69 signs that you are not fucking the project, and he you
1. Your company began to hire consultants to blame everyone
2. Your server for load testing fell with the error "Everything, b $%, I can no longer!"
3. Your version control system is a set of “revision 1”, “revision 2”,: “revision 465” folders, etc. on a network drive
4. Your TK consists of three pages written 2 hours before the lunch break.
5. You began to look for a new job, because you do not want to support the code that you are writing now.
6. The first phrase in any meeting “There is good news, there is bad. Where do we start? ”
7. Your project progress is now measured by the number of fixed bugs, not the number of implemented features.
8. You made friends with a cleaner
9. Your best developer of educational documents has only a certificate of attending a two-month training course for system administrators at the Specialist Center at the Moscow State Technical University. N. E. Bauman.
10. You are unfamiliar with the abbreviations DRY, LOL, or KISS; but understand perfectly what WTF or FUBAR means
11. Your supervisor can be replaced by a set of rules for automatic email forwarding.
12. Your development process is ISO 9001/2000 certified (and that's it)
13. Your management believes that Metric is a protein drink.
14. In the bugtracking system, any bug has the priority of “Critical”
15. And any new feature - the priority of "Trivial"
16. Project costs always magically coincide with the project budget.
17. Developers use the words “self-documenting code” when explaining why there are no comments in their source code.
18. Your favorite design pattern is “Object-Who-Makes-All” (God Object)
19. You believe that compilation is one form of testing.
20. Developers use vi as IDE
21. You do not have a personal computer at work (and you are not engaged in pair programming).
22. The unspoken rule: do not arrange meetings until 10 am (because we were all here until 2 am)
23. Your team believes that XML is a short-term passion.
24. You are planning to smoothly switch from VB6 to VB.NET.
25. Your boss thinks MS Project is the best project management tool in the world.
26. Your wife sees you only through a webcam.
27. In your unit tests there are no asserts.
28. You are hoarsely arguing about whether you need to put "{" on a new line, and discussions about the use of design patterns like MVC are quick and easy.
29. The phrase “everything works for me” is heard more than once a day.
30. Your boss insists that you compile detailed progress reports, but never use them to make decisions.
31. Debugging goes on the combat server
32. To impart new vitality to the project, the company arranges team building, where everyone gets drunk.
33. In the morning, the release manager is aware that the developers have informed him of the actual deadline for the project, but is afraid to recall it.
34. The total budget of your project is confused with a weekly bill for coffee.
35. Your boss spends a lunch break in his car (crying)
36. Sellers "Crumb-potatoes", working the night shift, begin to recognize you in the face
37. Developers use a version control system only as a means of backing up sources
38. Developers do not test. At all.
39. The client constantly accepts the schedule of growth of expenses for the schedule of profit growth
40. The code name of the project was changed to "Kamikaze"
41. Recently, you have a feeling of irrational fear, if you have to answer “yes” to the question “do you do?”
42. As a reward for processing, the authorities ordered a coffee machine in the office.
43. The budget of your project in the balance sheet moved to the article "Overhead"
44. You secretly outsource a part of a project to read LJ at work.
45. The alpha version of the project has not yet been released, but a change control commission has already been established.
46. ​​You are considering breaking your fingers so that you can be sent to the hospital.
47. “Deadline” was renamed to “Milestone” (like the previous “deadline”)
48. “Open door policy” of your project manager is valid from 19:01 to 9:59
49. The authorities declare: “Yes, what to buy, we will write it ourselves!”
50. In the evenings you buy pizza, shawarma and adrenaline rush to the office
51. Your boss got caught during a seance (asked for advice on leadership)
52. You give the wrong advice to colleagues to look better at the reporting meeting.
53. Code review starts a week before the product is released.
54. Plans for testing are defined as "If there is time"
55. The client does not want to talk about project requirements without receiving a work plan.
56. The authorities do not see humor in comics about Dilbert (http://www.dilbert.com/)
57. You start to think about whether 12-hour work at McDonald's is more promising from a career point of view.
58. All performance problems are solved by purchasing more powerful iron.
59. The project decided to release in the form of a permanent beta version.
60. The tow truck took your car from the parking lot in front of the office, because it was considered abandoned.
61. During the meetings on the collection of requirements, the project manager leads a pencil on paper, drawing complex geometric patterns.
62. You are doing pair programming alone.
63. The last book on programming that you read is the Bible Visual InterDev 6
64. You know perfectly well how many compilers should be in order for the 'Out of Memory' error to occur in your IDE
65. In this list, the IDE is mentioned twice, and you do not know how it stands for
66. Non-working unit tests are deleted because they are obviously outdated.
67. In the QA department you were called “Mr. Buffer Overflow”
68. 90% of the time you are all set at 90%
69. “Oh, yes, I completely forgot. Mmm .., uh ... you will also need to come on Sunday morning. Thank."
Taken here
2. Your server for load testing fell with the error "Everything, b $%, I can no longer!"
3. Your version control system is a set of “revision 1”, “revision 2”,: “revision 465” folders, etc. on a network drive
4. Your TK consists of three pages written 2 hours before the lunch break.
5. You began to look for a new job, because you do not want to support the code that you are writing now.
6. The first phrase in any meeting “There is good news, there is bad. Where do we start? ”
7. Your project progress is now measured by the number of fixed bugs, not the number of implemented features.
8. You made friends with a cleaner
9. Your best developer of educational documents has only a certificate of attending a two-month training course for system administrators at the Specialist Center at the Moscow State Technical University. N. E. Bauman.
10. You are unfamiliar with the abbreviations DRY, LOL, or KISS; but understand perfectly what WTF or FUBAR means
11. Your supervisor can be replaced by a set of rules for automatic email forwarding.
12. Your development process is ISO 9001/2000 certified (and that's it)
13. Your management believes that Metric is a protein drink.
14. In the bugtracking system, any bug has the priority of “Critical”
15. And any new feature - the priority of "Trivial"
16. Project costs always magically coincide with the project budget.
17. Developers use the words “self-documenting code” when explaining why there are no comments in their source code.
18. Your favorite design pattern is “Object-Who-Makes-All” (God Object)
19. You believe that compilation is one form of testing.
20. Developers use vi as IDE
21. You do not have a personal computer at work (and you are not engaged in pair programming).
22. The unspoken rule: do not arrange meetings until 10 am (because we were all here until 2 am)
23. Your team believes that XML is a short-term passion.
24. You are planning to smoothly switch from VB6 to VB.NET.
25. Your boss thinks MS Project is the best project management tool in the world.
26. Your wife sees you only through a webcam.
27. In your unit tests there are no asserts.
28. You are hoarsely arguing about whether you need to put "{" on a new line, and discussions about the use of design patterns like MVC are quick and easy.
29. The phrase “everything works for me” is heard more than once a day.
30. Your boss insists that you compile detailed progress reports, but never use them to make decisions.
31. Debugging goes on the combat server
32. To impart new vitality to the project, the company arranges team building, where everyone gets drunk.
33. In the morning, the release manager is aware that the developers have informed him of the actual deadline for the project, but is afraid to recall it.
34. The total budget of your project is confused with a weekly bill for coffee.
35. Your boss spends a lunch break in his car (crying)
36. Sellers "Crumb-potatoes", working the night shift, begin to recognize you in the face
37. Developers use a version control system only as a means of backing up sources
38. Developers do not test. At all.
39. The client constantly accepts the schedule of growth of expenses for the schedule of profit growth
40. The code name of the project was changed to "Kamikaze"
41. Recently, you have a feeling of irrational fear, if you have to answer “yes” to the question “do you do?”
42. As a reward for processing, the authorities ordered a coffee machine in the office.
43. The budget of your project in the balance sheet moved to the article "Overhead"
44. You secretly outsource a part of a project to read LJ at work.
45. The alpha version of the project has not yet been released, but a change control commission has already been established.
46. ​​You are considering breaking your fingers so that you can be sent to the hospital.
47. “Deadline” was renamed to “Milestone” (like the previous “deadline”)
48. “Open door policy” of your project manager is valid from 19:01 to 9:59
49. The authorities declare: “Yes, what to buy, we will write it ourselves!”
50. In the evenings you buy pizza, shawarma and adrenaline rush to the office
51. Your boss got caught during a seance (asked for advice on leadership)
52. You give the wrong advice to colleagues to look better at the reporting meeting.
53. Code review starts a week before the product is released.
54. Plans for testing are defined as "If there is time"
55. The client does not want to talk about project requirements without receiving a work plan.
56. The authorities do not see humor in comics about Dilbert (http://www.dilbert.com/)
57. You start to think about whether 12-hour work at McDonald's is more promising from a career point of view.
58. All performance problems are solved by purchasing more powerful iron.
59. The project decided to release in the form of a permanent beta version.
60. The tow truck took your car from the parking lot in front of the office, because it was considered abandoned.
61. During the meetings on the collection of requirements, the project manager leads a pencil on paper, drawing complex geometric patterns.
62. You are doing pair programming alone.
63. The last book on programming that you read is the Bible Visual InterDev 6
64. You know perfectly well how many compilers should be in order for the 'Out of Memory' error to occur in your IDE
65. In this list, the IDE is mentioned twice, and you do not know how it stands for
66. Non-working unit tests are deleted because they are obviously outdated.
67. In the QA department you were called “Mr. Buffer Overflow”
68. 90% of the time you are all set at 90%
69. “Oh, yes, I completely forgot. Mmm .., uh ... you will also need to come on Sunday morning. Thank."
Taken here
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Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/13895/
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