What would happen if the Enterprise ship was running Windows?
After overhaul, the Enterprise left the docks with the new operating system Microsoft StarShip 98. As soon as the ship moved away from Earth a little, Picard ordered Wesley Krusher to go on course to the Andolin system.
When Wesley failed to execute the order, Picard asked what the problem was.
“Sorry, sir,” said Krucher. “This is some kind of new navigation system, InterPlanet Explorer, I’m not used to such interfaces.”
“InterPlanet Explorer?” Picard asked. “What happened to Planetscape Navigator?”
“When we installed StarShip 98, InterPlanet Explorer became the default navigation system. We have no opportunity to use Planetscape Navigator, ”Date explained. Picard raised an eyebrow, but Wesley managed to find out how to set the course, and Picard gave the order to go into hyperspace.
Georgie replied: "Yes, sir, one second."
')
"One second?!" Exclaimed Picard.
“Yes, sir,” said Georgie. “During the repair, we also had a new antimatter container and plasma injectors installed, and it looks like StarShip does not recognize these devices.”
“I thought all Starfleet devices support Plug and Fly,” Picard said.
“In theory, yes,” answered Georgie. “But I need to find drivers for the devices manually. Yeah, here they are ANTIMATR.DRV and PLSMINJR.DRV ... so we are in the 8th sector of the hyperspace continuum, sir. "
"Thank God," Picard sighed. But the minute relief did not last long. As soon as he ordered a cup of tea from a vending machine, the replicator burned before his eyes. The screen turned blue, flashed the words “System internal error”, and then the whole ship plunged into darkness.
“WELL WHAT AGAIN?” Picard shouted.
"An error in the replicator led to the collapse of the entire system." - Date stated sadly.
“WHOLE? I do not believe that a tiny error in the replicator led to the fall of the life support system, communication systems, and everything else! ”, Picard spoke incredulously.
“Yes,” Date replied. “You need to reboot, sir.”
Picard gave the order to restart the system. And the system asked if he wanted to reboot the ship, turn off the ship, or enter as another captain, or simply turn off the computer.
As soon as the system was booted, Worf said, frighteningly: “I see the Borg cube on our sensors.”
“Turn on the shield!” Picard ordered.
"Damn, where it turns on here!" - shouted Worf, furious with an unfriendly console.
“Try Control Panel, then Shield Settings,” Date tried to help.
Precious seconds were leaving ...
“So turn them into a sieve!” Picard demanded.
“Sorry, sir,” said Joji. “Our weapons systems work by internal protocol, and it looks like StarShip 98 does not support it.”
“Soooo,” Picard said thoughtfully, and then, with hope growing in his voice, he exclaimed. “Hit the torpedoes, they were installed along with this system!”
The nasty computer voice informed the captain that using torpedoes could cause damage to the system if they were improperly configured, and reported that it is recommended that only advanced users do the tuning. After a pause, Picard opened his mouth to confirm the order, but here the Enterprise shook wildly. “The Borgs opened fire,” Worf was seriously worried.
"Report damage!" Picard briefly gave the order.
"I see the inscription - the error occured in Vx [15,500: $ 18,890] ... maybe I can fix it, sir ... press any key and return to the system, so this is better," Worf said.
“Thrice fucking cube of the fifth degree hyperspace quasi-turbulent twist, self-integrating at the edge disposition of the anti-collider clift!”, Screamed so that the crew had the hair on end, captain .- “What is this Vx ?????”.
"I do not know!" Replied the unfortunate Worf.
"Burn out of phasers, quick!" Picard exclaimed.
“Phasers are not installed by default on the system, sir,” the Date reported. “They are supplied only as part of StarShip Plus!”
Before Picard managed to break out with another masterpiece of the space mate, Worf barked evil: “The power of the shield is very weak — Borg are going to dock!”
"The ship is packed with the latest Starfleet devices ... we have to destroy ourselves, we cannot allow these new technologies and computer systems to fall into the hands of Borg," Commander Riker exclaimed in horror.
"Why not? This would have made Borg steer clear of such systems, ”Picard frowned with a doomed smile on his lips, nonetheless giving the order to self-destruct. All rushed to the gateways, running through the corridors past the inscriptions on the displays "Please wait while your ship is turned off ..."
Finally, the team gathered in a rescue capsule. The capsule broke away from the ship that was going nowhere: “It is not safe to disconnect the rescue capsule without shutting it off via the Control Panel.”
Free translation, original here
When Wesley failed to execute the order, Picard asked what the problem was.
“Sorry, sir,” said Krucher. “This is some kind of new navigation system, InterPlanet Explorer, I’m not used to such interfaces.”
“InterPlanet Explorer?” Picard asked. “What happened to Planetscape Navigator?”
“When we installed StarShip 98, InterPlanet Explorer became the default navigation system. We have no opportunity to use Planetscape Navigator, ”Date explained. Picard raised an eyebrow, but Wesley managed to find out how to set the course, and Picard gave the order to go into hyperspace.
Georgie replied: "Yes, sir, one second."
')
"One second?!" Exclaimed Picard.
“Yes, sir,” said Georgie. “During the repair, we also had a new antimatter container and plasma injectors installed, and it looks like StarShip does not recognize these devices.”
“I thought all Starfleet devices support Plug and Fly,” Picard said.
“In theory, yes,” answered Georgie. “But I need to find drivers for the devices manually. Yeah, here they are ANTIMATR.DRV and PLSMINJR.DRV ... so we are in the 8th sector of the hyperspace continuum, sir. "
"Thank God," Picard sighed. But the minute relief did not last long. As soon as he ordered a cup of tea from a vending machine, the replicator burned before his eyes. The screen turned blue, flashed the words “System internal error”, and then the whole ship plunged into darkness.
“WELL WHAT AGAIN?” Picard shouted.
"An error in the replicator led to the collapse of the entire system." - Date stated sadly.
“WHOLE? I do not believe that a tiny error in the replicator led to the fall of the life support system, communication systems, and everything else! ”, Picard spoke incredulously.
“Yes,” Date replied. “You need to reboot, sir.”
Picard gave the order to restart the system. And the system asked if he wanted to reboot the ship, turn off the ship, or enter as another captain, or simply turn off the computer.
As soon as the system was booted, Worf said, frighteningly: “I see the Borg cube on our sensors.”
“Turn on the shield!” Picard ordered.
"Damn, where it turns on here!" - shouted Worf, furious with an unfriendly console.
“Try Control Panel, then Shield Settings,” Date tried to help.
Precious seconds were leaving ...
“So turn them into a sieve!” Picard demanded.
“Sorry, sir,” said Joji. “Our weapons systems work by internal protocol, and it looks like StarShip 98 does not support it.”
“Soooo,” Picard said thoughtfully, and then, with hope growing in his voice, he exclaimed. “Hit the torpedoes, they were installed along with this system!”
The nasty computer voice informed the captain that using torpedoes could cause damage to the system if they were improperly configured, and reported that it is recommended that only advanced users do the tuning. After a pause, Picard opened his mouth to confirm the order, but here the Enterprise shook wildly. “The Borgs opened fire,” Worf was seriously worried.
"Report damage!" Picard briefly gave the order.
"I see the inscription - the error occured in Vx [15,500: $ 18,890] ... maybe I can fix it, sir ... press any key and return to the system, so this is better," Worf said.
“Thrice fucking cube of the fifth degree hyperspace quasi-turbulent twist, self-integrating at the edge disposition of the anti-collider clift!”, Screamed so that the crew had the hair on end, captain .- “What is this Vx ?????”.
"I do not know!" Replied the unfortunate Worf.
"Burn out of phasers, quick!" Picard exclaimed.
“Phasers are not installed by default on the system, sir,” the Date reported. “They are supplied only as part of StarShip Plus!”
Before Picard managed to break out with another masterpiece of the space mate, Worf barked evil: “The power of the shield is very weak — Borg are going to dock!”
"The ship is packed with the latest Starfleet devices ... we have to destroy ourselves, we cannot allow these new technologies and computer systems to fall into the hands of Borg," Commander Riker exclaimed in horror.
"Why not? This would have made Borg steer clear of such systems, ”Picard frowned with a doomed smile on his lips, nonetheless giving the order to self-destruct. All rushed to the gateways, running through the corridors past the inscriptions on the displays "Please wait while your ship is turned off ..."
Finally, the team gathered in a rescue capsule. The capsule broke away from the ship that was going nowhere: “It is not safe to disconnect the rescue capsule without shutting it off via the Control Panel.”
Free translation, original here
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/22757/
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