Achieve excellence
Something is wrong with me. In no case can I reach the heights of excellence. Being a keen person, I was not interested in anything (sorry for the tautology). And everything happens according to the standard scheme:
New subject -> Dive headlong into question -> Awareness of the boundaries of the subject and own perspectives in it -> Loss of interest
Probably worth giving an example.
Came to a friend. He picks something up there, solders some small handkerchief.
- Sasha, what is it?
- Why, you need to break the X-Box. I found an interesting article on the Internet: PIC, USB port, flash and - “Hello, freedom!”
- Show and give more detail ...
As a result, all sorts of books, software, a soldering station, a digital oscilloscope, a bunch of PICs, AVRs, a debug PinBoard from DiHalt and other things, including other mountains, including burnt-out BP, broken motherboards and etc.
So what? As a result, the RLC-meter was assembled without the very necessary L-channel and, yes, “my pride” is the Radio module for MSFS .
')
“The last exhalation of Mr. PeZhE” was an attempt to transfer someone else's project from the DIP-component to the SMD , which did not cause much enthusiasm. And the Radio module still lies in a fit of modernization, abandoned along with the same MSFS.
And so in everything.
Here is a small list of hobbies and "achievements":
And this is just the tip of the iceberg, the list goes on and on.
So why is everything abandoned, when there were so many ideas, so many things have not even been tried? The answer to the ugliness is simple: further I am bored! And perhaps the reason for the extinction of my interest in hobbies is that I am afraid to make the wrong choice and I am afraid not to be in time.
I am 35 years old. I work almost a hundred kilometers from home and spend six hours a day on the road. I have almost no free time. I need to make a choice among things that interest me. I know for sure and expertly that I cannot cover everything. But even devoting my time to something alone, I'm still afraid. And not only that I get tired of corny, but also the fact that I will not have talent.
At the time of my “burning” photo, I accidentally met one photographer on the train. Uncle of this, with a gray beard and an old age already, I knew only in absentia, because the city is not too big; but still overpowered the interest, I sat down with him and we talked.
“You know,” he complained. - I have trouble. All my life I have been doing photography, I have my own small studio and in general, everything is going well: there are customers, plus I rent for schools. But I have no talent! I own receivers, I know how to put the light and what posture is better for the client to accept, to hide any flaws and make a generally nice card. But I don’t have that vision of the world, that vision of the composition that distinguishes a real artist from all others pressing the shutter release. I am a banal artisan, but not an artist. Can you imagine what it is like: all your life to do what your heart has been seeking and not to have this vocation?
Such sadness and pain were in his eyes that I remembered this conversation, probably, for the rest of my life.
Perhaps I, just like this photographer, am afraid of too much time, this most valuable resource in our life, to give to a job that I will not be satisfied with. After all, there are athletes who occupy non-salable places, there are employees, whose work we sometimes do not notice, but which is no less important than ours. But to work and do things for which your soul does not lie? I don't want that!
Or maybe I just do not know how to appreciate the existing? I sleep in a warm bed, and someone on the street in a cardboard box. I eat tasty and full, and someone from hunger can not sleep. At work I press small buttons on the keyboard, and someone rolls heavy bags to unload cars. I manage to watch two films during a working day and read favorite sites, but someone does not have time to sit down and take a breath. I traveled to the old age floor, I was in Vladivostok, but someone had never left his village. I earn enough to provide myself with leisure and gadgets, but I personally know people who earn 1,500 rubles a month on a tractor; their hands hurt so much at night that they can't fall asleep.
I tried to program, but when others pored over code and mathematics, I drank and had fun.
I loved many beautiful women, but I did not marry any of them.
I was at the start along with everyone, but when everyone rushed forward, I was afraid behind, admiring the landscape and thinking that I would catch up.
I can still do something, but I'm afraid to do the wrong thing.
"Wounds do not ache, and the scars do not hurt,
Sterile bandages are applied on them.
And do not care, do not sabbat, not teasing
No thoughts, no questions, no dreams.
Tired of fighting the attraction of the earth
I lay - so more distance to the loop.
And the heart is twitching as if in me,
It's time to go where only and not. ”
Vs Vysotsky, "Song of the Finite Man."
PS I read many articles with great admiration and marvel at the beauty of the decisions, the enormity of the labor expended, the systematic approach or the depth of knowledge. And I am always tormented by the question asked to myself: “ Well, what do you mean? What can you show people? What can you do well in general? ” And I have nothing to answer.
It may seem to someone that my thoughts are not for an article on Habré, but sometimes it is worth looking not only at the results of the work, but also at the feelings. After all, we are not robots.
New subject -> Dive headlong into question -> Awareness of the boundaries of the subject and own perspectives in it -> Loss of interest
Probably worth giving an example.
Came to a friend. He picks something up there, solders some small handkerchief.
- Sasha, what is it?
- Why, you need to break the X-Box. I found an interesting article on the Internet: PIC, USB port, flash and - “Hello, freedom!”
- Show and give more detail ...
As a result, all sorts of books, software, a soldering station, a digital oscilloscope, a bunch of PICs, AVRs, a debug PinBoard from DiHalt and other things, including other mountains, including burnt-out BP, broken motherboards and etc.
So what? As a result, the RLC-meter was assembled without the very necessary L-channel and, yes, “my pride” is the Radio module for MSFS .
')
“The last exhalation of Mr. PeZhE” was an attempt to transfer someone else's project from the DIP-component to the SMD , which did not cause much enthusiasm. And the Radio module still lies in a fit of modernization, abandoned along with the same MSFS.
And so in everything.
Here is a small list of hobbies and "achievements":
- programming: a stack of books 1 meter high: HTML, ASM, C ++, Photoshop> I don’t know any of this;
- pneumatic weapons: the first license for the purchase of hunting pneumatics in the area (there’s a whole story here), eventually a “tuned” 512th roll with a spring loaded and a separate sight;
- diving: license Rescue Diver, a lot of dives in the log-book and a mountain of equipment (I haven’t sank for three years already - I don’t have time and money);
- photo: a good camera and lens, a lot of literature and albums, and not a single photo that you could really be proud of;
- virtual aviation: several flights on small aircraft, gigabytes of documentation, software (at one time everything that was not nailed with nails) and hardware, including self-made and purchased controllers, a lot of unfinished mechanics, and the simulator did not run for almost a year;
- horseback riding: the whole weekend is at the stable, but I ride quite mediocrely, I simply don’t have time for my own horse.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg, the list goes on and on.
So why is everything abandoned, when there were so many ideas, so many things have not even been tried? The answer to the ugliness is simple: further I am bored! And perhaps the reason for the extinction of my interest in hobbies is that I am afraid to make the wrong choice and I am afraid not to be in time.
I am 35 years old. I work almost a hundred kilometers from home and spend six hours a day on the road. I have almost no free time. I need to make a choice among things that interest me. I know for sure and expertly that I cannot cover everything. But even devoting my time to something alone, I'm still afraid. And not only that I get tired of corny, but also the fact that I will not have talent.
At the time of my “burning” photo, I accidentally met one photographer on the train. Uncle of this, with a gray beard and an old age already, I knew only in absentia, because the city is not too big; but still overpowered the interest, I sat down with him and we talked.
“You know,” he complained. - I have trouble. All my life I have been doing photography, I have my own small studio and in general, everything is going well: there are customers, plus I rent for schools. But I have no talent! I own receivers, I know how to put the light and what posture is better for the client to accept, to hide any flaws and make a generally nice card. But I don’t have that vision of the world, that vision of the composition that distinguishes a real artist from all others pressing the shutter release. I am a banal artisan, but not an artist. Can you imagine what it is like: all your life to do what your heart has been seeking and not to have this vocation?
Such sadness and pain were in his eyes that I remembered this conversation, probably, for the rest of my life.
Perhaps I, just like this photographer, am afraid of too much time, this most valuable resource in our life, to give to a job that I will not be satisfied with. After all, there are athletes who occupy non-salable places, there are employees, whose work we sometimes do not notice, but which is no less important than ours. But to work and do things for which your soul does not lie? I don't want that!
Or maybe I just do not know how to appreciate the existing? I sleep in a warm bed, and someone on the street in a cardboard box. I eat tasty and full, and someone from hunger can not sleep. At work I press small buttons on the keyboard, and someone rolls heavy bags to unload cars. I manage to watch two films during a working day and read favorite sites, but someone does not have time to sit down and take a breath. I traveled to the old age floor, I was in Vladivostok, but someone had never left his village. I earn enough to provide myself with leisure and gadgets, but I personally know people who earn 1,500 rubles a month on a tractor; their hands hurt so much at night that they can't fall asleep.
I tried to program, but when others pored over code and mathematics, I drank and had fun.
I loved many beautiful women, but I did not marry any of them.
I was at the start along with everyone, but when everyone rushed forward, I was afraid behind, admiring the landscape and thinking that I would catch up.
I can still do something, but I'm afraid to do the wrong thing.
"Wounds do not ache, and the scars do not hurt,
Sterile bandages are applied on them.
And do not care, do not sabbat, not teasing
No thoughts, no questions, no dreams.
Tired of fighting the attraction of the earth
I lay - so more distance to the loop.
And the heart is twitching as if in me,
It's time to go where only and not. ”
Vs Vysotsky, "Song of the Finite Man."
So what's wrong with me?
PS I read many articles with great admiration and marvel at the beauty of the decisions, the enormity of the labor expended, the systematic approach or the depth of knowledge. And I am always tormented by the question asked to myself: “ Well, what do you mean? What can you show people? What can you do well in general? ” And I have nothing to answer.
It may seem to someone that my thoughts are not for an article on Habré, but sometimes it is worth looking not only at the results of the work, but also at the feelings. After all, we are not robots.
Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/151263/
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