Memes in Parallels: "The release will be on May 1 ... And today what is May?"

The internal folklore and humor of their developers are in every team, although not every one is carefully collected and archived. But we at Parallels have carefully done this for several years in a row. Not so long ago, we shared a professional dictionary of Parallels developers . And today the next step is the opportunity to look at that section of our intranet, where we keep our memes and jokes. Many of them came from the mid 2000s.

Development

• And why do I want to commit on Saturday, and on Monday - revert?
• [digging through the pearl barley] ... Damned non-C ++ !!!
• I'll draw this diagram right now. Perhaps even today.
• - These Windows developers are ... - No, we need to say “developers for Windows”, by analogy with “African Americans”.
• Niibeta is a beta that must come out no matter what.
• Razdolbaystvo and common framework - two different things!

• Manager: "The interface must be intelligent." Developer: "This user should be more intelligent."
• I will first say that the gig must be upgraded! - And you will be asked the last.
• We still had Plesk as Duncan MacLeod - always the same and with the same properties.
• What it belongs to is the id of it.
• It worked great until I fixed it.
• Developer: “Andrei!” Andrei (not looking up from the monitor): “Eh ???” Developer: “The utils_dir field contains the full path?” Andrei (looking up from the monitor): “What ???” Developer: “Damn! I knew it. ”
• And you look under the plinth, this implementation of usability is just somewhere there ...
• With files containing apostrophe characters in the name, our product cannot work for historical reasons: Andrei is too lazy to do this.
• Is it like by design? - It's not that by design, it just happened ...
• The next step I think is to embed the process of easy surprise in the auto-installer.
• It is possible to draw analogies of win-users with win-printers and win-modems, these are the same users, only simpler, without brains and memory on board.
• - Did you watch this ticket? - Yes, I looked, I did not like it, and I closed it!
• Out of one and a half people who will begin to use permision hiding, the problem will touch no more than 33%.
• The function in the installer: set_pam_param (sets the parameters of PAM).
• On the work of one of the created utilities: "How can I hate it when this crap is smarter than me!"
• The ping program was released in the Ukrainian localization. Now it is called pyng.
• Surely this is some kind of historical code ... - And our written code immediately becomes historical and is subject to discard.
• Servaki sorry - not measure Densiti
• I want to do right! Not so convenient for people.
• Ticket did not read, but judging by the comments - it is not so hot.
• - Well, are you ready to be released tomorrow? - It all depends on when it ends tomorrow.
• The developer loudly declares to the whole room: “FC5 has gathered!” Other (quietly): “Finally, they screwed the notifier to the builder ...”
• But const2 cannot have a domain on this ip and continues to not have this opportunity!
• - On the fryahe lftp going: config.status: linking ./lib/human.h to include / human.h; - And you might think you are going to collect a child there :-)
• On packet systems, I only get ugly workouts.

QA

• B2B is “Bug to Bug”
• What you write about did not find, but fixed it.
• Smoke-testing is when I put it, smoked and went to write bugs ...
• - How are you going to be, from above or below? - Come on, I'll be from below. (About the letter with 79 attachments)
• - Pashka, it would be necessary to scoop RT! (~ 50 tickets). - So I have already closed one ticket!
• I drove a bug without a log - increased entropy.
• Letter heading: daily report 28-31.03
• Black box found at the crash site? In the sense, the autoinstaller log from / tmp should be attached to such bugs.
• “What's in the log?” - “There is nothing interesting in /tmp/sb_config.log” - “What did you hope to see there? Nude woman? :) "
• Bagzilla is not a place for personal offers!
• Candidate for a tester position by the name of Bagin :) is not fiction! here is a summary on the table! :)
• "Testing speed increased 15 times after I promised beer to testers if they finished in 8 hours"
• QA: Were there blocker bugs in your software? Dev: No, never! QA: There will be ...!
• Developer’s strange behavior is not a reason for reopen bug
• In short, you need to reduce the number of bugs ... and not in the way to fix them ...
• - The template is all dark, it is difficult to read anything (see screenshot). - This is not for me, this is for the oculist.

')

Control

• Subordinates are also people - and also do not want to think.
• At the meeting: Andrei, for how much will you make this feature? Andrew: 1 working day - in order to decide who will do it.
• Kohl, you had to deliver your boss instead of Ruslan. - Why is this? - You do not test anything.
• - Andrei, if the assessment had a mark for misunderstanding, I would give you the highest. - Not understood...
• The recommendation for certification: "Read the literature, undergo rehabilitation, buy an alarm clock."
• Experience is the ability not to make the same mistake seven times in a row.

Weekdays technical support

• I found a lot of errors in the log, which means: either the user's hands were shaking with joy, or he had a dirty keyboard.
• The client asks where the new BUs promised by the end of October are. - Where where?! In developing!
• “The user cannot log in to the panel.”
• If you install our product successfully, then call me. We will run the utility and try to determine what the problem is.
• Several of our customers are frightened by the complexity of your interface and computers in general (from the host’s address).
• They bring a new employee to the Saport room: “Here is Lech, in half an hour he will change, and Olya will come. With Olya, you can hang out all night. ”
• The golden rule of the customer: "Take a tantrum to the manager and get the migration for free"
• - Andrey, we need a key with unlimited LPs for the demo. - And how much is unlimited? - Nuuu ... 100 pieces somewhere
• (Indignantly about the client): I told him about the friday evening, and he told me about the hard drive partition!
• Well, if the customers include it, let them then figure out how it works, since we do not know.
• Damn, customers have a stupid habit - to write in English
• I got this error from 1 & 1 one to one
• Client: Can I upgrade Mysql? Support: Yes, you can upgrade Yoursql.
• Remember, Cinderella! Exactly at 12 o'clock the trial license will turn into a pumpkin!

This english

• Well, in Russian, so in Russian: all upgraded tasks are shaded by Paul - this is our support team leader.
• To save my time on writing and yours - on the interpretation of my English, I will write in Russian
• - The people, as will be in English ... "(pause)" ... damn, I forgot the word in Russian "
• But and what? (eng. "so what?")
• A shield is not a subject for a warrior’s self-defense, a shield is when everything is bad.

A life

• - What is it that you have a burning smell? - We burn at work.
• The oldest method of steganography was this: they shaved the slave's head, wrote a message on the skin and waited for the hair to grow, and then sent the slave to the recipient. - And then, what, head chopped off - and in the archive? - Do not ... overhead big.
• "... rewrite love and zakomich ..."
• Listen, but six gigahertz is more than the speed of light?
• Here I bought pills for memory improvement ... I do not remember their names ... and I forget to start drinking them
• (Considering the Tarantino Hits CD): “What does he sing?”
• And in cigarettes calories 0, they are harmless ...
• She was not a root ... She had never tried a single exploit in her life.
• - So I lose weight! - And in what direction are you losing weight?
• I have no diaries. I have scripts and source codes.
• And in general, I don’t like the word friend :-) it’s like an open port with a telnet.
• Now someone will get verbal!
• (-30 outside the window) - Why don't warm air masses from Africa break through to us? - We have too good PVO
• Yes, I do not need this laptop either, I bought it for my wife, so that she could at least do something while lying in bed
• - Yuri, why are you so nervous? - And you go to the children's party!
• - In a month I invested half of its market value in car maintenance! - Washed it, or what ??

What "local" jokes for a long time hit your memory? Write in the comments about your jokes in the team, about what you store on the intranet / wiki. Everything is interesting!
And also we challenge the Mail.ru blog team - show what memes you have accumulated! #NiceJokeITChallenge