6 ways to market anything from Mikhail Dryashin

I came across a very entertaining article on how to unwind a regular can opener. The author is very lively and interesting writing. For those who are too lazy to follow the links, here is the main part of the article.

So, how to unleash a can opener?

The first path - "Unicum".

This product contains in its composition something special, unique and amazing - the fruit of the many years of tension of the best minds of the cutting edge of world science, a discovery that turned the world around. But there is nothing like that in the opener, and you will argue. This is absolutely not important. Even a good thing not. No one will come to rest. Suppose that in the same opener with a wooden handle embodies the patented miracle formula Sigma effect. Sounds? Is the sigma effect already used in washing powder advertising? Not scary. Change the letter and word, let it be a unique Epsilon-technology. So, the can key is produced by a unique Epsilon-technology!

I was always worried about the fate of alpha carotene. And provitamins. Not “about vitamins”, but “provitamins” - in one word. Well, okay, these terms still mean something. Ceramides remember? What about nanosomes? And prretinol, which is always for some reason "A"? I’m not talking about soda-trieffect or Sortie crumbs (by the way, now they have war - intensive granules are fighting turbo crumbs), or about such a masterpiece as the Microdermabrasion Expert System.

But the true pearl is chlorinol. Notice, not some banal blemish bleeding, but chlorinol. And this is despite the fact that the chlorinol is the most honest of them, it is just chlorine, who invented a new beautiful name for himself.
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The second path - "Warranty".

Opener has an expiration date? It is eternal, as you understand. Especially if the handle is not wooden, but steel and makes up a whole with a knife. What can happen with such a can key in a year, two, ten? Nothing at all.

We declare: Unique can opener - 100 years of warranty with the observance of the rules of operation, otherwise we will return the money. You or your grandchildren.

The third way is “harmlessness”.

If in the first variant we declared the presence of a certain unique ingredient in the product, now it is vice versa. We assure the buyer that there is no complete product in the product. For example, on a loaf of bread we write “Without cyanides!”, And that's it. It is clear that all the other rolls, on which nothing is written, are also without cyanides. But this is only you and I understand. Vegetable oil with the proud inscription "Without cholesterol! With vitamin D! ”Met? And, most importantly, the true truth - absolutely without cholesterol and with vitamin D. It is impossible to attract for any unreliable advertising. Competitors cry. If we write that we have no cholesterol, then how are they?

Now go directly to our product. Let the canned key does not contain, for example, strontium isotopes. Why? Bright and figurative! There are no strontium isotopes in our openers.

Super opener - a unique alloy - without strontium isotopes!

Path four - "Recommendation".

It's still easier. We establish a certain legal entity with a scientific bias in the name. The real bureaucratic status of the new structure can be any, let it be, let's say, NPO or ANO, yes, in the end, a closed joint-stock company with a share capital of RUR. So we got a PBOYUL on paper (of course, only on paper), although this is already too much, ANO VNIIKonsKlyuch. Let the letter "B" denotes "Embedded". But only we know this. And you thought "All-Russian"? Well, imagine yourself further, we will not argue. You do think that “NO” stands for “research”? Oh well…

What then? Then in the advertisement of our key we write in large letters: The can opener is recommended by the best experts of VNIIKonsKlyuch (or VNIIKK , if you like).

Notice, not about any unincorporated business, sorry, not a single word. Lied? Not a bit! Pure truth. In the end, we can always show the best specialist of the institute, in combination and its founder - watchman Uncle Vasya. And the institute itself is registered, the address is: st. Comrades Alice and Basilio, 13, p. 92, entrance from the yard through the garbage.

The fifth path - "The phenomenon of Pinocchio."

Hire an animator and draw a wooden character with a tin nose. We voice it with a lively voice log. A character always appears unexpectedly and constantly sticks his nose into all holes, especially if:

- before the arrival of guests five minutes, but there is nothing to open "Essentuki";
- all the teeth were broken out and an eye was knocked out when trying to uncork a bottle of “Narzan” (beer, if the video is late);
- pretty white-toothed hostess, masterly culinary and gastronomic mistress, trying to open a tin can with dinner for the whole family, etc.

It is then that from the star whirlwind, to the joy of the public screaming with delight, our stoorovoy hero appears, and, oh, a miracle, everyone is saved!

The path of the sixth - "Plywood over New York."

Here the main thing - dimensions. We depict the opener the size of a skyscraper and run it to fly over the metropolis, also with skyscrapers. So that half the sky closed. And then we simply imprint into the very center of the city, so that from the buildings that stood on the site of the landing only horns and legs. Large metropolitan areas are no strangers, they are generally crippled with advertising: then cigarette packs are flying, the sun is closing, then bars with chewing gum, and even a beer can the size of Everest will crash. And the slogan is the same global space, something like “The era of the key is coming!”, And even better patriotically-aggressive - “Attack of the Russian key!”, “Our answer to Chamberlain!” Or something similar.

6 ways to market anything from Mikhail Dryashin on my blog