I'm afraid to make a mistake
Every time I think of something big, I feel fear. He urges my brain not to even begin: “It's long, it's difficult, it's impossible.” When I started to do my project , these thoughts also visited me. It seems I'm not the only one.
I have a friend with whom I have known for three years. We met when I was working as a computer games script writer. Three years ago, he wanted to make his game. What has changed since then? Nothing. He still wants, but the maximum that he did during this time was to launch Unity several times.
Preparing to write this article, I plucked up courage and asked him what prevents him from starting. He called many reasons - no money, no time, no team, no resources ... But in the end, I still forced him to admit that this was all an excuse. In fact - he is afraid.
')
Each of us is afraid of failure, and this is normal. But, only as long as we are able to act against this fear.
But sometimes, ignored, this fear grows to such proportions that it begins to influence a person’s behavior and correct it. Gradually, the person begins to avoid any activity, the success in which he is not guaranteed. In his quest to avoid stressful situations associated with failure, he becomes a hostage to fear. But the most dangerous thing is that he may not be aware of it.
Signs of fear of failure
- Fear of trying new things and unwillingness to take on complex tasks.
- Self-sabotage, procrastination, anxiety and inability to bring the job to the end. Procrastination is not always explained by laziness and unwillingness to work. Often it is caused by the desire to avoid criticism and negative evaluation.
- Perfectionism. The ability to undertake only the work, the successful completion of which is guaranteed.
Strict parents are the main reason for the fear of “doing wrong”, including its strongest form - OCDL (obsessive-compulsive disorder of foliage) . The second common cause of the fear of mistakes is a traumatic experience. For example, public failure. But we will not deal with these deviations, but consider a condition universal for all — the school.
A school is actually an institution that trains to be afraid of mistakes. At school, the most valuable skill is to do the job the first time, the only correct way. At the same time, any assessment affects the final result. This is not even in adulthood! What happens if you don’t take the job right away? You just go and redo it. At school, you get a fat red "grade." And even if you later “retake”, this “assessment” will remain with you forever.
For a child, it's a lot of stress. The child depends on the parents. Its comfort, safety and, ultimately, life depend on the mood of these people. And this mood is very easy to influence marks.
Someone will say "oh well, everyone understands how conditional these estimates are." But many parents still do not require knowledge from children, but marks. It is not surprising that such a system creates people who are afraid of failure. By the age of 18, almost every person had an effective training for fear of mistakes - 12 years of systematic training.
By the way, this theory is perfectly correlated with the fact that the majority of successful people did not study well at school, and even someone was driven out of school. Perhaps it is this ability to maintain independence and not be afraid of mistakes and made of them what they have become. Probably, somehow they have forgotten how to fear or simply did not have time to teach them. Somehow, they realized that failure is natural and necessary.
Anyway, no one is born with the fear of mistakes. It is acquired during life. And if so, you can and should get rid of it. Or at least take control.
There are two ways to overcome the fear of being wrong. The first is goal setting. The second is a gradual exit from the comfort zone.
A person who is afraid of failure, as a rule, has difficulty setting goals. But it is the ability to formulate a goal that helps us understand what we want from life. It is self-evident that without a clear goal a person has no direction of movement.
Psychologists recommend visualizing their goals, however, there are studies that prove that people with the fear of failure are not only not useful, but harmful - visualization of success instills in them even greater fear of failure.
What to do in this case?
Best of all, start with small goals. No need to start right away with serious startups and global goals. Let the goals be monosyllabic, but not quite easy.
For example, if you have long dreamed of making a computer game, start with the simplest prototype, no need to think about the result, you cannot control the result until you have experience. Instead of the result, think about the next step.
Tim Kane, a programmer who invented Fallout, describes one of the plots in the early stages of development:
"The story began in the modern world, then the hero went into the past, killed a monkey that had to evolve into man, then made a space trip to the planet from the fantasy world, where with the help of magic moved in time to an alternative reality in which dinosaurs evolved instead of people , from there he returned to the present and saved his girlfriend. "
But when he began to work on this idea, she died by herself. Then the team focused on just one simple thought. A world in which only the main character is normal, the rest of the world is abnormal, but does not know about it. So gradually, step by step, this idea was formed as a visual metaphor of the “abnormal world” - the world after a nuclear catastrophe.
This method is perfectly illustrated by Will Smith with his "One Brick" principle:
“When you build a wall, you don’t think“ now I will build the largest, steepest and greatest wall in the world. ” Instead, you go and lay one brick as perfectly as you can. Then another, and one more, each time putting them as well as they can. And so day after day. And here you have already built a wall. "
Such an approach not only instills confidence, but also allows you to focus on what a person can control and not think about what he cannot control.
Try to set such goals that will help you in mastering the knowledge and skills necessary to achieve your dreams. Do not think about the final result, focus on the process, record every step you take, in order to subsequently have material for analysis.
The best way to learn how to juggle
David Kelly, the founder of IDEO, talks about how he first came across John Cassidy’s book about juggling for the stupidity - Juggling for the Complete Klutz :
“Half of the book is dedicated to teaching a person how to drop a ball. Not to how to throw it, not to get used to its weight, as taught by other books. You just drop it on the floor again and again and again. What for? Sounds silly. But, after you drop it about five hundred times, your brain will get used to the fact that it is normal. He will cease to resist, to protect you from the shame of an error and to constrain your muscles. "
David Kelly believes that this is the best approach to learning anything.
Start retraining your brain. Try to do something that you have never done - drawing, music, photography, wood carving. In short, anything completely new and unusual for you. Something that, most likely, you will not succeed the first time.
Thus, you will gradually start learning not to be afraid of failures and mistakes - because if this is a “hobby” and if you do this “for self-indulgence,” you will not experience a burden of responsibility in case of failure, which means your brain will not be in constant alarm . Remember juggling?
So you can learn not to be afraid to feel like a newcomer or a “noob” - later, you can extend this feeling to more important areas of your studies. And if you start to get everything, you will gradually begin to feel more confident, this is called “quick wins”.
Even if it seems to you that the fear of failure is an integral part of your personality - this is not so. How do we get this? Once upon a time you were exactly one and a half years old, and during this period you absolutely definitely had no fear of failure. We can state this with confidence. Because otherwise, you would never learn to walk.
Last argument
What ended the story with a friend who wants to make your game? I forced him to start developing “through I can't” with the phrase: “If all these three years, you did at least something every day, today you already had at least something. In the meantime, you are in the same place where three years ago. Where you will be in another three years - you choose. "
PS
3 years ago we launched the project SmartProgress. We also had a choice: “To try or even not to start?”. Fear, probably, will always be, but over time you just ignore it and work. You work because you like it. The project acquires the first users and grows in your eyes, the desire to quit is no longer there. The flywheel is running.
And how damn nice on Friday night to receive a letter of thanks from one of our users. This means that we are going in the right direction.
Although we do not have the illusion that everything is perfect, but we must admit that even now we have gained tremendous experience and filled our bumps. This helps us act more clearly and expediently.
On behalf of our team, I want to wish you the achievement of goals .
Scary not to be afraid. It is terrible not to try and stay in the same place where it is now.
PPS If you do not have an account in Habré, you can express your opinion on this article in our blog - SmartTalks
I have a friend with whom I have known for three years. We met when I was working as a computer games script writer. Three years ago, he wanted to make his game. What has changed since then? Nothing. He still wants, but the maximum that he did during this time was to launch Unity several times.
Preparing to write this article, I plucked up courage and asked him what prevents him from starting. He called many reasons - no money, no time, no team, no resources ... But in the end, I still forced him to admit that this was all an excuse. In fact - he is afraid.
')
Fear of failure
Each of us is afraid of failure, and this is normal. But, only as long as we are able to act against this fear.
But sometimes, ignored, this fear grows to such proportions that it begins to influence a person’s behavior and correct it. Gradually, the person begins to avoid any activity, the success in which he is not guaranteed. In his quest to avoid stressful situations associated with failure, he becomes a hostage to fear. But the most dangerous thing is that he may not be aware of it.
Signs of fear of failure
- Fear of trying new things and unwillingness to take on complex tasks.
- Self-sabotage, procrastination, anxiety and inability to bring the job to the end. Procrastination is not always explained by laziness and unwillingness to work. Often it is caused by the desire to avoid criticism and negative evaluation.
- Perfectionism. The ability to undertake only the work, the successful completion of which is guaranteed.
We don't need no education
Strict parents are the main reason for the fear of “doing wrong”, including its strongest form - OCDL (obsessive-compulsive disorder of foliage) . The second common cause of the fear of mistakes is a traumatic experience. For example, public failure. But we will not deal with these deviations, but consider a condition universal for all — the school.
A school is actually an institution that trains to be afraid of mistakes. At school, the most valuable skill is to do the job the first time, the only correct way. At the same time, any assessment affects the final result. This is not even in adulthood! What happens if you don’t take the job right away? You just go and redo it. At school, you get a fat red "grade." And even if you later “retake”, this “assessment” will remain with you forever.
For a child, it's a lot of stress. The child depends on the parents. Its comfort, safety and, ultimately, life depend on the mood of these people. And this mood is very easy to influence marks.
Someone will say "oh well, everyone understands how conditional these estimates are." But many parents still do not require knowledge from children, but marks. It is not surprising that such a system creates people who are afraid of failure. By the age of 18, almost every person had an effective training for fear of mistakes - 12 years of systematic training.
By the way, this theory is perfectly correlated with the fact that the majority of successful people did not study well at school, and even someone was driven out of school. Perhaps it is this ability to maintain independence and not be afraid of mistakes and made of them what they have become. Probably, somehow they have forgotten how to fear or simply did not have time to teach them. Somehow, they realized that failure is natural and necessary.
Anyway, no one is born with the fear of mistakes. It is acquired during life. And if so, you can and should get rid of it. Or at least take control.
There are two ways to overcome the fear of being wrong. The first is goal setting. The second is a gradual exit from the comfort zone.
Goal setting
A person who is afraid of failure, as a rule, has difficulty setting goals. But it is the ability to formulate a goal that helps us understand what we want from life. It is self-evident that without a clear goal a person has no direction of movement.
Psychologists recommend visualizing their goals, however, there are studies that prove that people with the fear of failure are not only not useful, but harmful - visualization of success instills in them even greater fear of failure.
What to do in this case?
Best of all, start with small goals. No need to start right away with serious startups and global goals. Let the goals be monosyllabic, but not quite easy.
For example, if you have long dreamed of making a computer game, start with the simplest prototype, no need to think about the result, you cannot control the result until you have experience. Instead of the result, think about the next step.
Tim Kane, a programmer who invented Fallout, describes one of the plots in the early stages of development:
"The story began in the modern world, then the hero went into the past, killed a monkey that had to evolve into man, then made a space trip to the planet from the fantasy world, where with the help of magic moved in time to an alternative reality in which dinosaurs evolved instead of people , from there he returned to the present and saved his girlfriend. "
But when he began to work on this idea, she died by herself. Then the team focused on just one simple thought. A world in which only the main character is normal, the rest of the world is abnormal, but does not know about it. So gradually, step by step, this idea was formed as a visual metaphor of the “abnormal world” - the world after a nuclear catastrophe.
This method is perfectly illustrated by Will Smith with his "One Brick" principle:
“When you build a wall, you don’t think“ now I will build the largest, steepest and greatest wall in the world. ” Instead, you go and lay one brick as perfectly as you can. Then another, and one more, each time putting them as well as they can. And so day after day. And here you have already built a wall. "
Such an approach not only instills confidence, but also allows you to focus on what a person can control and not think about what he cannot control.
Try to set such goals that will help you in mastering the knowledge and skills necessary to achieve your dreams. Do not think about the final result, focus on the process, record every step you take, in order to subsequently have material for analysis.
The best way to learn how to juggle
David Kelly, the founder of IDEO, talks about how he first came across John Cassidy’s book about juggling for the stupidity - Juggling for the Complete Klutz :
“Half of the book is dedicated to teaching a person how to drop a ball. Not to how to throw it, not to get used to its weight, as taught by other books. You just drop it on the floor again and again and again. What for? Sounds silly. But, after you drop it about five hundred times, your brain will get used to the fact that it is normal. He will cease to resist, to protect you from the shame of an error and to constrain your muscles. "
David Kelly believes that this is the best approach to learning anything.
Comfort zone
Start retraining your brain. Try to do something that you have never done - drawing, music, photography, wood carving. In short, anything completely new and unusual for you. Something that, most likely, you will not succeed the first time.
Thus, you will gradually start learning not to be afraid of failures and mistakes - because if this is a “hobby” and if you do this “for self-indulgence,” you will not experience a burden of responsibility in case of failure, which means your brain will not be in constant alarm . Remember juggling?
So you can learn not to be afraid to feel like a newcomer or a “noob” - later, you can extend this feeling to more important areas of your studies. And if you start to get everything, you will gradually begin to feel more confident, this is called “quick wins”.
Even if it seems to you that the fear of failure is an integral part of your personality - this is not so. How do we get this? Once upon a time you were exactly one and a half years old, and during this period you absolutely definitely had no fear of failure. We can state this with confidence. Because otherwise, you would never learn to walk.
Last argument
What ended the story with a friend who wants to make your game? I forced him to start developing “through I can't” with the phrase: “If all these three years, you did at least something every day, today you already had at least something. In the meantime, you are in the same place where three years ago. Where you will be in another three years - you choose. "
PS
3 years ago we launched the project SmartProgress. We also had a choice: “To try or even not to start?”. Fear, probably, will always be, but over time you just ignore it and work. You work because you like it. The project acquires the first users and grows in your eyes, the desire to quit is no longer there. The flywheel is running.
And how damn nice on Friday night to receive a letter of thanks from one of our users. This means that we are going in the right direction.
Although we do not have the illusion that everything is perfect, but we must admit that even now we have gained tremendous experience and filled our bumps. This helps us act more clearly and expediently.
On behalf of our team, I want to wish you the achievement of goals .
Scary not to be afraid. It is terrible not to try and stay in the same place where it is now.
PPS If you do not have an account in Habré, you can express your opinion on this article in our blog - SmartTalks
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/240127/
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