How he learned to write articles on Habré

Vasya once again looked at the screen of his laptop. He did not want to refresh the page. Although it is obvious that it had to be updated. One more time. Last time. He will not update it anymore. F5.
56.6. Fell by 1 unit. Heck. Although, minus one in four hours is not a big problem, it was still unpleasant.

A gray-blue tangle of thread (or wires, it doesn't matter), looked at the reddened programmer eyes. He was both attractive and repulsive. This ball promised glory and knowledge, but at the same time, could lead to shame.

Not so long ago, a few hours ago, because of one, excessively witty comment, Vasya lost 12 units. Disgusting. It was necessary to take revenge. It's just a matter of honor. Be sure to take revenge. Alt + Tab.
')
2010 Vord helpfully opened before Vasya the very preparation of an article that was supposed to bring him fame. This article was supposed to rerun the same ball of yarn, and tell the world about something great.
The problem was that at the moment the article contained two bytes. \ r \ n. Nothing more was written.

Vasya spent the last 20 hours in front of the computer. He probably slept, although he did not remember. A couple of times he found himself lying on the keyboard. The mood was disgusting. All life as a wedge converged on this tangle. No good line ever got into my head. Everything was just a scribe as bad.
He once again went through the Ctrl + Tab tabs. Bash - nothing new or interesting. THG is complete nonsense about the updates that God forbid appear in Russia in a couple of years. Art ... - yes, there is nothing to talk about here. Gmail - a couple of new spam, with a dozen indifferent emails from Microsoft and similar companies. Habr - again. Again this tangle, which did not give him a normal life. He has already started to think, maybe he is going crazy? Maybe he shouldn't ...

Very sharply: * Bip *, and then - smoothly and lingering * Vzhzhzhzhzhzhzhzhzh ... *

Androyd on the table came to life. Vasya looked at his beloved pet. The standard firmware was drunk by the bells and whistles that Vasya sawed himself. I sawed for a long time and diligently, until I turned the phone into a kind of R2D2. The crown of creation automatically launched - Artoo Server Guard. The map of the building opened smoothly (this effect cost Vasya two weeks of reading manuals and practices in Java) and a red dot flashed on it.

R28-> Dwn-> ICMP = false-> UPS = true

Vasya was separately proud of the informative nature of the statements of his guard. One line is the most important information about something terrible. + Looks stylish. Finished everything under some kind of a cross between an old console and C ++.
Dying on the keyboard in an attempt to pump the nonexistent skills stopped at the same second. Vasya sharply jumped to the cabinet and pulled out a belt with all the necessary tools. The program has already left a request for a taxi on one of the sites. While he was putting on his jacket, Androyd’s screen came to life again.

Take the challenge.

- Yes, the girl ordered. Yep Yes, as usual. No, you can just economy plus. Yes, I am.
So, we figured it out. Now there will be a taxi to the server. Now we need to understand what happened at node 28. The program diligently unloaded the logs of the system, and showed the status of other nodes. 28 fell from overheating. 29 began to heat up in earnest. The temperature at 27 was slightly above normal.
Fortunately, the engineering mind of Vasily did not keep himself waiting, and immediately gave an answer - just overheating from the fact that the next woman was wrong in the server room. Surely, when he gets to the scene of the event, he will see the Eichpishny server, which with pleasure all the coolers will chew a rag from a mop.
Damn, you will need to get permission to ban the entrance to the server for service personnel. In the server should be cleaned admin. Moreover, it is desirable that this admin goes through the service on some flagship and knows how to scrub everything accurately and accurately under a “white glove”.

28-> Fail-> 36B-Online

It's good. The thirty-sixth gladly took over all the functions of the firefighter. Uptime is still 100%. But this does not mean that so early in the day (by the way, what time is it? Three nights? Nichrome for yourself!) It is not necessary to bring the lost fighter back into service.

SMS: Your taxi is waiting for you at the first entrance.

Horsh.

When Vasya got out of the elevator, he could not have been recognized. For some reason, the eyes were not red. Somewhere lost dull look. A belt with various tools and a jacket with a bunch of unloading pockets gave the young man the appearance of a space engineer from the future, who can unscrew the gravitascope on superluminal on the move in outer space.

- Hello!

- Goodnight.

- Can you please hurry, I hurry.

- You can and quickly. Moscow is all ours.

- Good.

- Where are you in such a hurry? Usually, only people go to the airport.

- No, I have urgent business matters.

- Khokh! Probably the boss is a beast of what kind, to drive out to work at three nights. Although, you know, we have ...

The taxi driver Vasya skipped past the ears. He just assented at the right moments and said that he fully understood what his night satellite was talking about. The taxi driver, was very happy to such interlocutor. Not often, he was listened to so well, so he poured out his soul to the fullest. All 20 minutes until the gray Nissan cut through the deserted streets of Moscow at night.

Vasya looked at the buildings around him and sought out in each of them something interesting and imperceptible. It always allowed him to train his attentiveness and brought him to working condition.
In fact, Moscow is not a very good city. No, I do not want to say anything, the city is beautiful - but too high. Not an example of any Redmond. Six-nine-storey communities look at you from all sides, which sometimes alternate with higher Stalinist skyscrapers. Not that this is fatal, but it was on this day, if Moscow were a single-story building, like America’s by Ilf and Petrov, Vasya would not have gotten into trouble. More truly, not alteration. And the devil knows what.

If Moscow were a single-story one, Vasya could have noticed that a star was missing in the sky. She just evaporated from the reddish-black sky of Moscow. Or rather, it did not evaporate, but became a completely black dot. And this point began to expand rapidly. Soon, right over the Nissan was not two stars. Surely it would have been noticeable to someone else, except Vasya, but, it just so happened that at that second, no one thought to raise his eyes to the sky. The radar was also silent. And it was not particularly surprising. Because the anti-radar coverage of the object exceeded everything that was known on this planet.

Three, five, ten, twenty! One after another, the stars just buried in the expanding blackness of the disk, suddenly sprawled over the Nissan. Now, almost half of the firmament has become black. But unfortunately Vasya did not notice this. He noticed the fact that the pigeon flew on the window of the house opposite. He noticed the fact that someone was watching TV. He noticed a lot of interesting things in the buildings he looked at. It is a pity that it was not possible to look at the sky.

The car arrived at its destination.

Vasya went out, giving the driver 600 rubles. He said goodbye to the unknown, whose face was glowing with pleasure. No wonder, he just poured out his soul for the first time in the last 20 years. Drove a long time looking in the direction of the departing person. Then he turned around, opened the window and lit a cigarette.

The unknown owner of the Nissan noticed the fact that something was going wrong. But, he could not understand what it was. Just somewhere there was some kind of error. It strained him a little, but in general, his mood was up to par, and he decided to get out of his head oppressive thoughts about what.

Vasya was thinking only about the twenty-eighth. He did not have time to look at the black sky.
In the server room, as usual, a light breeze emitted by an industrial air conditioner did not cool all 64 Vasili's pets to a temperature of 22 degrees. Pets diligently resisted this. Despite the fact that their covers were cold, their flint hearts warmed to higher temperatures.

The twenty-eighth silently blinked a yellow light bulb. Vasya was an engineer. He could find the problem in a couple of seconds. But, in this case, it was not necessary to sweat too much. From the front of the server stuck a tuft of Barsik's wool.

Barsik well protected from mice and rats, which sometimes gnawed the wires, although once in half a year he himself became the cause of the fall of one of sixty-four.

Vasya gently removed the shred from the cooling system, and pushed the server into the rack. He clicked on the button and the eerie hum of the fans starting the system was mixed with the general noise of the server.

28-> Online-> 36B-> SpareAwait-> SparePendPool = 12

Artoo Server Guard immediately reported that the cluster continues to operate with full fault tolerance.

Yes, it is a pity that only Vasya himself knew about this stability. After being ridiculed at the institute, after being diligently ridiculed at each of his works, he stopped telling people that he was able to do reliable systems. He simply was silent, or claimed 98%. Even the fact that his cluster, which serves the Internet needs of a large company, did not fall down over the past 4 years even once, he managed to hide. He forged logs, gave fake reports that a server was down in a couple of hours. But his system never, under any circumstances, fell.

He always dreamed to convey to people the idea that, although ideals are not attainable, but with 220 volts, you can make the computer work without errors. He always knew that a computer is nothing without a person, and all program errors are just laziness of developers. He knew that artificial intelligence would never be fully realized until some great and crazy developer exchanged his body for silicon chips. Unfortunately, it is human nature to fall into not very good states when he begins to think that he cannot do something. Although a person can do anything. Vasya knew this for sure. And that is exactly ...
A sharp squeak penetrated the entire room. My ears were noisy, like after an explosion. Each bone of Vasya's body began to shake in time with incomprehensible vibrations. He immediately vomited. He fell on the concrete floor of the server. The room has become much lighter. It seemed that every iron detail emits light, which was getting brighter with every second.

Trying to spit out his vomit, Vasya raised his eyes and realized that everything around was glowing. Another wave of incomprehensible vibrations hit hard on his body. At that moment, only one thought flashed through his head: “God, help me to die as soon as possible!” So ​​much suffering was. No, there was no pain, but incomprehensible vibrations caused a feeling of terrible disgust for everything. The light grew brighter and brighter. His eyes started to hurt and at that moment, when they were ready to just burst, Vasya turned off. If it were not for this, he would have died, and so painfully, as no other person on this planet had died yet.

White All white. Everything is just plain white. As a loader program in the Matrix. Vasya tried to get up from the floor. Or whatever it is, because it was perfectly smooth and white. He did not succeed. Every bone in his body responded with pain. True, a pleasant, human pain, not a vibrating nightmare. He hardly pulled the android out of the case and turned it on.

There is no network. 4:12 AM

Almost immediately Vasya turned off again.
When he realized that he was awake, he was afraid to open his eyes. But I had to do it. White Everything is just white. He got up. The pain had already passed, and only reminded of itself, told how the whole body had recently suffered. He grabbed the androyd - the battery sat completely.

Vasya understood that he needed to do something, but he had not yet thought of how to do it. He tried to go forward, while experiencing a strange sensation - as if you were walking and standing still. A couple more uncertain steps in the whiteness and his nose flew against the white wall. No orientation in space or in time.

- whip

The sound resembled something from Half-Life. He came from everywhere.

- whip

Surely, this is some kind of warning system about something - he realized with a spark of reason the engineering mind.
After that, sounds began to be heard everywhere, representing something in between a chirping of dolphins and a connection at 2400 baud.

Brainwashing? Modem? What is this for?

For all this time, Vasya did not make a sound. He was silent. He was well aware that the situation did not fit the pattern “Police! Rape! ”

The modem subsided.

- whip

Absolutely quiet, right in the middle of the whiteness, a doorway appeared. The black. Vasya was moving toward the opening, but stopped, completely dumbfounded.

These were two. Absolutely incredible creatures. Gray, tall, very skinny, as if in their body there was nothing but a spine, and a pair of bones. These thin and slurred bodies, however, supplemented exoskeletons. They were elegant black structures of rounded modules located on gray bodies. These modules were connected to each other by some kind of wires that looked very organized.

One of the holes on the gray face opened and Vasya again heard a modem-dolphin melody.

Speech They say modulation!

This awareness, however, did not lead Vasya to action. He simply stood and froze looked at the creatures.
The gray ones approached Vasya synchronously, grabbed him by the arms and headed towards the “door”. Here Vasya fully felt the charm of exoskeletons. Thin gray strands, supplemented by unknown devices, kept him in a dead grip. If he wanted to, he could not have escaped.
The black corridor quickly ended, and the grays took Vasya to the center of a small hall. Vasya saw many different devices around him that were placed in the "corners" of the room. Angles, of course, did not exist, because the room was still white, only the fact that there were not white things in large numbers allowed me to suggest where the walls are. One of them went gray to the panel and pressed a button. The second, with folded hands on his chest, looked at Vasya.

Here Vasya decided that even the wrong action would be better than the absence of action. Therefore, he abruptly pulled into the corner, in which lay something like a rifle. The likelihood that this was a weapon is zero. The likelihood that Vasya will be able to use this is even less so. And the first thing that the sprinter did was with all the dope he stuck into the glass that separated him from various things in the warehouse. The glass was completely transparent. It became clear by drops of sweat and blood on unknown matter.
The gray ones rushed after the fugitive, and then Vasya realized that in spite of the fact that exoskeletons give their owners strength, they do not contribute to speed. He looked at the floor, and saw that in the place where he had been stuck in the "glass" on the floor, a thin gray line was drawn. Vasya noticed that this line is interrupted literally a couple of steps from it.

He rushed to the invisible door, holding his hands in front of him, and "entered" at the very warehouse of incomprehensible things. Even in spite of the fact that he won in speed, he clearly could not escape. The room was closed. For a long time you don't run like this. He turned sharply, hooking his hand to an aquarium with incomprehensible yellow fish, and he crashed, falling to the floor. Yellow creatures convulsed. In an attempt to save the falling object, Vasya hooked on something else and it already seemed to him that the entire warehouse was falling on him. He slipped and fell on the white floor, right in a pile of balls, ash, silvery boxes, mucus and yellow leech fish.

The gray ones approached him. Before they managed to raise him, Vasya felt a strong pain in his ear. He could not grab the ear with his hands and get out of there what caused this pain, because his hands were fixed by gray exoskeletons.

- It is necessary to take the sweepers.

Vasya thought that he could hear how one of the grays had just babbled at that phrase at a furious pace. He looked up, bursting with terrible pain.

- You upstil. You'll scramble yourself.

Babylonian fish? - thought Vasya, and again lost consciousness.

When he woke up, he felt on his hands the iron grip of exoskeletons. He looked up and looked around. All the same whiteness around. A room in the middle of which stands several chairs. Another gray who does not wear exoskeleton. And one more - with an incomprehensible pipe in their hands.

- Object sm, three, shesndtsat.

Vasya already wanted to answer something, but then he realized that the grays were not looking at him. A doorway formed in the wall, and at the same moment a desperate children's cry pierced the white room.

- Nooooo! Let go Let go, creatures! Bitches! Let go of more ...

The cry turned into crying, in which only despair could be heard. Another gray in the exoskeleton entered the room, which led the boy, about 13 years old. His face was weeping, his hair was tousled, the denim shirt was torn in the place where gray was holding him. Vasya realized that the boy had a pair of fingers sprained - one hand was swollen, and his fingers were arched at a strange angle. With the other hand, the guy was beating gray, although it had no effect.

Vasya just stood and looked at the kid. He just did not know what to do. He simply could not even imagine what to do. At school, he was not taught how to behave in captivity of gray creatures.
The boy, after unsuccessful attempts to beat his executioner, looked around and looked at Vasya. A strange expression appeared on his tear-stained face that meant only hope.

- Uncle, save! They kill me! Save!

The boy's choking heart-rending cry again began to turn into crying.

- Smile, three, shesndtsat. Vysky level of intelect, engineering approach. In order to develop a system of interplanetary movements. Install the control system.

- Save!- The boy shouted with all his might when gray with a pipe began to approach him.

Vasya did nothing. He just stood. He cursed all the systems of all entities for the fact that he had no idea how to behave in such a situation. Political science does not help. Psychology - what the hell is there, psychology, nichrome will not help. He will not tell the kid "Calm down and tell me what sexual worries please you most of all!" Here, according to Vasya, only physics and chemistry could help. Something from the field of napalm. But napalm was not at hand.

Therefore, he simply stood and looked at how the gray brought the pipe to the boy's head and pulled the trigger. The room abruptly began to sink into a swamp. The tube spat out a piece of translucent gelatinous mass of green, more like a slug, on the boy's head. The last heartbreaking cry of "Noooo!" Was gone. The boy fell silent. The slug-like mass was absorbed into the boy's head. He looked at Vasya - his pupils were dilated. He just looked at Vasya. In the eyes that were filled with horror a second ago, nothing could be seen. Just a body. There was no man in this body.

- Sistma kntrlya ustanovlen. Reset.

The boy just disappeared. He's out of the room. Has ceased to be in it. He was gone, in the truest sense of the word.

- I confirm the reset. Obkt on the plume, under control.

- QC.

- Object sm, three, sms. - now all five gray faces stared at Vasya with unseeing eyes.

- Smile, three, smstsat. Vysky level of intelect, engineering approach. In a state to build svrustyuchyvye sistmy. High quality for other worlds. Allow this planet to control other lands. Install the control system.

Well, at least they have a good opinion of me. - thought Vasya. - It is a pity my superiors did not appreciate this. Well, everything is in order, no one will appreciate it anymore. Whatever this slime creature is, with such a drug I will not really do something.

- otmna.

- Prchin?

- It is not expected in control. Zyclen on pimples. Believes to the slogans who push the company on the spot. HH in the stature to defend all of them. NN going to build otzdtochvyh ststem. Bzpasen.

- Reset.

Everything was just white.

Vasya woke up on his bed. Androyd.6:12 AM

- Your mother! Dream about garbage!

Vasya sat up in bed and caught his breath.

- No, I was not there! I'm not silent! I'm generally talkative! That's right now I'm talking to myself. Then it was a dream.

Well, of course. UFO, beaten boy, brain slugs. Fucking sleep from tireless sitting at the computer in the Internet on one site only. Vasya leaned back on the pillow and fell asleep.

Vasya woke up on his bed. Androyd.1:42 pm

He reached out and realized that everything was generally good. He slept well. Despite the nightmare. Despite…

Stop!

Thinking!

He went to the window and looked at the bright sky. Real earthly sky.

- So not able to defend their opinion? So I can not ask you tritki? Well, hold on, gray creatures!

He ran to the laptop and opened the Word.
“How to create a fault-tolerant system for Windows and Linux?”
“Some say ideals are unattainable. My decision is not ideal either. If it is hit with a nuclear warhead, it will not work. But, I can guarantee that as long as there is a current in the outlet, and it is not interrupted for more than eight hours, the option I proposed will work without fail. As proof, I can bring you logs for the last four years, that the total uptime has always been 100%. ”

He leaned back in his chair. When karma passed for a hundred, he stopped counting. He knew that he should not be afraid of giving others his knowledge, since he has it. He knew that others had this knowledge now.
Vasya examined his room and stroked Ryumzik's cat behind the ear, who, although he was afraid of mice, did not kill the server with wool.

- So here, Ryumzik! It's all about you! If you want to write a good article, you will write.

Vasya reached out on the armchair and once again patted his pet by the ear.

- Than to philosophize - it would be better to eat. Said the cat, and watched his master crash out of his chair.

Babylonian fish live a very long time.