Sammari on four books

Hey. I bring to your attention a sammari on four books I read: “The Essential” by Seth Godin, “I Hear You Through Through” by Mark Gouston, “Aggression” by Conrad Lorenz, and “Positive Irrationality” by Dan Ariely. Sammari is squeezing the main ideas of the book, a concentrate of ideas and meaning. Sammari will acquaint you with books and help you learn a lot of new things. So let's go!


Seth Godin's book, “The Irreplaceable,” was incredibly interesting to read. If the usual book on self-development is milk, then “Irreplaceable” is condensed milk.

A thick, dense, ideas-packed book — it will have to be re-read (it is difficult to absorb all Set's cool thoughts from the first time). But which I still explain in the form of sammari:

• Any modern society is based on "cogs" - people who are easy with the desire to replace. People become cogs on the school bench - we are taught to be as inconspicuous as possible, they are taught to strictly follow the rules and instructions. Being not like everyone else is bad and embarrassing.
• However, in any environment and in any society there are Irreplaceable - people on whom everything rests. They do not possess innate talents or abilities, they are just Artists in the soul, they love to create, to find non-standard solutions, they know how to go beyond the rules. The indispensable ones are the basis and support of any business, they never remain without work and do not miss it. Irreplaceable it did not sew in the ass, it is a non-standard "cog", the most important and important.
• Indispensable are the Artists. They do not need to be able to draw, there is always a place for creativity in their work and life. They are able to see the unusual in the ordinary, they know how to enjoy the little things. Creating their art, they transform the world and habitat. There is a place for creativity in any business, even in creating nails or painting a fence. The real price of art is not in the price of paints and canvas, but in the possibility of going beyond the horizon of perception and courage to paint a picture.
• The art of the Irreplaceable is directed primarily at them. They will create even if no one knows about it and does not appreciate it - this is part of their life. Antipode of Art - Service (monotonous execution of instructions, following the rules).
• An important quality of any Indispensable - the ability to create art in strict deadlines. Art, which can be created forever and a masterpiece, created from time to time do not matter and prices. Irreplaceable = Creativity + Deadline. Prohibit a delay.
• In everybody's head there is a lizard's brain (it was also written about it in “I hear through you”). The brain of a lizard creates resistance to everything new, it prevents them from leaving the comfort zone. Resistance is stronger than creativity, it cannot be defeated by direct attack, but it is possible to agree with it and its power can be directed against him. The ability to transform mistakes into advantages, the ability to transform problems into adventures is the key to weakening resistance. One must be able to ignore the fear of failure. To find resistance you need to understand what fear is. Procrastination and the desire to postpone - friends of the Resistance. “People will laugh at me” - her brother. Resistance has a shepherd principle - a big problem arises from a small problem due to "twisting" and inflating assumptions. We do not know what's going on in other people's heads.
• The irreplaceable can present gifts - they are easy to give without the desire to return, just for their own pleasure. Any gift is returned doubly - in the form of satisfaction. Create art free and free - and then people will be ready to pay you for it. A professional, irreplaceable, who is not afraid to give and help for free, always has a lot of work.
• An indispensable person can see things in their true light - he creates a map that other people can follow (paves the way for them). The irreplaceable is able to curb his irritation - he knows that there are failures in life and is able to treat them calmly. The irreplaceable can see and he is concerned about what he sees. Irreplaceable knows that things are just things that can be bought again or repaired. Cards do not exist in the material form - it is only in the head of the Irreplaceable, where it is constantly changing.
• Doing routine is not boring only when you have a place in your life for creativity. The indispensable must also learn and develop.
• “Nostalgia for the future” is an attempt to embody an idea that has been worked out in the head + unwillingness to consider alternative options. Irreplaceable does not suffer nostalgia for the future. Hope feeds nostalgia for the future and causes stress. Irreplaceable can let go.
• The indispensable cannot succeed in isolation - the ability to build connections is an important part of his abilities.
• You can become indispensable - just release your creativity and begin to create.

Mark Goulston's book “I hear you through. An effective negotiation technique! ”(I wonder why there is an exclamation mark?) Is quite an amusing edition.

On the one hand, the book is written by a psychiatrist (which is already interesting) about how to behave effectively in negotiations and how to communicate with people correctly (even more interesting). On the other hand, the book on the technique of negotiations is like “Ophthalmology for dummies” - everything is clear and simple in a book, and at the sight of a real, not paper eye, the scalpel begins to tremble noticeably (and the eye too).
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However, the book was quite interesting and useful to read. And here is the sammari:

• The human brain can be divided into three zones: the brain of a reptile (which is responsible for instincts), the brain of an animal (the sphere of activity of which is emotions) and the human brain (it controls the mind). Human consciousness is in the brain where it is more comfortable. When everything is in order - we think the human brain (90% of the time), when we are good or bad - the brain of an animal, and when we are in a stressful situation - the brain of a reptile comes into play.
• The main task is to prevent the interlocutor from moving to the level of a mammal or reptile and keeping his brain at the human level.
• If you want to hear a man - listen. If you are ready for defense, you have already lost a priori. The enemy must be met with an open visor and without a sword in his hand.
• Be really interested in the person - imagine yourself a good-natured detective and a frank person. Your task is to find out more about a person without making it clear that you are interested in them. If a person wants to speak out and give way to emotions - let him do it. You will fill the empty space with your ideas and thoughts.
• One must be able to single out “poisonous” people — narcissuses, convinced skeptics, sadists in communication. From such it is better to stay away.
• If you want to knock the interlocutor off his horse - ask him an unexpected question in a good-natured manner or make an "empathic blow" - switch from logic to emotion (for example, tell the person that you really love and appreciate him).
• A simple “hm” plays a strong role - having remained silent and having said only “hm”, you again and again transmit the course to the interlocutor, forcing him to say everything he thinks.
• Be able to recognize the facts. By acknowledging the facts, you can translate the barrier to mutual understanding into a valuable asset - the interlocutor will see that you are an honest person and know how to admit your mistakes.
• When communicating, ask your interlocutor to fill in the gaps in your phrases yourself - stop for a minute and let him continue what you said. This is a very powerful converging factor.
• The problem is not to ask for much, but to ask for too little. Offer your conditions until you hear a firm "no."
• The formula of this apology is: Repentance (ask forgiveness frankly and sincerely) + Damage (not necessarily material, moral too) + Rehabilitation (show apology by your actions) + Request for forgiveness (don't say “forgive me” right away, Rehabilitation will do more). This apology is valid only once, then comes zugzwang .
• The formula of this gratitude: Gratitude (frankly express what you think) + Appreciation for the effort (list what the person has done for you) + Amount of positive (tell how the changes affected your life).
• Reception from the arsenal of police negotiators - to interact with an unpleasant person, start doing a common thing with him.
• Be honest, compassionate, open, trust people - and everything will be fine.

I read the book of Conrad Lorenz "Aggression" - I barely mastered it.

I was recommended it as a fascinating excursion into the world of psychology and one of the most important behavioral stimuli - aggression. But the book turned out to be a very difficult and difficult to read biological textbook - most of the narrative is occupied by examples of certain behavioral features in aquarium fish, geese, wolves and other animals. About 5% is allotted about a person and society in the book, but I still had enough sammari.

• Aggression is an inherent intrinsic property of a person, the same as, for example, the desire to survive or hunger.
• Often, aggression is a motivating factor in human behavior, “intercepting” control from other instincts.
• Human aggression - intraspecific. It serves the purpose of natural selection. However, it, like any other intraspecific aggression, does not have as its goal the killing of an opponent, but only its intimidation and humiliation.
• Social institutions of suppressing aggression (morally motivated prohibitions) are ineffective in principle. Aggression will always find a way out.
• The only way to learn how to cope with aggression is to accept it as a necessary fact and give it a way out. Reorienting aggression is the easiest and most reliable way to neutralize it. However, it is not necessary to indulge in the illusion that aggression can be controlled.
• One of the most effective mediums for reorienting aggression is sport.
• The best way to cope with national aggression is a personal acquaintance between members of nations.
• Inspiration is the first stage of aggression.
• The human psyche is a ship run by several captains. Often they fly a ship at the same time.
• Instincts develop into rituals, rituals into behavior patterns. We don’t even imagine how often instincts, not reason, control us covertly.
• In no single species does the male individual harm the female — this is contrary to the principle of intraspecific aggression. If this happens, then the male psyche is disturbed.
• Females can combine sexual attraction and fear, males - sexual attraction and aggression. A striking example is the behavior of boys towards girls in school.
• Laughter is the opposite of aggression. Laughter is closer to reason than to instincts.
• The crowding of people (for example, in the conditions of a metropolitan city) is a catalyst for aggression.
• All people on the planet suffer from the suppression of their motives. The border between a rational person and a psychopath is largely illusory and not visible at first glance.

“Positive Irrationality” is an interesting book, a real psychological action movie.

So, sammari “Positive irrationality”:

• Reward for work and bonuses are weakly related to the upcoming result of activity.
• The pleasure of reward or earnings is higher if you need to make some efforts to get them (even if these efforts are ephemeral and contrived).
• A case done for nothing demotivates.
• We always overestimate the result of our work and underestimate the result of others.
• Someone else's idea seems to us less significant and we have difficulties with its assimilation.
• The desire to punish and the search for justice strongly interfere in life and do not help to achieve the goal.
• "Hedonic treadmill" - we are ready to buy only in order not to lose the pleasure of shopping. Shopping only makes us happy for a very short time.
• To stretch the pleasure, you need to take short breaks in it, and the trouble and pain is better to endure all at once.
• Countdown (for example, from ten to zero) helps to endure pain and reduces sensitivity to pain.
• Emotional experiences (parachute jump) give more happiness than material purchases (purchase of a new cabinet).
• Search for a loved one should not be made under the influence of rational factors - they do not work. In general, the search itself in such cases is uncontrolled.
• We are ready to help one, but we are not ready to help everyone at once. I want to help in a situation where everything is known about her.
• Feelings give rise to decisions - an act committed in a bad mood forms a pattern of behavior, and there is no way to get rid of it.

I will be glad to answer your questions in the comments. Also I will be glad to know your opinion about the read and about the very concept of sammari. Thank.