people sit in waiting rooms?” - It must be because it is right. - People believe that the closer they sit working, the more their care is shown © House and Stacy
“You think I want the whole world to see you staring at your maid and criticizing my wardrobe?” - Would it be better if I saw your wardrobe and criticized your ass? © Cuddy and House
- Okay. I will make you a child. But first you must write me Vicodin. Only then will I survive the prelude © House and Cuddy
It is necessary to check for parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals, and maybe picked up from porn sites. I'll check the internet, and you everything else. © House
- The child is gone ... - Well, you take Alpha Centauri, Forman let Tattwin check, and Cameron will get intergalactic stations. True, if he used a hyperjunction - we will never find him. © Chase and House
Talk about the patient's diagnosis:
Cameron: What about sex?
House: Well, it will not be easy. We work together, I'm older, but maybe you like it.
Cameron: I meant that he may have syphilis.
House: Oh. Good excuse.
House: People don't need a sick doctor.
Wilson: Logical. And I do not need healthy patients.
House: There are a million sick people in the world, why should I treat this?
Wilson: Because this one is in our hospital room.
- Brain tumor. She will die. Boredom. © House
- You are an oncologist. I'm just a pathetic specialist in infectious diseases. - Yes, of course, just a simple village doctor. © House and Wilson
“I hired you because you look good.” It's like keeping a piece of art in the hallway. © House o Cameron
“What are you doing here again?” A patient? - Not. A prostitute. Went to my office, not to my home. © Cuddy and House
- I think your example is incorrect. - I think your tie is ugly. © Foreman and House
House and Wilson:
“If I told Foreman,“ Nice try. ” Great guess, but not this time. ”What do you think he would do?
“I think he would be heading home without feeling like a piece of shit.”
- Right.
- Do you want him to feel like a piece of shit?
- Not. I don't want him going home.
- Why are you interested? - Why are you interested, why am I interested? - Just wondering. - Me too. © Foreman and House
House and Cameron:
- And what is this garbage?
- Candy canes.
- Candy canes? Are you kidding me?
- Not! After all ... after all, Christmas, and I thought ...
- Relax. It was a joke.
- Sister Augustine believes in what is not. - I thought it was a professional requirement for people like you. © Nun and House
Cuddy appears in a sweater with a deep neckline. House:
“Excellent suit, Dr. Cuddy.” He seems to be saying: "I am a professional, but still a woman." In fact, he just shouts the second part.
- Your big cane is also quite invisible.
- Actually, every time I put on a holiday cap and celebrate the fact that the Earth once again circled around the Sun. I really thought that this time she would not succeed, but what the hell is this Planet Who Again Was able. © House (about birthday)
- I am disappointed. I sent you in search of great new designer drugs, and you brought me tomato sauce. © House
“You experience perverse pleasure by refusing me.” - For this I live. © House and Cuddy
- Even I don't like you! - You know, words can hurt! © Wilson and House
- Need a lawyer! “Have you killed someone?” - No one. But it's not over yet. © House and Vogler
- Hematoma caused someone. - What a wonderful diagnosis, under it you can dance! © Chase and House
- Yes, I understand, House is just a darling. I just want to hug him and never let go. © Chase
- Why always Me? “Because the world hates you.” Or because it is a diagnostic exercise. You can choose a reason that is more popular with your ego. © House and Cuddy
- Be yourself. Cold, indifferent and detached. “Please don't make an idol out of me.” © Wilson and House
Cuddy:
- I need to discuss something with you.
House (loud):
- I will not have sex with you again! The first time was terrible!
“You're an evil, cunning woman.” This is terribly exciting. © House Cuddy
- No, there is no fine line between love and hate. Between them, the Great Wall of China with an armed guard, exposed every 20 seconds. © House
- Cuddy considers this case idiopathic. "Cuddy and idiop" form an important part of this sentence. © House
- I want you to do your job. “But, as the philosopher Jagger once said,“ You can't always get what you want. ” © Cuddy and House
- You know me. The enmity forcing me to shrink like ... [pause] I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor. © House
- What can you add to this dispute? - Wilson is right, Formanneprav, your shirt is too frank for an office style. © Cuddy and Hause
- What are you doing? - Well, you're trying to be me, and I thought about trying to be you. “You have no rounds for this.” - But I have a more elastic ass. © Cuddy and House
“You can't raise your hand.” - And you can not write standing. © Cuddy and House
- Pay attention to me! “Sorry, but then it will be harder for me to ignore you.” © Cuddy and House
“You have no cancer.” - You have no dwarfism. - And at the expense of this you have no evidence. © House and Cuddy
- How is your prostitute? “Oh, so nice that you asked — a funny story: she was going to be a hospital administrator, but she didn't like having people in that way.” © Cuddy and House
“Why do you have to dramatize everything?” “Because I'm a furious little lap dog.” Raff Ruff Raff, rarr, raff! © Cuddy and House
Cuddy: (after finding House where he was hiding) I just went for the smell of arrogance.
Even babies lie. © House

- You attacked the patient! “Okay, I won't do it again.” - You will! - Then in this dispute even less sense. © Foreman and House

The patient's symptom is the loss of free will. I like. We can call Thomas Aquinas for a consultation. © House

“I’m an Air Force captain and am awaiting a NASA astronaut training center appointment.” - I discovered salt and invented FM radio. © Patient and House

- Merry Christmas. - Happily go to hell. © Tritter and House

- This is vicodin? - Menthol sweetie. I thought you were going to kiss me. © Cuddy and House

- Are you Dr. House? - I feel that I regret about it, but yes! © Patient and House

I do not work in search groups. And yet, I can not sit, smoke, nervous and doing nothing! © House

- They have a secret club there. - What's the secret? That they are all idiots? © Chase and House

- This is the temple of the Lord. They pray here. - And so that's why there is such a good reception, and also why there is nobody here. © Nun and House

- The accident did not cause bleeding. - Yes, the bleeding caused an accident, the blood got on the road was slippery. © Cameron and House

—You want me to treat him? Drugs in the pharmacy, immobile patient intensive therapy. It looks like a simple geographic problem. © House

—Balchik just passed the math exam, and then he suddenly felt sick and he stopped realizing where he was. - Yes, this is how mathematics is manifested. © Foreman and House