Futuristic thinking
All names are saved, all matches have malice.
Hello! My name is Sanya, and I see the future. Just do not think: I am not some kind of magician of the fifth category of the guild of Arduina of the second coming. I really see the future when I focus. I do not know who sends me these visions: a bearded uncle in the sky, hellish scotone, or the spirit of Richard Feynman seeps through the seams of space-time and slips these pictures into my head. I also don’t know how this whole bodydog agrees with the many-world theory, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the prophecy of Vanga.
Many will ask: “Hey man! If you really see the future, then why the hell are you wasting time on fasting in Habr instead of saving the world ?! ”The problem is that I don’t see global events. I cannot predict an epidemic or war; I cannot know that North Korea will launch a nuclear missile; even the extinction of the bearded hamster population in the African savannas I can not prevent. So I decided to get a job where my modest skills will definitely come in handy.
Damn, being a tester in a big company is so cool! It all started with the fact that the guard at the checkpoint gave me a cross-examination with the use of techniques of suppression of consciousness, and then also searched my bag, paying particular attention to the "suspicious" seam in the left upper pocket. We immediately see that this is a serious company that cares about the safety of its employees! When I finally went up to my floor, they showed me a table in a huge open space and immediately gave me a computer. The person who brought me to the workplace said goodbye: “Sit here, they will contact you,” and in an instant he dissolved into the air. Wow, I have to learn this cool office ninjutsu! I look forward to contacting me.
')
For the whole day I was not contacted. It starts to seem to me that they forgot about me. I decided to tense up a bit and see where the office ninja is now. It turned out that he had been drinking tea in the dining room for forty minutes. Great - now I know where our dining room is! Unnoticed when I came to a small group that was sitting at a table covered with a jolly checkered tablecloth, I blurted out: “Hello!” Wow - I didn’t know that a person is able to jump to such a height from a sitting position! "Are you crazy?! Can't you see what we have here ... production meeting? ”I was a little embarrassed:“ Oh, sorry. You just said that they would contact me. I waited all day, but no one came. ”The ninja looked at me with a surprised look:“ It's still too early! You will set up the computer while Visual Studio is installed ... Three days will pass. ” Strange: yesterday, in just an hour, I installed not only Visual Studio, but also the Oracle 12 client, SOAP UI, PLSQL Developer, and a couple more softin, about which I knew that I would need them. Well, okay, they don’t go to someone else’s sushi bar with their chopsticks, I'll wait for more.
They finally came to me. Some gloomy uncle zhahnul me on the table a pack of sheets about thirty centimeters high, and muttered: “This is PIM and HLA on the task“ Transfer of intersystem interaction from IS to SPA ”. You are testing the case of transferring an APN parameter to a financial platform when the SCP subscriber is locked in an immoral block. ” I was somewhat puzzled: “Why is the lock immoral?” The uncle sneered unkindly and said: “That is, of all this, you are only interested in why the lock is immoral? Oh well". And dissolved. Damn, they definitely have a whole clan here.
When I started working as a tester, I thought that I could very quickly find all the bugs with the help of my abilities. I just need to think about how I will test some case, and I immediately find out what goes wrong. However, it was not so easy. In order to test the transfer of an APN parameter to a financial platform, when the SCP subscriber is hanging in an amoral block, I first needed to know what an APN parameter is, a financial platform, a SCP subscriber, and an immoral block. Using tricks, blackmail, and in some cases even hypnosis, I gathered all the necessary knowledge and was ready to start testing. I was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that during these twenty days no one came to find out how I was doing, but my open-living neighbor Vityok just dismissed: “Why, don't worry, it’s just the beginning of the release! You can kick the bolts and get yourself a task for managing tasks! ”Having made a mental note to find out why we needed tasks for managing tasks, I started testing . And, of course, there was a bug right there! The service provisioning system sent one to the SPA instead of “true”. Well, why are you so, development department, how could it be so wrong? The sun was setting, so I started a bug and went home with a clear conscience.
First, I opened yesterday's bug to test the fix. However, not a single changeset was linked to the bug, and in the history there was an entry: “OCat, OM, CM, facade and Workflow logs are needed. Damn, how much do you teach ?! They read about the ads ... "And just below was another entry:" All sorts of testers will also tell me where to edit the code - they are completely gone. " And here I realized that I got. After all, I tested the case with the help of my gift - it took only half a second, and I never touched the mouse. To collect the logs, you have to really open the terribly braking form, perform magical actions, and then half an hour to climb the network balls in search of files with names like ”OrderManagement.OperationServices.log.145”. Well, there is nothing to do. For the rest of the day, I manually tested the functionality, collected logs and applied them to the bug.
Today, on the way to work, I saw a girl slip on the steps of the subway, fell down and broke her leg. Of course, she did not break anything in the end, and I came to work in a great mood and with a new phone in my address book. Smiling kindly, I opened this bug. Well, now there will definitely be a fix! And again I did not guess. Bug hung on a group of architecture with the comment: “Architectural bug. The fix will take 100 hours and will require a full recourse run. We need traces on OM, Ocat, CM and OCF. ” But what is it! After all, I know where I need to fix the code so that everything works. Yes, after all the logs that I put, even a rhesus monkey would know what needs to be fixed! What are a hundred hours ?! There are five minutes to do, four of which will be build! We must do something about it.
I usually can't do such tricks, but here, apparently, righteous anger helped. I could properly look into the future, see myself as an experienced programmer who can write in thirty known and two still unknown languages, and then transfer all this experience into my current consciousness. I don’t know how it all works, and why the time paradox did not annihilate the Universe, but I managed to podshmanen version control system so that the necessary fix just appeared in the code. After that, with a clear conscience, I returned the bug to myself and closed it with a comment: "It is not reproduced."
Fuh, the last six months were kryosnosnymi! After I learned to edit the code imperceptibly, I was able to use my abilities to the full! For the first month I caught all the bugs of the current release. After that, I raked out a bug graveyard, which by mistake was called the “architecture group”. Well, as a nice bonus last month I did a full refactoring of the system: I implemented a kosher SOA architecture, covered all the code with tests, and also adjusted the Continuous Delivery process. Although I almost slept with the latter: it turns out that the head of the infrastructure department is so jealous of his diocese that I had to use hypnosis again to convince him that he himself had invented and tuned it all up.
Today, that same ninja, whom I have not seen since the first days of my work, was gathered by our testing department in a large negotiation room. Sitting comfortably in a soft leather chair, the boss immediately took the bull by the horns: “In general, this is the case. There is a crisis in the country, and the top management decided to reduce the staff by 50%. As you understand, we can’t cut developers, so we decided to cut testers. ” What a twist! I do not even know what to say. Accepting our silence for consent, the chief continued: "In short, we decided to cut you down for the discrepancy between the job description." I finally found the gift of speech: “Oh, well? And in what we do not correspond? "" Well, of course. So you, Sanya, signed the job description? Signed. There was a point about the fact that the employee should have a futuristic thinking, and foresee the trends of the industry? Was. You have no futuristic thinking, Sanya. At least kill - no. I sighed and closed my eyes.
...
When the vision ends, I always have a little tingling on my fingertips. And now I seemed to have emerged from the well, opened my eyes and stared at my index finger, which was lying on a piece of paper with the inscription "Job description." The finger pointed to a small list that spoke of the qualities that an employee of the company should possess: “futuristic thinking; the ability to see trends in the development of the industry and patterns in the surrounding space; ... "The voice of an employee of the personnel department brought me out of my reverie:" Well, will you sign, or not? This is just a formality! Sign it now, and in a week you can go to work. ” I looked up at the woman and said thoughtfully: "Do you know ... I, perhaps, changed my mind about working with you."
Hello! My name is Sanya, and I see the future. Just do not think: I am not some kind of magician of the fifth category of the guild of Arduina of the second coming. I really see the future when I focus. I do not know who sends me these visions: a bearded uncle in the sky, hellish scotone, or the spirit of Richard Feynman seeps through the seams of space-time and slips these pictures into my head. I also don’t know how this whole bodydog agrees with the many-world theory, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the prophecy of Vanga.
Many will ask: “Hey man! If you really see the future, then why the hell are you wasting time on fasting in Habr instead of saving the world ?! ”The problem is that I don’t see global events. I cannot predict an epidemic or war; I cannot know that North Korea will launch a nuclear missile; even the extinction of the bearded hamster population in the African savannas I can not prevent. So I decided to get a job where my modest skills will definitely come in handy.
The first day
Damn, being a tester in a big company is so cool! It all started with the fact that the guard at the checkpoint gave me a cross-examination with the use of techniques of suppression of consciousness, and then also searched my bag, paying particular attention to the "suspicious" seam in the left upper pocket. We immediately see that this is a serious company that cares about the safety of its employees! When I finally went up to my floor, they showed me a table in a huge open space and immediately gave me a computer. The person who brought me to the workplace said goodbye: “Sit here, they will contact you,” and in an instant he dissolved into the air. Wow, I have to learn this cool office ninjutsu! I look forward to contacting me.
')
Second day
For the whole day I was not contacted. It starts to seem to me that they forgot about me. I decided to tense up a bit and see where the office ninja is now. It turned out that he had been drinking tea in the dining room for forty minutes. Great - now I know where our dining room is! Unnoticed when I came to a small group that was sitting at a table covered with a jolly checkered tablecloth, I blurted out: “Hello!” Wow - I didn’t know that a person is able to jump to such a height from a sitting position! "Are you crazy?! Can't you see what we have here ... production meeting? ”I was a little embarrassed:“ Oh, sorry. You just said that they would contact me. I waited all day, but no one came. ”The ninja looked at me with a surprised look:“ It's still too early! You will set up the computer while Visual Studio is installed ... Three days will pass. ” Strange: yesterday, in just an hour, I installed not only Visual Studio, but also the Oracle 12 client, SOAP UI, PLSQL Developer, and a couple more softin, about which I knew that I would need them. Well, okay, they don’t go to someone else’s sushi bar with their chopsticks, I'll wait for more.
Fifth day
They finally came to me. Some gloomy uncle zhahnul me on the table a pack of sheets about thirty centimeters high, and muttered: “This is PIM and HLA on the task“ Transfer of intersystem interaction from IS to SPA ”. You are testing the case of transferring an APN parameter to a financial platform when the SCP subscriber is locked in an immoral block. ” I was somewhat puzzled: “Why is the lock immoral?” The uncle sneered unkindly and said: “That is, of all this, you are only interested in why the lock is immoral? Oh well". And dissolved. Damn, they definitely have a whole clan here.
Day twenty sixth
When I started working as a tester, I thought that I could very quickly find all the bugs with the help of my abilities. I just need to think about how I will test some case, and I immediately find out what goes wrong. However, it was not so easy. In order to test the transfer of an APN parameter to a financial platform, when the SCP subscriber is hanging in an amoral block, I first needed to know what an APN parameter is, a financial platform, a SCP subscriber, and an immoral block. Using tricks, blackmail, and in some cases even hypnosis, I gathered all the necessary knowledge and was ready to start testing. I was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that during these twenty days no one came to find out how I was doing, but my open-living neighbor Vityok just dismissed: “Why, don't worry, it’s just the beginning of the release! You can kick the bolts and get yourself a task for managing tasks! ”Having made a mental note to find out why we needed tasks for managing tasks, I started testing . And, of course, there was a bug right there! The service provisioning system sent one to the SPA instead of “true”. Well, why are you so, development department, how could it be so wrong? The sun was setting, so I started a bug and went home with a clear conscience.
Twenty-seventh day
First, I opened yesterday's bug to test the fix. However, not a single changeset was linked to the bug, and in the history there was an entry: “OCat, OM, CM, facade and Workflow logs are needed. Damn, how much do you teach ?! They read about the ads ... "And just below was another entry:" All sorts of testers will also tell me where to edit the code - they are completely gone. " And here I realized that I got. After all, I tested the case with the help of my gift - it took only half a second, and I never touched the mouse. To collect the logs, you have to really open the terribly braking form, perform magical actions, and then half an hour to climb the network balls in search of files with names like ”OrderManagement.OperationServices.log.145”. Well, there is nothing to do. For the rest of the day, I manually tested the functionality, collected logs and applied them to the bug.
Twenty-eighth day
Today, on the way to work, I saw a girl slip on the steps of the subway, fell down and broke her leg. Of course, she did not break anything in the end, and I came to work in a great mood and with a new phone in my address book. Smiling kindly, I opened this bug. Well, now there will definitely be a fix! And again I did not guess. Bug hung on a group of architecture with the comment: “Architectural bug. The fix will take 100 hours and will require a full recourse run. We need traces on OM, Ocat, CM and OCF. ” But what is it! After all, I know where I need to fix the code so that everything works. Yes, after all the logs that I put, even a rhesus monkey would know what needs to be fixed! What are a hundred hours ?! There are five minutes to do, four of which will be build! We must do something about it.
Thirtieth day
I usually can't do such tricks, but here, apparently, righteous anger helped. I could properly look into the future, see myself as an experienced programmer who can write in thirty known and two still unknown languages, and then transfer all this experience into my current consciousness. I don’t know how it all works, and why the time paradox did not annihilate the Universe, but I managed to podshmanen version control system so that the necessary fix just appeared in the code. After that, with a clear conscience, I returned the bug to myself and closed it with a comment: "It is not reproduced."
Day one hundred ninety-fifth
Fuh, the last six months were kryosnosnymi! After I learned to edit the code imperceptibly, I was able to use my abilities to the full! For the first month I caught all the bugs of the current release. After that, I raked out a bug graveyard, which by mistake was called the “architecture group”. Well, as a nice bonus last month I did a full refactoring of the system: I implemented a kosher SOA architecture, covered all the code with tests, and also adjusted the Continuous Delivery process. Although I almost slept with the latter: it turns out that the head of the infrastructure department is so jealous of his diocese that I had to use hypnosis again to convince him that he himself had invented and tuned it all up.
Day one hundred ninety sixth
Today, that same ninja, whom I have not seen since the first days of my work, was gathered by our testing department in a large negotiation room. Sitting comfortably in a soft leather chair, the boss immediately took the bull by the horns: “In general, this is the case. There is a crisis in the country, and the top management decided to reduce the staff by 50%. As you understand, we can’t cut developers, so we decided to cut testers. ” What a twist! I do not even know what to say. Accepting our silence for consent, the chief continued: "In short, we decided to cut you down for the discrepancy between the job description." I finally found the gift of speech: “Oh, well? And in what we do not correspond? "" Well, of course. So you, Sanya, signed the job description? Signed. There was a point about the fact that the employee should have a futuristic thinking, and foresee the trends of the industry? Was. You have no futuristic thinking, Sanya. At least kill - no. I sighed and closed my eyes.
...
When the vision ends, I always have a little tingling on my fingertips. And now I seemed to have emerged from the well, opened my eyes and stared at my index finger, which was lying on a piece of paper with the inscription "Job description." The finger pointed to a small list that spoke of the qualities that an employee of the company should possess: “futuristic thinking; the ability to see trends in the development of the industry and patterns in the surrounding space; ... "The voice of an employee of the personnel department brought me out of my reverie:" Well, will you sign, or not? This is just a formality! Sign it now, and in a week you can go to work. ” I looked up at the woman and said thoughtfully: "Do you know ... I, perhaps, changed my mind about working with you."
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/251647/
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