Non-volatile solution

Monday. Formulation of the problem

Nine hours and thirty one minutes in the morning - I'm at work. Actually, we work from ten to seven, but on Mondays, I prefer to come early - I like our office, while there are no people in it. I walk slowly past the tables - some filled with printouts of specifications and charts, others completely empty. On some tables there are computers, others are empty. Under some tables there are replaceable shoes, in front of others there is not even a chair. Yes, we have more than half of the tables empty - this is in case of admission of new employees, or business trips of someone from other cities and countries. After all, we have a large international company with development offices in Omsk and Kalachinsk and the head office in Cyprus. We occupy four floors in a modern office center. However, right after our building, the ruins of some aviation factory begin, and we try not to go there on the payday.

My desk is in the corner, between the plastic partition and the wall. An air conditioner hangs right above me, and when it’s getting quite hot outside, I have to bring a sweater from home so as not to freeze. In my opinion, the best air conditioner is a simple open window, but in our office the windows do not open. I think the architects of this building have heard of nervous exhaustion among office workers, and decided to minimize the number of suicides. But the view from our twelfth floor opens chic. It is a pity, most of the time the windows close the blinds - so that sunlight does not blink on monitors and does not blind the eyes. Therefore, we have always included fluorescent lamps.
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Some guy greeted me by the hand and sat down at the next table. He sat here last Monday, a week ago, but I still don’t know his name - we are working on different projects. Yes, by the way, I am working on a project called Integrated Corporate Solution - abbreviated COCORES. This is a very complex system consisting of a set of modules, dozens of layers and hundreds of thousands of files with source code. The system is so big that nobody knows what it does.

Pulling the mouse, I brought the computer out of sleep mode and launched a browser. Last Friday, our project leader, Egor, went to potential customers in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Today there should be a rally via Skype, in which, according to tradition, our entire department will take part. Of course, only Egor will speak there and the team leader Kostya. All the other ten participants will turn off the microphones of their headsets and will lazily read Twitter and contact.

Closer to noon, the rest of our department approached. While everyone was greeting and talking about how suddenly Friday was replaced by Monday, it was suddenly lunch time.

After lunch, I received a letter inviting me to a status rally today at 4 o'clock. This means, I have two hours to watch videos on YouTube, because during the rally YouTube is impossible to watch - Skype occupies almost the entire channel.

At half past four, I got an incoming call. I quickly put on my headset, pushed the green answer button and turned off the microphone. The project manager was heard badly. Something was constantly thumping out of the pipe, it seemed that somewhere near it drums were beating.

- Good afternoon, colleagues! - He began, - I must say that here we have no electricity, and the battery of my laptop almost sat down. Our partners from the Democratic Republic of Congo, they are very ... they are extremely friendly, I am sure that our large international company has good prospects here. We should be persistent, and keep moving forward. The will to win is the main thing, and together we will achieve a lot, because our future, and this means the future of our large international company, depends on each of us. We must strive for success, and, constantly improving, it is impossible to achieve ...

Here the connection broke. There was an awkward silence.

I thought that the Congo is one of the last countries where cannibalism has been preserved, and that there is now time for dinner. But he decided not to undermine the corporate spirit.

Kostya was the first to speak:
“So it turned out that there is no electricity in Congo.” But this will not prevent us from implementing our Complex Corporate Solution. Our task is to develop a non-volatile module for our system. Our architect Grisha will prepare the architecture. So after all, Grisha?
Grisha smiled. His slightly beveled nose gave his smile a unique charm. Once in his youth, he was engaged in judo and was not bad folded, but now almost all of his muscle mass has passed into fat.
“I will undertake to prepare the architecture of the non-volatile KOKORESh by tomorrow morning,” he said solemnly, and smiled again, to consolidate the effect.
- Excellent, - Kostya clapped his hands, - tomorrow we will come all early, because we have little time for the project until the end of the week.
“I thought that in such a situation, they can be given all the accounts,” I joked awkwardly. Everyone laughed.

We drew the rest of the day on a marker board of our African partners. Unfortunately, someone pulled off the black marker, so we drew them in green. Suddenly, the work day is over.

Tuesday. Architecture

At nine I was already sitting at my work computer and reading the news. Of course, until eleven no one from our department was in the office.

Towards noon, architect Grisha arrived with rolled-up posters under his arm. While he greeted everyone and told how he was standing in traffic, it was suddenly lunch time.

After lunch, Kostya called everyone into the meeting room.
“So, the solution architecture is ready,” with these words, Grisha unfolded and hung two posters on the board.
I looked at them and sighed heavily, covering my face with my palm.



The first poster, entitled “COKORESH”, showed a blue rectangle and a battery next to it. On the second poster, signed by ENEKOKORESH, only a blue rectangle was depicted.
- On the first poster, you see the architecture of an existing, volatile solution. On the second, the architecture of a non-volatile solution, Grisha said happily, and turning to us, he smiled as if he did not understand the meaninglessness of his own work.
- Great, Gregory! Well done! - Kostya praised him. - How did you manage to create such an architecture in such a short time?
- Well, how, - Grisha was embarrassed, - ok, Konstantin.
- Well, okay, - Kostya smiled, - now it's up to the small thing - it remains to implement this architecture.
“Bone, wait ...” I said, “computers will not work without electricity ...”
“Listen, I, of course, appreciate you as a specialist,” Kostya replied with a frown, “but your business is implementation, and architecture, here it is,” he pointed to the posters with his hand, “is already ready. Well, what's the big deal here? Write a program and that's it. You say it won't work without electricity. What have you tried already?
Honestly, I have never tried to turn on a computer without electricity, but basic knowledge in his device prompted me that it would not work.
- No, I have not tried ... - I replied.
- Well, you see - Kostya laughed. And everyone laughed too, except me.
When the rally ended, it was already five o'clock.

Immediately after the rally, Grisha and Kostya went where, without saying goodbye to anyone. I sat at my computer and thoughtfully flipped through Kontaktik. Behind the partition, Sergey was desperately typing something on the keyboard.
“And yet, they need bills,” I said thoughtfully. Sergei stopped knocking on the keyboard, stifled a grunted behind his partition, and seemed to be sprinkling it with saliva.
- Listen, what are you doing there all day? - I asked Sergey.
“I watch movies,” he answered honestly.
- How is it that you type something all day on the keyboard? I thought you were writing code, I was surprised.
- I specifically disable Klava. And I just knock on the keys just to maintain the working atmosphere in the office.

Suddenly, the work day is over.

Wednesday. Development

I came to work at nine forty-two and started reading fresh tweets. I specifically read almost a thousand people — by the time I read a fresh batch of tweets, new ones are already appearing. At about half past ten Sergey came. I managed to notice the moment when he put on the headphones, turned off the keyboard and began to knock on the keys.

Late in the morning, at about twelve o'clock, Kostya came up to me, and, stooping, said quietly:
- Listen, this is ... With your experience, with your knowledge, I want you to be for the eldest. Take patronage over Sergey in this project. Especially since you only will work on it together. And I beg you, finish it in time.
I just sighed. Well, how can I explain to him that the project is not implemented in principle? That architect Grisha is a fool with a certificate and that is why he smiles like that? What could the project manager have already been eaten by residents of the Republic of Congo? What, in the end, without electricity, no electronic device can not work?
- I think computers will not work without electricity. Natives from Congo need bills, ”I said, purposely loud and clear. There was a tense silence. It became especially clearly audible that Sergey behind the partition almost does not push the space bar.
Finally Kostya broke the silence:
- Come on, work, I will not bother you - and quickly left somewhere, calling Grisha with him.

Suddenly it was lunch time.

After lunch, I decided to still go to work.
“Seryog,” I told my neighbor from behind the partition, “let's find a place in the code that consumes the most electricity?”
“You see, we have already done this,” said Sergey. At the sound “p” in the word “understand,” saliva flew out of his mouth and hit the partition. It's good that they stand here.
- Well, when did it, you remember, the number of the task? Kommit in svn?
- Now ... - Sergey hesitated - it was a KOKORESH-4920 haul.
I tried to open a task with this number in the bugtracker, but I received a message that I do not have rights. Since Bones was not in sight, I wrote a ticket to helpdesk to give me rights.
After one hour and twenty minutes I was told that I can only give rights if the application is confirmed by the project manager. I wanted to say that they probably had already eaten it, but then I thought that I didn’t really need this task.

Instead, I decided to write a letter to all those interested in the project in order to inform them that computers do not work without electricity. I clicked the "write a letter" button, but a standard error message appeared: "Outlook has performed an illegal operation and will be closed." “Well, not destiny. I'll try tomorrow, ”I decided, and turned off the computer.

Suddenly, the work day is over.

Thursday. Development again

When I arrived at the office, I first wrote a letter.
“Good afternoon, colleagues!” I began my letter, “I propose to simplify the task from developing the non-volatile implementation of COKORESH to supplying a ready-made solution in the form of a wooden bill. The main argument in favor of this solution is that our customers do not have electricity. In the absence of electricity, no hardware and software system can work. In addition, I express my doubt that users who have never seen a computer will have enough qualifications to work with COKORESH. ”I read the typed text several times, added the signature and the recipients — Kostya, team leader, architect Grisha, and Yegor’s prodzhet manager. . Although, frankly, I do not think that Yegor is still able to read anything. Sighing, I, for loyalty, added the regional manager, Andre Eduardovich Belokryly, to the copy, and pressed the “Send” button.

By the way, after one unpleasant incident in my previous work, I always first write a letter, and only then add addressees. Then one of my many supervisors asked me how soon I would be able to finish the job, and if I needed to wait for the data to be downloaded from the call collector. I wanted to write “yes, it seems to me, I will have to wait for the data to be downloaded,” but the letter went exactly in the middle of the word “it looks like”. In general, I had to urgently look for work, and even the worst recommendations from the previous place. Except for a large international company, I was not taken anywhere. And now I am here, forced to write a program that does not require electricity.

Suddenly it's lunch time.

After lunch, Kostya called me to him.
“You know, your decision about the bill was not so bad,” he said softly.
- So then we still introduce the Papuans scores? - I was surprised. It is incredible that my letter could change the already hidden decision!
- Hush, hush, listen to me. Unfortunately, the resources that are much higher than the cost of your decision with the accounts have already been spent on the development of the non-volatile KOKORESH. So you understand, it is in your interests that you don’t talk to anyone else about the accounts, otherwise it will turn out that we were wasting resources. You're a smart guy, you catch? And the non-volatile solution is almost ready. In my opinion, we have to finish it today. Therefore, if today does not work, you will have to work hard tomorrow, and do not plan anything for the weekend. Well, you must meet, in the same little bit left.
Kostya was silent for a little while, and, probably, in order to encourage me, he added:
-You know, I once programmed myself. There's just a couple of lines of code you need to write, really can not cope?

In the evening, the answer came from Andre Eduardovich himself. The substantive part consisted of a single line: “I consider the situation when ordinary developers are engaged in architecture issues to be inadmissible. In the further discussion of the issue I do not see the point. ”And then the signature is eight lines long.

I went to the window. Low gray clouds crawled across the sky, and from them an indefinite substance fell to the ground. Somewhere on the horizon were huge pipes and radio towers. “I wonder if it's summer or winter?” Flashed through my head. For us, office workers, the change of seasons has a purely formal meaning. Summer differs from winter only in that in the summer we wear sweaters in the office in order not to freeze under the air conditioner, and in winter in order to run from the entrance to our Ford Focus. We try, we work every day, although we do not produce anything. Our activity leaves no trace in the outside world, although this is probably better - after all, everything we do - we do badly. So what are we doing here? The answer is simple - we make a career.

Many people mistakenly believe that the Russian word “career” comes from the English “career” - “profession”. But it is not so, what kind of profession can an office worker have? Profession can be only for those who produce something. The office worker is engaged exclusively in the mental destruction of himself. The word "career" comes from the Italian "cariare", which means "to cause rot." Only one who has never seen how a healthy young man or a beautiful young girl, hitting an office, in five or six years turns into a limp creature with empty eyes, a double chin and flabby muscles, can not agree with this.

I suddenly took anger. No, even anger. I wanted, like the hero Michael Douglas from “Falling down”, to take a gun and kill. Shoot down all bureaucrats, all capitalists, all middle and top managers, search engine optimization specialists, and, of course, personnel department staff. I felt the blood rush to my head, and my thin fingers clenched into fists. But then I remembered my unpaid loans, and my anger gave way to apathy. What difference does it make to me in the end? Is it possible to do the work I received, or not? I get paid not for the result, but for the time I spend here. My activity is akin to prostitution. By the way, I wonder if linear managers get pleasure after communicating with their subordinates? ..

And then I realized what I should do. Tomorrow in the morning I will do my job in the best way possible.

Suddenly, I left ten minutes before the end of the working day, without saying a word to anyone.

Friday. Release

Kostya came to work early in the morning, at about half past ten, and first of all he approached me.
- Well, what is the status of the project? He asked sternly.
“Ready,” I replied calmly.
“And show me,” Kostya asked, still sternly.
- Of course. Look, - and I opened the folder in which one executable lay, and twice poked it with the mouse. For a second, the cursor turned into an hourglass, and a dialog box appeared on the screen with the message “Non-volatile COCORESH cannot be started in a volatile environment”
Kohl's face broke into a contented smile.
- Well done! This is exactly what is required. And we will order non-volatile environment from the supply department while they buy it ... If they buy it at all ... Listen, does it exactly work without electricity?
- You hurt me, I'm a professional! - I smiled, I answered.

Reading the chips, no, the working day ended, as always, unexpectedly.

This story, along with many others, can be found in the book IT AS IS