Does the programmer need free * lyushki (version 2023)
I want to tell you a story that is likely to happen in 2023 in the Californian development office of a major IT company FAC *** GLE. I think the story will help to look at the reality surrounding programmers from a new point of view.
Sean, the lead programmer of the project to increase loyalty, conveniently reclined in his individually customized chair, which carried out a special spring program to stimulate the muscular system - Sean intended to pump up press dice before the summer holidays.
The pleasant tickling of the stimulator was complemented by the sound of a specially selected arrangement by Tom Waits, who, as determined by the brain implant, most closely corresponded to his stream of consciousness and ensured the best performance.
The antennae of the alpha activity scanner pleasantly stroked the whiskey and Sean felt that it, as always, was “rushing” ... Oh, that feeling of the demiurge when you see the embodiment of your lines of code in the wonderful elements of virtual reality.
It was not for nothing that Sean was a leading developer - his indicator of the number of error-free lines per day was 4% higher than the average level for a corporation, and this had a positive effect on salary checks and various bonuses.
The company took extremely good care of its programmers, who, in turn, did not spare their strength and energy for the highest-quality development.
And now the time has come for the next, I must say, extremely pleasant bonus. The brain implant determined an increase in the level of endorphins, which is potentially dangerous for the stability of the stream of consciousness, and decided to use appropriate measures.
A pleasant female voice sounded in the headphones, which informed Sean that it was time for a break and stress relief. The chair was automatically reclined to a more comfortable position, the music gradually changed to ambient.
')
“Close your eyes and relax,” recommended the same pleasant voice.
Sean habitually relaxed, never ceasing to think about somewhere in the background of a particularly complex combination of patterns. Something moved below, somehow not the way it used to be, and Sean opened one eye to see who was performing his bonus today. From under the table looked a Chinese face ... unfamiliar. This is not Lucy Shi, said Sean, but in principle quite pretty ...
Sean looked and ... Oh, my God! Jumping out of his chair, he tore off the alpha rhythm scanner, which immediately flashed red lights - the flow of consciousness was interrupted.
Out of rage, Sean went to Carol, who was responsible for working with the staff in this department. Flopping in the visitor chair, Sean stated:
- Carol, it seems to me that the company is violating one of the clauses of my contract.
Carol had clearly received information about the incident, so she smiled and said:
- Sean, we will resolve any misunderstanding, you know that the company really appreciates you ... Probably, this is a bonus number 18?
- Yes, bonus number 18. You know, - Sean is more comfortable in a chair, - It is this bonus that I especially like. And, as far as I remember, in the description of the bonus it is clearly stated that the bonus is executed only by persons of the same age as the female.
“Yes, of course, Sean,” Carol confirmed, glancing at the monitor, “Exactly.”
“Then why did I find the male American male under my table?” - narrowed his eyes, asked Sean.
Carol changed one spectacular pose to another, even more attractive, and smiled:
- The fact is, Sean, that Congress has recently ratified an amendment to the Bill of Rights, according to which anyone can declare himself an individual of any desired sex, regardless of physical condition. Therefore, in order to prevent discrimination, the description of this particular bonus had to be automatically changed. You should have received a notification about this ... And from that moment on bonus number 18 will be executed in a new, non-discriminatory form.
Sean pondered. He did not want to get an accusation of discrimination, but he couldn’t concern himself with this Chinese (oh, hell, I must say, to the Tamanaamericana).
“You know,” he smiled in reply to Carol, “I may be a man of too traditional views ... I still remember George W. Bush as our president ...”
At the mention of the last white natural-president, Carol, she’s obviously tense, it didn’t bode well for her.
“... and it seems to me that such changes are too unusual for our corporate culture,” continued Sean. “I could be wrong, but this change seems to me a small, but alarming bell ...”
Oh, it was a blow without rules! Poor Carol clearly turned pale, she knew very well what happens to programmers during rumors of bells ... They run away! And she will lose her job!
Carol began to bargain. For starters, she, like in between times, offered to change the corporate car to Ferrari, which accidentally fell into the free quota. But Sean was not a fan of sports lighters, he was completely satisfied with his Porsche Cayenne.
Then Carol hinted at the possibility of a free flight to the Moon on the new corporate SpaceDragonTwelve, but Sean also refused - he was swayed even by a suborbiter.
“Sean, what if I play bonus number 18 for you,” Carol suddenly suggested.
- Eeee, - Sean was a bit taken aback, and did not find anything better, how to ask, - And can you do it?
Carol smiled and pulled a laminated sheet out of the drawer of the table:
- Here is my diploma. I received it last summer, and I had an internship for 2 months, and all my clients were very satisfied ... Of course, this is only a temporary solution, and in the future the company will find how to resolve the difficulty. What do you think?
Sean left satisfied - his favorite bonus, foot massage, was pulled out of the greedy corporation. “They make billions,” thought Sean, “And they can't spend on such a trifle as correct foot massage for the lead developer! But at least, if you know how to behave correctly, such problems can be solved! After all, a programmer without such freebies will be no different from any manager. ”
The head of the staff shift service of the corporation FAC *** GLE was beside himself with rage: Pedro, a new employee in the department, again messed up.
- How could you not wash the feeding bucket ?! - He went broke, standing at the rows of translucent vats, - Do you know how sensitive they are ?!
Pedro stood, head bowed. He could not understand that working with programmers required extreme delicacy. He was taken from an ordinary barn, and he hardly got rid of the habit of spitting into feed.
- See, Sean-462 is all in red lights, the bell is already breaking! Where are we going to go now? - the shift head was indignant. Then he exhaled: - Everything, I am transferring you to testers! If I get out there, I'll drive out!
Pedro walked with a bucket of food along tanks with testers. In principle, the tanks were almost the same as those of programmers, only old models. The testers were fed a little bit easier, they were given less supplements, so their carcasses floating in bio-solution with blind eyes replaced by sensors were not as fat as those of programmers. When he reached the end of the row, Pedro looked around, scooped up the food with a scoop, spat in there, and began to pour the lumpy powder into the vat.
Part one. Inside office
Sean, the lead programmer of the project to increase loyalty, conveniently reclined in his individually customized chair, which carried out a special spring program to stimulate the muscular system - Sean intended to pump up press dice before the summer holidays.
The pleasant tickling of the stimulator was complemented by the sound of a specially selected arrangement by Tom Waits, who, as determined by the brain implant, most closely corresponded to his stream of consciousness and ensured the best performance.
The antennae of the alpha activity scanner pleasantly stroked the whiskey and Sean felt that it, as always, was “rushing” ... Oh, that feeling of the demiurge when you see the embodiment of your lines of code in the wonderful elements of virtual reality.
It was not for nothing that Sean was a leading developer - his indicator of the number of error-free lines per day was 4% higher than the average level for a corporation, and this had a positive effect on salary checks and various bonuses.
The company took extremely good care of its programmers, who, in turn, did not spare their strength and energy for the highest-quality development.
And now the time has come for the next, I must say, extremely pleasant bonus. The brain implant determined an increase in the level of endorphins, which is potentially dangerous for the stability of the stream of consciousness, and decided to use appropriate measures.
A pleasant female voice sounded in the headphones, which informed Sean that it was time for a break and stress relief. The chair was automatically reclined to a more comfortable position, the music gradually changed to ambient.
')
“Close your eyes and relax,” recommended the same pleasant voice.
Sean habitually relaxed, never ceasing to think about somewhere in the background of a particularly complex combination of patterns. Something moved below, somehow not the way it used to be, and Sean opened one eye to see who was performing his bonus today. From under the table looked a Chinese face ... unfamiliar. This is not Lucy Shi, said Sean, but in principle quite pretty ...
Sean looked and ... Oh, my God! Jumping out of his chair, he tore off the alpha rhythm scanner, which immediately flashed red lights - the flow of consciousness was interrupted.
Out of rage, Sean went to Carol, who was responsible for working with the staff in this department. Flopping in the visitor chair, Sean stated:
- Carol, it seems to me that the company is violating one of the clauses of my contract.
Carol had clearly received information about the incident, so she smiled and said:
- Sean, we will resolve any misunderstanding, you know that the company really appreciates you ... Probably, this is a bonus number 18?
- Yes, bonus number 18. You know, - Sean is more comfortable in a chair, - It is this bonus that I especially like. And, as far as I remember, in the description of the bonus it is clearly stated that the bonus is executed only by persons of the same age as the female.
“Yes, of course, Sean,” Carol confirmed, glancing at the monitor, “Exactly.”
“Then why did I find the male American male under my table?” - narrowed his eyes, asked Sean.
Carol changed one spectacular pose to another, even more attractive, and smiled:
- The fact is, Sean, that Congress has recently ratified an amendment to the Bill of Rights, according to which anyone can declare himself an individual of any desired sex, regardless of physical condition. Therefore, in order to prevent discrimination, the description of this particular bonus had to be automatically changed. You should have received a notification about this ... And from that moment on bonus number 18 will be executed in a new, non-discriminatory form.
Sean pondered. He did not want to get an accusation of discrimination, but he couldn’t concern himself with this Chinese (oh, hell, I must say, to the Tamanaamericana).
“You know,” he smiled in reply to Carol, “I may be a man of too traditional views ... I still remember George W. Bush as our president ...”
At the mention of the last white natural-president, Carol, she’s obviously tense, it didn’t bode well for her.
“... and it seems to me that such changes are too unusual for our corporate culture,” continued Sean. “I could be wrong, but this change seems to me a small, but alarming bell ...”
Oh, it was a blow without rules! Poor Carol clearly turned pale, she knew very well what happens to programmers during rumors of bells ... They run away! And she will lose her job!
Carol began to bargain. For starters, she, like in between times, offered to change the corporate car to Ferrari, which accidentally fell into the free quota. But Sean was not a fan of sports lighters, he was completely satisfied with his Porsche Cayenne.
Then Carol hinted at the possibility of a free flight to the Moon on the new corporate SpaceDragonTwelve, but Sean also refused - he was swayed even by a suborbiter.
“Sean, what if I play bonus number 18 for you,” Carol suddenly suggested.
- Eeee, - Sean was a bit taken aback, and did not find anything better, how to ask, - And can you do it?
Carol smiled and pulled a laminated sheet out of the drawer of the table:
- Here is my diploma. I received it last summer, and I had an internship for 2 months, and all my clients were very satisfied ... Of course, this is only a temporary solution, and in the future the company will find how to resolve the difficulty. What do you think?
Sean left satisfied - his favorite bonus, foot massage, was pulled out of the greedy corporation. “They make billions,” thought Sean, “And they can't spend on such a trifle as correct foot massage for the lead developer! But at least, if you know how to behave correctly, such problems can be solved! After all, a programmer without such freebies will be no different from any manager. ”
Part two. Outside office
The head of the staff shift service of the corporation FAC *** GLE was beside himself with rage: Pedro, a new employee in the department, again messed up.
- How could you not wash the feeding bucket ?! - He went broke, standing at the rows of translucent vats, - Do you know how sensitive they are ?!
Pedro stood, head bowed. He could not understand that working with programmers required extreme delicacy. He was taken from an ordinary barn, and he hardly got rid of the habit of spitting into feed.
- See, Sean-462 is all in red lights, the bell is already breaking! Where are we going to go now? - the shift head was indignant. Then he exhaled: - Everything, I am transferring you to testers! If I get out there, I'll drive out!
Pedro walked with a bucket of food along tanks with testers. In principle, the tanks were almost the same as those of programmers, only old models. The testers were fed a little bit easier, they were given less supplements, so their carcasses floating in bio-solution with blind eyes replaced by sensors were not as fat as those of programmers. When he reached the end of the row, Pedro looked around, scooped up the food with a scoop, spat in there, and began to pour the lumpy powder into the vat.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/181231/
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