Do not tease the programmer
The next working week is coming to an end. I do not know about you, but this week, as they say, I haven’t set myself. Spent a lot of energy and nerve cells, and no progress. I really do not want to endure the stressful condition at the weekend, so I decided to take a short pause and relax a little.
You're tired? Want to let off some steam? Do you need a break? I suggest you join me, especially since it is Friday outside.
Speech in the topic (for the umpteenth time) will focus on behavioral antipatterns. Dear vbougay in his article " What the developers do not say or 7 favorite programmer expressions " touched upon an interesting topic for me. He described negative examples of interaction with programmers from his bell tower - from the perspective of the manager responsible for software development. And in these examples, many (including myself) recognized themselves. This article for a long time did not give me rest with a feeling of some kind of inconsistency. It seems that everything described is both vital and recognizable, but something in my head did not want to turn a puzzle into a picture. Perhaps the whole point is that the logical calculations were built on erroneous, from my point of view, assumptions? After all, programmers (aka developers), by virtue of their profession, rarely initiate personal contact with users of their products, customers and superiors. We express ourselves in the code, and we receive personal contact as feedback on our software solutions. And our pattern behavior is often explained by a natural reaction to the pattern behavior of our opponents.
')
Before you lose interest, I’ll get to the point: why was my week “not mine”? Because all week I was forced to be a " programmer " from the vbougay article. How? I will now try to tell you about this.
The most shrewd have already understood that the topic will discuss the patterns of behavior of the nearest environment of the developer. It is difficult to describe antipatterns, it is often boring to read about them, so I tried to soften the tedious content of the topic with a form of material presentation. And the author of the most fundamental work on behavioral antipatterns , Grigory Oster, helped me a lot in this.
For starters, I'll start with one of my favorite tips from Grigori Bentsionovich, following which has long become a habit (read the pattern) with many colleagues around me:
***
If anything happened,
And no one is to blame
Don't go there otherwise
You will be guilty.
Hide somewhere aside.
And then go home.
And about what he saw,
Do not tell anybody.
It is because of this behavior that some users had more than once on weekends and to go to work at night to eliminate emergency shutdowns. But we will no longer exploit the creativity of the creator of the “Harmful Tips” genre, because I have something to say on my own behalf. I turn to the following situation (one of the most common), after which the " programmer " inside of me breaks out and shouts " And everything works for me !!! "
***
If you find a mistake
Write to tech support.
Caption is better than CAPS:
“EVERYTHING BROKEN YOUR MOTHER !!”
The text in this letter is not needed,
Signature will also be superfluous
Insert more destinations
And click "Send".
Go ahead. A few words about the "dolls", they are also "quests". I often have to spend a lot of time getting raw data to solve a user's problem. And all because some irresponsible personalities like to do this:
***
If the program is displayed
Very long error text,
Text in the letter does not need to insert
Better take a screenshot.
And then this picture
Put in the Word file,
Pack a ZIP archive
And ... forget to attach.
I get a lot of pleasure from telephone conversations with the users of my product (the product is internal, the users are the operators of the company). Soft form:
***
If suddenly your program
Wrote a message
You don’t need to read it
Never for anything.
Call the programmer
And literally repeat:
"I poked something here somewhere ...
What does she want from me? ”
And tougher:
***
Speaking by phone,
Never introduce yourself -
Start at once with a scream,
Charges and threats.
Ignore questions
Do not let insert word
And hang up right away
How the problem is solved.
And I also love meetings. Especially meetings without a specific agenda, with the theme “An important issue needs to be urgently addressed, ” invitations to which were sent through the “ All Employees ” mailing list. I love them so much that I devoted 3 tips to them:
***
Setting a meeting
Never forget
Meeting room
Before refusing to stuff.
Here, after all, a no brainer:
Twenty-twenty-five "minds"
To make a decision
Clearly better than one.
***
Meeting time is also important:
Lunch breaks
The best fit
For conversations a big crowd.
We are such - programmers,
We do not feed us with bread,
Just give with great bosses.
Chat short.
***
There is still advice to offices
Headquartered in Moscow:
The evening is the best part of the day.
Talk about everything.
Spend at this time
VKS and AKS, -
Branches beyond the Urals
Just waiting for this.
I also love psychics who in advance (and, more importantly, better than me) know how much time it will take for me to complete the task:
***
Issuing to the programmer
ChTZ with "War and Peace",
Where is only one table of contents
Takes 7 pages,
Required in the final
Do not forget to clarify
So that he is not fond of:
“There are five minutes to do there!”
Separately, I want to say about the thanks to the "hero":
***
Accepting results
Multi-day labor
Do not praise the programmer,
Completed the project.
Better strictly frowning
Bring him
What are you, in his years,
It would be better done a hundred times.
And for dessert, I left lovers tear me away on trifles. They do not know what they want from me, but they remember that the programmer must be constantly monitored.
***
If your solitaire has converged,
You read all the jokes,
I drank coffee and do not know
What else to occupy yourself -
Call the programmer
And ask him quietly:
"What are you doing? Ah, the project ...
Well ... I will not distract ... "
Put the phone back in place
Stretch, yawns wide,
Scratch your stomach, think.
No thoughts? Then again
Recruiting a programmer:
"How are you? Ah, busy again ...
I wonder what? Project?
Well, I will not distract "
Blow the mote from the photo frame,
Move the keyboard
Twist the ring on your finger,
Stick pencils.
But do not get carried away, -
Do not forget about the programmer.
Suddenly he is nervous, poor,
What are you not calling for a long time?
This concludes my Friday post. It includes only cases of this week. If you recall all the situations that awaken the " programmer " in me, then in terms of advice I can probably overtake Oster himself. But initially I was pursuing another goal - I wanted to get rid of the excess negative and not carry them over to the next week. And I felt better.
I hope, I also managed to distract you a little from work tasks and problems before the weekend. Smile more often!
You're tired? Want to let off some steam? Do you need a break? I suggest you join me, especially since it is Friday outside.
Speech in the topic (for the umpteenth time) will focus on behavioral antipatterns. Dear vbougay in his article " What the developers do not say or 7 favorite programmer expressions " touched upon an interesting topic for me. He described negative examples of interaction with programmers from his bell tower - from the perspective of the manager responsible for software development. And in these examples, many (including myself) recognized themselves. This article for a long time did not give me rest with a feeling of some kind of inconsistency. It seems that everything described is both vital and recognizable, but something in my head did not want to turn a puzzle into a picture. Perhaps the whole point is that the logical calculations were built on erroneous, from my point of view, assumptions? After all, programmers (aka developers), by virtue of their profession, rarely initiate personal contact with users of their products, customers and superiors. We express ourselves in the code, and we receive personal contact as feedback on our software solutions. And our pattern behavior is often explained by a natural reaction to the pattern behavior of our opponents.
')
Before you lose interest, I’ll get to the point: why was my week “not mine”? Because all week I was forced to be a " programmer " from the vbougay article. How? I will now try to tell you about this.
The most shrewd have already understood that the topic will discuss the patterns of behavior of the nearest environment of the developer. It is difficult to describe antipatterns, it is often boring to read about them, so I tried to soften the tedious content of the topic with a form of material presentation. And the author of the most fundamental work on behavioral antipatterns , Grigory Oster, helped me a lot in this.
For starters, I'll start with one of my favorite tips from Grigori Bentsionovich, following which has long become a habit (read the pattern) with many colleagues around me:
***
If anything happened,
And no one is to blame
Don't go there otherwise
You will be guilty.
Hide somewhere aside.
And then go home.
And about what he saw,
Do not tell anybody.
It is because of this behavior that some users had more than once on weekends and to go to work at night to eliminate emergency shutdowns. But we will no longer exploit the creativity of the creator of the “Harmful Tips” genre, because I have something to say on my own behalf. I turn to the following situation (one of the most common), after which the " programmer " inside of me breaks out and shouts " And everything works for me !!! "
***
If you find a mistake
Write to tech support.
Caption is better than CAPS:
“EVERYTHING BROKEN YOUR MOTHER !!”
The text in this letter is not needed,
Signature will also be superfluous
Insert more destinations
And click "Send".
Go ahead. A few words about the "dolls", they are also "quests". I often have to spend a lot of time getting raw data to solve a user's problem. And all because some irresponsible personalities like to do this:
***
If the program is displayed
Very long error text,
Text in the letter does not need to insert
Better take a screenshot.
And then this picture
Put in the Word file,
Pack a ZIP archive
And ... forget to attach.
I get a lot of pleasure from telephone conversations with the users of my product (the product is internal, the users are the operators of the company). Soft form:
***
If suddenly your program
Wrote a message
You don’t need to read it
Never for anything.
Call the programmer
And literally repeat:
"I poked something here somewhere ...
What does she want from me? ”
And tougher:
***
Speaking by phone,
Never introduce yourself -
Start at once with a scream,
Charges and threats.
Ignore questions
Do not let insert word
And hang up right away
How the problem is solved.
And I also love meetings. Especially meetings without a specific agenda, with the theme “An important issue needs to be urgently addressed, ” invitations to which were sent through the “ All Employees ” mailing list. I love them so much that I devoted 3 tips to them:
***
Setting a meeting
Never forget
Meeting room
Before refusing to stuff.
Here, after all, a no brainer:
Twenty-twenty-five "minds"
To make a decision
Clearly better than one.
***
Meeting time is also important:
Lunch breaks
The best fit
For conversations a big crowd.
We are such - programmers,
We do not feed us with bread,
Just give with great bosses.
Chat short.
***
There is still advice to offices
Headquartered in Moscow:
The evening is the best part of the day.
Talk about everything.
Spend at this time
VKS and AKS, -
Branches beyond the Urals
Just waiting for this.
I also love psychics who in advance (and, more importantly, better than me) know how much time it will take for me to complete the task:
***
Issuing to the programmer
ChTZ with "War and Peace",
Where is only one table of contents
Takes 7 pages,
Required in the final
Do not forget to clarify
So that he is not fond of:
“There are five minutes to do there!”
Separately, I want to say about the thanks to the "hero":
***
Accepting results
Multi-day labor
Do not praise the programmer,
Completed the project.
Better strictly frowning
Bring him
What are you, in his years,
It would be better done a hundred times.
And for dessert, I left lovers tear me away on trifles. They do not know what they want from me, but they remember that the programmer must be constantly monitored.
***
If your solitaire has converged,
You read all the jokes,
I drank coffee and do not know
What else to occupy yourself -
Call the programmer
And ask him quietly:
"What are you doing? Ah, the project ...
Well ... I will not distract ... "
Put the phone back in place
Stretch, yawns wide,
Scratch your stomach, think.
No thoughts? Then again
Recruiting a programmer:
"How are you? Ah, busy again ...
I wonder what? Project?
Well, I will not distract "
Blow the mote from the photo frame,
Move the keyboard
Twist the ring on your finger,
Stick pencils.
But do not get carried away, -
Do not forget about the programmer.
Suddenly he is nervous, poor,
What are you not calling for a long time?
This concludes my Friday post. It includes only cases of this week. If you recall all the situations that awaken the " programmer " in me, then in terms of advice I can probably overtake Oster himself. But initially I was pursuing another goal - I wanted to get rid of the excess negative and not carry them over to the next week. And I felt better.
I hope, I also managed to distract you a little from work tasks and problems before the weekend. Smile more often!
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/210142/
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