The charm of the bad guys or why girls do not like "nerds"
The previous publications from Dmitry Kotkin (the head of the Petersburg school of SHIP negotiators) collected many interesting comments and were deservedly marked by your votes:
We decided to continue communication with this interesting author and invite you to chat with him live.
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Of course, here we will not discuss scientists involved in the study of the plant world of our planet. We will analyze the negotiating strategies of the bad guys.
Ever wondered about the charm of the “bad guys”?
Why do girls in school prefer "hooligans" rather than "nerds". Why does the guy who is rude to teachers, smoke at recess and ride a motorcycle, have more sexual attractiveness, send fakie to passing police. After all, deviant behavior is socially dangerous. A person who climbs onto the roof of a drainpipe in the hostel to the girls is to be condemned, because he can fall on the head of a passerby and kill him, because he can just wait for the hostel to open in the morning. It is not clear why this “anti-hero” is met by admiring feminine views.
Because a woman feels strength in such behavior, readiness to go beyond the rules imposed by society. “Bad guy” is a source of adrenaline for a woman, he makes her life interesting, unpredictable, he shows how you can live outside the framework and rules. He is a hunter who looks into every woman’s eyes, and the “nerd” is afraid to do that. Communicating with him allows you to recognize the world beyond familiar boundaries.
But botanists say it’s just a sign of high testosterone levels in the blood. How does this relate to negotiation? Take your time, the link will be found. But a high level of testosterone in negotiations with women, a man-negotiator just will not interfere.
Contemporaries considered Columbus an idiot and a loser, because they knew exactly what to get to India, moving from east to west - this is impossible, because it is too far. And trying to make such a way is to condemn yourself to death. That did not prevent Columbus from returning home as a winner. From the point of view of the man in the street, Columbus was a “bad guy,” as it was not only sbrendil himself, he also led the crowd behind him.
And there are many such examples. We like to watch action movies about bad guys, we like to present ourselves as a bad guy, but in real life we ​​more often behave like nerds. In order to win difficult negotiations, it is important to be able to be different, including the "bad guy."
What prevents to try on the role of the "bad guy"?
Much, first of all fear, which is a social regulator. How can one protect oneself from habitual fear, “and what will others say about me if I do this”?
The first thing that will help us is humor. To test the seriousness of a crazy idea, treat it at the start as a humorous idea. Humor drastically devalues ​​the situation, making it not serious. Humor enhances your social status, it makes you more attractive and reduces the condemnation of others.
But, if you have a bad sense of humor, it is better not to risk it.
Treat the situation as a game. Imagine yourself that you just participate in a feature film, where you are the main character and you have the right to change the script of the film. If you want to go further, imagine that you are generally a spectator who sits in an empty auditorium and watches a modern comedy on a production theme.
If you have a difficult imagination, and the screen does not appear before your eyes, try to get into the role of the “bad guy” before starting the negotiations. Use the Stanislavsky method!
Choose yourself as a literary or cinematographic negotiator. This may be Cardinal Richelieu, Sherlock Holmes or Ostap Bender. Close your eyes, imagine that you are this very literary hero. Your brain is in the body of Ostap Bender. Mentally, go over your new body, imagine how you are dressed, what you are wearing, how you are wearing this, speak out to your ears (this is important). Then walk around the room, looking at the usual things with Ostap’s gaze. Say a few phrases from the role of Ostap, shout a few phrases from the role of Ostap, feel the reality of how Ostap Bender felt it. Of course, getting used to the role is much easier at the training, where the coach does it, but if you tense up, then you will be able to feel like a “bad guy” for a while. Try to remember this state at the level of bodily sensations, your body should remember the posture, voice, manner of an imaginary hero. Your task is to recall this state when you sit down at the negotiating table.
This can be done by returning to the sensations of the body or by uttering a code phrase with intonation, in the manner of Ostap Bender.
And then, do not think about the goals and objectives of negotiations, release your body, your subconscious, and she will do everything in the best possible way.
But the main thing is of course internal installations, internal barriers, they are the main obstacle to achieving the goal, but everything can change if not to be afraid to take risks, try and analyze. Well, if there are difficulties with this, come to our webinar.
On October 21, 2014, at 20:00 Moscow time, we will hold a free webinar on “Non-standard negotiation logic, or if you want to win - break the rules” from our studio in St. Petersburg.
Participation is free with registration.
- How to return the debt from former employers or about clever negotiation strategies
- How to discuss money at the interview, if you hire someone and a little about working with people
- How to discuss money at the interview: the negotiation strategy for the applicant
We decided to continue communication with this interesting author and invite you to chat with him live.
The charm of the bad guys or why girls do not like "nerds"
')
Of course, here we will not discuss scientists involved in the study of the plant world of our planet. We will analyze the negotiating strategies of the bad guys.
Ever wondered about the charm of the “bad guys”?
Why do girls in school prefer "hooligans" rather than "nerds". Why does the guy who is rude to teachers, smoke at recess and ride a motorcycle, have more sexual attractiveness, send fakie to passing police. After all, deviant behavior is socially dangerous. A person who climbs onto the roof of a drainpipe in the hostel to the girls is to be condemned, because he can fall on the head of a passerby and kill him, because he can just wait for the hostel to open in the morning. It is not clear why this “anti-hero” is met by admiring feminine views.
Because a woman feels strength in such behavior, readiness to go beyond the rules imposed by society. “Bad guy” is a source of adrenaline for a woman, he makes her life interesting, unpredictable, he shows how you can live outside the framework and rules. He is a hunter who looks into every woman’s eyes, and the “nerd” is afraid to do that. Communicating with him allows you to recognize the world beyond familiar boundaries.
But botanists say it’s just a sign of high testosterone levels in the blood. How does this relate to negotiation? Take your time, the link will be found. But a high level of testosterone in negotiations with women, a man-negotiator just will not interfere.
Contemporaries considered Columbus an idiot and a loser, because they knew exactly what to get to India, moving from east to west - this is impossible, because it is too far. And trying to make such a way is to condemn yourself to death. That did not prevent Columbus from returning home as a winner. From the point of view of the man in the street, Columbus was a “bad guy,” as it was not only sbrendil himself, he also led the crowd behind him.
And there are many such examples. We like to watch action movies about bad guys, we like to present ourselves as a bad guy, but in real life we ​​more often behave like nerds. In order to win difficult negotiations, it is important to be able to be different, including the "bad guy."
What prevents to try on the role of the "bad guy"?
Much, first of all fear, which is a social regulator. How can one protect oneself from habitual fear, “and what will others say about me if I do this”?
The first thing that will help us is humor. To test the seriousness of a crazy idea, treat it at the start as a humorous idea. Humor drastically devalues ​​the situation, making it not serious. Humor enhances your social status, it makes you more attractive and reduces the condemnation of others.
But, if you have a bad sense of humor, it is better not to risk it.
Treat the situation as a game. Imagine yourself that you just participate in a feature film, where you are the main character and you have the right to change the script of the film. If you want to go further, imagine that you are generally a spectator who sits in an empty auditorium and watches a modern comedy on a production theme.
If you have a difficult imagination, and the screen does not appear before your eyes, try to get into the role of the “bad guy” before starting the negotiations. Use the Stanislavsky method!
Choose yourself as a literary or cinematographic negotiator. This may be Cardinal Richelieu, Sherlock Holmes or Ostap Bender. Close your eyes, imagine that you are this very literary hero. Your brain is in the body of Ostap Bender. Mentally, go over your new body, imagine how you are dressed, what you are wearing, how you are wearing this, speak out to your ears (this is important). Then walk around the room, looking at the usual things with Ostap’s gaze. Say a few phrases from the role of Ostap, shout a few phrases from the role of Ostap, feel the reality of how Ostap Bender felt it. Of course, getting used to the role is much easier at the training, where the coach does it, but if you tense up, then you will be able to feel like a “bad guy” for a while. Try to remember this state at the level of bodily sensations, your body should remember the posture, voice, manner of an imaginary hero. Your task is to recall this state when you sit down at the negotiating table.
This can be done by returning to the sensations of the body or by uttering a code phrase with intonation, in the manner of Ostap Bender.
- The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury. I will command the parade.
And then, do not think about the goals and objectives of negotiations, release your body, your subconscious, and she will do everything in the best possible way.
But the main thing is of course internal installations, internal barriers, they are the main obstacle to achieving the goal, but everything can change if not to be afraid to take risks, try and analyze. Well, if there are difficulties with this, come to our webinar.
And now a few words about the opportunity to talk with Dmitry live
On October 21, 2014, at 20:00 Moscow time, we will hold a free webinar on “Non-standard negotiation logic, or if you want to win - break the rules” from our studio in St. Petersburg.
Participation is free with registration.
See you!
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/239351/
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