How to recognize the manipulation and quickly neutralize them
Somehow it happens that the issues of negotiations are of great interest to habrapubliki. Our most neglected posts somehow dealt with the negotiations:
Not so long ago, talking with the director of a major IT company, we just discussed this topic. And he suggested that the IT industry is the industry where people communicate most with each other. Despite the seemingly large amount of time we spend alone with a computer, we also spend a lot of time in communication: with teammates, colleagues from other cities and countries, customers, etc. Talking in one day with the guys from Novosibirsk, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Santa Clara, Shanghai and Bangalore is in the order of things. And in writing, and orally, and at meetings and in chat rooms - as you wish. Solid negotiations. This probably explains so many advantages in the posts on this topic.
Today we decided to continue this topic and publish a chapter from Dmitry Kotkin’s new book, The Negotiation Book of Quick Recipes.
')
Negotiations are often compared with military battles, and their participants with commanders, whose victory largely depends on
as far as they can, they use the means at their disposal. The military arsenal can be quite wide, and, besides the obvious means of attack and defense, various tricks and tricks are in use.
Often, a bargaining battle looks like an exchange of sweet courtesies, a friendly conversation or a completely business-like constructive dialogue, but under the form there is an insidious strategy aimed at weakening the enemy.
One type of covert attack is manipulation. Manipulation acts through the creation for the opponent of a clever illusion,
corrects the interlocutor in the desired manipulator new information and emotional space.
But first - what do we mean by manipulation?
Manipulation is a hidden effect on the stereotypes of human behavior in order to achieve the desired behavior from him, and the decision in this case is based primarily on emotions and is not calculated from the point of view of logic. This is an action that a person might not have done if he had more time to think it over!
Manipulation is not always bad. A fairy tale to a child for the night is also a manipulation, almost any kind of training is based on the manipulation of the consciousness of the student.
Each of us has some knowledge of what will happen in communication with another person after some of our signals (words and gestures, emotions, and shades of voice). Subconsciously, we are waiting for the responses we need, we assume them. We all manipulate each other. Every day, each of us performs hundreds and thousands of manipulations.
And manipulation then acts as an adaptive method of interpersonal communication, a method that selects the most effective communication strategies, allowing you to tune in to the interlocutor or group, taking into account their age, cultural, behavioral characteristics.
Manipulations become a forbidden weapon when they affect the system of values, the system of self-identification of a person. Each of us at least once got into the manipulation of the type “if you are a real man, wife, caring leader, etc., then you have to ... buy a car for your wife, cook borsch, raise salaries”. And it is difficult for a person to make a negative decision, because there is a fear that they will perceive him not in the way he identifies himself, as he wants to be perceived ...
Usually, when people talk about manipulation, they recall the classic magical triangle of relations (it is sometimes called the triangle of power) - the Karpman triangle: “Aggressor — Sacrifice — Savior.”
The manipulator, provoking you, plays one of these magical roles, clearly “pulling out” the desired emotion from you:
By the way, to distinguish a threat from a warning, it is important to remember that a warning contains a decision that a person is going to take, factors that will influence this decision, events that will occur after this decision in his life.
The threat is more emotional and unspecific, you are only hinted at possible losses in the future if you do not agree with your opponent, and your fear will complete the details on your own.
During the crisis, the indignant director of a grocery store says to his supplier:
A sentimental story, the manipulative tone of which gives out a large number of details that have nothing to do with the subject of negotiations. The store manager chose the role of “Victim” for himself, trying to force the supplier to forget about his debts for a while, creating a sense of guilt for the virtual young children.
Here the manipulator acts simultaneously in the role of "Rescuer", hinting at the easy receipt of orders in the future, and in the role of "Aggressor", showing his willingness to change his positive view of the opponent if he does not make a discount.
The “Savior” strategy is often used in tenders. A classic example: a large construction company announces a tender for the purchase of fittings, the result of the tender should be an order for several hundred million rubles. Suppliers are drawn into the race for the "golden calf", in the end, the tender is "won" by the plant, which offers its products almost at cost, but hoping to make a profit on the back.
A contract is signed in which it is fixed that the conditions of each monthly delivery will be negotiated in a separate application. The first shipment occurs, the plant waits for the second, waits until it receives a message from the customer that there will be no further purchases, as “the purchased fittings, according to the test results, do not meet the requirements of the customer”. The benefit of the client is obvious - in a relatively honest way, a lot of money was saved on the first purchase.
It is worth noting that the author has to apply remarkable ingenuity to think through and implement effective manipulation. The creation and use of manipulative scenarios in the negotiations may be, at times, a real work. And the author - and the playwright, and the director, and, more often, the performer in them the leading role.
To understand how this works, let's look at a few scenes from real life using manipulative scripts:
Scene one. There is a price negotiation between the manufacturer and the purchasing manager of the retail network.
Procurement Manager (as if sharing "secret" information):
Manufacturer:
Buyer (with a distressed look):
This is a classic method for a buyer working on a supplier with a carrot and stick at the same time. The correct position here is to maintain good, “trusting” relations with the purchaser, while objectively evaluating the situation on the basis of facts, and not giving undue importance to hints at compliant competitors.
Scene two. In the IT-company there is a meeting with the participation of representatives of the customer. Victor, Head of the Project Department (reporting on progress):
Kirill, deputy head of the project department:
Customer representatives look at each other intensely. The director frowns.
Head of Project Department (forced to explain):
It would seem that the young deputy head really wanted to convey to the client the most accurate information about the timing. But, when analyzing the situation, it turned out that he “substituted” his manager in this way, in the eyes of the management and the customer.
Please note that in all the cases considered, the manipulator creates its own reality in the negotiation space. He hides his true goals (in our examples, to push, substitute) under the demonstration to be useful to another. Look, what tools does he use?
First of all, it is:
To which the manipulator will certainly respond with stormy bewilderment, and will continue to bend his line, in the same time dubbing you a naughty interlocutor or expressing an insult to your "strange" claims.
Scene three. Company A is engaged in the delivery of the program 1C-Accounting. Company B, a major food distributor, decided to announce a tender for the supply of software.
A representative from company A was invited to office B to conduct an introductory presentation there and answer questions.
At the preparatory stage, a list of participants was discussed, including the Director General, who makes the final decision when choosing a service provider. The meeting is scheduled for 15:00.
At 15:10 in the room there is everything except the CEO. The rest of the meeting participants are asked to start the presentation, citing a lack of time. General, in their words, will come later.
20 minutes later, on the 10th slide of the presentation, the Director-General comes into the room. After the greeting, the representative of company A suggests introducing the director in the course of the matter, tezinno introducing the missing part of the presentation. He refuses and insists that the speaker continue from where he left off.
... Five minutes later, after exchanging a few phrases with the director, the Chief Accountant rises and leaves, the second most important person in the meeting. The third employee is talking aloud on the phone, the other two look out the window and whisper. The director opens the laptop and begins to study something in it ...
What are we dealing with here: bad upbringing, an epidemic of disrespect, poor organization, or is a manipulative scenario with hidden goals played out before us?
To understand this, as well as learn to behave properly in such situations, you need to remember the following basic rules:
1. Fix in advance the agenda of the meeting and the list of issues that will be discussed.
During the preparation phase, it is necessary to coordinate with the other party.
(by the parties):
Having a clear agenda of the meeting, you will always have the opportunity to return the conversation to a constructive direction in the event that your opponent starts to deviate from the topic or “overflow”.
2. Use open-ended questions.
The manipulator in its speech often uses the definitions of “bad”, “expensive”, “slow”, while moving away from clarifying what exactly it is about. Without specifying what was the point of the report: compared to what, regarding which criteria, etc. Open questions (that is, those questions that cannot be answered simply “yes” or “no”, where you need to give a detailed answer) will force it to give a certain the answer and return the dialogue in a constructive way.
Open questions begin with the words “what is the reason for”, “how much”, “how”, “how do you evaluate” and so on.
3. Do not make excuses.
Manipulators often create situations in which the second side is forced to defend itself, its business or its company. Remember how often it happened that we were led to such tricks and rushed to prove our innocence!
As a result of such a scenario, on the one hand, it seems that we really have something to blush on the other, and on the other hand, the manipulator achieves its main goal - intercepts the initiative during the negotiations and leads them away from our advantage to their side.
4 Feel free to stop the negotiations if you don’t like the way they go.
You are an equal participant in the process, you have every right to suggest a pause at any time in order to assess the situation more balancedly. If the other side starts rushing you, you are in a manipulative reality.
5. Stay human.
Try to counteract the manipulation of the mind, not force. Do not resent the actions of the manipulator, in the end, his behavior is only a way to get benefits. Give your partner an honor out of the situation. If during the dialogue it becomes clear to him that the tricks on you do not work, then he will switch to the win-win negotiating strategy - when both sides win. You form a new agreement with your partner and, starting from it, continue the constructive dialogue.
It is worth noting that in some cases, in particular when discussing prices or debts, manipulative scenarios are applied regularly.
When negotiating the price is a kind of ritual. First, a professional buyer comes, uses different pressure tools, can manipulate various numbers to reduce the price. A competent seller treats this calmly, understanding the client’s desire to get the most favorable conditions. Then the sales manager politely and calmly starts asking open-ended questions, asking his partner for actual needs. Then, using comparison and other arguments, it justifies the attractiveness of its offer to the client and the adequacy of the price.
The second common case is debt collection. Here, as a manipulative scenario, the debtors (consciously or not) apply the “victim” and “soulless pursuer” approach.
The task of the negotiator is to return the opponent to reality. Without reproaches and notations to build a conversation with him as an adult, a person responsible for his actions. It is important not to put pressure on the debtor, but to offer him real solutions for returning
debt. The conversation will be productive. This will help you get the money, and the debtor to maintain dignity.
6. There are no hopeless situations, always look for solutions.
It happens, it seems that the negotiations are at an impasse. This can be a consequence of insufficient professionalism, as well as a well-thought tactical device, where the manipulator creates and directs us to our “tunnel of reality”.
Scene Four. Customer:
Seller:
Customer:
To make out such a manipulation and get out of the impasse, one must keep in mind that:
a) Refusal in business negotiations is often inconclusive. Today, the said “no” may turn into “yes” tomorrow. Often negotiations, stalled and interrupted for a while, are resumed later. And the conditions that seemed to have no alternatives, are revised.
b) Perhaps the ultimate position is not a reflection of the company's policy, but a feature of the behavior of a particular person. There are often cases where the conclusion of negotiations at a higher level or just a meeting with another manager allows you to continue the dialogue and opens up opportunities for further work.
c) If you want to get the maximum, know how to risk. To risk is to take an action, as a result of which you can both get what you want and worsen your position, both outcomes are possible. It is possible to minimize risks, but the complete rejection of them is a guaranteed loss.
7. Use proven universal tricks.
What does universal reception mean? If you feel that you are being manipulated, just remember one of these techniques and apply it in response to this manipulation. On the machine, without thinking.
a) The most universal method is “Leaving the line of attack”.
So that the opponent’s manipulation does not reach the goal, the easiest way is to get out of contact with him for a while. Someone, to gain time and calmly repel the provocation, drops a pen under the table and searches for a long time there, leaving the manipulator in a misunderstanding of the response. Someone remembers that he urgently needs a glass of water - take a pill, and for some time the conversation revolves around this topic, someone asks for a minute pause to make an urgent call. When in front of an opponent empty chair - nothing to manipulate.
b). "Demonstration of the opposite behavior."
The opposite of what? What is expected of you! If you understand that they are trying to intimidate you - demonstrate courage. If you are provoked to aggression - demonstrate surprise. If they are trying to make them impatient, they turn into a very slow, thoughtful boa.
c) “What is happening?”
The phrase “Gentlemen, what is happening with us now?” Magically affects the manipulator, because it aims to make him explain his motives of behavior, that is, to tell about what he really would like to hide from his victim .
In any case, this question allows you to seize the initiative in the negotiations, to gain time to adjust the strategy of their behavior.
d) “Bringing to the point of absurdity”
Absurdity is something illogical, wrong, contrary to common sense. An absurd statement is meaningful and because of its inconsistency is false. For example, the statement “If it rains, the forest behind the mountain” is meaningless, and the statement “Watermelon was divided into three unequal halves” is not meaningless, but absurd. The logical law of contradiction speaks of the inadmissibility of simultaneous approval and denial. By tying the opponent's words to an absurd statement, we devalue these words in his own eyes.
Most importantly, when using this technology, do not forget to return the negotiations to a constructive direction. Any thesis, any statement, any conclusion can be reduced to an absurdity.
Example. At negotiations on the cost of training services, the client gently presses:
Most people find it difficult to use this technique in real negotiations, fear is triggered, "suddenly they will take me for an idiot."
Attempting to preserve its invented image, sadly, weakens the negotiator.
d) "I see what you do" ...
Manipulation is a hidden influence in order to achieve self-serving ends. As soon as the manipulation becomes visible to the victim, it immediately loses its meaning. It becomes useless. The incrimination in manipulation causes a person to abandon the manipulative interaction and "knocks" him out of the prepared script. Although an experienced negotiator, when he is caught manipulating the interlocutor, he will simply abruptly switch to another topic and, as it were, will not notice that you have detected his “dishonest” methods.
Example. At the negotiations you can see how opponents play the ancient, like the world, endgame "good and evil cop." “Evil” goes to open confrontation, exerts constant pressure on you, in every way provokes. "Good", on the contrary, as if seeks to understand, as it were, gets up to your position. And then, under any pretext, the “bad” is removed from the negotiation process, and the “good”, taking advantage of the trust and sympathy that has arisen, completes the negotiations in a constructive manner, on the conditions necessary to it.
You can, casually ask, with whom it is better to have a conversation in the first place: with the one who attacks you, or the one who protects you? Played before you play will be minimized.
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Friends, as we already wrote from 2 to 5 March, our online conference PRO + Skills will take place. On March 5, there will be a master class by Dmitry Kotkin, dedicated to fully negotiating topics:
Methods of positive counteraction to negative influence
If you want to delve into the topic of negotiations and in practice deal with the negotiation tools - we will be glad to see you.
Participation in the conference is paid - 980 rubles. in 4 days. With this money in St. Petersburg, you can take a taxi to the airport (Moscow is not enough :)). And you can spend 4 pm for the development of their key skills.
Traditionally, we would like to give a gift to habravchanam who decide to join our conference. A gift this time will be a new book by Dmitry Kotkin "Negotiating quick recipe book":
This book is not in the public domain or on sale. But we will send its electronic version as a gift, for this in response to confirmation of payment for participation in the conference write: "I am with Habra, I want a gift . "
Get on the PRO + Skills online conference and get a book as a gift >>
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- How to discuss money with management or why sometimes careers stop?
- [case] How to return the debt from former employers or about clever negotiation strategies
Not so long ago, talking with the director of a major IT company, we just discussed this topic. And he suggested that the IT industry is the industry where people communicate most with each other. Despite the seemingly large amount of time we spend alone with a computer, we also spend a lot of time in communication: with teammates, colleagues from other cities and countries, customers, etc. Talking in one day with the guys from Novosibirsk, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Santa Clara, Shanghai and Bangalore is in the order of things. And in writing, and orally, and at meetings and in chat rooms - as you wish. Solid negotiations. This probably explains so many advantages in the posts on this topic.
Today we decided to continue this topic and publish a chapter from Dmitry Kotkin’s new book, The Negotiation Book of Quick Recipes.
')
How to recognize the manipulation and quickly neutralize them
Negotiations are often compared with military battles, and their participants with commanders, whose victory largely depends on
as far as they can, they use the means at their disposal. The military arsenal can be quite wide, and, besides the obvious means of attack and defense, various tricks and tricks are in use.
Often, a bargaining battle looks like an exchange of sweet courtesies, a friendly conversation or a completely business-like constructive dialogue, but under the form there is an insidious strategy aimed at weakening the enemy.
One type of covert attack is manipulation. Manipulation acts through the creation for the opponent of a clever illusion,
corrects the interlocutor in the desired manipulator new information and emotional space.
But first - what do we mean by manipulation?
Manipulation is a hidden effect on the stereotypes of human behavior in order to achieve the desired behavior from him, and the decision in this case is based primarily on emotions and is not calculated from the point of view of logic. This is an action that a person might not have done if he had more time to think it over!
Manipulation is not always bad. A fairy tale to a child for the night is also a manipulation, almost any kind of training is based on the manipulation of the consciousness of the student.
Each of us has some knowledge of what will happen in communication with another person after some of our signals (words and gestures, emotions, and shades of voice). Subconsciously, we are waiting for the responses we need, we assume them. We all manipulate each other. Every day, each of us performs hundreds and thousands of manipulations.
And manipulation then acts as an adaptive method of interpersonal communication, a method that selects the most effective communication strategies, allowing you to tune in to the interlocutor or group, taking into account their age, cultural, behavioral characteristics.
Manipulations become a forbidden weapon when they affect the system of values, the system of self-identification of a person. Each of us at least once got into the manipulation of the type “if you are a real man, wife, caring leader, etc., then you have to ... buy a car for your wife, cook borsch, raise salaries”. And it is difficult for a person to make a negative decision, because there is a fear that they will perceive him not in the way he identifies himself, as he wants to be perceived ...
Usually, when people talk about manipulation, they recall the classic magical triangle of relations (it is sometimes called the triangle of power) - the Karpman triangle: “Aggressor — Sacrifice — Savior.”
The manipulator, provoking you, plays one of these magical roles, clearly “pulling out” the desired emotion from you:
- Either you agree to reduce the price by 20%, or we "go" to competitors (the opponent plays the role of an "aggressor", trying
cause a feeling of fear).
By the way, to distinguish a threat from a warning, it is important to remember that a warning contains a decision that a person is going to take, factors that will influence this decision, events that will occur after this decision in his life.
The threat is more emotional and unspecific, you are only hinted at possible losses in the future if you do not agree with your opponent, and your fear will complete the details on your own.
During the crisis, the indignant director of a grocery store says to his supplier:
- Well, shame on you! What kind of debitsky can we talk about when I have nothing to pay my employees with, and they all have small children, and many women bring them up alone! For debt, come next month.
A sentimental story, the manipulative tone of which gives out a large number of details that have nothing to do with the subject of negotiations. The store manager chose the role of “Victim” for himself, trying to force the supplier to forget about his debts for a while, creating a sense of guilt for the virtual young children.
- Let us now reduce the price of your services so that we can treat you as a long-term partner, show that you are also interested in this.
Here the manipulator acts simultaneously in the role of "Rescuer", hinting at the easy receipt of orders in the future, and in the role of "Aggressor", showing his willingness to change his positive view of the opponent if he does not make a discount.
The “Savior” strategy is often used in tenders. A classic example: a large construction company announces a tender for the purchase of fittings, the result of the tender should be an order for several hundred million rubles. Suppliers are drawn into the race for the "golden calf", in the end, the tender is "won" by the plant, which offers its products almost at cost, but hoping to make a profit on the back.
A contract is signed in which it is fixed that the conditions of each monthly delivery will be negotiated in a separate application. The first shipment occurs, the plant waits for the second, waits until it receives a message from the customer that there will be no further purchases, as “the purchased fittings, according to the test results, do not meet the requirements of the customer”. The benefit of the client is obvious - in a relatively honest way, a lot of money was saved on the first purchase.
It is worth noting that the author has to apply remarkable ingenuity to think through and implement effective manipulation. The creation and use of manipulative scenarios in the negotiations may be, at times, a real work. And the author - and the playwright, and the director, and, more often, the performer in them the leading role.
To understand how this works, let's look at a few scenes from real life using manipulative scripts:
Scene one. There is a price negotiation between the manufacturer and the purchasing manager of the retail network.
Procurement Manager (as if sharing "secret" information):
- We are launching ten new stores in the near future, and also by the end of the year we plan to open retail outlets in each district in the center of the region. It is clear that with such a sales volume, we now need from you the maximum discount and 2% of the marketing fund for product promotion. We announced such conditions for all suppliers. But since we have a long and good relationship with you,
we decided to talk with you first.
Manufacturer:
- I am very glad that you are planning a significant expansion of the network in the future. But for this quarter, if I understand you correctly, the volume of purchases will remain the same ?.
Buyer (with a distressed look):
- Yes, but new conditions on prices and marketing should be signed now. I will tell you a secret, some of your competitors have already confirmed their readiness.
This is a classic method for a buyer working on a supplier with a carrot and stick at the same time. The correct position here is to maintain good, “trusting” relations with the purchaser, while objectively evaluating the situation on the basis of facts, and not giving undue importance to hints at compliant competitors.
Scene two. In the IT-company there is a meeting with the participation of representatives of the customer. Victor, Head of the Project Department (reporting on progress):
- Dear partners, at the moment the preparatory stage is fully completed, testing is underway; we are on time and will be able to launch the application by November 1. ”
Kirill, deputy head of the project department:
- Victor, I would like to clarify for colleagues important information on the timing. Today, programmers reported that failures in the work of one of the modules. There is a possibility that its debugging will require additional time, and, possibly, will delay the launch period by one week.
Customer representatives look at each other intensely. The director frowns.
Head of Project Department (forced to explain):
- Thank you, Cyril. Colleagues, I planned to inform you on this issue a little later.
It would seem that the young deputy head really wanted to convey to the client the most accurate information about the timing. But, when analyzing the situation, it turned out that he “substituted” his manager in this way, in the eyes of the management and the customer.
How to recognize when your opponent is sincere, and when he tries to manipulate you?
Please note that in all the cases considered, the manipulator creates its own reality in the negotiation space. He hides his true goals (in our examples, to push, substitute) under the demonstration to be useful to another. Look, what tools does he use?
First of all, it is:
- Destructive behavior (ignoring, interrupting, “turning on the fool”, being late, etc.).
- Emotional attacks (behavior that knocks down your opponent and makes you feel insecure).
- Manipulation of data.
What counter errors are made by an unprepared negotiator, having fallen on the hook of the manipulator?
- Reacts emotionally: pays excessive attention to the tone in which the opponent communicates, trying to restore justice and find out the relationship with him.
- Allows the manipulator to lead him away from the topic of negotiations: he loses a goal; allows the opponent to discuss issues that are outside his interests.
- Appeals to the manipulator, so that he behaves in a human way and adheres to the agreements.
To which the manipulator will certainly respond with stormy bewilderment, and will continue to bend his line, in the same time dubbing you a naughty interlocutor or expressing an insult to your "strange" claims.
Scene three. Company A is engaged in the delivery of the program 1C-Accounting. Company B, a major food distributor, decided to announce a tender for the supply of software.
A representative from company A was invited to office B to conduct an introductory presentation there and answer questions.
At the preparatory stage, a list of participants was discussed, including the Director General, who makes the final decision when choosing a service provider. The meeting is scheduled for 15:00.
At 15:10 in the room there is everything except the CEO. The rest of the meeting participants are asked to start the presentation, citing a lack of time. General, in their words, will come later.
20 minutes later, on the 10th slide of the presentation, the Director-General comes into the room. After the greeting, the representative of company A suggests introducing the director in the course of the matter, tezinno introducing the missing part of the presentation. He refuses and insists that the speaker continue from where he left off.
... Five minutes later, after exchanging a few phrases with the director, the Chief Accountant rises and leaves, the second most important person in the meeting. The third employee is talking aloud on the phone, the other two look out the window and whisper. The director opens the laptop and begins to study something in it ...
What are we dealing with here: bad upbringing, an epidemic of disrespect, poor organization, or is a manipulative scenario with hidden goals played out before us?
To understand this, as well as learn to behave properly in such situations, you need to remember the following basic rules:
1. Fix in advance the agenda of the meeting and the list of issues that will be discussed.
During the preparation phase, it is necessary to coordinate with the other party.
(by the parties):
- meeting time (both beginning and duration);
- list of participants from both sides (with indication of positions);
- list and order of issues discussed;
- purpose of the negotiations.
Having a clear agenda of the meeting, you will always have the opportunity to return the conversation to a constructive direction in the event that your opponent starts to deviate from the topic or “overflow”.
2. Use open-ended questions.
The manipulator in its speech often uses the definitions of “bad”, “expensive”, “slow”, while moving away from clarifying what exactly it is about. Without specifying what was the point of the report: compared to what, regarding which criteria, etc. Open questions (that is, those questions that cannot be answered simply “yes” or “no”, where you need to give a detailed answer) will force it to give a certain the answer and return the dialogue in a constructive way.
Open questions begin with the words “what is the reason for”, “how much”, “how”, “how do you evaluate” and so on.
3. Do not make excuses.
Manipulators often create situations in which the second side is forced to defend itself, its business or its company. Remember how often it happened that we were led to such tricks and rushed to prove our innocence!
As a result of such a scenario, on the one hand, it seems that we really have something to blush on the other, and on the other hand, the manipulator achieves its main goal - intercepts the initiative during the negotiations and leads them away from our advantage to their side.
4 Feel free to stop the negotiations if you don’t like the way they go.
You are an equal participant in the process, you have every right to suggest a pause at any time in order to assess the situation more balancedly. If the other side starts rushing you, you are in a manipulative reality.
5. Stay human.
Try to counteract the manipulation of the mind, not force. Do not resent the actions of the manipulator, in the end, his behavior is only a way to get benefits. Give your partner an honor out of the situation. If during the dialogue it becomes clear to him that the tricks on you do not work, then he will switch to the win-win negotiating strategy - when both sides win. You form a new agreement with your partner and, starting from it, continue the constructive dialogue.
It is worth noting that in some cases, in particular when discussing prices or debts, manipulative scenarios are applied regularly.
When negotiating the price is a kind of ritual. First, a professional buyer comes, uses different pressure tools, can manipulate various numbers to reduce the price. A competent seller treats this calmly, understanding the client’s desire to get the most favorable conditions. Then the sales manager politely and calmly starts asking open-ended questions, asking his partner for actual needs. Then, using comparison and other arguments, it justifies the attractiveness of its offer to the client and the adequacy of the price.
The second common case is debt collection. Here, as a manipulative scenario, the debtors (consciously or not) apply the “victim” and “soulless pursuer” approach.
The task of the negotiator is to return the opponent to reality. Without reproaches and notations to build a conversation with him as an adult, a person responsible for his actions. It is important not to put pressure on the debtor, but to offer him real solutions for returning
debt. The conversation will be productive. This will help you get the money, and the debtor to maintain dignity.
6. There are no hopeless situations, always look for solutions.
It happens, it seems that the negotiations are at an impasse. This can be a consequence of insufficient professionalism, as well as a well-thought tactical device, where the manipulator creates and directs us to our “tunnel of reality”.
Scene Four. Customer:
- I need the best price, and your prices are high. Or give me a discount, or I'm leaving. I already have more interesting suggestions.
Seller:
- We will not be able to reduce the price.
Customer:
- Then all the best.
To make out such a manipulation and get out of the impasse, one must keep in mind that:
a) Refusal in business negotiations is often inconclusive. Today, the said “no” may turn into “yes” tomorrow. Often negotiations, stalled and interrupted for a while, are resumed later. And the conditions that seemed to have no alternatives, are revised.
b) Perhaps the ultimate position is not a reflection of the company's policy, but a feature of the behavior of a particular person. There are often cases where the conclusion of negotiations at a higher level or just a meeting with another manager allows you to continue the dialogue and opens up opportunities for further work.
c) If you want to get the maximum, know how to risk. To risk is to take an action, as a result of which you can both get what you want and worsen your position, both outcomes are possible. It is possible to minimize risks, but the complete rejection of them is a guaranteed loss.
7. Use proven universal tricks.
What does universal reception mean? If you feel that you are being manipulated, just remember one of these techniques and apply it in response to this manipulation. On the machine, without thinking.
a) The most universal method is “Leaving the line of attack”.
So that the opponent’s manipulation does not reach the goal, the easiest way is to get out of contact with him for a while. Someone, to gain time and calmly repel the provocation, drops a pen under the table and searches for a long time there, leaving the manipulator in a misunderstanding of the response. Someone remembers that he urgently needs a glass of water - take a pill, and for some time the conversation revolves around this topic, someone asks for a minute pause to make an urgent call. When in front of an opponent empty chair - nothing to manipulate.
b). "Demonstration of the opposite behavior."
The opposite of what? What is expected of you! If you understand that they are trying to intimidate you - demonstrate courage. If you are provoked to aggression - demonstrate surprise. If they are trying to make them impatient, they turn into a very slow, thoughtful boa.
Negotiation workshop. The test of the first atomic bomb by the Americans in Alamogordo took place the day before the opening of the Potsdam Conference, at which Churchill, Stalin and Truman were to discuss the post-war structure of the world.
“The bomb, which seemed to be only a possible weapon, seemed like a weak reed on which to lean on,” Henry Stimson (US Secretary of Defense) confessed, “but a bomb that has become a colossal reality is quite another.”
Truman and Churchill chose a moment for several days in order to suddenly inform Stalin of the news and intimidate him with the existence of a formidable weapon, by no means wanting to devote the Russian Generalissimo to any details. The “peacekeepers” wanted to successfully play the scene of disclosing secrets and achieve a psychological and political effect ...
Here's how Churchill talks about this in his memoirs: “After the end of the plenary session on July 24, when everyone got up from the table, behind which the conference was held, and dispersed to the sides, Truman, together with Stalin and both their translators, moved to the only one in the hall a big window ... Stalin seemed to be in awe. New bomb? Extraordinary power? What a luck! Stalin kept a cheerful and good-natured expression on his face, congratulated the Americans on owning a new weapon, and the conversation between the two powerful leaders quickly ended. ”
Soon Churchill approached the American president: “How did it work?” Truman was disappointed: "Stalin did not ask a single question and showed no interest to such an extent - Truman subsequently repeated this in his memoirs - what could have been thought - he did not understand anything." (Tolubko VF Nedelin. The first commander in chief of strategic. M .: Young Guard, 1979).
“... Having returned from the meeting,” Marshal Zhukov wrote in his memoirs, “I.V. Stalin in my presence told V.M. Molotov on the conversation held with G. Truman. V.M. Molotov immediately said: "The price is being stuffed for itself." I.V. Stalin laughed: “Let them stuff. It will be necessary today to talk with Kurchatov about speeding up our work. ” I realized that it was about creating an atomic bomb ”(Zhukov GK Memoirs and Reflections. 10th ed. T. 3. M .: Novosti, 1990.).
c) “What is happening?”
The phrase “Gentlemen, what is happening with us now?” Magically affects the manipulator, because it aims to make him explain his motives of behavior, that is, to tell about what he really would like to hide from his victim .
In any case, this question allows you to seize the initiative in the negotiations, to gain time to adjust the strategy of their behavior.
d) “Bringing to the point of absurdity”
After all, I just want everything to always be in my opinion. B. Shaw.
Absurdity is something illogical, wrong, contrary to common sense. An absurd statement is meaningful and because of its inconsistency is false. For example, the statement “If it rains, the forest behind the mountain” is meaningless, and the statement “Watermelon was divided into three unequal halves” is not meaningless, but absurd. The logical law of contradiction speaks of the inadmissibility of simultaneous approval and denial. By tying the opponent's words to an absurd statement, we devalue these words in his own eyes.
Most importantly, when using this technology, do not forget to return the negotiations to a constructive direction. Any thesis, any statement, any conclusion can be reduced to an absurdity.
Example. At negotiations on the cost of training services, the client gently presses:
- You know, we are considering various proposals, not only yours, we are ready to start cooperation only if the cost is reduced by twenty percent from what you declared.
“Okay,” I reply, “and why only twenty?” Let's go to fifty? Or is it better to just a hundred? You can do this training for free at all, let me invite you from one of my students, they need to get experience in conducting trainings, they will be ready to do the work without a fee. And everyone is happy: I prepare my staff, you get training for free, a young business coach gets invaluable experience.
“Well,” the client begins to crease, “we still need a quality product, it is unlikely that a coach without experience will be able to provide it ...”
- Oh, you need quality, then let's talk constructively ....
Most people find it difficult to use this technique in real negotiations, fear is triggered, "suddenly they will take me for an idiot."
Attempting to preserve its invented image, sadly, weakens the negotiator.
d) "I see what you do" ...
Manipulation is a hidden influence in order to achieve self-serving ends. As soon as the manipulation becomes visible to the victim, it immediately loses its meaning. It becomes useless. The incrimination in manipulation causes a person to abandon the manipulative interaction and "knocks" him out of the prepared script. Although an experienced negotiator, when he is caught manipulating the interlocutor, he will simply abruptly switch to another topic and, as it were, will not notice that you have detected his “dishonest” methods.
Example. At the negotiations you can see how opponents play the ancient, like the world, endgame "good and evil cop." “Evil” goes to open confrontation, exerts constant pressure on you, in every way provokes. "Good", on the contrary, as if seeks to understand, as it were, gets up to your position. And then, under any pretext, the “bad” is removed from the negotiation process, and the “good”, taking advantage of the trust and sympathy that has arisen, completes the negotiations in a constructive manner, on the conditions necessary to it.
You can, casually ask, with whom it is better to have a conversation in the first place: with the one who attacks you, or the one who protects you? Played before you play will be minimized.
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Where to find out more: March 5 - Dmitry Kotkin's master class “Methods of positive counteraction to negative influence”
Friends, as we already wrote from 2 to 5 March, our online conference PRO + Skills will take place. On March 5, there will be a master class by Dmitry Kotkin, dedicated to fully negotiating topics:
Methods of positive counteraction to negative influence
- 5 ways to build partnerships
- Principles of psychological aikido as a pressure relief
- 6 magic phrases to suppress aggression
- 5 types of compliments
- Techniques of managing the energy of the enemy in the negotiations
If you want to delve into the topic of negotiations and in practice deal with the negotiation tools - we will be glad to see you.
Participation in the conference is paid - 980 rubles. in 4 days. With this money in St. Petersburg, you can take a taxi to the airport (Moscow is not enough :)). And you can spend 4 pm for the development of their key skills.
"Negotiation book of quick recipes - as a gift to habrachanam-participants of the conference
Traditionally, we would like to give a gift to habravchanam who decide to join our conference. A gift this time will be a new book by Dmitry Kotkin "Negotiating quick recipe book":
- Practical recommendations for all occasions
- "Tin" or what is tough negotiations
- How to "push" when bidding
- Yield, not to give in the negotiations? That is the question!
- How to communicate with difficult people
- How to recognize the manipulation and quickly neutralize them
- How to resist sexual manipulation?
- How to say compliments during negotiations
- How to learn to be unpredictable
- When it is better to refuse to negotiate
- How to conduct commercial negotiations on foreign territory
- The laws of fencing tactics - the tactics of tough negotiations
- How to negotiate the price
- The art of buying. Drive shopping or how to buy products on the markets of Southeast Asia
- An example of real negotiations with the Chinese from graduates of the School of negotiators "SHIP"
- How to negotiate wages
- How to negotiate with officials
- A few simple tips on how to behave in negotiations to achieve your goal
- Analysis of real negotiation situations
This book is not in the public domain or on sale. But we will send its electronic version as a gift, for this in response to confirmation of payment for participation in the conference write: "I am with Habra, I want a gift . "
Get on the PRO + Skills online conference and get a book as a gift >>
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/251431/
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